Chapter 20

Ashton’s POV

I never thought I would be back here. I promised my uncle and myself that I would never return. I’m sure he would have made me sign a contract that’s how serious he was.

I appreciate all he has done for me. Uncle Ricky got my life back together for me when I thought I was a lost cause. He forced me to start living again. Going out into the real world and interacting with people.

Now I’m back here and I’m sure he’d have a coronary if he found out. ‘Giving your word’ means something to him. Not to me. I’ve become so good at lying that even sometimes I can’t tell if it’s the truth or not.

Detroit holds the worst memories of my life. It’s where I grew up. Where my dad beat my brother and I to a pulp for coming in late, failing a test, coughing too loud. Yet I was still upset when he passed from a heart attack.

My dad had his good moments and his bad. Most of them were bad. But there were times he would take Justin and I to a Tigers game when our mom drank too much. He would drive me to school on days it was too cold to walk a few miles.

The one good thing I can say about him is that never laid a hand on my mother. No matter how angry he got he never hit her. I can respect that. For a very violent man, he never hit a woman.

My mother was in a whole other league. Drunk, coke addict. I can’t tell you much about her. By the time I came home from school she was already passed out on the couch from her afternoon of chugging down a bottle of cheap vodka – the only thing she could afford since didn’t work.

After my dad died she drank more and more. Then as my brother and I started to cause more trouble she turned to more hard drugs. She started snorting coke when I was 11. Heroine when I was 12. By the time I turned 13 she ran off with her drug dealer and I never heard from her again.

Justin raised me from there. I think I was an all right kid considering the shitty hand I was dealt. I stayed out of trouble for the most part. I got into a few fights at school and was suspended a few times. But it was never anything too serious.

Things were rough for us over the years. Justin did all he could to pay the rent and keep food on the table for us. I tried to help the best I could but there wasn’t much I could do at 14. I mowed lawns, shoveled snow, and worked at the local convenient store. It was never enough.

Justin started getting creative in the ways he made money. It’s always easier to earn cash illegally. He got involved with some bad people. Dealing drugs brought in cash quicker than we could spend it. It was nice to finally have some extra money. But I would trade all of the money to have my brother back.

It was only 6 years ago on December 23rd that I lost my brother. My best friend. The only father figure in my life. Some guys jumped him and stole all the cash and pills he had on him. You can probably guess what happened after that.

I started working with Justin right after my 15th birthday. It doubled our income. So it was no shock to me when they dragged me down to the abandon warehouse with Justin. I thought they were just going to beat him. Teach him a lesson. Nope. They made me watch. Watch as they shot my brother in the head four times. One of the men held my eyes open and my head straight so I couldn’t turn away.

I had no time to grieve. I had to grow up faster than most kids my age. They gave me three months to come up with the cash. It was around $5,000. I had about $1,500 lying around. I gave them what I had and begged them to spare me. Jared gave me a few more jobs to do until I paid off my brother’s debt. Then he told me to get lost and if he ever saw my face back around here he would be sure to put a bullet through my head.

How can I not come back? This is where my father and brother are buried. No one comes and puts flowers on their graves. Because around here, no one cares. Justin was just another delinquent that made a mistake.

“Hey bro” I say quietly, feeling stupid for talking to a headstone. I take another hit of my joint and continue. “I miss you bud. It kind of sucks not having you around.” I take another chug from my beer. “It’s pretty fucked up actually. You were the only person I could count on and you just fucking-”

I stop myself before I start crying like a child. I’m too strong for that. “Jesus” I sigh. “You’d be happy to know I actually went to college. Can you believe the accepted me?” I laugh to myself. “I’m doing pretty good too. I share a room with my best friends and we started a band. Kind of like what we always said we would do. I wish I could drum as well as you can. And there’s this girl. She’s amazing man. Her name is Shane. God, she’s beautiful.”

I take a deep breath and picture her face. I didn’t think I would miss her this much. It pisses me off that I do. She has become such a big part of my life without knowing it. I need her like the air in my lungs and that scares me to death.

“She’s a wise ass” I laugh. “Doesn’t put up with any of my shit. You would love her. But you’ll never meet her” I say a little angrier. “Because those fuckin’ assholes took you away from me. I will kill them. You hear me? I will fucking kill them!” I scream as the beer bottle shatters all over his gravestone. “Fuck!”

I collapse to my knees and just sob. I’ve been holding it in for so many years and I can’t anymore. So while no one is around, I just drop my face to my hands and cry for the loss of my brother, my best friend.

I know what I have to do.

*******************

Shane’s POV

Christmas is the only time you will find me waking up before 10 am. When I was younger I would be up at 5 in the morning. I would sneak around the house looking at all the gifts wrapped under the tree, trying to figure out what I got. Around 7 I would jump on my parents bed to wake them up so I could open all my presents.

As I got older, I slept later and later until Bella was born. She has the whole house up at the crack of dawn. She still believes in Santa and I don’t want to disappoint her.

This year is much different for all of us. My dad won’t be here when we wake up. He and his mother and sister came over for Christmas Eve dinner and he said he would stop by later in the day tomorrow. It broke my heart when Bella asked why he wouldn’t be there to open presents.

My mom broke down when Bella started crying and eventually gave him permission to stay the night. I know he had to swallow a lot of his pride to say yes and sleep on the couch.

“Hey” I say barely above a whisper and take a seat next to him on the sofa.

My mom decorated the tree so beautifully this year. I can tell Bella helped because all her ornaments are in the front. Kyle’s and mine are all hidden on the sides and the back.

I hand my dad a mug of hot chocolate and take a long sip from mine. “I’m glad you’re here” I tell him.

“So am I” he agrees. It’s been rough for him. My mom’s the one that wants the divorce. And for no real reason other than they have grown apart. They married young and soon after they had me. She was only 19. She never really got to experience the world like most people.

As my mom and dad grew further apart so did my relationship with my dad. I love him and he’ll always be my father but I’ve learned to stand up for myself. I’m an adult and I would like to be treated like one.

“So how’s school kiddo?”

“Good. I passed all my classes” I smile. If I don’t pass he stops paying.

“Still seeing that thug?” he groans.

“He’s not a thug Dad” I sigh. Just because he doesn’t wear polos and khakis does not make Ashton a bad guy. He’s great actually. In my opinion he’s better than anyone else I’ve dated. There are so many layers to him and I’m slowly pulling them back one by one. I learn more about him everyday. Being with him is exciting and fun and each day that passes I find myself falling in love with him even more.

“And yes” I answer his question.

“Still don’t like him” he shrugs. Let’s be honest – he’s a dad. He’s not going to like any guy I date. Cody was the closest guy to being good enough. Ashton would have to go beyond to prove himself to my dad but I would never want him to do that. I know how he feels. He may not say it but he shows it in his own way.

“That’s fine. I like him enough for the both of us” I joke but it only makes him angrier. “Good night Dad. I’ll see you in the morning.

“Night Shane” he says back as I place a kiss on his cheek.

——————————————

Christmas should be a happy day. And it is but I wake up missing Ashton like crazy. It’s stupid but I imagine what waking up next to him on Christmas morning would be like if we were married and had a family. I know the idea is a little far out there but a girl can dream.

I imagine little kids running around with my red hair and his curls. Hopefully they’ll have his beautiful eyes and smile. Ashton would have spent all night assembling toys so that they were ready when the kids woke up. He might even play dolls with our daughter and show our son how to build a spaceship with legos.

After opening presents with the family, we usually head to my grandma’s for an early dinner. This year my mom wanted to have Christmas dinner here since it would be the last Christmas in this house.

I received a lot of clothes and gift cards from various family members. There isn’t much else to get for someone my age. But the gift cards are perfect since I’m a broke college student.

The best part of Christmas in my family – dessert! My mom always make her chocolate mousse cake that I don’t mind going to the gym for an extra few hours so I can have an extra slice. Amy always makes her famous gingerbread cookies. They are seriously the best I’ve ever had.

The doorbell rings and Kyle runs to get it. I wonder who could possibly be here. Then my heart skips a beat thinking that it is Ashton coming to surprise. My smile turns into a frown when I hear Cody’s voice.

“Glad you could make it” my dad shakes Cody’s hand. If it wasn’t a holiday and my family wasn’t here I would kill my dad. I can’t believe he invited my ex without even asking me if I would be okay with it. Technically he doesn’t live here anymore and he shouldn’t be allowed to invite whoever he wants to come over.

I choose to let it go. There is no sense in fighting with my dad. I’ve fought with him so much in my teenage years that I don’t want to stoop back to that level. I’m okay with being around Cody. We have developed a friendship and it’s not that awkward having him here.

“Hi Cody” I greet him.

“Merry Christmas Shane. You look beautiful.”

“Thanks” I smile. I chose a simple red dress that was family appropriate. No cleavage. It’s longer than most my dresses. I allowed my mom to do my hair in soft curls.

“You’ve been good?” he asks to make small talk.

“Yeah. You?”

“Pretty good. I’ve been working with your dad a little. It’s a great learning experience.”

“I bet” I say sarcastically.

We all gather in the living room as my dad lights the fire. The smell of cinnamon fills the room when my mom brings in cups of tea.

I take some time just to soak in this moment. My family. Together. In this house. The house I grew up in. So much has changed this year. It’s just nice to have some quality time with them.

I sit on the arm of the couch next to Cody and sip my tea. The room is filled with laughter as my grandma tells stories of when she was a kid. My stomach hurt I was laughing so much.

Cody places his hand on my thigh. I stop laughing and immediately flinch away, uncomfortable with him touching me.

The front door opens and Ashton walks into the living room. He’s angry but his face softens when he realizes the he’s interrupting a family moment.

I’m surprised he’s here. Really happy but surprised. Ashton gave me no heads up that he would be arriving so soon.

“Why is he here?” my dad spits.

“He’s here to see me.” I stand up from the couch and approach Ashton. I try to kiss him but he pulls away.

“I don’t want him in my house Shane.”

“Good thing you don’t live here anymore” I shoot back, no longer caring about hurting his feelings or the fact that is Christmas. “Mom” I turn to her.

“Archie” she sighs. “I told Shane that Ashton could stay with us.”

My dad huffs loudly and falls back in his seat.

“I need to talk to you” Ashton’s eyes narrow in on me and he pulls me down the hall towards the stairs. “What the fuck is he doing here?” he says through his teeth.

“Cody? My dad invited him” I shrug.

“If he puts another hand on you, I will break it off.” There is no doubt in my mind that he wouldn’t.

“I missed you” I say flirtatiously, hoping to calm him down a little. I miss jealous Ashton.

“How much?” he grins.

“A lot” I say excitedly.

“Show me.” I take his hand and drag him to my bedroom. I shove him down on my bed and go to straddle him.

“Wait” he puts up his hands. “Strip” he demands.

I roll my eyes but decide to have fun with it. I put in one of my old Christmas CD’s and ‘Santa Baby’ plays from the speakers.

I slowly walk back towards him, standing between his legs and bite my lip. “Fuck, you are so sexy” he groans.

My dress pools around my feet and I step out of it. I shimmy my panties down my leg, watching Ashton’s reaction the whole time. He’s so concentrated on what I’m doing that it turns me on even more.

“Come here baby” he motions his finger and I step closer. His hand cups my sex and I let out a loud moan. “Really want your family to hear you?” he says in a sexy tone that could make me orgasm right in his hands. “I’ll make damn sure they hear you.”

He flips me onto the bed and hovers over me. “I missed you like crazy. You know that, right?” I nod my head and pull him down to kiss me. Oh, how I missed those soft lips.

Ashton slips inside me and moves his hips quick and hard. I can tell he has a lot on his mind and needs the distraction. This is what he knows.

“Ashton, stop” I say quietly.

“Am I hurting you?” He pulls out of me with a frightened look in his face. “I’m sorry.”

“No. You didn’t hurt me. Lie on your back.” He lies down and I look over at the broken boy beside me. “Let me show you what it feels like.”

“What?” he looks at me confused.

“What it feels like to be loved. To make love. Will you let me do that?” I hesitantly ask, afraid of his answer. I’ve never mentioned the word ‘love’ to him and I’m not sure how he’ll react.

“I – I … don’t know… how” he looks away from me, almost embarrassed. With all the girls he’s been with – it’s always been just sex. Fucking. He’s never made love before and I am more than willing to be his first.

“Give me your hands” I smile. He lifts his arms and I lace my fingers through his. Our hands fit perfectly together. “Trust me.”

“Too much” he chuckles softly. I sink down on him. I slowly rock my hips back and forth, kissing him with everything I have. I release his hands from mine and run them through his hair. His hands wrap around my back, pulling me closer to him.

I’ve never felt closer to him. So in tune. Passionate.

I change into a pair of pajamas. “Cute” Ashton mocks my outfit choice. It’s reindeer pajamas pants and a red long sleeve shirt.

“Shut up” I throw a pillow at him. “My grandma bought these for me last year. Speaking of her. She probably wants to meet you.”

“How am I supposed to meet your grandma after that?” he laughs. After three rounds of passionate sex I think it’s time to return to the party.

“Put a shirt on” I giggle and chuck his clothes at him.

We walk hand in hand back to the living room. Luckily Cody is gone. We can do without the bloodshed this Christmas. “Are those your gingerbread cookies?” he asks Amy. She nods her head and he grabs two.

“Everyone, this is Ashton” I introduce him.

“What a cutie” my grandma coos. “Sit next to me boy” she pats the cushion next to her. He looks at me as if he were asking for permission.

“Go” I push him.

“Where has Shane been hiding you?”

“In her bedroom” Amy snorts out. “Sorry” she quickly covers her mouth as if she didn’t mean to say it out loud.

“I certainly hope not” my dad snaps and glares at Ashton.

“I sure hope so. If I were 40 years younger” my grandma says and the room erupts with laughter.

“Oh my god. Grandma.” My eyes grow wide. I cannot believe the words that are coming out of her mouth but then again my grandma has always had a mouth like that.

“Aw, look at her” my mom points to Bella. “I should bring her to bed.”

“Allow me” Ashton offers and gently scoops Bella up in his arms. “Come on Kyle.”

“Lucky girl” Grandma nudges my side.

“Yes I am” I sigh happily.

“Bring him around more” she winks and I can’t stop myself from blushing, mostly from embarrassment.

“Okay” I laugh.

“Good night sweetie. Come visit me before you head back to school.”

“I will.”

I help my mom clean up the house after saying goodbye to everyone. I cuddle up on the couch in front of the fire. Ashton slides behind me and pulls me back against his chest.

“I could stay like this forever” I smile.

“Me too” he agrees. “Don’t ever leave me” he whispers, his lips pressed to the back of my head.

“I won’t” I assure him. Ashton is so used to everyone just walking out on him that he doesn’t trust anyone to stay. The truth is I don’t know what I would do without him. “You staying for a few days?”

“Um, actually about that. Can I stay until break is over?”

“What did you do?” I turn my neck to look at him.

“Nothing” he shrugs and I glare at him, wanting the truth. “Nothing you have to worry about. I took care of it.” For some reason that didn’t sit well with me. “Trust me.”

“Okay.”