Chapter 19

Shane’s POV

The first snowfall is always beautiful. Right before anyone has the chance to spoil it with their footprints and plows.

Winter is my favorite time of year. The snow, the sweaters and boots, cuddling around the fireplace and most importantly – Christmas break. I loved not having classes for a few weeks. It gives me a chance to relax and take a breath.

I’m still not sure if I want to go home for winter break this year. This will be the first Christmas my parents won’t be spending together. Yeah, they have broken up in the past but it wasn’t during such a joyful time and it was never serious.

I have to go home though. I can’t be selfish. Bella and Kyle will need me. I am old enough to understand what’s going on but they really don’t comprehend the situation.

I bundle up in sweater leggings, a pair of Uggs and my favorite pea coat before tracking out into the snow.

“Don’t you look adorable” Michael jokes when he sees me as I slide on the pavement. I loop my arm through his and lean on him to walk through the snow covered ground. I may love the snow but that’s from inside. I am the clumsiest person when it comes to walking on snow or ice.

“Excited for break?” I ask him.

“Yeah” he sighs.

“You going to miss Adrienne?” I question. Those two have been inseparable lately. To be honest I didn’t think their relationship would last as long as it has. I’m happy for her though. She’s finally committing and it’s with someone she could actually fall for.

“Big time” he admits. “What about you and Ashton?”

“I don’t know” I shrug. I don’t know what his plans are. Plus it’s safe to say I have some trust issues when it comes to long breaks like this. It took not even a month for Keith to cheat on me. Ashton could do the same. The difference between Ashton and Keith is that Keith told me. I don’t think Ashton would give me that same respect.

“Don’t worry” he nudges my side. “He’s so in love with you.”

“He is not” I slap his arm lightly. Ashton. In love. Those words should not be used in the same sentence.

“Well this is me” he nods his head to the building. “I’ll stop by before I take off later.” I wave as I walk, well stagger, to my class.

I can’t believe this campus will be empty tomorrow. Most people are leaving today after class. I opted to leave in the morning so I can spend all night packing up everything I might need for the next few weeks.

———————————-

I don’t want to miss Calum or Luke before they leave. After my last class, I rush back to their room. Calum is already heading out the door. I hug him tight and tell him how much I will miss him and his funny, uplifting personality.

“Where is he?” I ask Calum before he heads out.

“Sleeping. I think. He’s horrible with goodbyes” he says sarcastically and I laugh.

Stepping into their room, I realize that Luke and Michael still have one more class left. As Calum said, Ashton is passed out on his bed. I feel a rush of excitement. I strip down to nothing, hoping to happily surprise him.

I climb on top of him, laying my body across his feeling both giddy and horny. There is nothing sexier than Ashton’s naked back and muscles as he clings to a pillow.

“Hmm” he stirs in his sleep. “Calum, I told you no sex after dinner” he chuckles against the pillow.

“So you do have a sense of humor?” I tease and he flips over, managing to pin me underneath him. His eyes rake over my naked body. “You have too many clothes on” I pout.

“Needy” he shakes his head. “I like it” he smirks and dips down to kiss me. Grinding his hips down on mine, I moan.

“Please” I stare up at him with pleading eyes.

“What do I got to do to have you naked and ready for me all the time?”

“Hmm” I tap my finger on my lips. I’m going to miss him like crazy. There is no doubt in my mind. I have fallen so hard for this beautiful man. I won’t admit it to him yet out of fear of chasing him away but he has me completely wrapped around his finger. I’m captivated.

It hurts to think that he won’t be just down the hall. I can’t run just a few feet when I want to see him. I can’t cuddle in his arms when I need it. It’s going to suck.

His kiss pulls me from my heartbreaking thoughts of not being near him. I need to enjoy him while I still can. A three-week dry spell is going to be rough.

“Stop thinking” he demands. His lips wander down my jaw and latch onto my collarbone, sucking lightly. “I need to fuck you” he says bluntly.

“Please.”

Ashton slides out of his boxers and rubs himself against me. He needs me completely ready for him. He pushes inside me with a loud groan. I force my eyes to stay open to take in the beautiful sight of him as he fucks me.

His messy brown curls plastered to his forehead. His bottom lip tucked between his teeth. His eyes focused on mine intensely. It was almost too much.

“Ashton” I moan out his name as he slides in deeper and stills, making me feel every inch of him. “Oh my god” my eyes clench shut.

“Keep them open” he commands. It’s impossible but I do as he says. I would never want to disappoint him. Especially not in this department. From all the rumors I’ve heard and what I’ve witnessed, he’s had plenty of girls. I want to be the one that will please him just as much as he pleases me.

Ashton’s hand wraps around my throat as he plunges mercilessly into me. My body is so alive. Every inch of me is tingling with pleasure. Pleasure that only Ashton can give me. It’s raw and it’s rough but it’s real. To me – we are making love.

With a soft whimper an orgasm rolls right through me. Ashton’s head falls to my chest as he pumps the last few drops inside me.

He slips his boxers on and finds a shirt in his clean laundry bin. “Put something on” he tells me and I give him a look. Calum is already gone. “Luke is leaving in a few minutes. He probably wants to say goodbye.”

“So?” I shrug.“Over my dead body that he sees you like that.”

“Like what?” I look at him innocently before sauntering towards him. “Freshly fucked by the hottest guy on campus?” I grin.

His nostrils flare as he thrusts my clothes at me. I laugh. “It’s not funny.”

After saying goodbye to Luke I have a few more farewells for the night. Amy’s dad was coming to pick her up and offered to drive me home as well. I politely declined.

“Okay” Amy sighs. “I’m off. I’ll see you on Christmas Eve.”

I give her a big hug. “I’ll miss you” I tell her.

“Really?” she gives me a look.

“Yes. Really” I laugh. “Have fun at home.”

“You too” she smiles. “Um, you can call me if you need anything. I know I’m not the best with boy advice but I’m great at listening.”“Thank you” I say sincerely. “Don’t forget to make your famous gingerbread cookies” I remind her. She’s a great baker and they are always a hit at our family gatherings.

“Gingerbread cookies? I want some” Ashton says when he comes in the room. “First I want this ginger” he smirks and places a long kiss on my lips unexpectedly.

“Okay. I’m out of here” Amy covers her eyes.

“Aw, so soon?” Ashton covers his heart, pretending to be broken up over it. “Bye” he waves as she leaves. “Now where were we?”

I push him back. “We” I point between the two of us. “Are going to pack up my clothes so don’t get any ideas.”

“I’m much better at taking them off” he wiggles his eyebrows and pulls me down onto his lap.

“Ashton” I squeal. “You already had your fill.” He rolls his eyes. “You either need to help me or leave” I threaten.

“You don’t really want that.” His lips place soft kisses down my neck and I try to stifle a moan. I really do need to pack and honestly I don’t think I can handle another round so soon.

“Help me pack and load the car and then maybe you’ll get another reward for all your hard work.”

“Maybe?” he lifts his eyebrows.

It was dark by the time we actually got everything in my car. The snow finally stopped falling about an hour ago, leaving a few inches to pile onto the ground. “Hey Harrison!” Ashton calls from behind me.

As I turn around a freezing snowball immediately hits me in my face. “Ashton!” I cry out and try to gather as much snow in my hand to throw back at him.

Before I can even make a solid snowball, he tackles me to the ground. I feel the cold water seep through my pants and a shiver runs through me.

Ashton hovers over me. His body so close to mine warms me up. He tucks a strand of loose hair behind my ear. “My beautiful snow angel.”

I take the touching moment when he’s completely distracted to shove snow in his face. He rolls off of me and attempts to make another snowball as I run towards the dorm building.

“You’ll never catch me!” I yell back at him.

He comes running in the building two seconds after me, stopping when he sees me hiding behind a pillar. “But I’ll always find you” he grins. Cupping my cold cheeks in his warm hands, he places a gentle kiss on my lips that has my head spinning.

Ashton’s POV

Winter. What a shitty time of year. I thought Maryland would be a little better than Michigan when it came to snow. Wrong. The only good thing about this time of year is that classes aren’t in session.

Campus is nearly empty by 10 pm. I love these breaks from school. I stay in my dorm since I have nowhere to go. I lie to all my friends and say I’m going back home. Just like I will lie to Shane and feel like shit about it. I want nothing more to be honest with her. I’m trying but I also want my past to stay in past. I don’t need it haunting me anymore. There is no reason to bring it up to people who don’t need to know. It’s better that way.

I kiss Shane like crazy in the middle of the hallway. I can’t get enough of that girl. I’m probably going to lose my mind when she’s gone for a few weeks. I’ve never felt like this about anyone. I usually want to get away from everyone. Not constantly spending my time with them.

There’s just something about her. She’s bubbly and sweet – two traits I absolutely cannot stand in girls. She’s also feisty and smart. Her smile can change my mood like that. She doesn’t take any of my shit but she doesn’t turn her back on me when I have given her plenty of reasons to walk out the door. If she ever did, I would go completely out of my mind.

Maybe I do owe her answers. I’ve been horrible to her for so long. I think I’ve made it up to her along the way. But she’s not innocent in it all either. It pissed me off so much the night she went out with that asshole that groped her at Keith’s party. Dan, was it? Then there is the questionable flirting between her and Frankie that has my blood constantly boiling. I don’t trust him around her. Not to mention Keith and Luke. I’ve never been this jealous in my life.

I fought with Dan. Twice. I’ve wanted to knock out Luke on several occasions and he’s my best friend. Then add her dad showing up with her ex-boyfriend from high school. That was a highlight for me. Why do I put up with it all? For her. That’s why. Because at the end of the day she actually means something to me. I hope she feels the same because I really don’t know what I would do without her.

She may not know it but she’s the only light in my life. She makes me happy when I don’t even want to go on another day. And whenever I push too far she pulls me back.

I remember it like it was yesterday. The snow was falling down just as hard as it was today. Tomorrow marks the 6th year since my life was completely turned upside down. I’ve dealt with the loss of my father at 9. I’ve dealt with my mother walking out when I was 13. But I was never prepared for what happened when I was 15.

“Are you leaving tonight?” Shane asks when we get back to her pretty much empty room. I don’t know why she had to pack up most her stuff just to go home for a few weeks. Girls.

“Probably tomorrow” I lie.

“Excited to go home?”

“Uh, yeah.” I don’t even know what home is anymore. I guess this is home. It’s where all my stuff is.

“Where is home?” It’s a little strange that I’ve never mentioned it before. I just don’t like talking about my childhood or where I came from.

“Michigan” I answer her. “I don’t like the thought of you being so far away from me.”

“Me neither” she sighs. “But think of all the phone sex” her eyes light up as she smiles. That’s Shane. Always seeing the bright side of things. And seeing the sexual side of things which I will never complain about.

“It’s gonna suck” I huff. I have too many negative thoughts running through my mind. One day she will get sick of me. That’s inevitable. And she’ll find someone better for her. The longer she’s away from me, the sooner that could happen.

“Don’t worry” she runs her fingers through my hair and instantly soothes me. “I know exactly what you’re thinking.”

“Do you?” I smirk. She has no clue the devastating thoughts running through my mind of her making out with some football player she went to high school with in a club.

“You’ll always be on my mind” she leans forward and kisses me. “You are the only person I want.”

“Good.”

She hops up on her bed and sits with her legs crossed and her elbows resting on her knees. “Is it nice there? In Michigan?” she changes the subject. “Maybe I’ll fly out there during break to see you” her eyes light up and I can see her making all the plans in her head.

“No” I shake my head. “You wouldn’t want to go there.”

“Why not?” she pouts. I don’t want to make her upset but if I do go to Michigan it’s only to visit a few graves. I don’t have a house there. She’ll be visiting me in some cheap motel.

“We’ll just see each other when we get back. That’s all.”

That only made her angrier. “Okay” she says quietly and scoots under the covers, leaving me no room. Her way of telling me that I’ve made her upset and that I should leave.

“I want to see you” I admit to her, cupping her face in my hands. How do I tell this girl who has a perfect life how shitty mine is? She would never understand anything I’ve been through. “How about I fly back to Maryland a few days early and visit you?”

“Sounds like a plan” I finally get her to smile. “But I want to meet your family too.” I swallow hard and she begins to notice my uneasiness. “You can talk about it” she rubs her hand on my shoulder.

“Talk about what?” I snap.

“Why you don’t want me to meet your family. I’ll understand. I don’t like people meeting mine either” she goes on.

“Jesus Shane” I shoot up off the bed, my mood shifting completely. “I would kill for a family like yours” I throw at her and she looks at me with a puzzled expression. “What? Cause Mommy and Daddy fight sometimes makes your family anything like mine? You have no idea.”

“Then talk to me.” She crawls off the bed and stops me from pacing back and forth. “I want to know.”

“Do you?” I stare down at her and she nods her head. “I don’t have parents. I don’t have a family.”“What do you mean?” she questions and I sigh.

“It’s just me. My parents are dead” I explain and she immediately frowns as she takes it all in.

“Both of them?”

I blow the piece of hair that fell in front of my eyes. “My mom might as well be.” Truth is I have no idea where she is. I haven’t heard from her since the day she walked out. She could be dead. Who knows? Even worse – who cares? Because I sure as hell don’t.

“Ashton” she sighs and pulls me to sit back down. “I’m so sorry. You don’t have any siblings?”

“No” I lie to her again. I’d rather her think I was an only child before she knew what really happened. I could only imagine what she thought of me to begin with. I don’t want her to look at me or treat me any different after learning the truth.

After my mom walked out, it was just my brother and I. He was only 18 at the time but he took care of me better than either of my parents ever could. I looked up to him. He was everything to me. He’s the only person I had. Then he wasn’t. He’s gone now and he’s never coming back.

She lies down and pulls my head against her chest. At least that was enough information to get her off my back.

“Baby” she combs her fingers through my hair. “I had no idea.”

“Yeah” I sigh.

“You can always spend break with my family.”

“I’ve got a few things to take of first. I’ll let you know.”

I know she wasn’t happy with that answer. I feel her heart beating faster beneath my cheek. She’s either mad or worried but decides to let it slide. “Okay” she finally answers. “Just stay with me tonight.”