Chapter 13

After what happened the other day, Siva found it important to meet up with the band. He was scared for Jay's health and felt that he should alert the boys. Jay obviously didn't want to be anywhere near him, so he couldn't look after him.

They were all (except Jay) over at Max's new house in Manchester. They were sat in his living room waiting upon Siva's arrival.

"What do you reckon he'll tell us?" Max asked the group.

Nathan shrugged.

"I haven't got a clue," Tom replied.

"Maybe it's about Nareesha," said Nathan.

"You know how she's been, mate?" Max asked Tom.

"Her and Kels talk almost everyday, so of course I do. She doesn't seem so great."

Knock knock. Max got up and walked over to his front door. He opened it up to Siva and let him in.

"Hey guys," He greeted.

"Hey," they all responded. Max went and sat back on one of the couches.

"We'd been waiting on you for an hour," Tom said.

"Sorry about that. I got caught up in traffic."

"Why didn't you show up to our last studio session?" Nathan asked.

"I went to go see Nareesha, which is why I've gathered you all here. I wanted to talk about both her and Jay."

"Jay already told us the whole story."

"That's not what I want to talk about. First, let me start off by saying that Nareesha has threatened to take the story to the press."

"What?" Tom asked in surprise. "Why would she do that?"

"'Cause she's hurt."

"This could ruin us!" Max said angrily.

"I know. But, since she obviously hasn't told Kelsey that, I don't believe that she'd actually do it. She and Kelsey are way too close for her to go and do it. It would ruin their friendship. But, if she's sick enough to do it, I thought I'd let you guys know in advance."

"We can't let that happen!"

"Exactly. So, if she does it, Jay and I will just deny the story. We aren't together anyway."

"Why'd you guys end your relationship? You did all that just to break up?" Nathan asked.

"He thought that you guys would never forgive us or something, and it's affected him deeply."

"How so?"

"I think he may be harming himself."

"What? That's ridiculous! The Jay I know would never do something like that," Tom argued.

"Well apparently, we don't exactly know Jay as good as we thought we did. I know I shouldn't be telling you about this, but he's had some issues with himself as a child. He was anorexic, and you could just imagine all the other issues that would come with it."

"When did he tell you this?" asked Nathan. He looked so hurt from the new information he'd received about his band mate, best friend, and brother.

A few days back something horrible happened to a friend of his. It brought back a lot of memories for him. I somehow managed to get him to tell me about them.

He's had a rough life." Siva bit on his bottom lip as he thought about it. It's not fair. Why do the cruelest things happen to the most wonderful people.

"Why do you suspect he's going back to his old habits?" asked Max.

"I texted him yesterday. I asked him if he was hurting himself." Siva fell silent. As the words poured out his mouth, they felt like hot lava erupting from his very core. They burned him and his weakened heart. He could feel it patter against his breastbone. His body had become too much for it to bear. It no longer wanted any part of his sad life; that life was not worth living for.

"And?" Nathan asked impatiently. He'd never been so worried in his life.

"He just said he had to go, and that was the end of it."

"Well did you try calling him or something?" Nathan's voice grew with every word.

"No," Siva murmured. "He wouldn't have picked up."

"So? You could have at least tried!"

"Calm down Nathan," Tom spoke calmly.

Nathan rose his hand, dismissing Tom's words. He stood up. "Where is he?"

"I don't know."

A growl formed in his throat. He shook his head and walked out of the house. Siva followed him out.

"Nath? Where are you going?"

"To make sure Jay isn't doing something stupid!"

Siva looked at him in astonishment. He had never seen Nathan this way, no one had.

Nathan's lips quivered as he tried to contain himself. Siva could see water glistening in his eyes.

"Let me come with."

"No. This is all your fault." His voice was now deep and dangerous. "You should have just been a loyal boyfriend. Now look at what you've put poor Jay through."

"I-"

With a sharp point with his index finger, he cut Siva off saying, "I don't want to hear it! This is all on you."

"You're taking this way out of proportion, mate."

"Don't call me that, you bastard." He turned away and got into his car. Backed out of the driveway and sped off.

With a powerful exhale, Siva turned back to Max's house. He found both Tom and Max standing in front of the doorway with wide eyes.

"What the hell just happened?" Tom asked himself.

"I haven't a clue," Max replied.

•••

Nathan pulled up in front of Jay's place and hopped out of his car. He saw Jay locking up his front door and waited for him to come down the stairway of the front porch.

"Nathan?" Jay said surprised.

Nathan approached him slowly.

"Were you crying? Your face is tear stained and your eyes are blood shot."

"Yeah, I was." His voice was groggy.

"Why? What's wrong?"

Nathan seized him with a hug. Jay instantly stiffened. He had no idea what was going on.

Nathan pulled away and took Jay's hand into his. Jay looked down at them and then back up to Nathan.

"I'm sorry I made you feel horrible after finding out about you and Siva."

"It's fine."

"No it isn't. I know how hard it must've been for you."

"You guys have forgiven me, so I guess I'm alright."

"No, you're not."

"What?" Jay furrowed at his response.

"Answer me honestly. Okay?"

Jay nodded uneasily.

"Have you been hurting yourself?"

Jay's heart stopped beating. His hands went cold, and he could already feel a drop of sweat starting to roll down the back of his neck.

He was completely frozen. He didn't know what to say or do. He couldn't believe Nathan would ask him that, or that Siva would tell him his greatest secret.

"Jay?" Nathan's voice sounded muffled to him. "Jay?" He squeezed the older lad's hands. "Answer me."

Once Jay was removed from his paralyzed stated, he withdrew his hands from Nathan's hastily.

Nathan's mouth was agape. He could not comprehend what was going on with Jay. Snapping out of his shocked state, he reassured Jay, "It's okay. I'm here for you."

"No." His response was almost an inaudible utterance.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm perfectly fine. I don't need you, or Siva, or Daron, or anyone."

"What are you talking about?"

"I can't count on anyone! Siva told you my most darkest secret, and the one person I thought could talk to just took advantage of my fragile state! Now you're here feeding me your bullshit lies! Well FYI, I don't need you or anyone! Just leave me the hell alone!"

They bumped shoulders as Jay began to storm away, but Nathan caught him by the arm and pulled him back. He scanned Jay's face, it was burning red, and he was breathing hard.

Nathan slid his hand beneath Jay's curls, on to his fuzzy cheek. He looked into his eyes daringly. The way Jay looked back was as if he'd rip Nathan's head off with just his teeth.

"Mate," Nathan spoke, "I'm not going anywhere." He forced Jay's head into the crook of his neck and hugged him tightly once more.

Jay's body began to tremble. A loud gasp for air came from him, making Nathan shudder. He'd finally broken down walls Jay had never revealed. If only he'd known about them earlier.

They stood there in the blazing sun crying uncontrollably. They wouldn't have wanted to cry any other way than in each other's loving arms.