26

WIN'S POV

It was almost a week before I noticed it. We moved into a rental condo unit after a night at the hotel. We live literally beside the hospital. I have been minding my own business most of the time. I was looking out the most for Ton. 

Bright told me that she wasn't used to chaos and every time they'd have the stuff to sort, she would be left out of it. I was extra concerned when I figured about the shooting trauma she has. She could possibly have a relapse.

I personally am struggling with my mental health lately. I was able to point that out as frustration has been the constant feeling that I have. The uncontrollable urge to breakdown doesn't help as well. 

Bright was showing progress of recovery but the doctor said it was kind of slow and he was still very fragile. He was in an incubated room now and we weren't allowed to go inside. We saw him most of the time through the glass panel. 

"Can you watch Ton for a while, I just have to file some papers in behalf of my mom." Namtan said. 

"You'd be alright?" I asked. 

She hasn't been doing very well too, the circles under her eyes are getting darker and her eyes are always puffy which is a sign of crying. 

"I'll be fine. We still have the driver. I'll get you and Ton something to eat when I come back." She said and left. 

It was already 11 in the morning... I haven't noticed Ton waking up yet... I knocked at their door and called her and she responded with a hum. I opened the door and saw her just staring at the ceiling and then she smiled at me... a fake one and stood up. 

"You're my babysitter for today I guess?" She said trying to pull her blankets and fix them but she decided not to. 

"Yeah... more like company, what do you have in mind?" I asked. 

"I don't know. I just want to sleep all day." She responded. 

relapse

relapse

relapse

She walked out of the room and headed to the bathroom. I waited in the living area and decided to find some stuff we could do. 

"Ton... go and eat..." I said when I saw her drink her oat drink at the table. 

"I-I---- okay..." She sighed and said. 

"Anything you want to do today?" I asked. 

"I have a bunch of what I wanted to do but promise me not to tell Namtan, she would be dead worried and that would cost so much of therapy. It's not helping anymore." She said. 

"Hey. I am a safe space. What has been bothering you?" I asked. 

"Honestly, I wish I was with my brother than you and Namtan. He was the one who understood me, he spoiled me and all, he made me feel I wasn't alone when they leave me out of family matters. I don't know what the point of living is if he wouldn't be around. I know you loved him and he loved you but I can't have you as my brother. You can't give that assurance that he will make it through because I know how it feels and how easy it could get to let go of life when the body is already too exhausted. I know, they tell me I'm young and all but no. I know so much on my own and I've figured so much shit by myself but losing my brother is one thing that would have me wishing I didn't make it as well." She said and started breaking down. 

I was at the verge of a panic attack but I hugged her, she cried and cried until she felt tired. I was taking in deep breaths to calm myself as well. 

"What's the first thing you want to do?" I asked her. 

"See Bright." She said as she started eating. 

"Then after?" I asked. We couldn't stay there too long. They limit visitors and other external exposures. 

"Go to his island." She said. 

"I can book the private plane now. Just get ready, we'll be back a little after dinner." She added. 

I agreed and got ready as she ate. I took a small bag with me and as I was getting ready Ton knocked at my door.

"You need anything?" I asked. 

"Take this." She handed me a camera... Bright's camera...

"He would want great pictures." She said. 

I sighed and took it. We finished getting ready around lunch and we visited Bright. 

"He has been the most stable since his operation... He's gaining much more strength and he was showing progress with his vital signs." Their mom said in a very hopeful tone. 

I gave up on hopes for a while now, whatever happens, happens. It was easier to numb it, turn it all off. The easier things go. 

"We'll be going somewhere, I'm taking advantage of having him around as a legal guardian. I also informed Namtan already." Ton said without taking her eyes off Bright...

"I'll have to talk to Win for a while. Stay here." Their mom said. 

We walked a little away from Ton. 

"I don't know how to thank you enough. From making Bright the happiest... to taking care of my girls when I couldn't... I'll make it up to you, whatever you want and need, just tell me. I have to thank your mother and brother as well. You've been spending more time with us than them." I wanted to cry right at that moment but I forced back the tears that were about to come out. 

I am visiting them tomorrow. I'll spend a few time with them. I miss them, they're the ones I have despite all the good and most of all the bad. 

"The driver is waiting... we need to go now." Ton said after me and their mom talked. 

We said goodbye and went to the lobby as their driver was already waiting out front. 

"I know having a little sister is very different from a little brother, but please be a big brother to me today." She said. 

"Okay." I agreed. 

We went to the airport and the private plane was already waiting for us as expected. The flight wasn't too long, around 45 minutes before we get there... We did not see any family members and such, there was a speed boat already waiting for us. 

"I'll talk to you over dinner. Let me be alone with my thoughts for a while. I'll promise I won't do anything to hurt me, promise me that too." She said as we get there. 

"Okay. I promise." I told her. 

I was alone most of the time, the speedboat staff and a lifeguard were there looking after us. From time to time I make it a habit to check on Ton, the last thing I want is something to happen to her under my supervision. I sighed and closed my eyes...

peace and freedom

peace and freedom

peace and freedom

I want to feel all of them again, the hurt, the pain, the love... but above all, the happiness... I wanted to be happy again without being scared that something bad will come in exchange for it.  

Time flew and Ton was busy swimming and having some time for herself, I'm pretty sure she cried, I saw her, but I let her, at least she could still feel all of it. I don't want her shutting her emotions off as well. 

"Let's go?" She asked me. 

"We can stay and wait for the sunset." I told her. 

"Did you take photos?" She asked. 

"Yes, I took a bunch." I told her. 

We both had separate cameras and we both took shots from our perspectives. 

"The cliff would be a better spot for the sunset than just staying here." Ton said as she stood up. 

We walked over to the cliff and sat there quietly, I watched as the sunset, I was about to snap some photos while looking through the camera lens when it hit me, I am tired, very tired. I was forcing back some tears as memories flooded me...

When the sun was no longer as visible we decided it was time to go. Ton doesn't wanna leave as she took a couple more glances back at the island as we were on the speed boat. 

"Go ahead and order some food. I would rinse up using the public bath." Ton said. 

I took the seat where the rock formation cliff was visible to me. We met there, and now I'm alone and that exhausts me more. 

We quietly ate our dinner, we were hungry... or we were just stress eating, we don't know anymore... 

The quiet evening did not last long as our phones rang simultaneously. It was their mom calling Ton and it was Namtan calling me... I froze at that moment as Ton picked her phone up. I let the caller ID slowly fade when Namtan's call ended. Ton was busy talking to their mom and I was zoning out. I was scared and suddenly, I was like drenched in cold sweat. 

"We have to go." Ton said as some tears fell from her eyes. 

I couldn't read her expression... I was scared above all...

"What happened?" I asked as we hurried back to the private plane. 

"It was far fetched, but h-he moved a finger." Ton said. 

I stopped for a while and let it sink in on me... He moved a finger... 

After a long while, I felt like I had hope... I felt all of it again, Bright colors bursting inside me... I am hopeful... once more... 

We hurried to the hospital and it took longer, maybe the waiting just made it longer but it took us an hour to get back to Manila as there was some air traffic thing that happened. We rushed to the hospital even if we know we won't be able to get closer to him. 

"He is more stable now... He would need more observation before they could take out some equipment and let him heal up in a normal room." Their mom said. 

He looks better. I'll hang around for a little more Bright, you just don't give up on us too.

NAMTAN'S POV

I have no idea where Ton and Win went but they both look more tan than they were this morning. Ton has more energy but Win has this noticeable change in his aura. He looks more like the Win that we knew... 

We were kept outside the glass panel. We were waiting for something, I can't exactly point out  what but we just spent hours there waiting. The doctors allowed us to stay at the hallway, they were waiting for something too. 

I don't know what has been bothering Win but I could tell he was fighting the urge to go uneasy. I guess were all just scared given how things turned out the last time. I can't exactly point out what is going on inside his head but I know for sure it has something to do with Bright. 

We were startled at around 11pm when the machines were beeping at Bright's room. We panicked and asked for help immediately and they had to attend to him privately while we wait. 

"He is alright. He did not crash... In fact, he's awake." The doctor said

He's awake 

He's awake

He's awake

The doctor discussed more to mom and everything around me was a blur. I looked for Ton and she was standing by the glass panel, Bright was smiling at us, he was still weak but he was smiling and waving towards our direction. 

I was so happy and I looked around for Win. He wasn't around... I did not notice that he left... I roamed the hospital when I run across the small prayer room that the hospital has. He was crying... he kept saying thank you... 

I smiled, for a while, I saw the Win that we knew before, Win with hope in his eyes despite the tears that kept coming. I let him be... I walked away as tears flowed my eyes as well. Oh, they make me believe in love.

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