A Memory From The Past

"Lucas, what are you doing?!"

There were yellings.

Athanasia heard the commotion from outside, yet all she could see was darkness. She knew who was there, she knew who was crying, and she knew who was angry. Everyone now knows about her illness, and now this fight has started, but what aches her more was when she heard Lucas yelling loudly in the halls.

"LET GO, Jennette!!!"

It was not only anger she heard in his voice, there was also pain. And it hurts her to hear him like that.

Lucas was been with her ever since they met again. It was like a promise from a long childhood, it was broken yet it continue to last for years.

"He deserves it!!! He needs to be in pain after what he's done!!!"

She wanted to shed a tear. Hug Lucas. She never wanted this to happen. She doesn't want them to found about her this way. No one has to be blamed, but her. No one needs to cry, no one needs to get angry, and no one needs to regret.

Yet Lucas does all of that for her.

"I don't know what to do... Why did she even love you when she was like this...? It could have been anyone else... If she's gonna... I don't... Athanasia..."

Why is he acting like this? What makes Athanasia special to him is that he's willing to feel every pain she felt. She doesn't deserve that. She doesn't deserve anything.

"I'm so sorry..."

Stop apologizing...

.

.

.

"Athanasia! We're home!"

"Mama, Papa!!"

It was when she was five. Athanasia had everything she wanted. A happy family, rich life, memorable childhood. She wouldn't care about anything else in the world. As long as she continued to grow up with the things she wanted, she don't care.

A spoiled princess.

That's what she was.

"Miss Athanasia, why did you take his toy!"

"I wanted it so I took it from him..."

Without even care, if she wanted something, she must have it. And no one would complain. Everything is hers to have. That's what her parents gave her since she came to this world. Everything.

Until...

"But sir, it's their meanings are already written on the board, what's the point of asking what's the difference when it's already in front."

Athanasia met this boy.

He wasn't really special when she knew his name on the first day. She thought that he would only be just a random character in the story where she is the main character. He was nothing more but a filler.

An emotionless filler.

It was that day that it annoyed Athanasia. She wanted nothing but his presence after when he stood up for himself and humiliate their math teacher. Yet, he's always around whether she wanted or not. It was pretty annoying, yes, but she couldn't help but keep on interfering in his life like unconsciously he did to her.

He chuckled and stared at the Athanasia's back right after escaping from those nasty- (childish) bullies. "Hey, thanks... Even though I don't need your help."

"There's no person who doesn't need someone's help, even if they're at an advantage," Athanasia replied to her surprise. "And I knew already that you need someone's help that time. There's no way that you could take them all by yourself." It was actually a reflex, she doesn't know why the hell she saved him, she could have been beaten up by those bullies there with him. It was a dangerous act.

"Really?" He raised a brow, amused. "Are you a hero or something?"

The question surprised Athanasia more. It sounded hilarious when it came out from his mouth but it was unexpected for her to looked so surprised.

"If you are, then if I call your name, would you come flying to save me?" He asked, tilting his head.

Athanasia blushed and looked away. "Huh?! We just became acquaintances, what's up with that question...." Her voice trailed off as she turned her head back to face the other who was smiling at her with... Gratefulness?

"Even whoever it is in need, as a hero, you should save them right?"

"...." Athanasia was speechless. Not only because of what he said but also the expression he gave. Is it relief? But why?

It was something that Athanasia might understand.

Lucas could only chuckle at her expression and held up his pinky finger. "Is that a promise, Ms. Hero?"

Athanasia stared at his finger and let out a defeated sigh, doing the same. "Yeah, sure."

"Well, take care of me, Hero."

"... Likewise."

That kind of encounter was very surprising to Athanasia yet she also finds it... warm. It was the first time she never wanted anything and it was the first time someone faced her with gratitude in their eyes. As someone who grew up spoiled, experiencing kindness was new to her.

It was something she never knew needed. Not want.

"How's school, Athy?" Her mother asked, peeking from the front seat. She noticed the smile on her daughter's face. "It looks like there's something good going on."

"Did you have fun?" Athanasia's father added while eyes were on the road.

Athanasia stood straight with excitement, clinging behind her mother's back. "Well, I wouldn't say it was fun..." She said with a laugh, remembering the memory of her and Lucas escaping from the bullies. "But it was good."

Her father hummed, nodding. As simple as her reply is, it brought Claude warmth, seeing his daughter said it with a bright smile. A genuine expression he never thought he would see again.

"That's great, dear!" Athanasia's mother cheered.

The conversation with the family continued. And for the first time, Athanasia was excited to share her day with them.

Kindness.

It was new.

She was happy.

Until those laughs were replaced by a long pause after a flash of light appeared in front of them. Sending them to the darkness they never expected to see.

"How are we going to tell her this?!"

Athanasia heard wailings from the other side of the room. Waking her up from her sleep. But as she sat up, she felt pain all over her body, pulling her back to lie on her pillow. Her cry, made all that's present in the room turn her way, their pained eyes met her confused ones.

"What?" Athanasia muttered. "Lily? Felix?" She called the two adults. She noticed their red eyes, staring back at her with pain and... pity? What was wrong?

Lily didn't say a word and rushed to hug Athanasia tightly but also gently, knowing what has happened to her. Felix could only watch them, watch Athanasia confusingly hugged Lily back, still don't know why she was in pain and why him and Lily was crying.

Athanasia then understood when she found out.

"Help me..."

In a cold and darkroom, there sat Athanasia with a picture in hand, hugging it so tightly. She could hear her phone ringing but she didn't bother to answer. She was crying, trying to fight Lily and Felix who tried to help her up and put her back to bed.

"Athy, please!" Lily cried, begging for her to listen. But Athanasia couldn't, it was more painful than the wounds on her body.

"NO!" Athanasia fought, pushing them away from her. "Just-!"

She reached for her phone and saw the missed call. Slowly, she also hugged it close. "I'm sorry..." She cried, her voice breaking. "I'm sorry..."

She felt so pathetic.

So small.

So powerless.

She was never a hero to being with.

"... Mom... Dad..."

Will she be able to continue her life with nothing?

Nine years later with countless of blades all over her body to endure the pain. Athanasia found the boy she thought she would never meet again, now a man right in front of her. And for the first time in her life, there's this small ray of hope that she might find a change as she felt a tug on her chest when their eyes meet.

There she almost thought it was fate.

Athanasia was tired of lies, she was tired of pleasuring others with her kind smile and her strength. It was unfair and Lucas showed her that in many ways everytime they meet. It was right in front of her the whole time, yet she took a blind eye to it.

She wasn't Lucas' hero. He was her hero.

"If I call your name, would you come flying to save me?"

So when she comes back into the world where they were waiting. The first thing she uttered out from her last nightmare was the name of the man who she knew truly loved her.

And that feeling was the same as hers.

.

.

Lucas didn't answer and broke down, running towards her to wrap her in a tight hug. "Thank goodness..." He breathed. "Thank goodness..."

The sight of Lucas crying in front of her brought pain to her chest. With her trembling hands, she gently held him back to comfort him. She had worried him so much. Not only him but the people around her.

While cursing for what stupidity she has done,cshe whispered Lucas warm and comforting words to show the older that it was fine, she was fine and she knew what she would do next. She's never going to make that mistake ever again if it makes the man she love be brought in pain.

"Athy..." Jennette's voice pulled Athanasia back to reality and turned towards her friend with a hum. Jennette replied with her mouth formed into a pout as she pointed towards the door where Ijekiel was still remained standing with the same expression.

Athanasia then awkwardly but gently pulled Lucas away. Her hands were busy wiping his tears away though her eyes were on Ijekiel's. She showed a sad expression back to him, a silent message which the latter surprisingly understood what she meant.

"Jennette, could you escort this crybaby out?" She said with a tease to lessen the tension in the room. It didn't work. She kind of knew what happened while she was gone, seeing Ijekiel's face full of bandages and Lucas's bloodied fists. She knew she had to do something before hell breaks loose.

Jennette blinked. "Uh, yeah, sure... you two need some privacy, yeah..." She muttered with a loud cough, making her way to pluck Lucas out from Athanasia's arms. "C'mon now..."

When the two left the room, Athanasia sat straight, staring at Ijekiel who couldn't met the latter's eyes.

"Kiel... you're quite far away..." Athanasia spoke up to cut the heavy silence. Her soft voice made Ijekiel feel relaxed though he still stood there, not taking a step closer to Athanasia's bed.

The hesitation of Ijekiel made his guilt visible in front of Athanasia. The sight of it broke her heart, but she didn't showed because she knew Ijekiel would blame himself more if she does it.

"Kiel, I'm fine now..." She spoke again. Her words made Ijekiel flinch, tears started flowing in his eyes.

He reached for his face to hide his pained expression. "How could you say that so casually after what happened to you...?" He finally spoke, his voice trembled. "Athy, do you know how worried everyone is for you when you collapsed...?"

"I know that, but here I am. I am telling you that I'm fine because I am now fine," Athanasia whispered, she let's out a hand for Ijekiel to hopefully hold. "And that is no lie anymore..."

"Anymore..." Ijekiel repeated, he peeked from hands to see Athanasia's hand in front of him. Slowly, one hand accepted her offer, holding her tightly. "So you've been lying..."

Athanasia didn't answer, which made Ijekiel laugh.

"This was killing me Athanasia... I thought we were happy... I don't even know what was happening to you, what I did to you..." Ijekiel started to cry, now both hands holding Athanasia's hand. "I thought we were happy... It was only me who are happy... I couldn't tell everything unless you tell me and it pains me to be the only one who don't know... I... I thought I love you..."

Athanasia's heart broke. There is it, the sudden realization. Even though it hurts, she sniffled and put a brave look, she needs to be the strong one here. It was always like that, Athanasia is the only one who is trying to make this relationship work without knowing this feelings they had for each other will led them hurting someone.

She nodded, taking a sharp breath. "Kiel..." She called. Just hearing her breaking voice made Ijekiel kneel on the floor, pulling her hand close to his as if he doesn't want to let go.

"... It's better if we end this..."

.

.

"Surgery?" Jennette tilted her head as she took a seat next to Athanasia. "The doctor told you that? That's why Lucas and I saw her walked out of your room just now, you were talking about that."

Lucas only hummed from behind, a bit busy replacing the flower vase with new flowers. He took a glance to the girls and shrugged. "The question is, do you want surgery?"

"Yeah," Athanasia replied almost immediately. "It is only to reduce the symptoms. I'm sure that I will be fine."

Lucas showed a small smile, finally finishing his work then spun to face Athanasia. "Well, aren't you brave. But as long as it is for your good, I will just support you."

"Me too," Jennette said with a nod. "We'll be here for you Athy."

"Thanks guys..." Athanasia muttered, smiling. A bit of courage pushes her to do this surgery for her good. "I have learned to take care of myself first before anything else from now on. This is a first step for me."

"Speaking of we... Where was Ijekiel?" Lucas uttered out, his hands rested on both of his hips as he put all his weight on his other leg. "He used to come with you to visit Athanasia right?" He asked Jennette, giving her a pat got attention.

"Yeah, I can't contact him..." Jennette said with a sigh, shoulders slouching. "Though it is better for him if we let him be for now... After his break up with Athy, I'm sure he needed some space and time."

Lucas choked on his spit. "What-?!"

Athanasia blinked, looking up to Lucas in surprise. She hid her sad expression and frowned at the raven-head. "You didn't know?" She asked, scoffing.

"It is the first time I have heard this," Lucas stammered, flaying his hands around. "How come no one told me?!"

"I thought Athy told you..." Jennette awkwardly said.

"Oh, now you're just gonna hide things from me?" Lucas scoffs, rolling his eyes away from Athanasia who was chuckling silently at his reaction. "I think this is how our friendship would end. I'm leaving!"

"Aw, come on, Lucas! I just forgot!" Athanasia said with a whine, watching Lucas stomp away and left the room. He was serious. "And... He's gone."

"Real, funny, Athy," Jennette commented, laughing with her friend.

On Lucas' side. He was walking down the hall, grumbling until he found himself walking out from the hospital. He scoffs and kicked a random rock. As he planned to at least buy the girls some snacks and drinks, he noticed a familiar car driving by slowly. Just the sight of it convinced Lucas that it was a car of an aquaintance.

Without even hesitation, he raised his foot and kicked the car's door, forcing for the car to stop. Lucas leaned down to see the driver from the window. "Open, you bastard," he said.

He heard the door unlocked and walked in as if it's his own car. He made himself comfortable on his seat and turned to the driver.

"Now speak up, Ijekiel."

---It's a Christmas miracle that I have updated :')