Chapter Six

[Everything Stays.]

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. "So, no Kurtis today?" Beth asks as she walks into the living room, finding Jerry lounging on the single sofa, Rick and Morty sitting on the long couch as they watch some interdimensional cable. Jerry sighs, nodding, arms folded. "Want a blanket, Morty? Dad?" She asks them, Morty nodding in agreement as Rick grunts a 'yes'. She turns to her husband, the sight of him drinking honey straight out of his bear bottle brings an annoyed groan out of her, she folds her arms. "Jerry, get them a blanket." She shakes her head at him and walks out, Jerry slowly rising to his feet as he makes his way to the linen closet, pulling out a thick blanket for the two.

He walks to them and lays the blanket over them, "Thanks, dad," Morty smiles, the smile only makes Jerry feel more awful, he nods and sits on his couch again. The break had opened his eyes, realizing he doesn't love his life, the way things are. He loves his wife and his children, but they don't care for him the way he cares for them. He thought it was only in his head, but thinking about himself and Kurtis brought other thoughts to his mind, worries he had for years. He sits the empty bottle onto the coffee table, I wonder how Kurtis is doing, we haven't spoken in a while. He debates messaging him, though chooses to wait for the right time at least.

His eyes falling into the view outside the glass doors, watching as snowflakes start pouring from the cloudy sky, he still remembers the first snowfall he had experienced, the glistening snow as he glided along the frozen lake in his skates. That was a good memory... He assures himself, he remembers going back to the cabin, taking a weekend vacation with his parents, a mug of hot chocolate had been handed to him with little marshmallows. He sat beside his parents in front of the fireplace, his father telling him a short story as his mother read a magazine. He loves that memory, the one day a year his parents would both be free at the same time. He sighs under his breath, And Kurtis wasn't in it. He tells himself, I can be happy when I'm not with him... right? He looks down at his shoes, a slight frown on his features.

He was certain he was alright, but ever since Kurt came back into his life, he had been second guessing everything, wondering what could have happened had he went to his last prom with Kurtis as his date rather than his wife. Would he be sitting in the living room on a cold day like this - being ignored by his own family? Or would he be elsewhere? He could only imagine himself laying with the only man he had ever loved so dearly, holding each other as they watch the snowfall from their bed. Sitting in the living room and binge watching a recommendation on Netflix, or re-watching The Notebook, as a reminder that they have one another. Perhaps they would wonder outside, start a snowball fight, or build a snowman together. Or maybe they would remain in bed, sleep a few more hours and whisper to one another short conversations as they cuddle, enjoying each other's company. Jerry sighs.

All this thinking, fantasizing himself in this future he formed around reuniting with an old friend, yet there he lays, shivering on the couch. He hugs himself, loneliness hitting him in waves. He always feels so invisible, no one sees him, listens to him. Jerry stands, walking towards the coat rack by the front door. His breath grows heavy, he feels weight on his chest, Don't cause a scene, Jerry. He takes his friend's jacket off the rack and pulls it over himself, zipping it up as he grabs his cap and places it atop his head. Taking the house-keys, he leaves through the door, closing it behind himself. Recently, he had started going on long strolls, to clear his thoughts.

All of those times Kurt had left him pink and red roses at his windowsill when they were younger, little notes attached to the ribbon, he always took it for granted. He missed that, being told he looked adorable whenever he had felt bloated, or as if he were nauseating to be seen. His long walks never helped clear his mind, it only made him think more of this man, his short hair bouncing in the wind as he ran alongside him, an assuring smile on his lips. He can only imagine him older, long hair and glasses running out of trouble with him, like they used to; two children with different backgrounds, yet they understood it all.

He walks into a bar, having wanted to for the past while, yet he hadn't, always too anxious to do so. He sits by the counter, ordering a beer after a long pause. Sitting in the bar, more people walking through the door as time goes on. A few bottles later, Jerry sits with his head lying on his arms, drowning in the deep end of loneliness. He raises his head, vision blurred as the world spins in slow motion around him. He pulls his phone out, hand hovering above Beth's contact, I should call Beth to take me home... He tells himself, frowning softly. But why would she care? He asks himself, knowing she would put him below her list of importance.

Shaking his head, Jerry taps on Kurtis' contact once his eyes fall onto the karaoke machine on the other side of the bar. He waits patiently, a drunken smile spreading across his lips when hearing Kurt's tired, hoarse voice. "Hello?"

"Hey, Kurtboy!" Jerry giggles, ordering another drink.

"J-Jerry?" Kurtis sits up on the sofa, grabbing his glasses off the coffee table. "What's up? Hey," He runs a hand through his hair as he moves to set his feet on the floor.

"Hello..." Jerry draws out the word and struggles with his bottle before finally opening it. "How are ya, friend? My... My best friend, Kurtis."

"Jerry, are you drunk?" Kurtis asks, snorting softly as he covers his face with a hand. Jerry stammer at this, only proving him correct. Kurt shakes his head. "Where are you, buddy?"

"I don't know," Jerry smiles, looking around. "It's a bar a few b-blocks away from my house... There's windows, booths... people..." He lists, his blurry vision slowly sharpening. He runs his eyes, bowing his head. "Uhh, if I share my location, will you come over?"

"Of course," Kurt says gently, slipping his boots on. "and I'll get you home safely, okay?"

"No," He drags the word along, sighing softly. "I want to hang out with you, I miss you, Kurt." He falls silent, waiting for Kurtis to respond.

"I'm on my way, Jer." Kurtis tells him after a moment, the two saying their goodbyes before ending the call. Within a few minutes, the door opens with Kurtis walking through, approaching the hunched over Jerry. He places a hand on his back as he sits down next to him, a smile on his lips. "Hey, dude."

"Kurtis! You came!" He swings his arms around Kurt's neck, holding onto him tightly. Relaxing, Kurtis rubs his back as he hugs him back, the two pulling away after a minute or two.

"Of course I came, I didn't have much going on." He laughs softly, the two sharing a loving look. "So, since when do you drink?" He asks, Jerry looking away. Usually, he would have a glass if wine with Beth whenever she was in a good mood, not too angry at him. He pauses that train of thought, moving his attention to Beth. He hadn't told Beth where he leaves to every day for an hour or two, in fact, he doubts she even noticed he would disappear throughout the day - the thought of her finally noticing the absence of his presence, and calling him to make sure he was alright brought a sense of comfort to him. But this was never the case with Beth. She hardly ever cared. It's about time you've turned to alcohol to deal with your issues. Reminds me of a certain scientist. He sighs, face turning with shame. Kurtis hums softly.

"Hey, it's okay, I... Well, when I was younger, I used to drink a whole lot." He tries assuring, "I mean, I've resorted to only a or two bottle a week, but I get drinking... But it doesn't solve anything, you know?" Jerry nods.

"I know..." He sighs once again, locking eyes with Kurtis. "I just... I want to feel something..." He whispers, face serious and expressing. Kurt raises his eyebrows, adjusting in his seat.

"Feel... something?" Kurtis scratches the back of his neck. Jerry holds his hand gently, gesturing for him to come closer. Executing his command, Kurt moves closer, their faces close enough to feel their breathing - a bittersweet scent on Jerry's breath. Kurtis stays silent, staring into Jerry's eyes. He blinks after a moment, sparking laughter of victory from Jerry as he pumps his fists into the air, Kurtis left confused.

"Haha! I win!" Catching on, Kurtis rolls his eyes.

"That's unfair, I hadn't known we were in a staring competition." He smiles, finding his drunken state adorable. He looks away briefly, turning to Jerry with a gentle look in his eyes. "I missed you, Jerry. Aunt Quinn too, I spoke her about you, and she said she'd love to see you again." Kurt smiles, Jerry blushing slightly at the fact he spoke of him and, knowing Kurt, he only speaks to Quinn about certain things he finds important - not wanting to fill her mind with things he found useful, cherry picking what he wants to talk to her about. Jerry grins wider.

"You should come over for Christmas!"

"I don't know about that, Jerry," Kurt shakes his head slowly, "Maybe talk to Beth about it first... Now, let's get out of here, you're not acting like yourself." He says hesitantly before turning to the worker. He quickly asks about - and pays for - Jerry's bill, helping him out and onto his motorcycle. Sighing in defeat, Jerry clings to Kurtis as he sets his spare helmet on his head, the two driving into the cold midday.

He couldn't remember a thing after the ride, blanking out the moment the bike roared to life, and they rode on the surprisingly empty streets.

He sat in the living room with Beth across from him, reading a magazine as he watched her from his seat. He waited patiently for her to speak, say anything, but she remained silent. He could feel his mouth moving and vocal cords rubbing against each other gently to stimulate a soft voice, but he couldn't remember what he had said to her to spark such rage. She drew the magazine aside and rose to her feet, flames burning in her eyes as she stomped towards Jerry. She instantly let loose, screaming at him as if he couldn't hear her if she spoke normally. Tears stung his cheeks, he stared at her with fear in his eyes. He shrunk in his seat, shaking as she became more riled up by his lack of response.

The shouting even alarmed Rick - a person who only ever comes out of the garage when being called or when he wanted something - and he walked into the living room, watching the two from the doorway. Beth, not noticing her father, she grabbed Jerry's shirt and pulled him towards her, her shouts turning to blood curdling shrieks. Her voice rung in his ears, he covered them in an attempt to stop hearing her, but it didn't help. He curled his figure as he started screaming for help, wanting to get out of the situation. Rick soon joined the shouting, yelling about how much of a sorry excuse he was. Summer and Morty walked down from the stairs, Morty scolding and Summer slurring rough language at her father as she drank from her bottle of vodka.

"What's happening?!" He shouted, heart pounding in his ears as their voices chiming in his ears.

"Get a job, Jerry!"

"You worthless excuse of a human! Can't even go a day without taking your dumb pills!"

"Stop asking me a-and Summer for money, dad! Just get a job already!"

"Yeah! Stop wasting your time sitting around here with your stupid beekeeping!"

It broke his heart hearing this from his family, but he expected it in a way - always having them attack him emotionally. He hated it, but he couldn't control it. But he couldn't take it anymore. He grits his teeth, shutting his eyes as he sat up straight, screaming in a shaky voice.

"Jerry?! Jerry!" Jerry's eyes rip open, gasping for air as he looks up at Kurtis, head aching as his eyes adjusted to the new lighting - awaking in a warmly lit room, the bed he lays in having white sheets and a sage-green blanket folded over at the end of it. The room decorated like this, full of white, sage and dark wooden furniture. A window set in front of a desk, light shining through and bringing warmth to Jerry's face. He moves to sit up, the duvet falling off his torso when doing so. Feeling a gentle grip on his back, to help him from falling, the fatigued man rubs his head, turning to face the brunet.

"Kurtis?" He asks in a groggy voice, slowly coming to realization that he lays in his [Kurtis'] spare bedroom, recognizing it from when he was younger; this was Jerry's bedroom, where he slept whenever he stayed over. The nostalgia subtle in the tender atmosphere. Kurtis sighs, concern in his eyes.

"Yes, dear, are you okay?" He asks gently, hand resting on his. He rubs his back slowly, "You shouting for help... Telling someone to stop... or, I guess a group of people?... Do you want to talk of it? You don't have to of course." Kurt draws a gentle smile. Jerry nods, looking away as his heart pounds in his chest. Noticing his consistent, rapid breathing, Kurtis sits next to Jerry and takes his hand in his, gently laying it on his chest as he places his to Jerry's. Confused, Jerry stares at him with a little frown, breath uneven. "Take deep breaths with me, okay?" He whispers with a calm voice. "Inhale through our noses, hold it for a moment and exhale through our mouths, you got that?" Jerry nods, following along with Kurtis as they take deep breaths together, the two monitoring each other's heart rates whilst doing so.

A few minutes pass by, and they lower their hands, Jerry feeling much calmer now that he's no longer shaking nor feeling his heart beating against his ribcage. Kurtis watches Jerry for a moment, "So, Jerry, would you like to talk about the nightmare? It's best to talk things through, or at least that's what my therapist says." He laughs softly, rubbing the back of his neck. Jerry laughs half heartedly, thinking for a brief second before shaking his head slowly.

"I'm alright... Sorry if I bothered you." He says softly, eyes glancing down at Kurt's pink apron, a black sweatpants on and beige sweater on, white socks on as well. He pauses, Kurt's voice distant as he moves to the nightstand, 05:14am. His eyes widen, oh no, oh no! I stayed the night?! I need to call Beth! He faces Kurtis, hearing him call his name, his body visibly showing his anxiety.

"Jerry, it's okay, you don't have to worry." Kurtis caresses his cheek softly, "I told Rick to tell Beth you'd be staying the night here. I wasn't going to just drop you off at home in... your state, at the time." He nods slowly, "He also told me to remind you of the interview you have at eleven, but you have more than enough time to prepare, so don't worry about it. I'm sure you'd be amazing, okay?" Jerry nods in response, a sigh slipping out of his lips.

"Okay... But, my-my state?" He asks, rubbing his eyes. Kurt nods.

"You... You were just really upset, I pulled over to get some gas, and you started begging me not to take you home. You said something about needing a break..." He exhales deeply, "So, I brought you here, and you started crying until you passed out, reason why you're in bed." Kurt hums, a smile forming on his lips. "But, again, you could never bother me. I was making breakfast for us," He stands up, hands in his sweatpants pockets. "If you'd like to join me of course. I know it's early, but I'm usually up earlier." Shrugging, he smiles at the man.

The corner of his lips curling, Jerry climbs out of the bed, pants off and a sweater on. He freezes, a frown forming on his feature. "Hey, did you take off my pants?" He asks in a firm voice, feeling as if his best friend had crossed a boundary. Shaking his head, Kurtis begins explaining.

"I put you in bed with your clothes on, just took off your shoes. I guess the heater warmed the room up, so you took off your pants. You came to my room and asked for a warmer shirt, so I juat grabbed whatever I had in my closet." He shrugs, walking towards the gas-heater. "I prefer asking for consent before undressing someone, if I can't, then they sleep in what they have on." He turns it off and unplug it from the wall socket. With this, he walks out of the room with Jerry following close behind. "I made pancakes."

"Sounds lovely," Jerry rubs his head wincing slightly as his migraine returns, stinging harshly. "Could I also get some pain killers please?"

"Already ahead of you." Kurtis smiles, sitting at the dining table, where he had set their breakfast, fancy china in use and champagne glasses, despite the fact he only planned them drinking ice tea. He slides a saucer over to his side, three pills on it. Smiling, Jerry sits on his seat - or at least what he used to call his seat, where he used to sit whenever he came over. It's still the same... He thinks to himself, taking in the different shades of soft green and white before him.

He could tell it was more neater than it usually was, considering Aunt Quinn was quite a hoarder. This trait grew onto Kurtis as well, but compared to his aunt, he had his hoarding-needs under control. Jerry takes the pills with a glass of ice tea once Kurt had poured for the two of them, starting to enjoy this breakfast with each other's company. Light, lively chatter fill the silent house, though the quiet moments between their discussions means just as much to Jerry than it does when speaking to the man in front of him.

Kurt steals glances from Jerry every now and then, a smile resting on his lips. This reminds them of the way it was, them sitting together at the dining table in the early morning, as they spoke of their plans for the day; the only thing missing was Aunt Quinn preparing a nutritious snack from their trip as she watched a soap opera playing on the living room television. The two remember a few times they would come stumbling into the kitchen, covered in mud and grass, only to be scolded at by Quinn for this. At the time, it was scary to them, being scolded at by such a fierce woman, but looking back, they couldn't help but stifle laughter at the memory, they always looked for trouble, sometimes even unknowingly.

The missed this, being together. Kurtid finishes the last bit of his pancakes, sitting patiently with Jerry as he waits for him to finish. Once Jerry had finished, Kurtis stood from the bench and took their dishes to the dishwasher, Jerry shuffling to help pack the stuff on the table away, but Kurtis quickly stopped him. "It's alright, Jerry, just relax. You're the guest," He smiles softly and proceeds to pack up, Jerry sitting back down on the dining table. He feels somewhat guilty for not helping, Beth always makes it a thing that he has to either cook the meal or clean up after everyone. He's not Beth. He reminds himself, knowing they're two different people, it sti is difficult for him to differentiate between the two people he loves at times. "Would you like to take a shower before I drop you off? I have extra showering stuff, but I'd get it if you want to wait until you get home."

Jerry pulls on the sleeves of the faint yellow sweater, an old habit he has always had. He clears his throat, thinking of this for a moment. "Sure, I don't mind showering here. Unless you have something you need to do? I don't want to be in your way." Like I usually am... He lowers his gaze, guilty for having called Kurtis up yesterday in his drunken state. He hates that he did so, but is grateful he cares as much as to bring him home before anything out of his [Jerry's] control would happen - He knows Kurtis cares for him, loves him, but if only he could understand the pain he [Kurtis] would feel if he had gotten hurt not by mistake.

"Of course not, I'm pretty much free most days now that it's winter." He explains, taking his apron off and hanging it on a rack of half a dozen aprons with various colors, a few different sizes. "I still have my office job, but I usually work from home and do all my stuff the moment I get it, so I have the next month or two free. Nonetheless, I'll always make time for you, man, I enjoy spending time with you and all." Jerry smiles, the warm feeling in his chest spreading across his body.

"Then... could I stay until my interview?" Jerry asks in a soft voice, the two walking towards the downstairs bathroom.

"Sure, I'll lend you some clothes too." Kurtis says as he pulls out a towel from the cabinet, bringing out a few other various items, such as deodorant, a face cloth, face wash, and body spray. He places the items on the counter and lifts the spray to Jerry's nose. He takes a deep breath, the smell of lavender and a subtle vanilla scent fills his senses. "Is this okay?" Jerry nods, smiling.

"Thank you, Kurt." He fiddles with his sleeves as his eyes glue themselves to the floor.

"No problem, dude, I enjoy having you." The farmer pats his shoulder, moving to the door, "I'll leave some clothes on your bed, whatever you don't choose, you can just leave. I'll clean it up when you're at the interview." He tells him, Jerry nodding before the door closes.

[29 May 2022.]