Chapter 13

🍑 Savannah's POV 🍑 After sneaking out of Jax's while he was busy answering the door, I checked my messages on my phone. There was one from what I assumed was the hospital in Georgia and multiple calls and texts from Abby. I responded to her messages about what had happened and why I wasn't at work. I told her how much a dick Jacob Hale for firing me and was utterly shocked when she sent me a video of her telling him to kiss her as because she quit. I hated that she has lost her job because he really did love it, but Jax has been right. Jacob Hale was not the type of person someone wanted to work for.

After I handled the calls that I knew I could handle with out crying too much, I listened to the voicemail left on my phone with a Georgia area code. And just as I suspected, it was from the hospital. It was Dr. Bradshaw, the doctor who had been working in my Poppa. In the message me asked that I call him back. I didn't want to but I knew I needed to know what had happened to my Poppa. I dialed the number and waited as it rang and rang before finally, there was a answer on the other end.

"Hello, this is Dr. Bradshaw."

"Dr. Bradshaw, this is Savannah Jackson. My grandfather is Jethro Jackson. I had a message to call you back."

"Ah yes, Ms. Jackson. First off, let me extend my deepest condolences to you for your loss."

"Thank you." I managed to get out though a through clogged with tears.

"I suppose you want to me know what happened to your grandfather."

"Yes."

"According to EMT's, your grandfather had been out working on the tractor. He had been under it trying to grease some old bearings and changing hubs. He had the tractor up on blocks. While he was underneath it, the blocks slipped out of place, causing the tractor to fall on him. By some miracle, he was able to get to his cell phone to call 911. When the EMT's got there, they could tell he had two punctured lungs. In fact, it was an even bigger miracle that he had survived long enough for the EMT's to get there. Once he was in thr hospital, we tried to save his life but he said he felt it was his time to go. The only request he had was to call you and make sure that you knew how much he loved you."

I couldn't believe it. Poppa has always done his own work on his tractors, the very same way and it had costed him his life. He wasn't a big farmer so he didn't have all the added equiptment that cost so much money thought would have made repair jobs easier. Since he grew up during the Great Depression, he had always made do with what he had and improvised.

"Did he suffer much at all doc?"

"I'm sure he was in an excruciating amount of pain but wouldn't let us give him anything."

And that sounded like him. He never wanted to take medicine, not even for a headache. Memaw has even had a hard time getting him to to take his blood pressure medicine.

"I just hate that he was alone. I should have been there."

"Ms. Jackson, there isn't anything that you could have done. I always tell the families of deceased patients that seeing them is more of a curse than a blessing. Seeing your grandfather in the condition that he's been in would have haunted your mind for the rest of your life. Since you haven't seen him, you can picture him just like he was the last time you saw him."

"True."

"Now that being said, and I always hate to bring this part up, but the body needs to be claimed. I can arrange for a funeral home of your choosing to come get him if you'd like since you are out of state."

"No, I'll be in Georgia in day or so. Will be he okay there until then?"

"Of course.."

"Ok, I'll be I touch Dr. Bradshaw."

After ending the call, I went to kitchen and grabbed a beer out the fridge. One beer wouldn't hurt. But that one beer went down in about three swallows and before I knew it, I was drinking another. Just as I was opening the third beer, my cell started right. I saw it was Jax but I had reached my limit of phone conversation today. So I silenced the ringer and and ignored the calls that came after that. But Jax wasn't giving up. When he couldn't reach me on my cell, he came over and started pounding on my door. I wanted to go to him but I just couldn't do it. So there I sat, listening to him beating on my door, begging me to open up.

After damn near beating my door in for ten minutes, he had finally quit. I was thankful for that because I was starting to develop a headache and his pounding was only making it worse. I knew I could have opened the door and he would have quit immediately but then I would have had to face him, and yeah, I couldn't do that right now. But he hadn't left. I walked over to the window and watched him through a crack in the blind as he just sat on my doorstep, patiently waiting for me to come out. I wanted to go to him. I really did. But I knew if I went to him things only make it harder for me to leave. And with me leaving California, I couldn't sleep with him knowing that there would be feelings complicating things. Granted I had only know Jax a grand total of four days but after the way he had been with me last night, I knew this thing between us was more than just some sort of physical attraction. No, this could very well end up being the "can't eat and can't sleep "type of love story that you only see in the movies if I let it be that. And there was no way possible for it to be that. Long distance relationship never worked. Someone always ended up hurt because the other cheated.

If I was being completely honest with myself, I was terrified of moving back to Georgia. I had said and done so many bad things and hurt so many people, that I knew I would end up only hurting myself. But how could I let my Poppa's place sit unoccupied when it had always been so full of life. I remember being a little girl and spending most weekend with Poppa and Memaw. The house was always full of people since they had ran it as a Bed and Breakfast for I don't even know how many years, I couldn't remember the house ever actually being empty. There was always people staying that had come from all different states, on different walks of life. But they had eventually stopped running it as a Bed and Breakfast when Memaw had discovered she had cancer and died three months later.

After Memaw's death, Poppa had lived there alone, except for the year and a half I had lived with him after my moms passing. That year and half had been hard on.m both of us but we had helped each other through it. I think the only reason I got through my moms death was because of Poppa. How was I supposed to get though his death with him or anyone in my corner? Just then, I heard a voice. It sounded familiar but I couldn't place it.

"You have someone who is willing to be there for you. All you have to do is let him."

And that was problem wasn't it? I wouldn't let Jax be there for me because I was scared I was going to get hurt. I was scared I was going to hurt him. I was scared that if he got to close, I was going to push him away. But most of all, I was scared that if I let him get close, I would fall in love. Sure, I had talked a big game last night about being ready to take that leap with him. But I knew deep down that I never really would. It just wasn't meant for me to have someone who backed me one hundred percent and didn't care about the things I could never give him. My life had been decided for me at seven. No man was ever going to truly be happy with me because I was so damaged. I just had to learn to accept that.

💀Jax's POV💀I could hear Savannah walking around in the house so I knew she was there. It was starting to piss me off though that she was ignoring me. All I wanted to do was comfort her and be there for her. But she wouldn't let me. I knew she was scared. Hell, I was scared myself because the only woman I had ever truly loved had left me at the age of 18 only to come back ten years later and become my wife who then got murdered by my mother. So yeah, I knew what it meant to be scared. I was fucking terrified and I knew she was too.

I was tired of waiting. I was tired of sitting here waiting for her to decide whether I was going to be happy or not. I walked over to the door and knocked again and again and again. Finally, she opened the door, but only a crack. I could tell the security chain was still engaged which meant she wasn't planning on letting me in. Which was fine. I could say what had to say right here.

"Hey." I said

"Go home Jax." Said Savannah.

"I can't and you know it. You need me."

"What I need is for you to go home. Please."

"Savannah, I'm not leaving here until you and I talk. Fuck, I'll do all the talking if I have to. But you have to promise to hear me out."

"Jax, I can't do this. Not now. Not ever. I just can't. You need to leave."

"Savannah, I know how your feeling. I Veblen there. I'm still there! You feel alone. You feel as if the world is trying to hurt you by taking the people you love. Believe me, I know the feeling all to well. Let me help you. Let me help heal you. Let me be the shoulder you lean on when things get rough. I want to be the one you run to when you don't know who else to you can trust. I want to be the one holding you when you need holding together. Please, let me be that guy."

"Jax, youre a wonderful guy but I'm just not meant to have happiness. Look at the past four days. I've been so up and down that I don't even know what going to come next."

"That's part of life baby. No one can predict the bad shit that's going to happen. All we can do is look for someone to glue all the pieces back together when we fall apart. I'm standing here offering to be the glue for you Savannah. Let me put you back together. Let me show you what it means to be loved by someone."

"You really didn't just say you love me did you?"

"No, I didn't. But I could and I know I will if you would give me the chance. Savannah you're an amazing woman. The bad things that happened to you don't define who you are. You're more than just a woman who survived being molested as a child. Your more than the girl who did drugs and slept around because that was the only way you knew how to feel wanted. You're more than just some accountant  for a dickhead like Jacob Hale. I watched you last night with Abel and Thomas. You are a gentle, loving person."

"That's different."

"No it's not. You treat my kids as if they were your own. You listen to their stories and play trains with them. That tells me that you are capable of love Savannah."

I watched as she processed all of what I had just told her. I knew she was thinking I had to be feeding her a line of bullshit but all I could do was hope that she would believe me because everything I was telling her was the truth. Except that I didn't love her. I knew it was crazy to think that you could love someone in a short amount of time and I knew it was even crazier to think that I loved her and didn't even know her middle name or favorite color, but I did love her. That's why it was gutting me that she as planning on leaving California.

"How Jax? How do you know those things? How do you know?" She said through tears.

"Because I do. Trust me on this babe."

"I do trust you Jax. Trust isn't my issue. It's me thats the issue."

"Babe, what did I have to do to prove to you that you are worthy of love? Tell me and I'll do it."

"Love me. Show me how love is supposed to feel."

I was confused when she shut the door in my face after that but was relieved when she opened it again, this time the security chain wasn't in place.