25: Katie

KATIE'S POVMarch 17th

I startled awake to the sound of the phone ringing. I blinked in the darkness, disoriented, before I realized I had accidentally fallen asleep on the armchair in the living room. After the fourth or fifth ring, I jumped up to answer it.

"Hello?" My voice was groggy, thick from sleep. Plus, almost drowning didn't know exactly help my voice clarity.

"Katie?" Jake's voice was tight.

My stomach dropped. I had forgotten to call him back. How long ago had that been? "Hey, Jake."

I could hear the concern and apology in his voice. "Did I wake you up?"

"It's okay. I'm sorry I didn't call you back," I said quietly, trying not to wake Bella, who was asleep on the couch.

"It's okay. God, I miss you, Katie. Things are... tense around here. Nobody likes this situation."

"I know. I'm not a fan of it, either," I muttered bitterly. I had no idea where Alice was at the moment, but I knew she was probably listening to me.

"Any updates?"

I hesitated. "Well, our little visitor is Alice Cullen."

"And... are the rest coming back, too? How long is she planning on staying?" They were questions Sam had asked Jake to clarify, I'm sure.

I shook my head, then realized he couldn't see me. "The rest aren't coming back. Just her. And I don't think she's staying long. Alice just... she saw Bella jump off the cliff and thought Bella died. Wanted to help Charlie out. But... well, clearly Bella isn't dead."

"What do you mean, saw Bella jump? She watched it happen?" I could picture him frowning into the phone.

"No. She has... well, in the simplest of terms, she can see the future." Something I hadn't ever thought to mention to him, thinking that the Cullens would never be coming back.

A moment of silence. "She can see the future? But she didn't see us save Bella from drowning? And didn't see you driving back to the house?"

"Basically. Alice was confused as to how Bella was alive. She never saw me jump in after her. Or see you pull her from the water."

"Interesting..." he said dryly. Then, he sighed. "I wish she was gone. I've almost broken the treaty dozens of times today. I just want to see you."

I swallowed. "I'll leave first thing tomorrow morning. I'll just get ready for the funeral at your house."

"Is the bloodsucker planning on leaving before the funeral?" A certain viciousness had reentered his quiet voice.

I heard Bella shift on the couch and cringed. "I'm not sure," I whispered, trying to keep my voice as low as possible.

"I'll pick you up from your house. But know that when I see you tomorrow that I'm never letting you out of my sight ever again."

I laughed quietly. "How do you plan to manage that?"

"I'll hold your hand and refuse to let go."

"What if... someone throws something at your head and you need both hands to catch it?" I challenged. "How are you going to drive?"

"It'd be worth getting hit in the face for. Plus, driving with one arm is kinda my specialty."

I smiled. "That was cheesy."

"Definitely," he agreed, and I could hear the smile in his voice, too. "I wish I could see your smile right now." He said longingly.

I laughed softly again. "Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow is so far away."

"If we both go to bed, it'll come much quicker."

"Hmm." He hummed, pretending to be deep in thought. "Good idea. Good night, Katie."

"Good night, Jake."

"I love you," he murmured.

"I love you too," I whispered back.

——————————

I shut the front door as I left, my change of clothes slung over my arm and tears prickling my eyes. Charlie's words were echoing in my head, over and over. God, would Katie's dad be proud of her.

It was drizzling slightly. I half-jogged to Jacob's car, which was parked around the corner, fighting tears. I already knew going to this funeral would be hard. The last one I had gone to had been my parents', after all. But... Dad knew Harry Clearwater. They had grown up together. And I was sure my Dad was at the funeral in spirit.

Jake and Embry were both sitting in the car. As soon as he spotted me, Jacob hopped out of the Rabbit, jogging to meet me half-way. He crushed me in a warm hug, cradling me to his chest. "Katie," was all he said, but I knew what he wasn't saying.

"Jake," I wrapped my arms around him just as tightly. "It's raining," I choked out, half-laughing.

"I don't care," he said, muffled.

"My dress is going to get wet," I pointed out, carefully untangling from him to try and cover my clothes for the funeral.

Jacob took the clothes off my arm and draped them over his own, taking my hand with his free one. "C'mon. Let's go."

We ran the rest of the distance to the Rabbit, and when we finally got inside, I looked back over at Jacob. His eyes were dark from lack of sleep, hair tousled slightly. His shirt was wet and wrinkled, like he had slept in it. I mean, he probably had. Embry, in the backseat, didn't look too great either. "Hey Katie," he said, voice tight.

"Hey," I said, voice low and scratchy.

"Feel better now, Jake?" Embry teased, not sounding particularly joyful. And who could blame him?

Because I was still holding Jake's hand, I could feel his emotion well. Still, I asked, mind-to-mind, are you okay?

Jake exhaled slowly, rubbing the back of my hand with his thumb. He was trembling slightly, like he was fighting his instincts to go after Alice. I could tell, though, that even though he wasn't okay, that he was managing. "Yeah."

Embry, on the other hand, was high strung, stiff. And he broke the silence. "God do I just want to go and rip her head off—"

"Embry," I interrupted, trying not to be harsh. "You and I both know that's a terrible idea."

"That's the problem! I don't think it's a terrible idea. It's a great idea. And Sam—"

"Is currently getting ready for a funeral, like we will be soon. Harry is— was— related to his fiancée, after all." I swallowed hard, turning to look out the window. "So if you don't mind..."

Embry rolled his eyes. "Fine. You vampire sympathizers are something special." Then, Jacob turned the key in the ignition and pulled back into the road.

I expected Jacob to protest Embry's words, maybe even fight him for them. After all, as he tensed up, I could see him suppressing every deep-set urge in him to defend me. But he just squeezed my hand again, fiercely this time, and cleared his throat. "Embry."

"Sorry, man." Embry said quickly. "Anyways, is Bella coming with Charlie later?"

I shook my head. "I don't think so."

We fell silent again. We all knew why she wouldn't be going.

The silence gave me time to think. And that time was not exactly welcome. I struggled against my own memories. The last time I had been at a funeral...

Everything hurt. My head. My heart. My eyes were swollen from crying. My cheeks were hot.

My legs trembled as I stood upright. I'm the reason this is happening. Here I am, all alone, at my parents' funeral, standing by myself. Johnathan would have been here, had he not made a stupid move.

And I couldn't be here, if I hadn't made a stupid move. What was wrong with me? I'm a monster. A freak. And dating a vampire? Selfish and stupid. I should have seen these consequences coming. But I didn't.

So, I stared at my parents' caskets, feeling an enormous amount of guilt.

Nobody would talk to me anymore. They didn't say it to me, but they blamed me, too. Thought I had been reckless, getting involved with a gang. Some thought it was an accident. But, as expected with high schoolers, someone started a rumor.

I stood there, before any of the guests arrived, paralyzed. With fear and guilt and shame and just wishing that my mom was here to hug me and wipe my tears and my dad was here to rub my back and say everything was going to work out.

But no. I came home to an empty house every day. I was under watch by the neighbors, but they didn't exactly want to check in on me.

I was going to move in with Uncle Charlie in Forks in a few weeks. Where Dad had grown up. I was going to finish out my teenage years at Forks High School, just like he did, but he wouldn't be there to cheer me on. Who was going to smile at the finish lines of my Track meets? Who was going to just sit and listen to me play on my guitar for hours on end?

"I'm sorry," I whispered to the caskets. "I'm so, so sorry."

It was too late. An apology did no good now.

"Katie?" Jacob said quietly, startling me out of the memory. "Are you okay?"

He was still holding my hand. The waves of sadness and concern coming through from his mind were too much. "Sorry," I warned quickly, yanking my hand out of his. I was overwhelmed with emotion. With the feeling of panic.

Jacob drifted his hand to my leg, resting it comfortably just above my knee. "Hey. It's okay," he murmured, his eyes searching my face. Before I knew it, my lip was quivering slightly. I couldn't bear it, so I turned and rolled down the window.

The cool air was refreshing. I tried my hardest to soak it in, forcing my tears back. Control yourself, I reprimanded.

"Are you okay?" Embry asked, sending panicked looks my direction through the rearview mirror.

"Yeah," I choked out. "I'm not great with... funerals. My parents... they..." I struggled to articulate my feelings. "it was hard. This is starting to feel like a bad idea."

Jacob shook his head firmly. "Nobody will be mad at you for not coming." He lowered his voice. I wasn't sure if Embry would be able to hear what he was saying. "But... The Clearwaters will be glad to have you there. All of us will."

I glanced back at Embry for confirmation, unsure if he had heard Jake. Feeling my eyes, he nodded once, gaze fixed on the road.

I nodded to myself. Thanks, I sent to them both, unable to say it out loud.

It was becoming easier to control my... thing. Less taxing. Before coming to Forks, almost every time I tried to push a thought to someone I would get dizzy and black out a few seconds. And it wasn't like I couldn't do anything— if I let it build up too long, I became restless. Pounding headaches. Unable to sleep.

Practicing with Jake and the wolves... it was helping my stamina. I could push thoughts to all of them at once. Jared made me try targeting half of them and not the others, and after a few tries I could do that, too. It was... good to have a release for it. Around Jacob, it had almost become easier than talking.

When we drove up Jake's driveway, the rain seemed to quiet slightly. We ran from the car to the front door, ducking our heads.

As soon as we passed through the threshold, Billy cleared his throat. "Katie. It's... good to see you."

I nodded. "It's good to see you, too. Is there any way I can help prepare things for this afternoon?"

He shook his head. "Not unless you can tie a tie. Jake's getting a little too tall for me to do it myself."

I smiled slightly. "Actually, my dad taught me when I was little."

That made Billy smile a little, too. "Of course he did. I remember, back in the day, that was one of his crowning achievements. Learning to tie a tie. He bragged about it like he won an award." He chuckled, low and reminiscent, before adding, "but... he was damn good at it. Taught me how to do it."

I could picture my Dad, showing off his skills to his friends. I laughed, tears pricking my eyes, and turned to Jake, raising an eyebrow. He shrugged, raising his hands in defense. "Hey, its not like I haven't tried. Mine are just so... uneven."

Embry slapped him on the back. "Dude."

Jacob shoved him playfully. "It's not like you know how to tie your own tie. Quil always did it for you."

They both cringed ever so slightly, but continued talking in low voices.

"Is Quil coming to the funeral?" I asked Billy.

Billy nodded. "Yes." Even he seemed sad about it. "It's... difficult." He looked between the boys, then back at me. "I think the hardest part of their transition is isolating themselves from their friends. Between you and Quil, Jake was miserable."

I nodded grimly. "I know. I was miserable, too. And Bella saw Quil the other day. He doesn't seem much better."

Billy sighed sadly. "Unfortunately, there's nothing to be done about him. However... I'm glad Jake has you, now, Katie. You've been making him happier."

I glanced at Jake, who happened to look over at Billy and I at the same time. We made eye contact, and his eyes were playful for the first time in the last two days. I turned back to Billy, the hint of a smile on my face. "I'm glad to have him, too."