24: Bella

BELLA'S POVMarch 16th

As soon as Katie set the phone back down, she turned on her heels to leave again. I knew she was keeping a grudge against Alice that I was too weak to uphold.

I wanted her to stay, but I wanted Alice to stay more. Alice being here was like a dream or a nightmare or both. It hit me, as soon as I saw her, how much I missed them. And no matter how much I loved Katie, how much she had done to protect me... they had protected me first. And Katie had Jacob and the pack now. She had to understand.

Charlie came home, and I watched as Katie quietly hugged him and started preparing him dinner. They were just out of earshot— but I saw her point to me on the couch, and Charlie's eyes didn't so much as widen.

"Alice Cullen? Is that you?" His voice was lifeless.

"Yes, it's me. I was in the neighborhood..." she trailed off in her bubbly Alice way. "Unfortunate timing, I'm afraid. I'm sorry about Harry."

"She can stay here, can't she? I already asked her," I pleaded with him. I knew how pathetic it was.

"Of course," Charlie said mechanically. "We'd love to have you. It'll be nice... so these two aren't alone while I'm in and out with the Clearwaters."

"Thank you," Alice said genuinely. "Eat, Charlie. Really."

Charlie grumbled something unintelligible and went back to the kitchen, where I watched Katie spoon something out of a pan onto his plate. A pancake, actually. She told me they were her favorite to make because it was the food she had perfected.

Alice rested my head on her shoulder. "You look tired."

"Yeah," I shrugged, trying to change the subject. "What does Carlisle think of you being here?"

Alice cringed. "He doesn't know, yet. I'll hear from him in a few days, when he gets back from hunting with Esme."

I blinked slowly, dreading the feeling spreading through my mind. "You won't tell... him, though, right? When he checks in?" The feeling of Edward hearing what had happened made me dance and panic and choke on my own words.

"No. Not on purpose, anyways. He'd bite my head off," Alice grimaced.

I laughed, something like relief and... sadness settling in my gut.

I didn't want to sleep, to go to bed, because I couldn't fight the feeling that when I woke Alice would be gone. Why would she stay? I had Katie. I had Charlie. I hadn't died. It was a false alarm. Edward and Carlisle would be mad she came. It would be the perfect opportunity for her to run.

But emotion dragged my eyelids down. I was relieved she was here, a weight lifted that had been chained to my heart since they all left. Katie would be there to comfort me if I asked, but then who would comfort Jacob? It was selfish to hog her to myself, like I had since September when she arrived.

I stood to grab Alice blankets and a pillow. Even if she couldn't sleep, she might as well be comfortable waiting here, on the off chance that she doesn't leave.

When I brought them back to the couch, I snuggled against her side. "Promise you won't leave without saying goodbye," I whispered to her in the darkness.

"I won't, Bella. Sleep," she ushered, putting a cold arm around me. And, before I knew it, without consciously deciding to, I had drifted to sleep.

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March 17th

I awoke to the sound of someone preparing breakfast in the kitchen. I was tucked under the blankets I had chosen for Alice the night before. My body felt stiff and sore. But, for once, I was well rested.

For a moment, I was disoriented. Then, I remembered Alice the night before. Was she still here?

I could hear Charlie talking to someone— Alice, I decided. Katie was probably asleep still. She never woke up early, if she could help it.

"How bad was it, Charlie?" I heard Alice ask, and at first I figured she was talking about the Clearwaters. About Harry. I was relieved, despite everything, that she hadn't left.

Charlie sighed. "Real bad."

"Tell me about it, please. I'd like to know what happened when we left." Her voice was soft, as convincing as ever.

There was silence for a moment before a kitchen cabinet was shut and the stovetop clicked off. I waited, cringing, knowing whatever I was about to hear wouldn't be good.

Charlie sighed. "I've never felt so helpless." The words were slow and careful. "I didn't know what to do. The first week— I thought I'd have to hospitalize her. She wouldn't eat or sleep or drink anything. She wouldn't move. I wouldn't let Dr. Gerandy see her— I thought it would scare her. To be checked out..."

"But she snapped out of it?" Alice asked hopefully.

"Katie did most of the work. I told her I was thinking about sending Bella back to Florida with her mother. About sending both of them to Florida, actually. She... didn't like the idea. Warned me that Bella wouldn't go. But we— Renee and I— tried, anyways. I didn't want to be the one... if she had to go to the hospital. When Renee showed up, Bella woke up with a vengeance. Threw a tantrum. She's always been an easy kid... she was throwing all her clothes around the room, screaming that we couldn't make her leave. Eventually she started crying, and Katie just sat and put an arm around her. Bella turned towards her, weeping, and just had these hopeful eyes. Renee and I decided that... Katie could be enough for her. Could pull her out of this."

Charlie paused. It hurt me to think of all the pain I caused him.

"Did she?" Alice prompted softly.

"Katie came through for her. She'd go to her room every night to soothe Bella's nightmares. Eventually, she just started sleeping in Bella's bed, it was that often. But..."

"But?"

"But she still wasn't Bella. She went to school, ate and slept, did her homework. She answered when someone asked a direct question. Katie could get a lot out of her... but she was... empty. Her eyes were blank. Lots of little things— she wouldn't listen to music or read anymore. Wouldn't be in the same room if the TV was on, not like she watched it much before. Katie told me she thought Bella was avoiding reminders of... him.

"We hardly talked anymore. Katie was like the connection between our worlds. She was the only one who could convince Bella to... get back out there. Hang out with friends. Participate in senior activities. But the littlest things made her flinch. She was alone, if she wasn't with Katie. I feel guilty for letting Katie take all of this responsibility. But her efforts have been working. Really working. I hardly hear her screaming at night anymore..."

I shuddered, thinking about what I had put them through. Put them both through. And, while I couldn't see Charlie, I could imagine he was shuddering, too.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, Alice. It's not your fault." I could hear the solitary blame. "You've always been a good friend to her."

"She seems... better now, though? And Katie seemed fine, too."

"Yeah. Katie's really been an Angel sent from above. She really helped Bella. She has some color in her cheeks when they hang out together. She's happier, with Katie in her life. It's strange. They're more like sisters than cousins. Deeper than best friends. And, God, would Katie's dad be proud of her." That choked him up a little. "I'm trying to be Katie's replacement Dad, but... nobody can replace Daniel. I know I'm failing him... he was always the perfect brother." Charlie chuckled softly, somewhat sadly. "At least Katie's got Jacob Black. They both do, actually. Jacob's the same age as Katie. I think they just used to be friends... but he's been Katie's shoulder through all of this. It's moving in another direction. After her parents died, Katie needed someone to turn to. Bella had her own... thing. But Jacob..." I could imagine him shaking his head. "He's taken care of his father the way physically the way that Katie's taken care of Bella emotionally. He's a good-looking kid, too. I'm glad they have him."

I could imagine Alice nodding to his words. "I'm glad, too."

Charlie sighed a huge gust of air, folding to the lack of opposition from Alice. "I know Katie's been through a lot. It's unfathomable, that she's had such a good attitude after everything that's happened. She's seventeen, for gods sake. But... Katie's strong. Stronger than I'll ever be. Sometimes I think she's the only person who understands the kind of emotional loss Bella feels. Sometimes... sometimes I'll look in Bella's eyes and wonder if I'll ever grasp how much pain she's in. It's not normal, Alice. It frightens me. Not like someone left her, but like someone died." His voice cracked on the last word.

It was like someone died. I had died. And I suddenly felt so... so awful. A part of me had forgotten that Katie's parents had died. How much she had been going through, too, and I had used her like a crutch. I was so wrapped up in my own problems that I relied on her strength.

It clicked. Why she and Jacob worked so well together. She needed someone to do the same thing she had done for me. They had so much in common, from their jokes to their kind souls. Their strength and passion.

Charlie went on, voice hopeless. "I don't know of she's going to ever really get over it. I'm not sure if it's in her nature to heal from something like this. She doesn't get past things, never changes her mind."

"She's one of a kind," Alice agreed in a dry voice.

"And Alice..." Charlie hesitated. "I'm not exactly sure what your visit will do to her."

"So am I, Charlie. I wouldn't have come if I'd had any idea. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, honey. Maybe this will do her some good."

"I hope so."

Another pause. I could hear their forks scraping their plates. It made me wonder where Alice would hide her food. But then, Charlie cleared his throat. "Alice, can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"He's not coming back to visit, too, right?" His voice was clouded with panic. I could hear the anger beneath his words, too.

Alice answered in a soft, calming voice. "No. He doesn't know I'm here, actually. The last time I spoke with him, he was in South America."

I stiffened involuntarily. "That's something, at least." Charlie snorted, pleased. "I hope he's... erm, enjoying himself."

For the first time, Alice seemed angry, too. "I wouldn't make any assumptions, Charlie." The way she said it... I knew her eyes flashed when she used that tone.

I heard Katie pad down the stairs, in her agile way, almost as softly as Alice likely would have. "Morning," she said, voice thick from sleep. Her voice was likely going to be hoarse again. I wondered how much she had screamed for it to become that way.

"I made eggs. Feel free to eat them." Charlie said, his chair scraping as he stood up from the table.

"Oh no, it's okay. I'm going to check on Jake," she called, and I could hear her head towards the living room.

"Give them both a hug for me." Them both, meaning Jake and Billy.

"I will," Katie agreed. She turned the corner into the living room, which was my cue to 'wake up.' When I saw her, eyes rimmed with red, I knew she had also been eavesdropping on the conversation. Her eyebrows were drawn together. "Jacob's freaked about... everything. I need to go talk with him before he decides to charge in and take me away." She said it like a joke, but I could tell she was serious. "Do you... do you want to come with?"

I flinched. "No. I'll be okay, Katie."

Her face fell, ever so slightly, but she didn't push me any more. "Okay. I'll be back soon. Call me if you need anything." I nodded, wishing I could say more, but she grabbed her coat and ducked out the front door before I would work up the courage.