"I will grow wings." - 07

cw: suicide, death

★★★★★

When I woke up, everything ached.

My arms. My back. My ribs. Even my fingers.

It was as if my body remembered the pain before my mind could catch up. Every bruise throbbed like a silent scream. I blinked slowly, staring up at the old, cracked ceiling of my childhood room. The air was cold. Dusty. Heavy.

For a few seconds, I just laid there.

I didn't want to move. I didn't want to feel.

But then I remembered Caleb.

I forced myself up, biting back the sting as my muscles protested. My head spun the moment I stood, but I grabbed onto the doorframe, steadied my breath, and walked out with careful steps.

The living room reeked of alcohol.

They were there-his parents. The ones who "raised" us. Sitting on the couch like statues, beer bottles in their hands, smoke swirling in the air. My blood boiled at the sight of them.

They didn't look at me.

Not a single glance. Not even a word. Just hollow laughter from some show playing on the TV.

As if nothing happened.

As if they didn't beat their own son and steal everything he worked hard for.

I swallowed the lump rising in my throat and walked to the kitchen. I moved on autopilot-grabbing pans, cracking eggs, frying rice with garlic and butter. Caleb's favorite. He always said it smelled like morning happiness.

I cooked for two.

Because I wanted this to be a normal day, even just a little. I wanted him to have a warm breakfast. I wanted him to see that he still had me.

I plated everything and brought it to his door.

"Caleb?" I knocked gently, balancing the two plates. "Hey... I made food."

No answer.

I knocked again. "C'mon, I made your favorite. Let's eat before it gets cold."

Still nothing.

A cold rush slid down my spine.

I set the plates down and reached for the doorknob.

It was locked.

"Caleb, open up."

Still, no response.

I stepped back. Something inside me-something deep and terrified-started screaming.

I didn't hesitate anymore. I threw my shoulder against the door. Once. Twice. A third time. It burst open.

And the world stopped.

No.

No. No. No.

I couldn't breathe.

I couldn't think.

There he was.

Hanging.

Lifeless.

My knees hit the floor. A sound ripped from my throat-something primal, broken, and real. I didn't even recognize it as my own.

I slowly took steps with shaking hands, reaching for him. His skin was cold. His lips, still parted like he was about to say something. His eyes were closed.

"Caleb... Caleb, please..."

I was sobbing now.

Begging.

Screaming.

I don't remember how long I stayed like that, holding onto him, trying to call for help with trembling fingers. Time blurred into nothing. My screams echoed through the house. His parents didn't even come.

They just sat there.

I never felt so helpless. So empty.

Caleb, my best friend. My family. My light in this darkness.

Gone.

I found a letter placed on his bed. For me.

I didn't read it right away.

My hands shook too much to even open the envelope.

I just sat there, hunched on the edge of Caleb's bed, holding the letter like it would vanish if I let go. My eyes burned, but the tears wouldn't fall anymore.

I was empty.

Numb.

The silence in the house was suffocating.

I stood up, walked to the living room, and stared at them. His parents. The monsters.

They were still on the couch.

Still drinking.

Still breathing.

"You-"

My voice cracked. But I didn't stop. I couldn't stop.

"You killed him."

They blinked. One of them set down a glass, slowly. The other just looked at me like I was speaking in a foreign language.

"He's gone!" I screamed. "Because of you! Caleb killed himself and you're still here drinking like nothing happened?!"

Silence.

They didn't speak. Didn't ask. Didn't even flinch.

"You beat him. You stole from him. You made him believe he was nothing. And now-now he's gone and you two can't even cry?!"

"One semester... Only ONE semester until he graduates and becomes a pilot. It's his dream. It's his everything! What kind of parents are you?!"

Still nothing.

I wanted them to cry. I wanted them to beg. I wanted them to scream that they were sorry, that they'd take it all back.

But they just sat there like statues.

I left them in that silence.

Let them rot in it.

─── ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ───

The men from the morgue came an hour later. They took Caleb's body gently, like he was something fragile. Something precious.

He deserved that.

He deserved more than this awful house. More than two monsters who called themselves his parents. More than the pain they buried him in.

After they left, I went back to his room and finally opened the envelope. The writing was neat. Typical Caleb. Even in pain, he was thoughtful.

Hi pipsqueak:) hehe let me guess, you're the one who saw me like this, right? Of course you are. You're the only one who cares. okay okay, i'll stop playing around cuzzz i know you're crying. let it all out.

first of all, I'm sorry. For leaving you once again. I broke that promise. I'm really sorry:( Back then, I ran away and left you alone. And this time, I ran away again.

I thought that - one day, I will grow wings. And this is the day, pipsqueak. This is the day I grew my wings. I know it's selfish. But, I got tired of living in this world unable to fly. I want to fly, pipsqueak. Ever since I was a child. Is this a dream come true? I don't know.

But if guardian angels really do exist, I'd volunteer to be yours.

I love you, Y/N. Live with love. Don't blame yourself. Again, I love you. My pipsqueak.

I folded the paper and held it close to my chest, hugging it like it could bring him back.

"I'm sorry, Caleb..."

I whispered it until my throat went dry.

─── ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ───

The sky was gray.

It didn't rain, but it could have.

The whole funeral felt like it was underwater. Like the world had turned quiet and distant.

I sat in the front row, wearing the same black coat I had worn for hospital graveyard shifts. It wasn't fancy, but it was warm. Caleb would've liked that. He always said I looked best in dark colors.

I watched the casket lower into the ground and felt like something inside me was being buried too.

Something bright. Something good.

Caleb was my family. My brother. My first friend. My forever home.

Now he was just... gone.

People offered condolences. Empty words. Shallow hugs. None of it mattered. I nodded along and smiled faintly when needed, but my mind wasn't here.

Neither was my heart.

─── ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ───

That night, I stared at my phone.

I have to hear Rafayel's voice. Just for a second.

I called Rafayel.

It rang twice before he answered.

"Hey-" He said, sounding out of breath, maybe from painting.

But I couldn't say anything.

Not yet.

Not with this storm in my chest.

So I hung up.

I tossed my phone on the bed and curled into myself, letting my pillow soak what little tears I had left. I didn't want to burden Rafayel. He sounded happy. Safe. Distant from all of this.

And then the universe, cruel and perfect in its timing, decided to twist the knife deeper.

My phone buzzed again.

A notification from a gossip page.

Rafayel.

He was in a video.

With Sienna — the actress he'll paint.

An interview beside her. They laughed together, and he smiled—he smiled so genuinely.

He looked like he belonged in her world.

Not mine.

I knew there was nothing wrong. I knew it.

But my head was a storm and my heart was drowning and the grief was too loud to quiet down.

I turned off my phone.

And closed my eyes.

And wished I could disappear for just a little while.

★★★★★

i kinda cried while writing this