SECRETS-1

The next day rolls down as slow as picking up the grains of soil from the desert. Jungkook watched the sunrise as always, being sleep deprived. He would lie if his steps didn't ask him to run down the streets and reach that cafe again. You always haunted him but now he didn't even breathe any second without you. You were everywhere. 

While you laid on the hospital bed, probably getting some sleep after years. At least passing out in the bathroom brought you to the hospital where you were drugged to sleep. But that didn't end your miseries, collapsing naked is going to bring many more griefs than you thought you already had.

Jungkoon sighed in frustration as he had no intention of visiting Mr Choi's house. He didn't dislike the Choi family, he just wanted to hide from everyone at the moment. After gathering his whole strength he headed to the address mailed to him. The sun was taking over the sky, turning the soft rays of the morning into the heated ones. As he reaches the house, he is welcomed warmly. Mr Choi was not only his dad's good friend but also invested in many projects of Jeon firms, leading their family relations to get stronger. 

Also, Jungkook and Mark were once best friends when Mark completed his undergraduate degree from Seoul University. Then they lost touch due to workload, Jungkook's heartbreak, his marriage and whatnot. And as he is going to meet his old friend, he wishes he is happy with the marriage. 

Jungkook chatted unconsciously with his friend's mom and dad while all he wished was to take a fcking cab and reach that damn cafe. Mark soon joined them and seeing Jungkook's state he rescued him from the place. 

"It's good to see you again," Mark pointed, his heart feeling hurt as he felt dumped by Jungkook. Mark always loved his close ones dearly and when Jungkook started pushing him away after his breakup with Sarang, Mark couldn't help but feel angry and disappointed. 

"I am sorry," Jungkook admitted, he needed to apologize before he hurt more people. Mark chuckled hurtfully before slapping Jungkook's arm.

"You really thought I would hold grudges against you till now? Kook, you were my best friend and it was great to know you. The time we spent was best and let's not make it worse by talking about the bad days. You are here to attend my wedding… let's enjoy it," Mark smiled warmly, forgiving his friend while Jungkook felt more and more terrible about himself. 

He hurt everyone and still people loved him.

'I don't deserve this love! Please… please tell me that you hate me, that you'd despise me… but don't say it's okay, that you all still love me,'

Shrugging his demonic thoughts taking over him, he pushed his edges to form a forced smile. 

"Are you happy with the marriage?" Jungkook asked. He knows the marriage was contract-based and for the two companies' sake and since he knows how badly it breaks two people, he wished his friend to be at least happy with it.

"Yeah. I guess we are. She has a boyfriend while I love someone else too. We have our own agreement that we'll never indulge in each other's matters unless it's for company or family sake," the man sighs, making Jungkook look in the future as he knows there will come a point where all four will be left heartbroken, miserable. 

"Do you think it's justice to the ones you love?" He asks, turning around to pull the cigarette and light it up. The intoxicating smell of the death stick surrounded them as he sucked on the cigarette to get away with his thoughts. 

"They are okay with it as long as we don't fck each other. And I am okay as long as everyone is happy," Mark concluded, making Jungkook look at him. He didn't hold any position to advise them and he already poked a doubt string in Mark's heart, so it was better not to drag the topic and hurt him.

"By the way, y/n is doing well in Daegu… she got a good job along with her studies and not to forget her textile industry," Mark chuckled, taking the cigarette from Jungkook's hand and holding it in between his slender fingers. 

Studies? Job…

"You… you… kno… know her?" He stuttered, forgetting how even the smallest mention of your name can put his soul on fire. He was relaxed hearing you were doing great. But somewhere… somewhere he wished to hear that you too miss him, you too crave for him.

What a stupid wish I have… better thing is that she doesn't miss me!

"Jungkook… a couple divorces and forgets their ex-spouses… but people don't," his aggravated tone was implying something, pulling Jungkook's calmed heartstrings. 

What does he mean by that?

"I hope you aren't planning to meet her… she is doing well without you. I know I shouldn't be talking in between you two but…" he gets cut off by Jungkook.

Taking the cigarette in his rough fingers, Jungkook blows it once before speaking up.

"You can. And don't worry I am happy to know that she's well and she is enjoying her life. I want nothing more than that," he finalized. Even when he wanted more than that he didn't want anything by hurting you. 

"What is she studying by the way?" He asked. He couldn't stop talking about you even when he knew the pain would come along with your name.

"She is studying graphic designing… She also owns a website I believe but I don't know the name. And yeah, she got handsome…" the man halts while the smoke passes Jungkook's throat making his guts ache and let out a loud cough.

A man? You have someone in your life… I shouldn't be surprised by that. It's more than four years and you are allowed to live your life. But was it easy? I guess it was… after all the pain I gave you, I hope he's taking good care of you. 

I hope he enjoys spending evenings with you…

I hope you bake for him too…

I hope your smile is genuine and you laugh to your fullest now…

I hope… I don't haunt you, our past doesn't haunt you… 

"I am sorry," Mark apologizes, meanwhile Jungkook mods understanding. 

"Have you seen her?" Mark asks and your love couldn't help but feel his heart thumping loudly in his chest by your mention, his breathing getting deeper and shallower. 

You still have an effect on me, honey…

"I didn't. I heard her voice… and I believe she's happy. She should be happy… without me," he added as he believed he'll only bring pain and misery to you.

Mark nodded as both of them stood outside the house in silence. 

Is she really happy? 

Why did he mention other people?

Am I overthinking?

"What did you mean by that? People don't forget… is she alright?" He couldn't help but talk about the same thing again. Mark gulped hardly in his throat as Jungkook watched his Adam's apple moving down slowly. 

Tensed? Nervous? But why? Were you okay? But Mark says you are happy...

"Nothing. I just spoke without thinking. And it just implies normal human rule. Like she forgot you after divorce but we didn't. I remember her, my family does, your family does, many other people do. I was talking in general," Mark coated his lie perfectly while Jungkook wasn't satisfied with his answer.

He believed something was wrong…

But he wished for your health and safety…

He wished that man would protect you…

"Let's go inside. I am hungry," Mark pat his belly, making Jungkook nod and throw the cigarette on the ground before crashing it and blowing it off. 

"Hey, easy… get it easy," Rose held your weak form as you supported yourself by holding her hand and getting up. 

Your tired gaze studied the room as you found you were in the hospital. A sigh left your pale lips while Rose controlled her anger. 

Why didn't you tell me? Why did you push me away?

She was disappointed in you, not only for not sharing your problems with her but also for hurting yourself so maliciously. The doctor informed me that your wounds would have taken a toll on your life if you kept on doing all these. And somewhere she couldn't help but feel dissatisfied with herself for not being a good friend. She should have forced you to eat your meals on time, she should have checked on you every night like you do, she should have helped you with breakfast and dinner. 

"What's the time?" Your weak voice goes unheard by her while you shift a little to take a glimpse of her. She breaks down again as tears roll down her pretty eyes. Her body trembles in the seat while you panic seeing her like that.

"Hey… Rosyy what happened? Baby… calm down. Aish, look at me. I am fine. I will be okay by the…" she cuts you off. She wasn't as strong as you and she admitted that but she was also not as wicked as you to hurt herself and ruin that precious body.

Almost every inch of your body was dressed with bandages while your shoulder blade had a double cotton bandaging. The blood was little visible even after wrapping the cottons. Doctor believed that you have given yourself more than your body could take, resulting in your body to pass out from all the torture. 

"No!! You won't. And stop lying. Stop lying on my face, y/n! Stop… why did you do that? Why? I understand you might have many problems which go unseen by me but… you could have tried to share it with me. You could have. I am sorry for not being a good friend… please forgive me for that but please stop doing all this. Please, I beg you. I can't see you dy…" She halts, remembering what she was about to say. Meanwhile, you didn't mind dying. It would be the perfect escape from this world. 

Pulling her wrist you bring her closer to your form. Wrapping your aching hands you embrace her form in your weaker one. She didn't struggle even if she was mad, for now your health mattered to her. You patted her back slowly and assured her that you will be fine and you won't repeat the same thing again.

But will you? Well, you didn't have the answer. 

"Promise me that you won't hurt yourself from now onwards. If you ever feel it's getting overwhelming then kick me, kick the plushies I have, kick anyone but don't hurt yourself, okay?" She asks, her gaze begging you to promise her. You nodded with a small smile tugging on your lips, making her heart relax a little. 

"Y/n, don't mind me but why did you do all these? It's okay if you don't want to share but I am here always, know that. And please don't hurt yourself," she rubbed your wounded wrists and knuckles while you nodded slowly. You didn't answer her question and she respected that. 

Why did I do all these? To run away… to hide every touch of his that disgusts me, to hide that y/n from this y/n, to hide myself from the monsters… 

"Umm… excuse me?" His deep, thick voice echoes Namjoon's ears, making him turn around with his latte mug in his hands. The man looks hot with a few bangs resting on his forehead while a man bun decorated his crown from behind. But his eyes had dark circles, his lips were pale and dark, his body looked weak. 

"Yes?" He asks, coming out of his thoughts. 

"Does y/n work here?"

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I hope this doesn't disappoint. And you all like it. Thanks for reading it. It means a lot to me❤💫.

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