Chapter 13

I often thought to myself, if all of this are real or not, but I'll always have no answer.

The dull, grey ceiling of my apartment are the first thing I saw upon opening my eyes, the first thing that greeted me in the morning.

I turned my head towards the drawer on my bedside. My gaze falls on the framed picture I put yesterday, her smile bright, the one that used to brighten my world. I'm looking into her eyes, not at the camera, her hand tugging my sleeves while the other put up a peace sign.

Without my realization, I felt my lips moving on its own, forming a small smile.

I get up from the bed and walk slowly towards the bathroom, washing my face with the cold water that ran through the sink. It was longer than necessary, but it does wake me up fully from the sleep.

I grabbed a plain white tee from the hanger layering it with a simple white Hawaiian shirt and slipped into my black pants. I didn't know what today was supposed to be, but I didn't want to pretend.

While I straightened a few things in my bedroom, I caught myself staring at the picture over and over again. So, my hand lingered on the frame, adjusting it slightly just enough so she was centered again. Maybe just like how things used to be, Me off to the side, her always shining brightly.

I checked the time, and it's still early, so I cook myself a simple breakfast of fried eggs and some toast. I brushed my teeth and headed to the door.

Before I left my apartment, I looked back once more.

"Just...Let this be real." I said under my breath.

No one replied, and I closed the door.

The sun hadn't climbed too high yet, but Tokyo was already breathing. Strangely, the street was quiet, the usual buzz muted, as if the city itself still asleep.

I walked with both of my hands on the pocket, head down, letting my feet guide itself. The familiar route passed by unnoticed landmarks, convenience stores, bus stops, benches where I'd often sat just to feel the wind passing by.

The meeting spot itself aren't anything fancy, just a quiet park. One that I often passed by after work, I wonder if she goes in the same direction at me...

I climbed the stairs to the overpass to cross the streets, cars passing by under me, some slow while the other are fast. There are other people too crossing the streets, some are just going for a walk, maybe a visit or even a date.

The park can already be seen, the trees thick and high, highlighting itself from the modern city. After passing the overpass I make the final turn, entering the park.

It's quiet here, not the lonely one, but rather more like the peaceful one. The rustle of leaves above me, the sounds of bird chirping and the soft crunch of gravel beneath my shoes, resonating to calm one's mind.

Then, I saw her.

She was sitting on one of the benches under a tree whose leaves had just started to turn yellow. Her hair caught in the early morning sunlight, soft and blue like the sky, swaying lightly. She wore a pale cardigan over her light dress, something casual.

For a second, I stopped walking.

I just looked.

Like an Idiot, maybe. But in that moment, she looked exactly like the Suisei I know in High School, before everything, when life was much simpler.

She noticed me staring and raised her hand, waving gently at me. And just like that my feet starting to move again.

"Hey," I said, my voice quieter than I expected.

"Hey," She replied, her smile small but real.

She makes room for me to sit beside her and so I did, leaving space between us not much but enough. She didn't speak right away, neither did I. We just sat there, both of us looking at the pond in front of us.

"You really came." She said finally breaking the silence.

I nodded, "So did you."

She let out a soft chuckle. "Of course, I did, I've been waiting for you."

I looked down into my hands, unable to look her face neither her eyes. "I didn't know what to write last night, I didn't expect you to reply."

"But, I did, right?" She replied, her voice soft. "And we ended up in a voice call, like when we were kid at school." She chuckles.

"Yeah." The words came out without me even realizing it. "I was nervous, really nervous..." I shift my gaze to the pond again.

"I was the same, at first." She replied, "But, I really wanted to meet you, to talk about everything, everything that happened between us."

"Everything, huh?" I said, forcing myself to look towards her. "I thought it was already over."

She let out a sigh, she looked down before turning her head to me, our eyes met.

"I don't want it...." Her voice low, like a whisper. "It was beautiful, the three years we spent together..." She speaks, her voice louder and clearer now.

"It was, I could say it was the happiest moment of my life." I replied, our eyes still looking at each other. "You once paint my world with colours."

She gazed down, staring to her knees. "I ruined it, sorry...I broke our promise."

My heart ache, she wasn't like this the last time we met, even if she didn't smile that day. Now, it felt like she was breaking in front of me. Even if she's saying the truth, I can't handle seeing her like this.

"If only, if only I reached out to you, replying your messages and everything..." She paused her voice trembled. "Maybe, this would never happen, I gave up on us."

I gaze to the sky then to her, "You think so?" She turns her head towards me, our gaze met again. "After we met that day, when we argue, I think to myself wondering if I should text you or not, and I always ended up reading our old conversation."

She keeps looking at me, and I did the same, staring at her deep blue eyes then to her hair. "I smiled while reading it, and I decided to give it a shot, and you replied." I continued, "Doesn't that mean you're not giving up on us?"

"I-I...." She muttered, probably finding the right words. "I hurt you a lot...I just realized that, I said everything that could hurt you that day and I even say that I hate you last night..."

"I did the same, but if we're keep blaming ourselves like this, it's not going to change a thing." I said, as I scooted over to her, closing the distance between us. "I'm tired to keep wondering what would happen if this or that...that's why, we could end this and become a normal co-worker from now, or we could try maybe."

The words came out just like that, I feel relief washed over me but a pang of regret sting my heart to say the words. Maybe dwelling on the past are a bad thing.

It hurt me too to see pain in her eyes, but it is for the best, the best for both of us.

Her hands hovered into her eyes, wiping tears that I hadn't seen. "You know, I was really happy to be able to hear your voice through my phone last night, I started to wonder, imagining that we could do that again for every night, maybe things would be the same again afterall..." Her hand moved, reaching into mine. "And I really hope it would happen, if only you give me one more chance..."

My heart beat faster than before, I look into her, her cheeks were slight red and her eyes never leaving mine, a smile formed on my face, one that I didn't even know.

"Would you give me one more chance too?"

Her eyes widen before she closes it, I look closely into her face, her lips slowly forming to a smile. Weirdly it warms my whole body, I don't know what happens now, but I found comfort in her smile.

"Yes."

And I found the answer to my own question, she does indeed still smile like that. Warm and sweet.

We stayed on the bench long after our voices faded away. We watch the sun climbed higher, casting golden ripples across the pond. Neither of us moved or speak, it was comfortable and familiar.

"So...what now?" I asked breaking the silence with a smile at the same time tightening my grips on her hand.

She leaned her head into my shoulder, "I don't know, breakfast maybe? You haven't eaten right?"

I avoided her gaze, remembering the egg and toast I make earlier. "You didn't eat?"

"I was too nervous! What if you didn't show up?"

I turned to her, "Then you'd be stuck talking with birds."

She nudged me with her elbow. "You seriously haven't changed at all."

"Is that a good thing?"

"It is. I missed you."