Chapter 13: What Is Love

I was right thinking that I would be sore next day. My stomach hurt from laughing so much when I woke up.

I looked around me, the sunlight coming from the windows slightly blinding me for a moment. Everyone was still sleeping, softly snoring around me.

Since I had been the first to go to sleep, I was also the first to wake up.

I took my phone off my pajamas pocket and looked at the time. It was eight in the morning.

Knowing I wouldn't be able to fall asleep again and not wanting to wake anyone up, I stretched out and sat up.

Fondly, I looked at the closest people to me. Chuck was right next to me, sleeping like a baby. And Newt was at the left, peaceful and precious when he slept like a freaking angel.

Minho was sprawled in the floor next to Newt, and Brenda was in Minho's sleeping bag. Aw, he had been sweet enough to let her take it.

Remembering I had brought with me Paper Towns to the cottage, I thought that quiet would make the perfect environment to read a little.

So I gave both Newt and Chuck a kiss –in the cheek and in the forehead –and then went up to the girls room to pick up my book and sat down in the bed to immerse myself in the life of Quentin Jacobsen.

*

I lost track of time as I went through the pages of that wonderful book, I just couldn't stop reading. So far, I liked it more than The Fault in Our Stars.

And Newt's notes commenting some quotes or ideas made it all even better.

He had underlined some sentences without commenting on them. Others, he put little post it notes over them to tell me something about them.

And other sentences just reminded me of him even if he hadn't highlighted them in any way.

Some made me smile as I read how Quentin admired Margo and made me wonder if Newt saw me in a similar way and kept loving every single thing about me just like that. Like that one quote that said "I kept taking glances at her through the crowd, quick snapshots: a photographic series entitled Perfection Stands Still While Mortals Walk Past."

The other sentences that reminded me of Newt made me sad because it made me recall the glimpse I had to his inner demons. His insecurities and fears that showed through a crack when he broke down that day a while ago before the finals. "Maybe all the strings inside him broke"

But at least it made me feel better knowing that Newt seemed to be happy. Since last time, he hadn't showed any signs of being so broken again. And that made me happy too.

Then, as I advanced through the book, I kept finding notes.

One was on this quote "My heart is really pounding," I said. "That's how you know you're having fun," Margo said, but Newt had written instead "that's how you know you're in love"

And the other one was just adorable. He had highlighted it and drawn a smiley face next to it: "She had the kind of fingers you want to interlace with your own".

I stood there for a few seconds, smiling like a fool for something so tiny and silly that I felt stupid. But I guess someone who's in love has the right to act silly from time to time.

He was so cute, though.

"Yo, Y/N!" Frypan called me from the living room.

I closed the book, using my thumb to keep track of the page I was at.

"What?" I yelled back to him.

"Get your butt down here, it's lunch time!"

I opened my eyes wide and looked at the clock on the bedside table. It was already one pm!

I spent hours and hours reading, and time flew by.

To be fair, I had to reread many pages because Newt's comments sent my mind into daydreams that kept me from actually paying attention to any of the words I was reading.

That was basically the effect he had on me.

*

I threw my arms around Thomas when I saw him on my way to the dining room.

"Stephen!" I happily called him, making him stop dead in his track.

"You almost gave me a shuck heart attack, Y/N" Thomas exhaled deeply and clutched his heart. "And stop calling me Stephen!"

I just kept my arms dangled before him, letting him drag me with him as he kept on walking.

I greeted everyone as we arrived to the lunch table and let go of Thomas.

He went to seat in front of me to stay with Teresa, giving her a cute kiss on the cheek.

"Where's Newt?" I asked as I took a seat in the table, watching with appetite the delicious rice that Frypan had made. It smelled great.

"Still catching some z's" Minho came in and sat next to me in the table, going for the food without giving it a second thought.

I picked a slice of bread from the little basket that was in the middle of the table and proceeded to eat.

Minho then took my bread and was about to take a bite from it when I quickly snatched it from his hands.

"Get your own bloody bread, you shank!" I complained, frowning and placing it at my other side so it was out of his reach.

"My own 'bloody' bread?" Minho repeated in astonishment, making Thomas and Teresa giggle. "We don't need another Newt, Y/N!"

Just as I punched Minho in the arm and was about to drop a sassy comeback that would make the sass king proud, Newt walked in.

"Morning" He mumbled as he yawned big like a lion.

Newt gave me a clumsy kiss in the cheek and went to sit next to his friend Tommy.

When I noticed Newt's hair, I opened my mouth wide in awe. All his blond hair had been tied up in a lot of tiny little pony tails.

Still dumbfounded, I slowly turned my head to Minho.

He smirked and silently placed his index finger against his lips to ask us not to tell Newt. Thomas and Teresa nodded and continued eating their food as if they had seen nothing.

But then I looked back at Newt, who was too sleepy to even look away from his plate.

The sight of a very sleepy Newt, with his eyes all squinty and his messy blond hair filled with pony tails was hilarious.

I lowly laughed, not really feeling able to hold my laughter in. Minho soon joined me.

"Stop you two..." Newt tiredly told us, scolding us like we were mischievous children and he was our mom.

He didn't even know what we were laughing about. He didn't know he was the cause of our giggling.

We did our best to keep it down, but every time I looked up to my boyfriend and saw him again, I couldn't help a guffaw of pure laughter.

Then, as we still tried not to laugh –which was a really hard task –at Newt's beautiful hairdo, some of the boys came in to eat too.

Frypan and Winston didn't say anything, just laughed under their breaths and sat down. Gally rolled his eyes but had to cover his mouth to hide a grin in spite of himself. But Chuck...

"Nice hair, Newt" Chuckie laughed, leaning on a chair as the laughter made him weak.

"What?" The British mumbled with his mouth full of rice and bread to the tops.

"Chuck!" Minho complained, throwing his hands in the air to let them fall loudly against the table again.

Puzzled, Newt raised his hands to his hair and when he touched one of the ponytails, his brown eyes grew wide.

Minho and I definitely exploded in laughter that we infected on to everyone else.

"You lug..." Newt stood up and went to see himself in the mirror. "Minho, I'm going to bloody kill you!"

He didn't have to ask if it was Minho who did it. If there were any kind of shenanigans, Minho had to be involved in them.

The both of them bolted up from their seats and began a chase all around the cottage while we still laughed.

My stomach still hurt from the day before, but I still laughed because the pain was worth it.

*

After lunch, everyone took their time to do their own thing. We were gathering again outside in a few hours to put on some music and do some silly stuff like we did the day before with Twister and all.

I wanted to keep reading Paper Towns, but everyone was being too loud and wouldn't let me concentrate enough. So I just went outside to enjoy the nature surrounding us.

Teresa was sitting in one of the logs that still remained there from last night. She was looking down to something, so I sat next to her to see what it was.

"So you're the one who owns that wicked camera" I joked to announce myself.

She smiled at me as she looked through the photos of the camera.

"It's not wicked, Minho just used it for evil" Teresa replied with a light chuckle.

I scooted closer to her so I could take a look at the screen. It seemed like they had been making more photos than I thought.

They were all extremely funny no matter what because we were all in our pajamas.

We had photos from Twister, showing Minho smirking evilly as he pushed Teresa down. Me falling on top of Newt when my arms gave in after standing in the same position for centuries. Thomas pouting like a child when he fell on his butt.

"You're it" Minho ran past, tapping me on the shoulder.

"I'm not playing, you dumb shank" I looked up at him, hearing Teresa giggling next to me.

It didn't surprise me in the least that they were playing tag. They were like children.

They probably began after Newt started chasing Minho and didn't even realize they were playing tag in the end.

"Excuse me, miss boring"

"Slinthead"

"Princess"

"Sarcastic asshole"

"Miss.... Oh crap" Minho interrupted himself to keep running as Clint chased him to tag him.

I focused my attention back to the camera as I shook my head grinning.

They took photos during the bonfire too, but I didn't appear because I had gone to sleep. Winston jokingly made the same face in a lot of photos, staring creepily at the camera with wide eyes. Still, in the next photo he was there with Frypan, Clint and Jeff and they were cracking up. Clint barely appeared on them, because when he did he kept covering his face. He didn't like his picture taken.

And then there were a few pictures from last night's dinner, just before the bonfire. And those were actually really cute: Chuckie stuffing his face with food but still smiling at the camera in an adorable way, Brenda and Teresa laughing –probably when the pea hit Minho in the eye – out loud, Thomas chatting with Newt and Gally focused in his story about Ben.

But there was one more photo. And it was the photo that got me 'mad' at Newt that night. The photo of him annoying me that Minho was so timing to take, me on Newt's lap struggling to get rid of his grip around me.

Still, when I looked at the photo I thought it looked cute. Thomas' forehead was wrinkled while he made an effort to pull me up. My face was hilarious as I was pouting and yelling at Newt. But him...

Newt looked gorgeous as he let out that heartfelt guffaw, his arms wrapped around me tightly. What made the picture so perfect was his expression of pure happiness.

Yeah, he looked mischievous and was laughing at me. But he still looked so... perfect. Pure Newt.

"I love that bloody photo" His voice said behind us, making us jump a little.

He propped down on us, with an elbow on my shoulder and the other on Teresa's, and smiled at us.

"I hate it" It wasn't really true, once I actually saw what it looked like I loved it. But it was all about contradicting him.

Newt just grinned at my words.

He was so hyper those days. I guess it was because of the fact that we were all together there and the euphoria was indeed contagious.

Forgetting about the photos, I looked over my shoulder at him.

His eyes were still fixed in the photo and his grin didn't falter as he observed it.

When he realized I was staring at him, he stared back and his already wide grin grew bigger.

"Can you lovely girls take these bugging things off my bloody hair, please?" His eyes never left mine, but he talked to Teresa too.

"Lovely girls? Are you flirting with me, Newt?" The girl joked as she put the camera down to help him. "Tom wouldn't be too happy to hear that, and your girlfriend is right here!"

"Slim it" Newt laughed, positioning himself in front of us and plopping his butt down on the floor so he was at the perfect height for us to reach his hair easily.

We started to carefully undo the tight bands Minho had put in Newt's hair.

He would hiss in pain every once in a while because we couldn't really help to pull at his hair. And he would also swear Minho under his breath.

And Teresa and I would laugh silently, trying not to let Newt know even though he ended up saying he could hear us.

Thomas joined us after a while as he was looking for Teresa, and he laughed as he gathered all the bands we took off poor Newt's hair.

When we were done, he thanked us and then turned to me.

'This is for laughing at me' he said as he tackled me to the floor next to him and began to tickle me in revenge.

It seemed like even if Newt was usually playful and a bit mischievous, he got twice as playful and mischievous when he was hyper. Hyper Newt equals normal Minho, I guess.

And so the four of us spent the rest of our time together until Alby came out of the cottage and started the party outside.

*

The night had already settled even if it wasn't that late. But it was dark outside, and only the light from the lanterns allowed us to see what was around us.

The music was playing out loud, we were dancing and singing and laughing and drinking and chatting.

A table was outside with a lot of drinks –including Gally's moonshines –and food. Frypan had prepared so many snacks, and they were all delicious as usual.

I was lively chatting with my brother Chuck. He was having a great time there with everyone, and it made me so happy that I couldn't keep the smile off my face. Those days I was smiling so much that my cheeks hurt at the end of the day. And my stomach was in constant pain because of the endless laughter.

"Pillow fight!" Minho yelled, and I turned my head just in time to see him violently hitting a pillow against Newt's head.

The blond hair shot up in all directions with the gush of wind it created, and it ended up being all disheveled.

For a moment, Newt had this murder look on his eyes and I thought he was going to straight up punch Minho in the face.

But then he calmly walked into the house. With that scary calmness of someone unpredictable.

We all thought he had just gotten annoyed and left the party. But then he came back holding his pillow and slammed it against Minho's head, messing up his hair.

"MY HAIR!!" Minho yelled, attacking Newt and tackling him to the floor to keep hitting him with the pillow while the blond roared with laughter.

And boy, did we laugh along with him.

"Bloody hell!" Newt shouted and chuckled, shielding his face with his arms as Minho laughed evilly.

"Chuck to the rescue!" My little brother flew from my side and hit Minho with another pillow, earning Newt's gratitude.

Before we knew, everyone was running in to get their pillows and carry on with the pillow fight.

Gally and I had allied against Minho and the shank caught me off guard and hit me with the pillow as I observed in amusement how Teresa and Newt beat Thomas with some cushions and he pleaded for mercy.

Chuck was running away from Winston and Jeff while Clint tried to distract them to save him. And Zart, Brenda and Frypan were calmly watching the show and eating snacks.

Everyone screamt, laughed and ran around in a mess of blurs of people.

"I give up!"

"You'll never catch me alive!"

"If I don't see you on the other side, remember that I love you"

Stopping to hear what everyone was saying made it all even funnier.

But between all the uproar and commotion, someone was thrown into the table causing an even greater noise. Frypan's snacks fell and the food scattered around in the floor.

"My food!" Frypan yelled.

But everyone was too immersed in the pillow fight to take notice of Fry's outrage except for Brenda and Zart, who helped him pick them up.

*

A while later, I was with Gally and Brenda, chatting over the loud music.

We had calmed down and established a truce to the pillow fight before anyone could get hurt or die from the fluffy pillows. Still, we were alert in case we saw anyone wielding a pillow.

At that moment Thrift Shop was playing but then immediately after it ended Uptown Funk began. It was so catchy, and I kind of enjoyed it, so I began goofily dancing. Brenda joined me, and Gally grinned as he watched us in amusement.

"This is my jam!" Minho yelled, making us all turn around to look at him as he began dancing.

"Someone here loves making a scene" Brenda rolled her eyes as she folded her arms and observed our goofball of a friend.

"Gotta kiss myself I'm so pretty" Minho exclaimed along with the song, kissing his bicep.

And he began to dance, choreographed with the same exact moves as the shuck video of the song.

"Please" Gally rolled his eyes.

"Wait for it" I mumbled, placing a hand on Brenda's shoulder.

Knowing him, there was more to be seen of his act. Indeed, Minho put on a jacket, a pink one.

"He dressed like Bruno Mars!" Jeff shouted, cracking up already.

And to top it, Minho put on some sunglasses. During the bloody night!

"It's like he's drunk already" Brenda shook her head, smiling at the goofy boy.

"I'm too hot!" Minho enthusiastically yelled, placing a hand over his chest with a satisfied smirk.

"Oh my..." Teresa let out a surprised guffaw and covered her mouth.

Thomas and Newt walked out from inside the cottage, dressed for the occasion. Yes, Thomas was a policeman and Newt a fireman.

A collective fit of laughter erupted all over the place again.

"I'm too hot!"

"Hot damn!" They chorused.

"Called a police and a fireman. I'm too hot!"

"Hot damn!"

By that point, everyone was already laughing their butts off.

"Let's leave these silly boys and take a walk" Teresa grabbed my arm and Brenda's, and we nodded.

"Yeah, let them have fun" I laughed, watching how Minho still danced and sung while the boys –Alby and Frypan had joined them –chorused and clapped.

"Say my name, you know who I am"

"Wait" I mumbled when I caught a glimpse of Newt smirking as he watched Minho.

I observed them as they got something out, hidden behind their backs.

Buckets filled to the tops with water judging by the liquid dribbling from the sides.

"Yes!" One of the boys yelled.

"No way!"

"Don't believe me, just watch!"

"I'm too hot!" Minho repeated, completely unaware of that gimmick, and Thomas joined Newt in his smirking.

"Let me bloody water you" My boyfriend calmly said, nodding to Thomas as the both of them emptied their buckets on Minho's head.

The Asian let out a high-pitched squeak that had me laughing so hard I had to lean on Teresa for support as the intensity of the laughter made me weak.

"Woooo!" Winston yelled, the rest of the boys copying him as they laughed at clapped.

"My... HAIR!" Minho shook like a dog to get his precious quiff rid of the water.

It was clear by the way Newt and Thomas laughed that they had discovered Minho's Achilles' heel. Newt did during the pillow fight and was smart enough to embrace that advantage.

"Run..." Minho angrily said, wiping his wet face. "Run like your life depends on it. Because it does"

Thomas slapped Newt in the shoulder and the both of them began running away as a very angry Minho chased them.

The remaining of us just enjoyed the show, laughing nonstop.

I was having the time of my life.

*

It was almost time to sleep, but we weren't really tired and we were lazily hanging out next to another fire that Gally and Alby had made for us.

The loud voices had died down and everyone was talking in a more natural volume, probably because our throats hurt already from all that singing at the top of our lungs and yelling and laughing and straining our voices in general.

I was sitting next to Newt in silence. The both of us were simply enjoying the environment and not really needed to talk.

My glance kept moving from my brother Chuck –to see how he was doing, but he was chatting with Clint and he was perfectly okay –to Newt's hoodie.

Even though it was kind of chilly in the middle of the night, he was calmly wearing only a red t-shirt, his white hoodie lay in the grass next to him.

"Newt, I'm cold" I mumbled, staring at him with puppy eyes.

He grinned in amusement as he reached out to pick up his hoodie.

"Really?" The tone in his voice implied that he didn't believe me as he handed it to me.

"Yeah..." Suppressing a satisfied smile, I put on his warm hoodie that smelt like him. It was the one he wore the day I looked for him and gave him my number on the library.

"Are you sure it's not just a filthy excuse to wear my hoodie, love?"

He knew me so well.

I just shrugged and covered my hands with the long sleeves. Trying my best to suppress a grin, I stood up.

"I'm going to read a little" It was an excuse as well, but I really felt like picking up Paper Towns again.

"Sure you are" Newt sarcastically said.

And so I went into the house and upstairs to get the book from the girls' room and walked back down to the empty living room.

I let myself get lost in the pages of that wonderful book, the experience getting even better with Newt's comments.

Again, I spent at least half an hour with my eyes glued to the words of the novel.

But I stopped reading to assimilate one of Newt's changes to the book quotes.

"I didn't need you, you idiot. I picked you. And then you picked me back" Instead of pick, Newt had written fix. And it was so perfect that it made me teary eyed:

"I didn't need you, you idiot. I picked fixed you. And then you picked fixed me back"

"Hi" Someone whispered, making me look up.

I was so into the book that I jumped a little, startled by the sudden presence in the real world.

"It's not even a scary book, is it?" Alby joked, looking at the cover of the book to find out what I was reading.

"No, I was just so immersed on it" I used my thumb to mark the page I was reading again and smiled up at Alby.

"Are you seriously reading a book, Y/N?" The boy showed me a friendly smile with a hint of mockery.

"Yeah, I'm not like you klunk-head shanks, I read" I teased him, and he laughed a little.

"No way" Minho's voice sounded behind him, and I rolled my eyes expecting one of his annoying but hilarious stupid and wiseass remarks. "I've been looking for you and you've been here reading like a nerd all the time"

I smirked when I noticed his hair was completely dry and combed up again. He really adored his quiff.

"Slim it, Min, and leave me to re-" Before I could finish my sentence, Minho had scooped me up in his arms. What was with him and not letting me read?!

Alby laughed as our Asian friend carried me to the place where everyone was hanging out outside the house.

"If you're gonna read, at least be with us, slinthead" Minho shook his head and sighed.

"Yeah, where are you manners, Y/N?" Alby grinned amusedly.

Soon we saw the rest of the gang reunited around a warm fire, all of them chatting happily and laughing.

Minho then walked to Newt, who grinned at the sight of us –it seemed like he was finally getting over his jealousy with me and Minho, probably because their friendship was so much stronger now –and immediately wrapped his arms around me when Minho put me down in front of my boyfriend.

I sat in between his legs and rested my back against his chest, calmly opening my book and reading where I left of before I was so rudely interrupted.

I absently noticed Newt's arms around me as his hands settled on my stomach. I accommodated against him and tried to block out the noise that my friends caused. They were playing something, but I didn't even pay attention to know what it was.

Suddenly Newt chuckled and squeezed me tight against him, leaning his smile on my cheek as he repeatedly kissed it. We heard a few annoyed grunts as a response to the cheesy sight.

"What was that for?" I laughed, leaning the back of my head in his shoulder and looking up at him.

"Because you're adorable and I love..." Newt frowned for a moment as he stared down at me, a twinkle in his eyes. "I love seeing my lovely girl wearing my hoodie and reading my book"

"It's not your book" I complained, hitting his other shoulder with said book. "You just gave it to me"

"But you'll agree that you stole my hoodie"

"Why? Are you cold, Newtie?"

"Alby!" I complained, exasperated because he had been listening. Again.

"Watch it, Alby" Newt threw him a glare. "Or I'll bloody murder you in your sleep"

"He can't murder us all" Minho added, smirking as he crossed his strong arms over his chest.

"Yeah, what are you gonna do, Newt?" Brenda joined the rest in their bullying. Minho laughed and passed an arm over her shoulders, beaming with pride.

Newt just pouted and hid his face in my shoulder, mumbling swear words under his breath.

*

That night we all went to sleep more or less at the same time.

Everyone was down in the living room, inside the sleeping bags that still hid under the forts. Except for two of us: Thomas and Minho.

It was the perfect chance to have my revenge.

I left Newt chatting with Alby and I walked over to Teresa and Brenda.

"Hey, girls" I sat next to them and they smiled at me.

"Hi, Y/N"

"What's up?"

"Do you happen to have make-up around here somewhere?" I asked Teresa, wondering if she did.

Neither of them seemed like the kind of girl that would wear make-up. At least not one that stood out too much.

"You want to put make-up on now?" Brenda frowned and gave me a look as if I were crazy.

"It's not for me" Smirking mischievously, I leaned over to them and whispered my plan.

Brenda looked excited to play a prank on Minho, and even if Teresa looked slightly concerned, she was still up to it.

So the girls helped me put some very white pale foundation all over my face and dark eye shadow under my eyes to make me look creepy and scary.

And so, we silently walked up the stairs –bringing the camera with us because that would be hilarious and worth capturing –and looked for Thomas and Minho.

They were in the bathroom, we could hear their voices coming from the lit up room.

The door was agape, so I peeked over the slid and saw that they were brushing their teeth as they chatted about something I couldn't understand since their mouths were filled with toothpaste.

I turned around and looked at Brenda and Teresa and gave them a thumbs up. I was going to do it.

I turned off the light to the bathroom sneakily.

"What the shuck?" Minho complained, clicking his tongue.

"Minho..." Brenda began to whisper eerily.

"Oh, Thoooomas" Teresa joined her, and I had to clasp a hand over my mouth not to laugh and ruin it all.

"Dude, what was that?" Thomas sounded scared.

"I don't know" Minho replied, not as frightened.

It was my chance. I sneaked into the room to scare them.

I turned the lights back on and screamt as I jumped on their backs.

At that exact moment the girls took a picture judging by the sudden flash of light.

The both of them screeched and jumped, filling the second floor with high-pitched screams. Brenda and Teresa began to crack up loudly.

When Minho saw me, he put a hand over his chest and took a few seconds to recover. Then he clapped my shoulder and whispered 'well played' as he hurried away.

Thomas ran down the stairs, his mouth still filled with toothpaste and his brush still dangling from his mouth. I couldn't really tell if he was still creeped out or just sulky. But he bolted out.

Meanwhile, we laughed at him and the sound of our guffaws echoed through the whole cottage as Thomas screamt in frustration.

*

It was really dark as we lied down.

Thomas was still mad at me because I had scared him. But Minho, although he jumped a little, didn't get so scared and hence wasn't mad at me.

I didn't know if the guys really wanted to fall asleep or were just going to chat, but the lights were off anyway.

I just lied in silence in the darkness, recalling all those funny moments of the day that put yet another smile on my face.

"Who touched my butt?" Minho exclaimed, making us laugh.

"Some of us are trying to sleep here" Gally's annoyed voice said.

It seemed like him and Minho didn't get along well lately, because Gally was so salty whenever he was around. Even though they were friends.

"Gotta pee" Frypan's voice broke the silence again after Minho's joke.

I saw the outline of someone's body as they stood up.

Then Frypan clumsily walked all over us, trying not to step over any of us since we were all already lying down in our sleeping bags, sprawled out on the floor.

"Ouch, shuck face!" Thomas complained not far from me. "That was my hand!"

"Sorry, bro" Frypan apologized.

"Frypan!!" Brenda yelled in anger. "Don't step on my freaking leg!"

"Geez, sorry, Brenda!"

"Be careful with her, dude!" Minho instantly went to her rescue.

"Aw, Minho is protecting Brenda" Newt said out loud right behind me.

"Minho and Brenda sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g" Jeff sang, and the whole room began to laugh.

"Shut up, slinthead!" Minho replied. "Don't make me angry!"

"Yeah, he didn't dress up as the Hulk in Halloween for nothing" I played along, and the laughter rose again.

"How dare you?!" Minho exclaimed.

Grinning in satisfaction, I turned on my side and snuggled closer to Newt.

He automatically wrapped his arms around me as I shoved my face on his neck.

"I genuinely thought you were Hulk" Brenda teased him as well.

"I was a flawless Frankenstein and everyone knows that!"

I closed my eyes and concentrated in blocking out all the noise to fall asleep.

He calmly breathed under me, his warmth engulfing me again like a cozy blanket. Suddenly I felt restless.

Even if Newt's arms around me felt perfect, an uncertain uneasiness grew ahold of me.

Maybe precisely because of that.

*

An hour and something passed and the first snores sounds filled the silent room.

"Guys?" Minho whispered loudly. "Is anyone awake?"

"Yeah" A few of us answered, but I know many others had been too lazy to answer.

"What is it, Minho?" Newt asked him, rubbing his eyes and trying to stay awake.

He had fallen asleep a few times, but didn't manage to remain so for long until he suddenly woke up on his own.

I was falling asleep on Newt's chest, but I let out a grunt to let them know I wasn't slept.

"What is the meaning of life?"

"Choke me with a pillow" Zart pleaded, and his voice let us know how fed up he was. "Please, just do it, guys"

"Come on, I'm not that annoying"

"What is the meaning of life, though?" Thomas said too from somewhere in the room.

That provoked a whole chorus of exasperated grunts.

"Not you too!" Clint cried out.

A few of us laughed, but some were already sleeping and others were too tired and annoyed to find it funny.

"See? Tommy boy here understands me!"

I didn't laugh at Minho's stupid jokes anymore. I wasn't even listening to him as I was too concerned with my own thoughts. I knew that I wouldn't be able to go to sleep even if Newt was already softly snoring by my side again.

So I just walked outside, lighting my way with my phone, and sat down in a log as I absently observed the forest.

A little voice at the back of my head kept me awake and worried. Not for something bad, but... my own feelings were a bit overwhelming.

I had always wondered... what is love?

I mean, I had felt it before. I loved my friends, and I loved my family. It's an intense feeling of affection towards someone, wanting to keep them safe and do whatever you can to make them happy.

Thinking about my brother Chuck or my friends Minho and Thomas forced a tiny smile to make its way to my face. Because I loved them, because they were important to me and I was very fond of them.

But there are a lot of types of love. Friendly or even brotherly love, just like the one all those shanks shared between each other even if they would deny it.

And just like I didn't exactly love Minho and Chuck in the same way, I knew I loved Newt in a different way from the one I loved both of them.

Because that was another whole way of loving someone. More like loving, being in love.

I sighed as I thoughtfully stared at the stars above me. They reminded me of Newt's smile as it was so bright, and I felt stupid as I looked back down.

That stupid boy wouldn't stay off my mind, and it was keeping me awake.

"What are you doing here?" Minho whispered sharply.

I looked over my shoulder to see him coming out of the back door.

"Can't sleep. Again"

"Why this time?"

I looked at Minho, wondering if I should tell him how I really felt.

Not that I didn't trust him enough to tell him, but because it would be too embarrassing to tell him.

"Y/N" He insisted more sternly.

Cuddling over myself, I rested my chin in my knees as I held them close to my chest, wrapping them with my arms.

"He's ruining my life" I joked, exaggerating everything to make him see that it wasn't all that grave.

"Whose head do I have to kick?" He scooted closer to me and gently elbowed me in the ribs.

I curved up the corner of my lips.

"It's not like that, Min" I sighed dreamily, just by remembering about him. It felt extremely cheesy, but I couldn't help to feel like that. "It's in a good way I guess"

"Oh no" He teased me, playfully tickling my sides. "Did Cupid finally hit you with his arrow?"

"Shut up..." I hid my face in my arms, feeling how my cheeks burnt.

"But I'm right, as always, huh?"

"You're not always right, slinthead"

"This time I am"

"This time"

Minho smirked as he stared at me with a smug expression.

"I just can't stop thinking about him, even when I'm with him" I frowned as I analyzed it all. I wouldn't tell Minho, but it was every single thing.

I was wearing his hoodie at that moment because it smelt like him and he had worn it before, and it just made me extremely happy feeling the warmness of his clothes, just as if it were his arms which were sheltering me.

The spark I used to feel whenever we kissed was so intense that it would spread through my whole body and give me a sting of pleasure every time his lips connected with mine.

The butterflies in my stomach flied around aimlessly as if he owned them, making me crave him even more when he touched me or held my hand.

And just the thought of his gorgeous smile or his awake and warm brown eyes made me smile like a fool without realizing.

Whenever I was not with him I felt empty, I felt such an immense wave of affection towards that one boy that I would impatiently look forward our next meeting.

He was in my mind, slept or awake, and I loved it. I loved him.

When I looked back at Minho, I noticed a cute and fond glare on his dark eyes. Almost sweet and not smug or playful as usual.

"What?" I coyly told him, grinning even though he was probably thinking something about how cute I or we were.

"Have you told Tommy boy about it?" He wondered, still looking at me like that.

"No, I don't need to" I simply shrugged, knowing Thomas well enough to realize he was perfectly aware of my feelings. He knew me better than I knew myself. "He's my best friend, Minho. He already knows, no need for me to tell him"

"I'm your best friend" Minho said very seriously.

Since his hard expression remained firm, I overdid a smile.

"Sure you are" I winked at him, and he laughed.

Minho then went to tackle me and used his muscular arms to keep me in place while he tickled me, digging his fingers in my ribs without mercy.

I was about to yelp, but he shushed me.

"You have to suffer in silence. Wouldn't want anyone to wake up" Minho reminded me with an evil grin.

Trying to keep quiet, I kicked and tried to shove him away.

"Leave her alone, you shank" Gally, half slept and with his hair all messy, was leaning in the door frame. He looked angry. "And shut up, now, we're trying to sleep"

It seemed like a sleepy and tired Gally was the grumpiest and most obnoxious version of himself yet.

"Yes, Captain Gally, sorry" Minho said mockingly as he held his hand out for me to grab.

When I placed my hand over his, he effortlessly pulled me up.

Gally walked in again and grumpily mumbled things to himself.

"Go to your Romeo, Juliet" Minho winked an eye at me and slapped me in the shoulder blade as he took his place again next to Brenda.

I carefully walked, stepping over sleeping people, over to Newt.

He was lying on his back, both arms spreaded out next to him. I silently lied next to him and put myself as close to him as I could, leaning my head on his chest.

He stirred a little and put an arm around me, but didn't wake up.

I looked up at him one moment, observing how cutely he slept.

And I smiled to myself as I got comfortable over him.

I loved him. Yes I did.

I was in love with him.

A part of me wanted to tell him. It was just three simple words, but they held so much meaning.

And I was completely aware of the reason that kept me from saying them.

Fear.

Fear of rejection. Fear of exposing myself and being hurt. Again. Fear of failure.

What if I told him I loved him and I scared him away? What if it changed our relationship when everything was perfect between us just the way it was? What if I said it and he didn't reply with 'I love you too'?

Those what ifs lulled me to sleep.