The other half of me

Some of the songs for this chapter: Duncan Laurence-Arcade, McKenna Breinholt-Save me, Justin Timberlake-Mirrors

'That man over there is sending you another one.' I look over my shoulder at the man sitting at the window. He is wearing a suit, looking as if he fell out of a meeting or something. His hair is dark, quite long for an usuall hairstyle. Even if his presence seems tempting I just nod and turn around before my eyes roll the fuck away. I can't deal with more assholes! My head feels heavy and my chest feels lighter. That's how I know I had enough. Just enough to forget about shit.

'Do you know if Chuck will be coming tonight?' The waiter seems annoyed with me but I really do not care at this point.

'Miss Evans came in today so they are having dinner.' I start laughing, still trying to balance myself on the barstool.

'You mean his mother?' He hates her so much, I highly doubt that he would just have a casual dinner with her.

'No Miss, his wife.' Oh, fucking hell! He got me cracking up here! He is hilarious, how did I not see it before? I support my head with my arm, focusing on not falling down any time soon. His eyes are so dark, I can't even see anything! Or maybe alcohol just took the best of me! The sleeves of his shirt are rolled up, revealing the tattoos on his arms, making me kind of uncomfortable.

'I knew I liked you, Henny.' I take my coat and try standing up without falling right back down. Either way, I find my balance and just focus on his tattoos, they keep me grounded.

'It's Henry.' Oh baby, so funny!

'I like Henny better.' I wink at him as I chug down the final drink of the day. I'm quite flirty when my body hits a certain amount of liquor that definitely should not be hit! I can see that smile he tried to hide so desperately, he is cute actually! I manage to open this big ass doors and the real challenge now is to find the right way out. I walk to the first doors that I spot but before I manage to open them someone does it for me.

'Why did you come back?' I can hear the fear in his voice but right now I don't see why I would not be supposed to come here, and that's when I realised that Henny wasn't kidding. A tall, redhead stands right behind Chuck, still holding his hand as if I would take him from her. You just keep him bitch, if he were good to me I wouldn't have broken up with him!

'I came to have a drink with an old friend.' I knew that he wasn't in love with me, I knew that we were over for two years now, but after everything that he put me through I never thought he would find someone to love him.

'Eleanor Beatrice Flyn!' What the-. Jenny comes running towards me, oh God she found out! Her eyes travel to Chuck and the girl next to him, supposedly his beloved wife! I think I might get dizzy from the speed of her eyes travelling from each one of us. Even if I feel absolutely fucking awful, it's the alcohol in me that wants to fuck everyone and smile away.

'Grace go inside.' Chuck instructs her before closing the doors and standing next to me. What for a name is that? Grace, like okay! I find it hard focusing on more than one person right now but that soon fades away as Jenny's voice hits that high, angry, pissed off pitch that makes me fear what's about to come.

'I'm not even starting on this.' Her hand moves to Chuck but then back to me. Looking at him only makes me angry with the thought that once again, people screw with me even if I don't care, it just keeps on running me over and over again!

'What are you doing with my father?' I face her as the thought of Chuck kissing me a couple of days ago leaves my mind completely. She must be kidding me! At this point, I can't even hold it back anymore. I smile at her but try to hide it. She seems pissed, well welcome sister, I know how that feels like!

'Chill, we had a meeting about an event that he's throwing.' Sometimes I think of my lies as simply remarkable. Even in my drunken state, I'll be up there lying like a champ!

'Don't lie to me! Is he getting remarried?' What is happening right now? When did the idea of him getting married pop into her head? I can see her clearer now as the accusations become heavier.

'Let's calm down, we can resolve this in a mature manner.' Chuck takes a step towards Jenny before her deadly stare shoots him out of here. I find this quite entertaining! I know it's the alcohol in me finding some kind of satisfaction in my messed up life but deep down I can feel everything, barely holding my shit together.

'O you piece of shit, don't you tell me what to do!' Her movements surprise us both as she makes her way to Chuck, but before she could even reach him, he holds her back. I look at him. At his picture-perfect eyes filled with worry, confusion. His washed blue jean jacket makes him outstanding. The black shirt underneath it makes me remember the way that shirt fits around his strong arms, the way his dark jeans fit, wait! Why the fuck is he here?

'What? No, where did you get that from?' I shake Niall out of my mind and focus on Jenny. She can't hold me responsible for something I'm not even included in. My smile fades as her expression becomes angrier. I can see Niall narrowing his eyes at Chuck as he stands closer to me than before. Why would he even bother?

'Tell me the truth!' She jells, making me freeze. Everything starts playing in my head over again and right now, the ground beneath me feels softer and my legs weaker. With each word, the alcohol fades, and realization begins.

'You wouldn't be drinking in the middle of the week if it weren't for something torturing you. God, look at you!' The spot of the red vine I spilt on my coat earlier today already became a part of my outfit. How could I ever tell her the truth, she hates me over this falls claim.

'Ask your father for the truth. Now go.' I can see the hurt in her eyes. How couldn't she see it in mine? The warmth of the tears that appear in my eyes mix well with the cold air, making my eyes burn in flames.

'Leave!' I yell at her. Yelling at her is as if I yelled at myself, hurt myself. I regret it immediately but there is nothing I can do afterwards.

Her eyes tell me everything I need to know. Disappointment fills the space between us as she starts walking backwards still looking at me. I can't go back, not now! I look at the ground, knowing that seeing her hurt would make me weak, make me go after her but I can't keep on doing this. Doing this to myself or to her.

'Eleanor are you okay?' Niall asks from a distance, not sure if he wanted to or just felt obliged to do so.

'Go! Bring her home safe.' I can't meet his eyes. He will see everything, the thing that he should and absolutely shouldn't see.

'GO!' My voice gets higher as I try to be more persuasive. I need him to take care of her.

'She'll be okay.' Chuck's hand touches mine, letting Niall know that it's his time to leave. I fight myself by letting him do so. I want to tell him off, to move his hand the fuck away but I know that this would make Niall go, and I really need him to.

I make a mistake looking back, at the ocean that seems endless to me. His eyes make me feel everything that I've been ignoring for the past couple of days. They make me see the right and the wrong and Chuck's hand on mine definitely goes into the wrong category. I squeeze my teeth together tightly, holding back the tears that I've been holding in for so long and look at him, nodding with my head as a sight that it's okay. ' Go.' I mouth to him slowly, so that Chuck won't be able to hear any of it.

Seeing him walk away broke something I wasn't even aware of. I want to scream, to run, to make him stay, help me get through this night but I just stand still, holding back. He wasn't even involved in my life for that long, he wasn't my boyfriend but yet, seeing him walk away broke the heart I've never knew existed.

'Move, God!' I shake Chuck off as soon as Niall gets out of my sight. 'Why are you still here?' He is the last person I want to have a conversation with right now.

'Eleanor stop it!' I put my hand in the air between us, letting him know that my space will stay mine!

'No, you are married!' I forcefully brush the hair from my cheeks away as I take a better look at him. ' You kissed me days ago! You were married, Chuck! Married! You can't keep on doing the things you did to me to others! Just because I was stupid enough to let you, doesn't mean that it was okay.'

'I loved you!' Wait, what? Everything freezes for a second, my thoughts, the wind, the cars driving past us. Everything stopped from the moment he took us back into the past.

'I loved you with every bone in my body. I loved you from the day you stepped into my life, so clueless. I would have given everything to take back the things I did!' He brings both of his hands to his face and I can see him being nervous.

'But just because you love someone, that doesn't mean other circumstances won't come in the way.' Dear fucking God! I find myself smiling, rubbing my forehead with my hand, trying to rub off every word that reached into my head tonight. I stop everything, every movement and just stand here, for the last time in my life. I was never over him I know it and so help me God, everyone did as well but tonight, we are getting the conclusion that was never made.

'Love does not depend on the circumstances around us!' My hands start going off in the air, showing him what I meant with around us. 'The same circumstances that you despise so much, that you find responsible for our ending' I can't believe that even after all those years he still doesn't get it. 'Timing, places, people...' My heart starts feeling warm as the recollection of the night I met Niall crosses my mind. 'Even concerts are not unfortunate circumstances that get in the way of love.' A month ago, I wasn't even able to talk to him without missing us, missing what we had and now, I see it all perfectly clear.

'What are you talking about, what concert?' His expressions show me his annoyance with this whole situation.

'You should stop turning everything into an obstacle. If you can't find a reason to love someone, don't blame the circumstances around you.' My legs feel weak but still, they manage to turn around, leaving him standing, for the last time. I never admitted that to myself, but saying it out loud made it feel real.

'Just because I messed up, doesn't mean that you won't too.' The chilly wind becomes stronger as my legs feel frozen, leaving me standing once again. Even if our love wasn't meant to be, he still knew me.

'You might not turn everything into a reason but you made your own. Sooner or later we will be the same.' I turn around, furious. His words make me angry, make me irritated by the way his moulth insults me when all I did all these years is help him. I want to yell at him, tell him everything that's been on my mind but I know that this is what he wants, I can't keep on pleasing him.

'No. I never found, got or even sensed a fucking reason!' A warm tear falls down my cold ass face. 'That's why we are here, tonight!' His eyes seem disturbed, ready to share a tear, to stop being so egoistic and own to its feelings. 'You don't need a reason to love someone, a fucking reason is just a bonus.' All my life I was that person. I was the one always around, I was the one that stayed, waited, came around but I can't continue being the one who loves and never gets it back. 'But you do need someone to love.' My words might not be clear to a stranger but his eyes show me the understanding. You can't love someone if they aren't there, and he was one of those who weren't.

I wait for a minute, just staying still, looking at him without any doubt in my words, in my final conclusion that neither one of us was ready to admit, and just let him explain, apologize.

'Goodbye, Chuck.'I wanted him to show me that he changed, that he could own to something, but he's still the same. His face is blank and his eyes watery. I shake my head in disappointment and this time, for real, walk away.

Niall's POV.

'God just, okay!' She moves forcefully moving the bits of hair from her face. ' Even if I can't stand looking at her right now, I can't let this happen to her again.' What happened? My heart starts jumping out as adrenaline fills my veins. I can't stand the thought of something bad happening to El.

'If you love her, in any way on this Earth,' her hand points at me, making me kind of intimidated by her defence mechanism 'if you feel the slightest chance of loving her, go!' Her hand gestures to the hotel where I left her standing with that guy. Her words didn't make me nervous, they made my heart warmer because, for the first time, someone said those things I've been thinking about. Up until now, they seemed pointless but her words made me realize that even if it's not possible, it still happened, it's real.

'I'm pissed right now, but no matter what, I want the best for her.' She calms down, concentrating on her breathing. 'She is difficult! She won't accept help, she won't show any affection, but yet' Her green eyes look directly into mine, but this time looking kind, peaceful. 'Somehow, she found you.' I remember the day she showed up at the concert, and just hours later found her way back into my life so easily, so clueless. 'You need each other Niall. Just give her time, trust me.' The uber driver pulls up next to Jenny. Her hand reach the doors before she looks up at me once again.

'That's my way of saying that that night at the concert wasn't a coincidence, nor was the wedding in Ireland or any other one. Life brings us the ones we demand most in the weirdest ways! Weirdest times even, but everyone comes with a reason.' I feel a lump in my throat as her words become too much, too much for one night.

'She isn't a coincidence Niall, she's your reason.' The sound of the doors closing makes me turn around and for a second. The thought of her with him made me walk away but after Jenny's words, I can't give up on her, on us.

Eleanor's POV.

I feel the cold ground as my ass reaches the stair, letting myself feeling everything that's been holding me back. This whole weight on my shoulders feels barely bearable. I've been carrying it lightly but lately, it became too much. I can hear my own voice cracking as the tears start leaving down my cheeks. I need to get the hell away. I wipe the tears making my way to the car. I knew that coming here would be a mess. I fucking knew it but yet, here we are! What was I thinking, staying at this hotel?

'Shit!' I jump up, taking a few steps back.

'You scared the shit out of me!' He just stands there, in front of me. I can't reckon his state right now. I don't know if he's angry, sad or just annoyed with me but I for sure know that he has every right to feel either one of those ways.

'You can't drive like this.' What? After everything that happened tonight, he's coming at me with this?

'Yes I can and yes I'm going.' I walk past him, closing my eyes, taking deep breaths as I try to control myself. I know that he sees through me but I can't keep on causing him any more trouble.

'El stop!' I close the doors behind me and just lock the car. I can't be weak now, I can't let him destroy himself by staying with me.

'Go away!' I yell at him as he walks to my door. Why won't he just let go?

'Stop being so stubborn and get the hell out of the car!' What? You got to be kidding me!

'I will not do such a thing! Go away!' I yell one last time but oh boy was I not expecting this. He walks in front of the car, leaning on the hood. Is he good? What is happening for God's sake?

'Niall Horan move the fuck away!' I beg him to leave, for the last time! Why won't he just listen to me?

'As long as I'm concerned, I'm not walking away until you sober up!' I'm not even that drunk!

'I am not drunk!' Can he even hear me? My throat already aches from all the yelling, my eyes burn, maybe from the lack of sleep or from the anger that I feel right now, but either way, I'm screwed. I have to end this.

I unlock the car and get out rapidly. I close the door as loudly as possible as I make my way to him.

'Give me your keys.' He puts out his hand to me. waiting for my response.

'You will not be getting my keys or anything, just please Niall.' I stop yelling, I stop being crazy, I just look at him. Tired of pretending, tired of escaping, beg him to let me disappear and make everything right. 'Please go.'

He is standing near me, sharing every feeling that is held capture inside of me right now because that's how we work. We just know. God, I had a plan! I needed to leave! The car is still up and running, the lights blind me but still, he doesn't move away from the car.

'You are not okay.' I look at him confused, surprised. 'You could never be alone.' What does he mean? Who said I was alone? I rub my eyes, trying to wipe away everything, the pain, the confusion. I try to say something but he comes first. 'Not when you have me.'

All this time, everything was about Adam, Jenny, Chuck but after every conversation, insult that I had today. He is the one that came back. No one has ever done that. Even if I haven't directly done anything to hurt him, he had every right to go. I find myself scared, because for the first time, in my life. Someone came back. I'm not left alone with my feelings, my thoughts. He is here and suddenly, every problem seems smaller. Every dark thought becomes lighter and every pain fades faster.

My body moves quickly, my arms wrap around his neck as his arms do the same, holding me around my body. The smell of his perfume fills my nostrils and the warmth of his body calms the shivers in mine. His heartbeat is quick but somehow, mine starts beating with his, two bodies one harmony.

'Leave with me.' I say silently into his ear before he lets me down, narrowing his eyes at mine. They look at me with confusion after those three words got said but jet there isn't the slightest note of judgment in his voice.

'Where are we going?' His words make me smile inside. First time in months, I know that there is someone in front of me who is ready to run, wherever it may take us. His hair is down, it's messy but I like it like that. His eyes are bloody but only a fool would find that weird after the night we had.

'To the place where our problems once faded away.' And with that, he stands up holding his hand out. I prop myself and reach for his hand. This time I'm doing this for myself.

Somehow, I find myself fastening the seatbelt in the passenger seat of my car, while he argued long enough to let him drive. I look over, letting him know damn well that I'm staring. I don't care. I move my legs up on the seat as my body shifts down slightly, making my positions perfectly comfortable. For a second, my eyes catch the street. Everything is lighted up but the streets are empty. Over the day, when there are other people, they seem scarier but now, they don't feel safe anymore. I always felt safer when I was alone. I knew that I depended on myself and I was the only one to let myself down. I'm not sure that I feel like that anymore. I once found peace in empty streets, now they disturb me. I look back at this man sitting right next to me, with one hand on the steering wheel and the other resting in the middle. Every time we pass a light, his face looks softer, closer. The longer I'm with him, it all feels safer. Maybe emptiness once suited my thoughts, but after tonight, he changed everything.

*Niall's POV.*

* 24-minute car ride and one plain ride later*

'I tried contacting Mr Jackson but he's probably asleep now. Is it okay if we stay at my place?' Her tired eyes just try staying awake as we wait for our car to arrive. Her head nodded in agreement, but I'm sure that she didn't even hear what I asked.

A guy in a white Range Rover pulls up and right now, there is no energy left to discuss this mistake.

'Sir, we are so sorry but every black one is already rented, this is the last one left.' I just mumble to him that it's okay and just lead her inside, helping her to sit. After the car ride, her body just stopped cooperating. I fasten the seatbelt on her side and head to mine. Seeing her hurt like this only plays with my mind and my heart.

'Are you okay?' I catch her looking into the dark without any expressions, she seems emotionless. She doesn't cry, scream or laugh. She just lies there on the passenger seat, so tiny and weak. She doesn't answer which makes me worried. I look over at her and realize that she's fallen asleep. I turn on the radio hoping that it would keep me awake. The melody that appears makes me smile. It brings me back into the past. God, that seems so long ago. I remember when everyone used to listen to it, but I've never really listened to those words, even if I did, I never found myself in a situation like it, fuck!

*I don't wanna lose you now, I'm lookin' right at the other half of me.* I look at her and once again realize that even if it isn't, it became about her. Up until this night, every single thing in my life was about Serena, I thought that that's how love feels like, but I can't even blame me. How am I supposed to acknowledge something if I've never encountered it? People say you will just know, I think that a part of me always knew that this wasn't it, that there is someone waiting just for me, just like I was waiting for her even if I haven't realized it. Hell, it's not just tonight, ever since I saw her in that crowd, I just knew.