Standard Introductions

"So..." Roy droned, standing awkwardly over her desk. "Imogene. Tell us about yourself."

She clutched her tea tightly, attempting to warm her innately cold hands. "What do you want to know?"

"When do we get to see your Synapse CB-295Y?" Moss asked.

She smiled. "Sometime soon, I hope. I miss it so much."

Jen, who was back from pouting in the office, snorted playfully and stirred her tea with a spoon. "How can you miss a computer?"

"Jaggers and I do everything together!" Imogene explained. "We design software programs, video games, websites. I write all of my fanfiction on him. He's my best friend in the whole wide world! I don't know what I'd do without him. I barely know what I'm doing now!"

"Did you say you write fanfiction?" Moss asked.

"Bloody hell," Jen mumbled.

"Yes!" Imogene cried. "Well, just one right now. I mostly write poetry and short stories; I could never write a novel. Actually, I guess you could say AYDLI is a novel, but I mean fiction novels. I could never get the hand of writing those. They're so long."

"Wait one second," Moss interjected. "Did you just say AYDLI?"

Imogene blushed a little. "Yeah, why?"

Moss gasped, his cheeks puffing out and his eyes moving out all over the place. "WHAT?"

"What's AY...?" Roy asked.

"Only the greatest Marvel fanfiction on the face of the Earth!" Moss said excitedly. "So that means you're—"

"Anderstan283!" Imogene started jumping up and down slightly in her seat, and some of her tea sloshed into her lap that she didn't notice. "I can't believe you read my fic!"

"I can't believe I'm meeting a real life celebrity! Can we keep her, Roy? She's a celebrity!"

"We were going to keep her anyway," Roy scoffed.

Imogene was still bouncing, and her eyes were wide. "Are you a FanHubber too? What's your username?"

"StephenKennel81. Chairman Wow, I can't believe I'm meeting one of my favorite authors!"

"I can't believe I'm meeting one of my readers! I didn't think anyone read my fic. And wait—if you're Stephen Kennel, then you're the one who's been leaving me all those nice comments, aren't you? Oh, I've always wanted to meet you. You seem like such a sweetheart!"

"Thank you."

"Wait a second," Roy butted in. "What are you two talking about? Did you say you're a writer on FanHub?"

Jen perked up. "Wait a second...isn't FanHub the website with all the gay porn on it?"

"All the gay fan porn," Imogene corrected.

"But also intellectual pieces," Moss added. "Some introspective, some political, others more poetic. I once found a Fantastic Four fanfiction written entirely in verse."

"Ooh!" Roy exclaimed. "That sounds good. Would you send it to me?"

"Of course. Now, just so you are aware, the spelling and grammar isn't that great, which really threw me off at first, although as I read I began to see how it adds a sort of visual element to the page. The out-of-place periods are almost a metaphor for the complex and spontaneous life of a mutant superhero."

"Kind of like E.E. Cummings?" Imogene suggested.

"Nope. Don't know who that is."

"But what's your fanfiction about?" Jen asked Imogene. "It isn't gay, is it?"

"Only a little," Imogene elaborated. "I tried to mix in an even number of straight and gay ships. But the highlight is the fact that it's a crossover between the X-Men and Avengers universes, so most of the relationships involve those characters interacting and having dialogue thrown back and forth at each other and things. I did add in a bit of a love story between Peter Parker and Kitty Pryde, and there is a lot of food for Brony fans, but they're not the main focus. Most of the important relationships are platonic ones."

"Oh my God," Jen mumbled to herself. "She really is a nerd."

"Kitty Pryde and Peter Parker?" Roy pondered. "You know, I never would have expected that, but now that you suggest it—"

"It totally works, right?!"

"It does work," Moss agreed. "Their dialogue is written so beautifully. That scene where Kitty accidentally walked in on Peter while he was taking a wee—magic."

"Alright, now I have to read this," Roy exclaimed, sliding into his desk. "What is your username? Anderstan...?"

"Anderstan283, because I'm a Wes Anderson stan."

"What sort of other fan circles are you involved in, Imogene?" Moss asked.

"Well..." she sighed, finally noticing the warm tea in her lap and wiping at it with the bottom of her sweater. "The most unconventional things, I suppose. Doctor Who. Stranger Things. Star Wars. Marvel, not so much DC. Studio Ghibli. Most British television. Films in general. Animated films are especially good—have either of you seen Akira?"

"I love Akira," Roy sighed. "Let's see, Anderstan283. What are all of these? As You Don't Like It, The Taming of the Tony—Love and Gaelic Lessons?"

"Don't you dare click on the latter two!" Imogene almost yelled. "They're old and cringey!"

"I read part of Love and Gaelic Lessons," Moss chimed in. "I enjoyed how it explored the more complex aspects of the X-Men universe."

"This As You Don't Like It one has two hundred reads," Roy said. "Is that good?"

"No," said Jen. "One K is good. Two hundred is sad."

"Most of them are mine!" Moss laughed. "Guilty! I keep going back and reading it all over again. I want to have all the details fresh for when I read the next chapters. I can't wait for the next update!"

"Just don't hound me," Imogene smiled. "You don't want it to be rushed and muddled, now, do you?"

"I'm reading the first chapter," Roy announced.

"Really!" she cried. "Do you like it?"

"I'm only on the first sentence."

"Well, is the first sentence good?"

Roy nodded. "Yes. Very well-written sentence."

Imogene grinned. "I can't believe you guys are so nice. This is all so unfamiliar to me—a totally new country, a new job, a new apartment—but you're all making it so easy. I'm really glad to start working here. I hope I stay a long time."

"Me, too," said Moss. "It's nice to have someone around who understands our references, and who is also a woman."

"Hey!" Jen whined. "I understand your references and I'm a woman!"

"No, you don't," Roy almost yelled.

"It's not the same, Jen," Moss said solemnly. "It's not the same."

"You haven't said much, Jen," Imogene piped up. "You just hanging out in your little corner over there?"

"I am, aren't I?" she sighed. "I suppose that is strange, considering I am a people person, but I guess I just have nothing to say."

"What's your favorite movie?" Imogene asked.

"Oh, I don't know. Steel Magnolias?"

"STEEL MAGNOLIAS?!?!" Imogene began bouncing up and down again like a basketball. "I LOVE STEEL MAGNOLIAS OLYMPIA DUKAKIS IS THE BEST!"

"Steel Magnolias is the best!" Moss agreed.

"Do you like all eighties movies?" Imogene cried to Jen. "I love Dirty Dancing. And Moonstruck, right? Oh, eighties movies are just the best! We should have a marathon sometime! I've still never seen Sixteen Candles!"

"Wait, wait, wait," Jen said happily, standing up. "Don't tell me you like chick flicks."

"I love chick flicks!"

"Oh my God! What have you seen?"

Imogene looked up at the ceiling and started counting some off on her fingers. "Beaches, The Breakfast Club, (500) Days of Summer, Pride and Prejudice 2005—just about everything, I guess, although I am missing a few of the essentials. OH! BRIDGET JONES IS MY FAVORITE!"

Jen gasped and her voice deepened to a rasp. "I LOVE BRIDGET JONES."

"I haven't seen the second or third one yet! I heard they're bad."

"Oh, they're bad."

"Yes," said Moss. "Neither was able to harness the charisma of the original, though they are still rather entertaining."

"Movie marathon!" Jen said excitedly, and she and Imogene began bouncing up and down in unison.

"Count me in!" Moss exclaimed.

"No, Moss, this is a girl's thing," Jen said. "Just girls. Me and my girl, Imogene. Can I call you Im?"

"Im delighted you asked!" Imogene joked, pointing a finger at Jen, who cackled.

Suddenly, the phone rang at Roy's desk. He tiredly picked up the receiver and said, "Hello, this is IT. Have you tried turning it off and on again?" A woman said something on the other line, and Roy's expression went pale. "Oh, Kimberly. Yes, yes, this is Roy. Long time no see."

"Who's Kimberly?" Imogene asked.

"Ugh," Jen winced. "Kimberly."

"An ex-girlfriend of Roy's," Moss explained.

"It's a pretty funny story actually—" Jen began.

"NO!" Roy said quickly, pressing the receiver to his shirt. "No. Please don't tell her. I'm begging you."

"Oh, come on, Roy. Have a laugh! It was funny."

"It was NOT! I still have nightmares about that calendar." He put the phone to his ear again, and his voice was high-pitched and trembling. "Oh, no. It's not you, Kimberly. Just, uh—the television. Moss is playing Guitar Hero again."

"I guess I'll have to tell you later, Imogene," said Jen. "Perhaps on our girl's night, eh? Eh?"

Roy hung up the phone, looking a bit shaken up. "Her computer's having problems."

"Is it plugged in?" Moss asked.

"Oh, it's plugged in."

"Did she try forcing an unexpected reboot?"

"OF COURSE! She's tried everything and apparently it just won't work."

"Well, why don't you go up there and fix it?" Imogene asked.

Roy shook his head and circled around his desk. "I can't go back there. I can't. I can't see her face again. All the horrible memories will just come flooding back—"

"I suppose I'll have to fix it then," Moss suggested.

"Can I join you?" Imogene asked nervously. "I'd like to see how you guys go about things."

"Or you could stay down here," Roy said. "Moss doesn't like the company."

"You're wrong," Moss scolded. "I'd be honored to have company. Besides, I hate conquering seventh alone. They treat us like garbage. This is one of the few shirts I own that isn't covered in coffee-cup rings."

"Well," said Imogene, standing. "Fear not, dear Moss. I'll make sure this shirt ends the day squeaky clean. TO SEVENTH!"

Moss straightened his tie. "I go to seek a great unknown."

"It's not unknown," Roy scoffed. "You've been up there twenty times."

"Let me have this, Roy," he said quietly, following Imogene out the door.