Standard First Day

"Oh no! Oh NO! Chicken in a—ROY!!!!"

"I'm almost there!"

"NO! NOT THE DEATH PUNCH! I HATE THE DEATH PUNCH!"

"YOU'RE GOING DOWN, MOSS!"

"I'VE STILL GOT MY POWER-UP! JUST LET ME GET TO THE PLATFORM—"

"PREPARE TO MEET YOUR END!"

"NOT SO FAST, ROY. MUSHROOM TIME!"

"AW, NO! NO NO NO NO NO!!!"

"HAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!" Moss set his controller in his lap and pointed a finger at Roy. "I win! You owe me a large popcorn and a ticket to the next Marvel movie!"

"Can't we do two out of three?" Roy whined.

"Let me have this, Roy. Let me have this."

"Boys!" Jen called, coming out of her office. "Could you maybe turn the PlayStation off? She's going to be down here any minute. We can't have her think this is all we do around here."

"Why not?" Roy asked. "If I was showing up for my first day, I would love to think that this is all we do around here."

"We haven't had a call since this morning, and it was from Roy's mum," Moss interjected.

"That's not true!" Jen scolded. "We did have that wrong number."

"Oh, yeah."

"Turn it off now and pretend to be doing something useful."

"This is useful!" Roy protested.

"Yes it is!" Moss added. "I just got a free ticket to the next Marvel movie AND a large popcorn! Now I finally have something to do this weekend."

There was suddenly a knock on the door. Jen jolted.

"That's her! That's her, everyone! Quick, turn off the PlayStation! Get to your desks!"

Moss and Roy did as they were told. Roy quickly put the phone to his ear and pretended to be talking to someone important, while Moss went to his black computer screen and feigned typing something on his keyboard.

"Alright, everyone!" Jen said nervously. "Now, just..." She was about to say 'pretend to be normal' but remembered how that had fared before, and decided against it. "Be nice?"

Roy and Moss glanced at each other, and Roy made a point of rolling his eyes.

The person on the other side knocked again, and Jen cleared her throat before opening the door.

Her face immediately fell.

"Hello," said the girl on the other side. "I'm Imogene Eklund. Is this IT?"

Jen slammed the door and backed away, her stomach growing queasy. Moss looked up at her curiously.

"Oh my God," Jen whispered. "Oh my God."

"What is it?" he asked.

"I knew it! I knew there was going to be a catch! No way would they give me someone completely normal. No way! How could I be so stupid?"

"Oh, no," said Roy.

"What is it?" Moss asked again.

"She's a..." Jen could barely get the words out. "She's a..."

"She's a what?" Roy asked.

"A murderer!" Moss whispered.

"SHE'S A NERD!" Jen wailed, flopping down on the couch.

Roy widened his eyes, and so did Moss. They looked at each other. They looked at the door.

With a sudden burst of energy, they both shot out of their seats and raced each other there, scrambling for the doorknob and pushing each other around. Roy got there first, which says about as much as you need to know about Moss's physical activity as his desk is right next to the door.

Roy opened it, and the girl had her hand raised to knock on the door.

"Hello," he said as sexily as he could. "Are you the new employee?"

Her brown eyes widened, and she straightened her glasses. This was the nicest anyone had been to her so far.

Moss peeked over Roy's shoulder and waved. "Hi!"

She waved slightly. "Hi."

"I'm Maurice Moss, or Moss for short."

Roy pushed him aside. "I'm Roy, or...Roy. And you are?"

"Imogene," she said.

"Ah, Imogene. We've been expecting you. Come in, come in."

He stepped over to let her in. She was very nervous, and had a timid aura about her as she looked around the messy office. Her lips were pressed together, rolling against each other, and she seemed as though she might cry.

"Nice office," she said quietly.

"Thank you!" said Moss.

"Uh, your desk is over here," said Roy, heading over to it and slamming a hand down on the desktop. "It's all spick and span, ready for you. You can decorate it however you want."

She nodded. "Thank you."

Roy pointed to the couch. "That's Jen, our Relationship Manager."

Jen shot upwards and held out her hand. Her hair was a bit mussed. "I'm Jen Barber."

Imogene shook it slowly and carefully. "Imogene Eklund."

"Very nice to meet you."

"Sorry we don't have a computer for you," Roy said. "I assume they're bringing you another one from upstairs."

"That's okay," Imogene said quickly. "I've brought my own."

Roy's eyes widened. "You've brought your own?"

"Yeah, it's uh...I can't work on any other computer, so I've brought my own. It's a Synapse CB-295Y. I use it for everything."

Moss gasped. "YOU HAVE A SYNAPSE CB-295Y?!"

She turned to him and blushed. "Yeah, um...My dad owns Prophecy Electronics."

"Wait, really?" Roy asked. "Your dad is Weston Eklund, then?"

She nodded.

"Chairman Wow!" Moss exclaimed. "That's the coolest thing I've heard all day! I can't believe I'm in the same room as someone who owns an actual Synapse! That's one of the best computer monitors there is!"

"You can fool around on it when it comes in," Imogene laughed slightly. "Just be very careful with it. I've had Jaggers for a long time."

Roy frowned. "Jaggers?"

"Yeah, that's his name."

Jen whined. "You named your computer?"

"Yeah. His name is Jaggers like in Great Expectations."

Jen stood up from the couch. "I'll be in my office. You three carry on. Make yourself at home, Imogene."

"Okay," she said, shifting around uncomfortably. "Thanks, Jen. Bye."

The door shut behind Jen. Imogene looked around the room a little more, then her eyes caught on something and she gasped.

"WAIT A SECOND!" she cried, jumping up and down suddenly and flapping her arms. "IS THAT AN ENID DOLL?!"

"Uh, yeah!" Roy laughed. "That's mine. I got it off of EBay a few years ago. You know Ghost World?"

"OF COURSE I KNOW GHOST WORLD! I mean, I haven't read the Eightball comic, but that's one of my favorite movies of all time! Can I take a look at it?"

"Yeah!"

Roy followed her to the shelf next to his desk, where she stood on her tiptoes and took the box down. He turned around and pumped his fists in the air at Moss, who was standing with clenched fists at his sides near the couch, awkward as ever.

"Wow!" she exclaimed, reading the box. "I've never met someone else who likes Ghost World as much as I do. God, I can't believe you have this!"

"I can loan you the comic if you want," Roy suggested.

"That'd be great!" she said happily. "I have the film on Criterion, and there's a little sample that came with the DVD. I'd love it if you could give me some more! I sowant to read the rest of it. What other cool things do you have in here?"

"Well, um—"

"We have an extensive comic collection," Moss chimed in.

"Oh, really!" Imogene cried. "I'd love to see! Do you have any Marvel? I've been meaning to get into Iron Man, since I'm really into the MCU. What ones do you have?"

"Well, we have a lot of Fantastic Four," Moss explained, coming over to his desk and searching the shelves. "Not a lot of Iron Man, though. Mostly Spider-Man, though we also have some Superman, Judge Dredd, Daredevil, Ant-Man—"

"There's a lot more where that came from," Roy added. "I have a much bigger collection at my flat."

"Ha!" Moss laughed. "Quite the contrary. I think it's indisputable that I have a much bigger collection, Roy. And I also have more collectible figurines. You just have a bunch of measly little bobble-heads."

Imogene pointed to a statue on a shelf behind Moss' desk. "Let me guess. Judge Dredd?"

"Yes!" Moss exclaimed. "Nice catch. That is a very prized possession of mine. I don't even let anyone else touch it. You've at least read those comics; I hope?"

Imogene shook her head. "I've only heard of the movie."

He gasped again. "Are you out of your mother-flippin' mind?"

"I suppose I am," she smiled.

"Judge Dredd is only the greatest comic in the history of EVER! I don't Adam and believe this. Screw the Marvel comics. You need Judge Dredd more than anyone I know. Here." He opened up a drawer in his desk, which was full of comic books in plastic sheaths. He pulled one out. "This is Judge Dredd: Case Files 01. The perfect place to start."

"What's it about?" she asked.

"Don't let them get into it!" Jen yelled from her office.

"Actually, Jen's right," Roy said. "We should help you get settled in."

"I think I'm already settled," Imogene said gaily, handing the Enid doll back to Roy. "But I guess it would be good for me to start setting up my desk. I've brought a bunch of supplies and stuff."

"We can carry on this conversation later." Roy glared at Moss, who scrunched his lips up again and looked down, placing his comic book back on the desk.

"Can I borrow that sometime?" Imogene asked, pointing to the comic.

Moss cocked his head to the side. "Yes, but it is in mint condition, so I have to ask that you do not bring it out of this office. And that you steer clear of food and beverages."

She shrugged. "Fine with me."

"Would you like some coffee or tea?" Roy asked her. "I could make you some."

"I would, thank you," said Moss.

"Do you have any Darjeeling tea?" Imogene asked.

Roy winced. "I don't think so."

"Well, I guess any kind of black will do."

"Oh. Okay. Moss, could you come back with me, please?"

"Of course, Roy."

"I guess I'll just set up my desk, then?" Imogene suggested.

"Yep."

Roy and Moss went into the back kitchen, and Imogene went to her desk, unzipped her backpack, and began pulling out folders, posters, and other office supplies.

"She's amazing!" Roy exclaimed, once Imogene was out of earshot. "I've never met another girl who likes comics that much."

"Well, she hasn't read a lot of comics, Roy," Moss pointed out. "She just said she wanted to."

"She had a Stranger Things t-shirt on. And she named her computer Jaggers. She's quite possibly the nerdiest girl I've ever met, Moss. Hell, she even wears horn-rimmed glasses!"

"Hey, guys?" Imogene called.

They shuffled out of the kitchen, and Moss asked, "What is it?"

"Do you have any tape? I want to hang up some of my posters."

"Oh, yes," said Roy, grabbing some from his desk and placing it on hers. He stopped abruptly when he saw the posters laid out on the desktop. "Wait, what are these?"

"Oh, you know," she said, unpeeling some tape and flipping a poster over. "Just some things from movies I like."

"The 400 Blows?"

"Yeah. That's a French film, have you heard of it?"

Roy nodded, frowning again. Imogene turned around, looking for a proper spot on the wall, and then hung up the poster in her hand. It was a Star Wars poster with Rey on it. She pulled some more out of her backpack, and each one was more exotic than the last. She had practically every film ever made represented in there, from Hitchcock's Vertigo to Akira to The Royal Tenenbaums.

"Jesus Christ," Roy sighed. "That is a lot of films."

"Yeah," Imogene said nonchalantly. "I'm a total movie buff. What's your favorite movie?"

"Uh..." he laughed a little. "I don't think I have one. What's yours?"

"Probably Moonrise Kingdom. I'm a huge Wes Anderson fan."

"Oh."

"Is my tea done?"

"Uh...no. Moss and I were just finishing that."

Roy went back into the kitchen, and Moss followed him.

"She's a keeper," said Roy. "Definitely a keeper."

"What about Aunt Irma?" Moss asked.

"Oh, well..." Roy waved the subject off. "It probably won't be that bad."

Moss sighed. "Can I have some tea, please? I'm still a bit stuffed up."

"Oh, be quiet. I'm making you some."

In the other room, Imogene looked around her new desk. She still had a few posters to put up. Hopefully they would all fit.

She'd been wrong about this place. She had a feeling she was going to like it here.