Chapter 15 - The Reveal

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️ May include topics such as self-harm, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks and eating disorders. Please beware before continuing.

[Jungkook POV]

"I'm sorry Kook, I tried convincing the directors to push it back, but they said we'll need to film ASAP so they could post it once you got better..."

Namjoon looked at me with sad eyes while I shrugged nonchalantly.

"It's fine." I replied in a flat tone, sitting down and eating breakfast in silence.

In fact, I got through the entire morning in silence. In the car, I just put on my headphones and blasted music into my ears, avoiding eye contact with my hyungs. It felt wrong, but I knew I had to try my best today; I would not want to have a mental breakdown on set.

"Okay, so today will be a calmer episode..." The directors voice faded as I spaced out.

Why are you here?You don't deserve to be here.

We stood up.

You're so useless.Why won't you just stop being a burden.

Jin hyung started our intro.

How bout' you dont talk for this episode? No one wants to hear your bratty, disgusting voice anyways.

The members yelled "Bangtan!" without me.

Just get off set you disappointment.

I looked to the ground.

Attention seeking FREAK.

I felt eyes on me.

Disgusting.

I felt lightheaded.

Weak.

Someone approached me.

Useless.

A hand was on my shoulder.

Disappointment.

Faint voices yelled out my name.

Hated.

Everything was in slow motion.

Annoying.

I began to fall forward.

Piece of shit.

A pair of arms wrapped around my waist.

Brat.

I was being shaken.

You're so useless that even if you died in the black hole no one would care that you're go-

"JUNGKOOK!" I jumped, startled by the sudden yelling. A splitting headache pierced through my skull as I groaned, falling to the floor.

Useless like I said.

"SHUT UP!" I yelled out, unaware of the concerned glances from the staff and my members.

The staff had stopped filming long ago. They were packing up their things when they heard me scream.

You ruined the shoot you ass.

My breathing picked up. No. I-I couldn't breathe-

"Kook I need you to breathe with me," Jin hyung held my hand to his chest, while I tried to focus on my breathing. It felt as if something clogged my airway and no matter how hard I tried, I could not get it out.

Then it hit me.I was having a panic attack.

"Kook, breathe with me," Jin hyung stated in a gentle tone, helping me to calm down slightly.

After what seemed like hours of "Kook, breathe with me," rubbing my back, playing with my hair, and wiping away my tears of pain, my breathing finally stabilised.

I fell back in exhaustion, Hobi hyung catching me in his arms.

"Shh...Take a break, get some rest. You fought through that with all your strength baby.." He cooed into my ear, relaxing me.

I felt my eyelids grow heavy and I was soon sucked into dreamland.

...

I pried my heavy eyes open to be met with a familiar ceiling. The bright light blinded my eyes as I flipped onto my stomach, trying to block out the light.

"Ggukie?"

The sweet, familiar voice greeted me as I looked up.

"Hyung-"

"Jimin-ah, is Jungkook awake?"

"Yes."

Jimin sat me up and pulled me into a hug. I was confused but returned the gesture.

"What happened back there?"

I looked around and saw all my hyung gathering at the living room, waiting for me to speak up.

"I-I don't really know..." I paused, recalling the incident from earlier, "He's b-back...or rather...he was never g-gone.."

"He?" Namjoon hyung asked in confusion, seeing tears flow from my eyes.

[Jimin POV]

"The voice in his head," I mouthed to Namjoon hyung, him immediately understanding.

I wiped the tears with my thumb, holding a firm grip on Jungkook's shoulders as he looked at me then down at his fidgeting hands.

"I-I'm sorry-"

"Don't apologise..." I smiled gently, "It's not your fault..."

"If anything, it's ours..." Taehyung started, "We made you like this.."

I spotted Hobi-hyung hugging Taehyung from the corner of my eye. I smiled sadly as Jungkook lifted his gaze to meet my eyes.

"I-I have a th-therapy se-session t-tomorrow...r-right?"

I nodded, allowing him to continue.

"C-can y-ou g-guys fo-follow me i-in? I'll expla-explain everything to you a-and Gi H-Hye..."

I smiled, brushing his hair back.

"We love you Kook. We're so proud of you for making it this far and staying strong."

...

[Time skip: The Next Day][Jungkook POV] I shivered slightly at the thought of spilling everything I've been holding back, but I knew that I could barely hold it any longer. We stepped into the hospital and took the lift to the 4th level. We waited for my turn and stepped in when the doctor called my name.

"I-I had an episode yesterday...I wanted to share what happened.." I paused, looking at Gi Hye nodding his head, "And  what's been on my mind..."

Namjoon hyung, who was beside me, placed a comforting hand on my shoulder as he began to explain what he witnessed yesterday. Gi Hye took some notes and then looked at me after her was done.

"He-He kept saying that I-I should get off s-set cuz I was ruining the shoot...He c-called me a burden and a disappointment and I couldn't take it."

I felt tears well up in my eyes, "I couldn't focus on anything and I-I just spaced out. Then I felt lightheaded and almost fell...He then s-said that I was an attention s-seeker and I w-was ruining e-everything...so I-I panicked..."

Gi Hye came over and rubbed my back, comforting me, "You did very well, Jungkook-ah...It must've taken a lot of courage to say all of that..."

...

[Time Skip: 6pm]"Dinner!" Jin hyung yelled from the kitchen, causing 5 bedroom doors to fly open and dash downstairs. I was an exemption. I sat still on my bed, sucking on a lollipop for comfort, staring at the wall and cuddling my Cooky plush.

I heard my door open and my bed dip.

"Hey Kook, you coming for dinner?"

"No, I'm tired."

"Okay, get some rest, we are all downstairs so just come down if you need anything."

"Suga-hyung."

"Yeah?"

"Tell them I'll come later."

"Okay."

I smiled, recounting the events of today. My hyungs deserve some time with me. They've been busy taking care of me...they deserve some break time....Chapter 15 EndWord Count: 1133