On the Head of a Pin

Angels were dying. Being killed.

I walked along a street after dark.

Car alarms were blaring.

Several cars in various states of smashed to pieces were in the street, evidence of an obvious struggle.

I raised a hand, gently closing my hand into a fist, using magic to silence the car alarms. I looked around, walking through the wreckage to a body of a woman in the middle of black wings scorched into the cement underneath her body, revealing her to be the body of a dead Angel, kneeling next to her, moving part of her hair to see the stab wound in her neck. "Goodbye, sister."

Police cars arrived.

Officers instantly walked closer. "What the hell?"

I knew they wouldn't be able to see me, disappearing anyway.

*

I stood with Uriel and Castiel inside a motel room, awaiting Sam and Dean's arrival.

Dean opened the door. "Ah, home crappy home."

Sam turned on the light.

"Winchester and Winchester," I told them.

"Oh, come on," Dean told us in complaint.

"You are needed," Uriel told him.

"Needed?" Dean repeated. "We just got back from needed."

"Now, you mind your tone with me," Uriel told him.

Dean stepped forward angrily. "No, you mind your damn tone with us."

Sam stepped in Dean's way to intervene. "We just got back from Pamela's funeral."

Dean nodded. "Pamela. You know, psychic Pamela? You remember her." He looked at Castiel. "Cas, you remember her. You burned her eyes out. Remember that? Good times. Yeah, then she died saving one of your precious Seals. So maybe you can stop pushing us around like chess pieces for five freaking minutes!"

"We raised you out of Hell for our purposes," Uriel told him.

"Yeah, and what were those again?" Dean asked. "What exactly did you want from me?"

"Start with gratitude," Uriel told him.

Dean looked away in disgust. "Oh."

"Dean, we know this is difficult to understand," Castiel told him.

"And we..." Uriel trailed off, giving Castiel a significant look. "Don't care."

Uriel looked at me.

I raised my eyebrows slightly, unbothered.

Dean looked between us in confusion.

Castiel looked down.

I looked at Sam and Dean. "Now, seven Angels have been murdered, all of them from our Garrison. The last one was killed tonight."

"Demons?" Dean asked. "How they doing it?"

"We don't know," I told them.

"I'm sorry, but what do you want us to do about it?" Sam asked. "I mean, a demon with the juice to ice Angels has to be out of our league, right?"

"We can handle the demons, thank you very much," I told them.

"Once we find whoever it is," Castiel told them.

"So you need our help hunting a demon?" Dean asked.

"Not quite," Castiel answered. "We have Alastair."

"Great," Dean told us. "He should be able to name your trigger man."

"But he won't talk," Castiel told them. "Alastair's will is very strong. We've arrived at an impasse."

"Yeah, well, he's like a black belt in torture," Dean told us. "I mean, you guys are out of your league."

"That's why we've come to his student," Uriel told him. "You happen to be the most qualified interrogator we've got."

Dean realized what he meant, looking down.

"Dean, you are our best hope," Castiel told him.

Dean looked up, shaking his head. "No. No way. You can't ask me to do this, Cas. Not this."

Uriel stepped closer to Dean. "Who said anything about asking?"

Castiel, Uriel and I disappeared, taking Dean with us.

Sam looked around. "Damn it!"

*

In the building that we had Alastair chained to a hexacle that was standing in the middle of a Devil's Trap, we looked in from the hall through the window.

"The Devil's Trap is old Enochian," Castiel explained. "He's bound completely."

"Fascinating," Dean told us numbly, turning away, walking past Castiel and me. "Where's the door?"

"Where are you going?" I asked.

Dean walked past Uriel. "Hitch back to Cheyenne, thank you very much."

Uriel appeared in Dean's way. "Angels are dying, boy."

"Everybody's dying these days," Dean replied. "And, hey, I get it. You're all-powerful. You can make me do whatever you want. But you can't make me do this."

"This is too much to ask, I know," Castiel told him. "But we have to ask it."

Dean looked at Castiel for a moment, turning to Uriel and me. "I want to talk to Cas alone."

I looked at Uriel. "We'll go seek Revelation. We might have some further orders."

"Well, get some donuts while you're out, won't you, Ariel?" Dean asked. He gestured to Uriel. "Just make sure Ursula here doesn't take your voice and make you human."

I chuckled. "Ah, this one just won't quit, will he?" I looked at Dean. "I think I'm starting to like you, Dean."

Uriel disappeared to go seek Revelation.

I disappeared to go elsewhere.

*

I stood alone on a dock, watching the waves splashing against themselves in the lake below in the darkness.

An overhead light bulb flickered, catching my attention. It exploded.

I could sense Anna appear behind me. "Anna."

"Hello, Octavia," Anna told me.

I turned to face Anna. "Your human body—"

"It was destroyed, I know," Anna told me. "But I guess I'm sentimental. Called in some old favors and..."

"You shouldn't be here," I told her. "We still have orders to kill you."

"Somehow I don't think you'll try," Anna told me. "Where are Castiel and Uriel?"

"Uriel went to receive Revelation," I answered. "Castiel is overlooking Dean and Alastair."

Anna nodded. "Right. Why are you letting him do this?"

"He's doing God's work," I told her.

"Torturing?" Anna asked. "That's God's work? Go to Castiel, Octavia, get them to stop, please. Before you ruin the one real weapon you have."

I turned to look over the waves. "Who are we to question the will of God?"

Anna stepped closer, standing next to me, leaning forward against the railing. "Unless this isn't His will."

"Then where do the orders come from?" I asked.

"I don't know," Anna told me. "One of our superiors, maybe, but not him."

*

Anna looked at me. "The father you love. You think He wants this? You think He would ask this of you? You think this is righteous?" I didn't answer, looking at the waves to avoid from meeting her eyes. "What you're feeling? It's called doubt."

*

I looked at Anna.

"These orders are wrong, and you know it," Anna told me. "But you can do the right thing. You're afraid, Octavia. I was, too. But together, we can still—"

"Together?" I repeated, stepping away from Anna. "I am nothing like you. You fell. Go."

"Tavia," Anna told me.

I kept my back turned to Anna. "Go."

Anna disappeared, leaving.

I sighed, lowering my head.

*

While I had been gone, Alastair had mysteriously broken free from the Devil's Trap, even though there was no possible way, and tried to kill Dean, leaving him in the hospital.

I stood in the doorway of Dean's hospital room, seeing him heavily bandaged with a breathing tube and an IV drip.

Sam was sitting next to his bedside, seeing me.

I walked down the hallway.

Sam followed me.

"Sam—" I started.

"Get in there and heal him," Sam told me. "Miracle. Now."

I turned to face Sam, looking down. "I can't."

"You, Cas and Uriel put him in there—" Sam started.

I shook my head. "No."

Sam continued on. "Because you can't keep a simple Devil's Trap together."

"I don't know what happened," I told him. "I wasn't there, Sam. But that trap... it shouldn't have broken. I am sorry."

Sam looked slightly confused for a moment. "You actually mean that, don't you? You can feel it."

I barely nodded. "Yes. You don't understand how dangerous that can be."

"This whole thing was pointless," Sam told me. "You understand that? The demons aren't doing the hits. Something else is killing your soldiers."

I hesitated, not knowing what to say. "Perhaps Alastair was lying."

"No, he wasn't," Sam told me, turning around, walking into Dean's hospital room again.

I watched him go, barely feeling worry and doubt, concern and confusion.

But I felt enough of it.

*

I found Castiel and Uriel in a snowy park.

Uriel was sitting on a bench, his eyes closed.

Castiel stood nearby.

"I received Revelation from our superiors," Uriel told us. "Our brothers and sisters are dying, and they... they want us to stop hunting the demon responsible." Castiel sat next to Uriel. "Something is wrong up there. I mean, can you feel it?"

"The murders," I told them. "Maybe they aren't demonic. Sam Winchester said the demons had nothing to do with it."

"If not the demons, what could it be?" Uriel asked.

We didn't have answers.

Castiel sighed, shaking his head. "The will of Heaven. We are failing. We are losing the war. Perhaps the Garrison is being punished."

"You think our father would—" Uriel started.

"I think maybe our father isn't giving the orders anymore," I told them. "Maybe there is something wrong."

Uriel stood. "Well, I won't wait to be gutted."

Uriel disappeared, leaving.

Castiel stood to face me. "What should we do?"

I shook my head barely. "I don't know." I looked at Castiel. "But I think I know someone who might."

I disappeared.

*

On an abandoned, snowy street, I stood alone, looking around. "Anna. Anna, please."

The streetlight above me flickered.

I looked up, turning around.

Anna appeared. "Decided to kill me after all?"

"I'm alone," I told her.

"What do you want from me, Octavia?" Anna asked.

"I'm considering disobedience," I told her.

Anna nodded, stepping closer. "Good."

I shook my head, confused. "No, it isn't. For the first time, I feel..."

"It gets worse," Anna told me. "Choosing your own course of action is confusing. Terrifying." She put a hand on my shoulder. I looked at the hand. Anna lowered it to her side. "That's right. You're too good for my help. I'm just trash. A walking blasphemy."

Anna turned to walk away.

"Anna," I told her. Anna stopped. "I don't know what to do. Please tell me what to do."

Anna turned to face me. "Like the old days? No. I'm sorry. It's time to think for yourself. But I will tell you this, Octavia. You feel something in the moment, you act on it, no matter the consequences, no matter how scared you are. I know you, Tavia. I know you can do this. It's easier than you might think."

Anna disappeared, leaving.

I took a deep breath, feeling completely lost and alone.

*

I returned to the abandoned building where we had held Alastair captive before he tried to kill Dean, and before Sam had killed him.

And saw Uriel and Castiel facing off, with an Angel sword in Uriel's hand.

"You," Castiel told him.

"I'm afraid so," Uriel answered.

"And you broke the Devil's Trap, set Alastair on Dean," Castiel realized.

"Alastair should never have been taken alive," Uriel told him. "Really inconvenient, Cas. Yes, I did turn the screw a little. Alastair should have killed Dean and escaped, and you should have gone on happily scapegoating the demons."

"For the murders of our kin?" Castiel asked.

"Not murders, Castiel," Uriel told him. "No. My work is conversion. How long have we waited here? How long have we played this game by rules that make no sense?"

"It is our father's world, Uriel," Castiel told him.

"Our father?" Uriel repeated skeptically. "He stopped being that, if he ever was, the moment he created them. Humanity. His favorites. This whining, puking larva."

"Are you trying to convert me?" Castiel asked.

"I wanted you to join me," Uriel told him. "And I still do. With you, we can be powerful enough."

"To..." Castiel trailed off.

"To raise our brother," Uriel answered.

Castiel looked at Uriel in confused realization. "Lucifer."

"You do remember him," Uriel told him. "How strong he was. How beautiful. And he didn't bow to humanity. He was punished for defending us. Now, if you want to believe in something, Cas, believe in him."

"Lucifer is not God," Castiel told him.

"God isn't God anymore," Uriel told him. "He doesn't care what we do. I am proof of that."

"But this?" Castiel asked. "What were you gonna do, Uriel? Were you gonna kill the whole Garrison?"

"I only killed the ones who said no," Uriel told him. "Others have joined me, Cas. Now, please, brother. Don't fight me. Help me. Help me spread the word. Help me bring on the Apocalypse. All you have to do is be unafraid."

"For the first time in a long time, I am," Castiel told him.

Uriel smiled.

Castiel punched Uriel in the face, making him fall through the wall several feet away. Uriel stood, punching Castiel in the face. Castiel punched him in the face repeatedly. Uriel punched him in the face, grabbing Castiel by his trench coat, turning around, throwing him through the brick wall, making it break and Cas fall to the floor on the other side. Castiel spun into a standing position, his mouth bleeding.

Even while they fought, I thought.

I thought about what I wanted to do.

I didn't want to help the Angels to bring on the Apocalypse.

I didn't want to kill others just because I believed in my beliefs more than I believed in theirs.

And I didn't want Uriel to win out over Castiel.

For the first time, I was feeling unafraid, even angry and defiant.

Uriel stepped closer to Castiel. Castiel punched him in the face repeatedly, making Uriel turn away. Uriel grabbed a pipe from nearby, using it to hit Castiel across the face, making him fall to the floor, dropping the pipe, stepping closer to him.

Castiel forced himself to his knees. "You can't win, Uriel." Uriel grabbed the lapel of his trench coat. "I still serve God."

"You haven't even met the man," Uriel told him angrily. "There is no will." He punched Castiel in the face. "No wrath." He punched Castiel in the face. "No God."

Uriel raised his hand to punch Castiel in the face again.

I stabbed Uriel's own Angel blade in through his throat from behind. "Maybe. Or maybe not. But there's still me."

I pulled the sword out of his neck, letting him fall to the floor, stepping closer to Castiel, standing next to him, turning to watch Uriel.

Uriel screamed, white light flaring from his eyes and mouth. The light exploded out of him, through the building.

Castiel rose to his feet.

We exchanged a look, looking at Uriel's body, seeing his wings seared into the floor across the Devil's Trap.

I couldn't believe what I had done, but I also felt no remorse or guilt.

Anna was right.

It was easier than I had thought it would be.

And even though it terrified me...

It felt better than I had in ages.