53-Dream a Little Dream of Me

"I feel fat. Do I look fat?" I ask Steve as I look at my reflection in the mirror. The black dress looked horrible on me and did nothing to hide my bump, which I was desperately trying to do. I felt sick to my stomach as I tried to fix the dress.

"You don't look fat, doll. You look beautiful." Steve tries, but my hormones make me take it the wrong way. Angry hot tears brim my eyes and Steve's face pales. I've been trying on dresses for the last two hours and it seems like the little miracle was not letting me fit into anything. I felt like a fucking whale. Damn you, Steve Rogers and this damn super solider baby. There's a sharp rap on the door and Natasha walks in with a shit ton of dresses over her arm. She places them on the bed. How she got this many dresses this early in the morning, I will never know. It has to be some sort of divine intervention.

"These are all bigger then what's currently in your closet, but that isn't a bad thing because you are pregnant. There is more flow-y dresses in there if you just want to hide the bump, there's some of your usual style too." She says and Steve looks at her almost gratefully. I blink the tears away as I look at the Russian spy as she speaks, "Personally, I think you should just rock the bump. Show them you aren't fucking around and you aren't hiding anything."

"Thanks Tasha." I say softly and the red head smiles. Natasha was so damn rational and I was very thankful for it at this moment.

"Glad I can help. Now get dressed, we leave in thirty." She tells us before walking out, shutting the door behind her. I don't even have to ask Steve to unzip me, he's already doing it. I practically tear the dress off of me, tossing it with the rest on the floor. I'd hang them back up when I get back.

"Tell me why I decided to agree to have us to speak with the United Nations?" I ask as I go to the bed, moving the flow-y dresses aside. I picked up a soft black dress that looked like something Pepper would wear and I put it on. Steve zips me up, looking at me in the mirror.

"Because we would have to do it anyway and you wanted to get it done with." Steve tells me, smiling as I sigh with relief. I could fucking breathe in this dress. He hands me my two rings and I slip them on my ring finger. I fixed my hair in the mirror as he grabbed my heels. I sat down on the bed and put them on. Bennett women didn't swollen feet and ankles during pregnancy and I was glad for it.

"I swear to God this child is growing every day." I murmur as I stand. The cuts on my leg and arm was finally healed up, but heels probably weren't the best idea for today. Although, that wasn't going to stop me from wearing heels today. Steve smiles at me sympathetically. He looks very clean and handsome in his suit, making my heart beat a little faster.

"Sorry about that, sweetheart." He tells me as I grab my purse. Steve wraps his arms around me and leads me down the hall.

-

"Mrs Stark-Rogers, you have the floor." One of the delegates says into a mic. I stand, holding my speech in my hands. I walk past my team and down into the center of the United Nations. I walked like Peggy walked, head held up, shoulders held back. Eventually, I stand in front of a podium, looking out to a large crowd of people. I take a deep breath before moving closer towards the microphone. My red painted fingers tapped nervously against the podium.

"Thank you for letting me speak today. As you all know, I am Peyton Stark-Rogers, one of the original members of the Avengers and a wanted fugitive. The world is in complete disarray. Almost a week ago, an alien named Thanos and his "children" came to Earth and made it a living hell. In Wakanda, I, as well as my fellow teammates made a stand against Thanos and we didn't win. Thanos took out half of the universe, taking people that many of us are close with." I keep my voice even as I look out to the crowd, "For me personally, it took Samuel Wilson, Wanda Maximoff, King T'Challa of Wakanda, and my husband's best friend James Barnes. For all I know, it could have taken my brother, the last family I got." My voice wavers and I shut my eyes. Breathe.

"This isn't a therapy session, Mrs Stark-Rogers." Someone speaks and I nod, my eyes opening. My body straightens and the emotion leaves my face. I pull it all inside me and tighten it into a little ball.

"I know it isn't, sir. We all lost someone that day and the Avengers want to help as much as we can-" I get cut off as a murmur arises in the crowd. Apparently, the UN doesn't like me.

"Your team could have helped under the Accords!" Another delegate yells out in an accented voice. My eyes narrow and grip the edges of the podium, nails digging into the dark wood. The darker part of me says to use my powers and get my way, but I couldn't do that. Be a good girl, make 'em listen.

"General Ross didn't even want us to fight, he wanted us to be arrested. You all would be dead if we hadn't fought." I snap and the large room grows silent, "Ross threw me in the Raft and had me in a straight jacket but I still fought for humanity because I knew someone had to. I fought for you all pregnant, knowing that I could have lost my baby, my husband, and my life. The Avengers, or what's left of us, wants to help. If you don't want our help, that's fine. You handle Thanos on your own. You handle what ever happens next without us. Let's see how long earth lasts without the Avengers." The room is deadly silent until a female delegate clears her throat.

"What do you need from us, Mrs Stark-Rogers?" She asks almost timidly. I smile and hold my head up high. I wasn't holding the UN hostage in here, but everyone in this room knew they needed the Avengers to fix this damn mess.

"Well, it would be much appreciated if the Avengers would be allowed to do what we must without the Accords in the way. This is special circumstances and we can't be getting tied up because of Accords. It would also be nice if my husband or I or any member of the team that was once a fugitive under the Accords have that nice little title erased. We just want to help, in any way we can." I say simply and someone scoffs.

"And what do we get in return?" A translator asks and my smile gets a little smaller.

"If all goes well, half of the universe back. I think that's a small price to pay, don't you think?" I ask, tilting my head ever so slightly as I look out to everyone seated before me. I can see Steve and pride is written all over his face.

-

Steve wrapped his arm around me as we walked out of the United Nations building in New York, Natasha and Rhodey following us. Cameras flashed, everyone was dying to get the first picture of Peyton Stark-Rogers and the newly reinstated Captain Steve Rogers. The whole UN event had been both televised and broadcasted on the radio all around the world. Steve and I's little secret was out.

"Mrs Rogers, how for along are you?" A reporter called out as cameras flashed. For once, I didn't mind the cameras. People needed something else to focus on and if they wanted to focus on Steve, the baby, and I, well they should go on ahead. Steve must've thought the same, because he leaned down and kissed me. I grinned and kissed him back before we made our way to the waiting cars. Natasha and I slid into the back as Steve and Rhodey got into the front seats. The noise outside was muffled as we carefully pulled away from the reporters. Music softly played through the car, some soft jazz Steve had put on before we had left the compound earlier this morning. The baby can hear music, maybe he'll like jazz, Steve had told us when he put the music on.

"I have no idea how the hell you managed to get all that you did out of the United fucking Nations." Rhodey voices from the front, turning his head to look at me. I buckle my seat belt, a hand protectively resting on my stomach. Rhodey looks proud, happiness radiating off of him.

"What can I say? People love a pregnant woman." I grin and they all chuckle, "Speaking of pregnant woman, this one could really go for some chicken nuggets and fries."

"I thought you're supposed to be eating healthy foods." Nat teases from beside me and I playfully glare at her. I was actually fucking hungry and if this woman was going to keep me from eating, I would kick her ass.

"Auntie Nat doesn't want you to enjoy life, kid. Sorry about that." I say as I rub my stomach. Natasha snorts and I know Steve is smiling. This day shouldn't be this cheerful, but I can't help to find myself smiling. The smile disappears when I see my building- well Tony and I's building when I look out the window. "Actually....could you guys drop me off at the tower?"

"You sure that's a good idea, Pey?" Steve asks from the front seat. He knows that I'm not going to change my mind so he drives toward the tower regardless. It probably isn't a good idea, but that isn't going to keep me from doing it.

"Yeah. You guys go on ahead to the base. I'll be okay. I'll take one of the cars back." I reassure my husband. Natasha straightens in her seat, her worried eyes on me. I smile at her, trying to calm her down. The mood in the car has shifted dramatically, but it doesn't stop me from climbing out of the car as soon as it's in front of the building. I give Steve a smile, but he looks uneasy, so I just go inside. The lobby is almost empty, save for the wide eyed receptionist sitting behind her desk. I'm slightly shocked that anyone is still at the tower, working.

"M-Miss Stark!" She says shocked, standing. I smile at her, walking over to her.

"Hi Katherine. Do you know if Miss Potts is in?" I ask, keeping my voice calm and smooth as my heart beats loudly in my chest. Katherine nods, a little shocked that I remembered her name.

"Yes, she's upstairs in the penthouse." She tells me and I nod in thanks, walking over to the elevator, stopping when she says, "Miss Stark, it's good to see you back."

"It's good to be back." I respond and hit the button for the elevator. I walk through the doors, hitting the button for the penthouse. I lean against the wall and hold onto the railing. Pepper was alive, oh God Pepper was alive. The doors slid open and-

"I thought I told Katherine I didn't want any visit-" Pepper rants until she turns around from whatever she's doing and sees me, stepping out of the elevator. Her mouth hangs open, her light eyes as big as dinner plates.

"Hi Pep. Long time no see." I say, my voice thickening with emotion. She covers her mouth and runs over to me, wrapping her skinny arms around me. My soon to be sister-in-law buries her head in my shoulder, both of us crying. She pulls away, cupping my cheeks and brushing away my tears in an almost big sister fashion.

"I want to hit you but I can't exactly do that, now can I?" She jokes, tears still running down her face. I laugh-sob, smiling at Pepper. I haven't seen her since before she and Tony broke up and the feelings I've harbored from how she made my brother hurt are gone. I'm just so damn happy to see her.

"Yeah, I guess you can't. God, I've missed you." I tell her, letting her lead me to the couch. I kick off my heels on the way, sitting down next to her.

"Can-Can I get you something?" Pepper asks, her eyes looking down to my stomach and back up to my face. I chuckle, my craving from earlier making itself known.

"Maybe some chicken nuggets and French fries?" I say, giving her a smile. She chuckles and calls Happy to let him know what to get. I'm excited to have almost the whole gang back. Almost. There's an empty space in the room, an uneasy quietness. Someone should be making jokes.

"How have you been?" She asks me and I sigh, pressing my lips together.

"Well before this whole mess, I wasn't too bad. Being married made being on the run enjoyable. I'm sorry I didn't tell you-" Pepper waves my hand, not needing my apologies.

"It's alright. I understand. Tony told me before it was leaked. He-He showed me the pictures. He was so excited to get a new one, like a kid is when they get a new toy. He wasn't mad at you, Pey." Her words make tears run down my face and God I hope Tony is alive.

"Did he tell you about the baby?" I question, wiping away my tears with a tissue I had grabbed. She dabs at her own tears with a tissue, shaking her head.

"No, but I found your letter and the sonogram on his desk. He opened it on that day.." Pepper trails off and I nod. He knew when he went up into space. I turn my head and Pepper inquires, "How far along are you, Pey?" It takes me a moment to answer, I can't get the words to come out.

"Four months. I'm four months along." I finally get out, my voice tiny like a child's. My eyes are still on the window outside.

"Do you know what you're having?"

"A boy." My hand unconsciously rests on my stomach. I feel nauseous. Out of corner of my eye, Pepper smiles. Depression isn't good for the baby, Elda Bennett seemingly whispers to me. I force myself to look at Pepper, "Steve's happy. He was so excited to find out." She reads my discomfort like a child's picture book.

"And-And what about you?" Pepper asks with hesitation. I could easily lie to her in this situation, but I don't.

"I didn't want the baby but I've already lost two and I don't want to lose another." I tell her honestly, "You can't raise a child on the run. Can't raise a child in this life." We don't get to talk more, because that's when the elevator doors slide open to reveal Happy holding a McDonald's bag.

"Hey kid." He says with a watery smile and I stand, walking over to him on bare feet. I throw my arms around his neck, not listening to the baby who is craving the greasy food in order to hug him. I think he's crying as he hugs me back. I know I'm crying.

"Three years is way too long, Pey." Happy murmurs to me as we pull away. I smile, nodding as I wipe my tears. He hands me the bag of the food and my hand slips inside. I pop a French fry in my mouth, pleasing the restless child inside off my stomach.

"I know, Hap. I know. But you have another little Stark to boss you around." I tease as I eat another fry, my other hand resting on my stomach. Pepper laughs and Happy smiles.

"Yeah, but I'm hoping that the Captain America side of the kid takes over so he isn't a total asshole." Happy teases right back and I laugh, looking at Pepper.

"Do you hear the disrespect? Really think he should be fired." I tell her and she gets up, walking over.  We allow ourselves to be happy, probably for the first time since Tony went missing. It felt nice, but it felt like we were ice skating over the issue. If the ice got too thin, one wrong move and we would fall under.

"You should sit Pey, eat." Pepper tells me and I nod. I feel like a child, but I listen to them anyway. I take the food and sit on the couch, balancing the box of nuggets on my thigh as I hold the fries in my hand. Pepper and Happy fret over me, the former getting me a glass of water. I don't mind it, especially since I get it around Steve "Mother Hen" Rogers, Natasha "Do you need anything?" Romanoff, and Sam "How's the baby, baby?" Wilson.

We sit there and talk and talk. We talk about Tony, about the baby, about Steve. We talk and talk and talk. Only about the good things though. We only spoken only about the good. We didn't dare bring up the bad. I finish my food, the baby makes me throw it up and dinner gets delivered. We talk until it gets dark and I realize I have to drive back, drive upstate. Happy offers to drive me, but I tell him that I'm okay. Pepper says that I could stay the night, and I tell her that Steve will be worried. I take an Audi and I drive home. I'm careful while driving, for once. I don't let me emotions control me, I just drive.

I drive through the gates of the compound at maybe midnight and Steve is waiting for me outside. I park the car and get out, walking over to my husband. His arms wrap around me just as soon as I start to sob. You're weak, so damn weak. Ice skating over the issue-it doesn't do anyone any good. I miss my brother, I miss him so much. I pull away from Steve, stepping away from him. My heels sink into the grass and I fall to my knees. The anger, the sadness-it all builds up in me. It's when I look up at the starry sky above me, it rises and breaks out. I scream, my hands slamming against the ground. Lightning cracks overhead and Steve doesn't move from his spot, letting me cool off. Sobs rack my body, the tears turning into steam as soon as they leave my eyes. I wrap my arms around myself, rocking myself back and forth.

Eventually, Steve joins me. He kneels beside me, pulling me into his chest, his hand rubs my back, attempting to soothe me. I am thirty-one years old, but he holds me like I was just one.

"I miss him." I cry into shirt and I can feel him nod. He kisses my forehead as thunder rumbles in the distance.

"I know, I know you do. I miss him too." Steve tells me softly, tilting my head up so I'm looking at him, "You're going to be okay, doll."

"Three years, Steve. I haven't seen him in three years and I have no idea if he's alive or not. I have no idea what I'm going to do if he's-" Sobs continue to rack my body and my husband can only hold me. There's nothing else to do, but hold me. He can't lie and tell me that we will get him back because Steve doesn't know if we will. My husband won't lie to me, not in a time like this and not about this, about my brother.