Chapter 36

“I’m sorry for acting like that. I should have considered your feelings. Your big bro’s really sorry.”

Yeonjun sticks the flower on the glass and smiles while looking at his brother’s picture beside his jar. He just loves his brother so much that’s why he acted like that.

Truthfully, the bad news reached Yeonjun a week after it happened. There’s so much family occasions happened because that’s when his dad got promoted as well as his mom so he didn’t have the time to check up Jaemin and when he visited their house, that’s when he found out.

“You told me to take care of him but look at what I did— I’m so stupid,” he looks down, feeling sorry to his brother. “B-but I can still do it, right? I can still take care of him but— damn,” he paused. “How am I supposed to do that?”

Yeonjun sighs and looked at the little space where his brother’s remains are and smiles. “I’ll try, Jaemin. I’m sorry and I really miss you so much.”

After visiting the columbarium, he started walking. He’s in Ansan, visiting his brother and letting out thoughts that have been kept in his mind for so long.

He reached a convenient store and he started eating in there. He’s peacefully doing his own thing when he saw some students picking up a fight to another kid, extorting him.

Of course, he never cared about it but he just found it annoying.

“Hey, what are you guys?” Yeonjun asks them when he went out of the store, hands in the pockets of his pants.

“Who the hell are you? Go away. Mind your own business,” one of them taunts Yeonjun.

Yeonjun walks towards them and hangs his arms around the kids. “How much do you want? I’ll give you some,” Yeonjun negotiated in his cool way of saying it.

“500,000 won, why? Can you give it?”

“Of course! 500,000 hits if you won’t leave this kid alone,” his voice suddenly went serious and glared.

The bully smirks, “Do I look like I find it funny, huh? You motherfucker!” he cursed and they all went to Yeonjun.

Yeonjun started fighting the five kids, he managed to knock the two but then the other three have woods and even knife. Yeonjun’s now really annoyed because he never knew this will happen.

“Hey kiddos!”

The kids looked back and Yeonjun recognized that voice. “It’s Soobin,” one of the bully muttered.

Yeonjun saw Soobin walks towards them, wearing a plain white T-shirt, plaid pajamas, with plastic bag on his right hand, and holding a popsicle ice cream.

“What are you all doing here? Shouldn’t you be at school?” Soobin asks them.

“Y-yeah! W-we’re sorry! Let’s go, faster!” the kids started dragging the two who’s knocked out and runs. Probably scared because they know what Soobin did to Yul before.

Soobin went to the victim and started talking to him, convincing him about something and Soobin even gave him bread he bought then he sends him off. Soobin started walking away when he heard Yeonjun called him.

“Choi Soobin.”

Soobin paused, grips the thin stick he’s holding, and started finding where he could get enough strength to face Yeonjun after such a long time.

Soobin turns around and look at him in his usual calm and peaceful face. “Yes? I didn’t know you’ll be in here,” he answered.

Yeonjun walks towards him, “I’m kinda lost,” he lied without any reason.

Soobin nodded, “Oh,” he sounded. “Then I can point you where’s the bus stop,” Soobin said.

“No, honestly, I wanna talk to you,” Yeonjun admitted.

“For what?”

“Everything?”

Soobin purses his lips. Yeonjun’s looking at him sincerely and he needs to fight himself to feel any remorse about those. He started looking back to what Yeonjun did to him just to feel bad but it didn’t convinced him enough.

“Sure, let’s talk things out,” Soobin agreed.

You see, if Soobin will continue to get back to the past just to feel mad about Yeonjun, he can’t and will never move forward. He needs to forgive and let go.

They are at the swing of an open park. Since there’s school, there aren’t that much students or kids in the area. Soobin started swinging in slow pace, not leaving the ground with his feet.

“Soobin, I just wanna say sorry… for everything. There’s so much and I don’t want to get through all of it so for everything… I’m really sorry. I was just so mad and I didn’t think properly,” Yeonjun apologized. "Sorry for beating you up, for making you act like a dog, for having sex with you— forcing you sometimes— everything!"

Soobin’s heart suddenly beats abnormally, it’s fast and confusing. It’s too sudden for him and so new to his ears to hear Yeonjun saying sorry because he never, Yeonjun never said such word.

"I'm sorry, Soobin. I put all the blame to you and got blinded by hatred. I mean this, I really am," Yeonjun continued being apologetic.

I’m sorry. How much does it weigh to Soobin?

He always see Yeonjun as an asshole and cocky one but now he’s seeing Yeonjun so calm, composed yet nervous, as well as there’s a longing on his face. He never knew he’s going to see such face.

“Actually… I-I,” he paused in hesitation. “This will sound idiotic to you but Yeonjun,” he looks at him. “I already forgive you. L-like no matter how much I want to get mad, I just can’t because I can understand you. I can understand why you acted like that it’s just that I can’t accept that… t-that I can easily forgive you,” Soobin explained.

Yeonjun’s lips parted after hearing it. “Y-you’re not mad?”

Soobin smiles and looks away, started swinging again, “I thought I will, in movies or dramas, it’ll always took years to forgive someone who hurts them badly but this is my reality. You know, if I will hold such grudge, I’ll just lock myself and it’ll choke me up until I can’t breathe anymore,” he paused to smile at Yeonjun. “So, I decided to free myself.”

Yeonjun’s out of words. He didn’t expect Soobin’s thinking that way. He knows Soobin’s masochist but this kind of Soobin who accepts the pain, forgive then moves on easily is making him feel something wrong inside him.

He never knew such person exists.

“You’re really a fool,” Yeonjun muttered and looks away.

Soobin lowly chuckles, “I am and Yeonjun, I’m sorry too for everything,” Soobin apologizes too. “I hope… I hope we’re goods now,” he continued.

“W-what does it mean? We’re friends or what the fuck you call it?” Yeonjun’s confused.

“Are we really just going to stay as... friends?"

“Huh?” Yeonjun’s brows knitted and looked at Soobin confusedly and then he realizes something. “Hey Soobin—“

Soobin’s index fingers touch Yeonjun’s lips to make him stop. “I’m a fool, right?” Soobin asks and smiles. “Maybe that’s why no matter how much you hurt me, I will still forgive you.”

Yeonjun saw Soobin’s eyes in their melancholy state. His eyes are screaming it, his eyes screams how much sad he is but at the same time he can see a hint of gladness in there.

Yeonjun stands up, “I-I’ll leave now. See you around,” he excused and started walking away.

“Yeonjun,” Soobin called him, voice is sweet and calm.

And so the older turns back and looked at him who’s smiling. Yeonjun doesn’t know what to feel. He’s nervous to what Soobin might say but at the same time, he wants it. He wants to hear whatever Soobin’s going to say.

“Spend the night in here, it’s dangerous to go back at night.”

--A/N: Are we all ready? Next part will be released after an hour or so.