my patience is gone

YOU / BF POV:

the room was hot. the kind of heat that clung to your skin, soaked into the sheets, made every breath feel heavier than the last. her mouth was on my neck. my hands were in her hair. it wasn't love—it was desperation.

clothes were already halfway off, tangled around ankles and wrists, like we were racing to get out of ourselves.

"fuck—" she whispered, right against my collarbone, and it wasn't sweet. it was broken.

she kissed like she needed to forget something. like she was trying to erase something from her own damn body.

i should've stopped. i should've asked who she was thinking about.

but i didn't.

her hips met mine like a wave crashing against a shoreline that was already eroding. it felt good. too good. but it also felt wrong.

there was something in her silence, something in the way her eyes wouldn't meet mine—not really.

when it was over, we were both breathless. i stared at the ceiling, letting my chest rise and fall. she turned away, grabbing the edge of the blanket, covering herself like she was ashamed.

i wanted to reach out.

i didn't.

the room was dead silent again, like the studio had been that night with claudia. except this time, it felt like i was the one scrolling through my phone, pretending not to care.

until her phone lit up.

claudia: miss you. call me.

i stared. blinked. once. twice.

"you've gotta be fucking kidding me."

billie flinched, eyes snapping open. "what?"

i pointed. didn't even try to hide it. "her?"

her face froze. "it's not—i didn't—"

"don't fucking lie to me," i snapped. my voice cracked. i hated how it cracked. "were you thinking about her? just now?"

"no," she said, too fast. too practiced.

i sat up. "billie."

she didn't answer.

my voice dropped. i was shaking now. "did you use me to forget her?"

that's when she finally looked at me. eyes wide. scared. guilty as fuck.

"i'm—i don't know what i'm doing," she whispered.

"you knew exactly what you were doing," i fired back. "you kissed me like i was the only thing that mattered. but you were thinking of her the whole fucking time, weren't you?"

silence.

fucking. silence.

i laughed. actually laughed. bitter and sharp.

i stood up, grabbing my shirt, pulling it over sticky skin.

"you know what's worse than being second?" i said, my voice low, shaking. "being the one who knows they're second and still fucking stays."

i didn't wait for her to say anything. didn't want to hear another lie.i walked out with wet hair, a raw throat, and a heart that had just been chewed up and spat out.

behind me, the door didn't close gently.

it slammed.

and that sound?it was the end of whatever the fuck this was._______________________________________________BILLIES POV:

i didn't move.

not when the door slammed. not when the silence punched me in the fucking chest. not even when my lungs begged for air that felt safe to breathe again.

i just sat there. bare. cold.blanket pulled up like it could hide the wreckage. like it could smother the version of me that always ruins everything.

her words echoed louder than the slam. louder than claudia's fucking text. louder than the screaming voice in my head telling me you did this. you fucking did this.

i wanted her. god, i wanted her. but that want... it got all tangled in my fear. my guilt.

in claudia.

i reached for my phone like a fucking idiot. like maybe i could delete the message, delete her, delete the version of me that still answers when she calls.

but i didn't delete shit.

i stared at the screen until it turned black again. until the weight in my chest turned into tears i refused to cry.

because crying would mean i cared. and if i cared, that meant what she said was right.

that i'd kissed someone like she was my salvation—while my soul was still shackled to someone else.

and what the fuck do you even call that?love? grief? selfishness?

i don't know.

what i do know is that i fucked it all up.

and she's never gonna let me fix it._______________________________________________YOU / BF POV:

my body still smelled like her.like shame.like heartbreak wrapped in sweat and lies.

but the worst part? i let her do it.i knew the second her lips touched mine that i was kissing a ghost—a fucking memory with claudia's name carved into it.

and still. i opened my legs. i gave her everything.

for what?

i was pacing now, hoodie half-zipped, teeth biting at my nail like it held answers. _______________________________________________    a while later

my phone buzzed.my chest clenched.

finneas.

not her. him.

"hey," i answered, voice hoarse.

"you okay?" he sounded cautious. gentle. like he already knew.

i didn't answer.

"she told me," he said quietly.

my knees buckled and i dropped onto the edge of the bed.

"of course she did," i muttered.

"look..." he hesitated, and then: "i'm not calling to defend her. i'm calling because... i saw the way she looked at you."

i froze.

"she looked like someone who wanted to love you. but didn't know how."

i laughed bitterly. "that's fucking poetic, fin."

"yeah, well," he paused, then his voice dipped lower, softer, darker, "maybe you deserve someone who does know how."

my breath hitched.

"what are you saying?"

he didn't answer. just:"open your door."

my heart fucking stopped.

i walked slow. opened it slower.

there he was. hoodie. hands in pockets. eyes burning into mine.

he stepped in. closed the door behind him.

"fin..."

his lips crashed into mine. and this kiss? it wasn't desperate. it wasn't haunted. it was present.

it was mine.

i gasped into it, fingers gripping his hoodie, pulling him closer like my body knew something my brain was still catching up to.

his hands were on my waist. then my back. then under my hoodie.

"tell me to stop," he whispered into my mouth.

i didn't.

because i didn't want to.

i kissed him harder. deeper. until we were stumbling backward, clothes peeling off, skin meeting skin like we were meant to all along.

he moaned my name like a prayer. like he'd been holding it in for months.

my legs wrapped around him and it wasn't soft. it was real.loud. messy. unforgivable.

i came with his name on my lips, not hers. and when he collapsed beside me, breathless and wrecked, i finally felt it.

peace.

not because i didn't love her. but because maybe... i didn't have to keep hurting myself in the name of her confusion.