am i already on the way out

BILLIE POV ( FLASHBACK WITH CLAUDIA )

the studio was quiet, too quiet, and I hated it. I hated the silence that was crawling up my skin, making it itch in all the wrong places. I had every reason to be here, to be lost in the music, to focus on the next track, but I couldn't.

claus was there, sitting on the couch across from me, scrolling through her phone like she didn't have a care in the world. the usual fire in her eyes was replaced with something calmer tonight. something I hadn't seen before.

I wanted to say something. I wanted to ask her what was wrong, but instead, I just stood there, staring at the floor like it had answers for me. I felt like I had so many things to say, but none of them felt right, like everything was about to collapse around me and I'd be left standing in the rubble.

I didn't know why I had to do this. why I had to feel this way. but.there was this pressure building inside me, suffocating, like if I didn't let it out, I'd explode.

"you alright?" claus's voice cut through the silence, warm and easy like it always was. it should've been comforting, but it made me feel more exposed than I was ready for.

I didn't answer at first. I couldn't. my throat felt dry, my mind fogged. so I just shrugged.

"yeah, just thinking."

"thinking about what?" she asked, shifting on the couch.

she was always so fucking perceptive. It was terrifying.

"nothing," I muttered, trying to brush it off. I didn't want to admit it. didn't want to admit how much I was fighting this feeling inside of me, the one that had been there for too long, gnawing at me, pulling me in a direction I didn't want to go.

but I couldn't ignore it anymore.

she didn't buy it. I knew she wouldn't.

"you sure?" she pressed, and I could see it in her eyes—she wasn't letting this slide. she knew.

I stared at the floor for a while before I finally let out a breath, defeated. "I'm tired of pretending," I admitted, the words slipping out before I could stop them.

"pretending what?"

"pretending I don't care," I said, my voice quieter now. I felt the weight of it all on my chest. "pretending that I don't want this. Want you."

I saw her pause, just for a moment, and I knew. I knew she was feeling it too. She didn't need to say anything. her eyes told me everything.

without another word, she stood up, moving toward me with a confidence I couldn't ignore. her hand was gentle as it cupped my cheek, and before I could stop myself, she was kissing me.

the kiss was soft at first, but then it deepened, and I felt myself melting into it, all the tension and uncertainty draining from my body. It was like I had been holding my breath for too long and finally exhaled.

she kissed me like it was the only thing that made sense.

I kissed her back like I had nothing left to lose.

the world disappeared. there was nothing but her and me. nothing but that feeling, raw and messy and real.

when we pulled away, I could barely breathe.

she didn't smile. ahe didn't say anything at first. she just looked at me, like she was trying to read me, trying to figure out if this was real.

"you sure about this?" her voice was low, teasing, but there was something else underneath it. Something softer.

I nodded. I didn't know what I was doing, but in that moment, I didn't care. "yeah," I whispered. "I've wanted this. I've wanted you."

and that was it. I was done pretending. done holding back.

but that moment? that kiss? It was the start of everything I couldn't take back.

_______________________________________________

   present day:

I should've known then. should've fucking known.

but maybe I didn't want to. maybe I wanted to believe that it was just a moment, a heat of the moment thing.

but now I knew. now I could see it in her eyes. she was still in the picture. still lingering in the background, pulling at my heartstrings. and I couldn't deny it anymore.

I couldn't keep pretending like it was just a random mistake. a  casual kiss.

It was more than that. I wanted more than that.

but I wasn't sure if she could ever give me what I wanted.

and I was already on my way out.

LAST CHAPTER UP NEXT GUYS...NEXT CHAPTER: MY PATIENCE IS GONE✌🏽