C13

Days passed, and Gawin's health started to get better under the loving care of his parents. He wakes up to find his mother sitting beside him.

"Son...are u awake? How are u feeling?" She supports her son to sit up.

"I'm feeling better." Gawin replied.

"Really? It's good, son. Here, drink some water." She hands him a glass of warm water. Gawin takes a sip and gives it back.

"Son, u awake." Gawin's father rushed to his side with food for his wife. He keeps it aside and touches his son's face. "Are u feeling better now?"

"Yes, dad."

"Are u hungry? U wanna eat something?"

"No, dad. It's for mom, right? Mom, eat it first. I'll take a shower."

"But son, u need to eat something."

"I'll have some soup later."

"Ok, then I'll make u soup. Honey, eat the food. I'll go and prepare his soup."

"Thank u, honey."

Gawin takes a warm shower. After showering, he came out of the bathroom to find his mom eating her food.

"Mom, U look thin."

"It's alright, son. When u are sick, mom and dad don't have any appetite."

"Mom, it will not work like that. Both u and dad need to take care of ur health." Gawin said, kneeling down in front of his mother.

"We will, dear, so u also need to take care of yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself." She gently cups his son's face. The skin is still as soft as the first time she touches her son's small face. The moment she couldn't forget till death, the view she would not trade for anything in this world was the first time she saw his son's face. She loves her son more than anything in this world and couldn't see her son in pain. The motherly love she has for Gawin is the kind of love, not any mother is able to give.

"I love u, mom." Gawin smiles, kissing his mother's hand.

"I love u, son." She pulls him into a hug. "Both ur dad and me, we love u so much. U are our treasure, our only star."

At Joss's house:

'Joss, son. If u keep on being like this, then u will fall sick. U haven't eaten anything since last night, and u are also not eating again today.' Zit said with a worried face.

'Aunt Zit, if I eat after drinking alcohol then I'll vomit. I don't like vomiting.' Joss replies soullessly.

'But dear, it will affect ur health.'

'Let my health be affected. This way, i can die soon and end all these sufferings.'

'What are u saying!?" Don't say such  things.'

'Life is full of sufferings. There's a limit to everything, but in my case, it seems as if there's no limit nor end.'

'Dear, u need to search for the way to end the sufferings. Stop torturing yourself like this.'

'Leave the food on the table. I'll eat it after washing up.'

'Ok, make sure to eat it.'

From the day when he ends his friendship with Gawin, he has been drinking at night and sleeping throughout the day without eating much. His body has become considerably weak, and he doesn't have any motivation left to do anything. All he was running from was the pain he felt when he came back to reality. Someday, he pays a visit to his mother at the hospital, but other than that, he doesn't do anything other than drinking and sleeping and then drinking.

"How did I end up in this mess?" He speaks to himself, looking up the blank ceiling, making him miss the painted ceiling he used to watch with him laying by his side. Suddenly, a piercing pain comes to his chest. He held his chest tight and groans. "Why don't u listen to me, heart?" He said and woke up grabbing his car keys to head out.

'Dear, did u eat the food?' Zit approach Joss when she saw him heading out.

'I'm heading out aunt.'

'Where are u going?'

'Somewhere.'

He heads out and gets in his car. He turns on the engine and hits the road, but when he really gives it a thought of where to go, his heart calls for that one place that it dearly holds but he can't bring himself to go and stand in front of his door. So he again heads to the bar. ...Lee brings in Joss by supporting him. He drank in the day. Zit came out all worried.

'He drank again? That too in broad daylight. This kid. He didn't even have any of the food I left for him.'

'Aunt Zit, please help me open the door to his room.' Lee said, dragging Joss to his room.

'Ok ok be careful.'

Gawin's home:

"How's the soup, dear?" Gawin's father asks.

"It's tasty, dad. U are going to be a great chef one day." Gawin gives his dad a thumbs up.

"I knew it. It's in my blood son."

"Drink it all, dear." Gracy puts the glass of warm water with honey on the table. "Drink this after finishing it."

"Yes, mom."

"Good."

"Mom, dad, u guys can go to work from tomorrow. I'm fine now."

"No, dear,there's no problem taking just two, three more days off work."

"Dad, believe me. I'm ok. U guys, don't worry about me."

"Are u sure, dear?" Gracy asks with concern.

"I'm sure, mom. U guys need to go to work."

"Right. Honey, let's go from tomorrow."

"Ok."

"That's more like my parents."

Next day:

"Baby, I left your lunch in the fridge. Reheat it before eating ok."

"Ok, mom."

"Take care, son. We'll come back before 7 in the evening."

"No need, dad, just came back at the usual time."

"Ok, we'll see. Bye, son."

"Bye."

"Go inside. It's cold outside." Gracy shouts at her son.

Gawin gets inside and goes up to his room. He had planned to go to Joss's place to return his book, so he started getting ready. He puts on a plain shirt with jeans, and he heads out after locking his home. He brought an umbrella along with him in case it rains and walks to the bus stop.

After taking the bus , he reached the bus stop nearest to Joss's house and started walking from there. He reached Joss's house and stood in front of it for some time.

"Now I'm here, but what next?" He stood there confused.

'Excuse me. May I know who u are?' Lee asked from behind, making Gawin jump up in shock.

"Lord...!"

'Oh, sorry, kub.' Lee bowed as he apologised.

'It's ok, khun. I'm a classmate of Joss and came to return his book to him.' Gawin hands over the book to Lee and walks away. Lee gave a glance to Gawin's direction and went inside. He hands the book to Zit.

'Aunt, please give this to Khun Joss.'

'Oh, a book, ok.' Zit smiles and takes it. She goes upstairs to Joss's room, opening the door quietly as much as possible, taking light steps with the fear that she might disturb Joss's sleep.

'Aunt Zit...'

'Oh, u weren't asleep.'

'I can't fall asleep cause the moment I close my eyes....(sigh) why am I even telling u this.'

'Lee told me to give this to u.'

'What is it?'

'A book.'

'Book?' Joss gets confused for a while until he realises. 'Book!?' He jumps down the bed and walks towards Zit with unsteady steps. He takes the book from her. 'When did he give u this?' Joss asked curiously. Something in his eyes changed. There's a spark in his eyes.

'Just now.' The moment he heard these words, he rushed out of the room, all wobbly dropping the book behind.

'Joss...dear...be careful! U might fall down the steps.' Zit runs after Joss, but she can't catch up with him. When she was running down the steps, he had already reached outside. It was raining outside, but he didn't seem to care at all and ran out all barefoot.

Joss runs with unsteady steps, so he can't run at his full speed, but still, he tries to run as fast as he could to reach him. He looks around the road, but there's no sign of him making him lose hope for a second until he remembers that he uses the bus. He heads for the bus stop. The rain also starts pouring heavily, hitting hard at his face, but he doesn't seem to care at all. With his mind set at only one goal that is to find him, eyes searching only for that one person, lips calling out his name only, body yearning for his warm only, heart longing for his love only, it seems like he wouldn't mind even if he was walking on fire if it means reaching him.

Joss, with heavy hearts, runs towards the bus stop. There, he can see a tall figure standing with an umbrella faintly. This makes him a little relaxed knowing the fact that he isn't late after all. He takes slow steps towards the figure with heavy breaths until he stands in front of him.

Gawin turns his head towards Joss's direction in shock. He couldn't believe his eyes, but he got himself together really fast and tried to walk away. Joss rushed and hugged him from behind.

"Don't go... don't leave me..." Joss puts his forehead against Gawin's back, warm drops of tears flowing down from his eyes. The raindrops make it invisible, but still, his eyes make it obvious. It's all red.

Gawin remains silent. Joss speaks up once again. "I'm sorry...but please please don't go. I can't bear it anymore. I can't... I can't... do this anymore...." Joss burst out crying. "I'm begging u, please..." Joss tightens his hug. Gawin loosens his grip forcefully and turns around to face him. Joss stood there face down, slightly bending, unable to stand straight. Still, he takes Gawin's hand and puts it on his face. "Without u by my side, I can't breathe properly. It feels like my heart will burst open anytime out of pain."

"What's this?" Gawin finally speaks up. "First u told me to stay away, and now u are begging me not to leave u. Can u be clearer cause u are making me confused." Gawin takes his hand off from Joss's face.

"I can't stay away from u or else I might die...can u forgive me? I know this is selfish, but I just can't leave without u by my side." Joss kneels down in front of Gawin and looks up. Gawin didn't try to stop him cause he was also begging him that day not to leave him but he didn't even look back once so he's kinda mad at him and sad at the same time. But after a while, it looks like he can't stand Joss doing that, so instead of pulling him up, which he won't cause, he knew that he won't get up, he also kneels down.

Gawin puts the umbrella above them. His other free hand slowly traces Joss's face before wiping his eyes softly. "Don't cry now. Running out in the rain and that too barefoot, what were u thinking?"

"About U." Joss replies , rubbing his face against Gawin's palm lightly.

"Crazy. What if u get a cold?"

"I won't. " Joss smiles faintly.

"Wait, were u drinking?"

"I just had a few drinks earlier." Joss replies. Now that he takes closer look, Joss's face and ears are slightly red. So Gawin slaps at Joss arm. " What were u thinking drinking that early?"

"Ouch!" Joss rubs his arm.

"Wait, are u hurt somewhere. He checks his hands and arms, and there are bruises. "How did u get these?"

"Might have bumped into something."

"Why aren't u careful? It's all bruised." Gawin checks the bruises all worried. Joss looks at his face and smiles.

"What u looking at ?"

"So u have forgiven me, right?"

"Said who?" Gawin stands up. Joss also follows him and stands up straight. Now he looks like he's completely sober. He's all energetic again. He pulls in Gawin for a hug. "Thank u....." Joss hugs him tight, burying his face at his neck.

Gawin didn't say anything but hugs him back, a smile forming on his face."Let's go inside. U are drenched."

"Ok. U can't go back until I said so."

"Um."

"Promise?"

"Uh...."

< see u on next chp >