C12

Gawin Pov :

I walk upstairs in a rush to my room and shut the door. Thankfully, my parents are still at work. Otherwise, they would be dead worried about me. I keep my bag on the table and take a long breath, trying to rethink what all just happened back there.

"Why do I care if he talks to me or not? Why am I feeling this way? Why am I crying...?" Gawin asks himself and kneels down to the floor. Drops of warm tears fell to the cold ground. "Why is this happening to me!?" He fell down to the ground crying and hugged himself. "Why are u doing this to me? Why!!?" Gawin punch the ground hard once, twice until his skin starts tearing from the force and friction. His hand starts bleeding, but he doesn't seem to care about it and lays flat on the ground, leaving his bleeding hand on the floor. 

The hands that don't know the taste of punching also seem to hate it cause it's throbbing and shaking unsteadily as if it's asking its owner to stop.

"Now it's come to the point where I'm hurting myself." Gawin raise his hand in the air and watches the blood coming out of his hand. Tears still roll down his eyes, warming up the cold floor. He puts his hands down and looks up at the painting on his ceiling his mother had drawn for him. He closes his eyes and remembers her words.

"Win... my son, don't let others hurt u in any way, not even yourself. U must protect yourself from everyone, most importantly yourself. Without u, mom won't be able to live on...."

He opens his eyes and takes a long breath as if he's pulling himself together. He takes out his phone from his pocket and opens his contacts, his hands slightly shaking, and he becomes a little bit reluctant before blocking the first person on his emergency contact list before deleting it.

"So long it is."

Next morning :

Gawin wakes up, his eyes swollen from all the crying with lips all dried up and cracked from dehydration as he didn't drink even a single drop of water yesterday nor eat but lies to his parents that he had eaten already from outside. He heads to the washroom. His head was throbbing. He has a headache, and his body feels weak, but he still opts to have a shower before heading to the uni.

He walks downstairs after getting ready. His steps are heavy and lazy. He sits down before the plate, which is set up for him.

"Son, are u ok? U look sick, and what happened to ur hand? Why is it all wrapped up?" His dad asked him.

"I'm ok,dad. I got cut while doing an assignment."

"U don't look well, son."

"I'm just dehydrated and hungry too, that's why."

"Oh, ur mom is making the breakfast. Let me go and check, ok?"

"Thanks, dad."

His father walks inside the kitchen and walks up to his wife.

"Honey."

"Yes, dear."

"Our son doesn't look good."

"Hm? What happened?"

"I don't know. Let's me do this. U go and check on him." He took the spatula from his wife and carried on what she was doing. She walks outside in a hurry.

"Gawin...baby...are u ok?" She walks closer and places her hand on Gawin's forehead. "No fever. Son, what happened? U don't look well. Ur hand! What happened to it!?" She checks his hand slowly.

"I'm fine, mom. Got cut while doing an assignment."

"How big was the cut? Why is it all wrapped up like this?"

"It's not really big, mom, it will be fine."

"Let's go to the doctor and get it checked."

"No, mom, it's fine. I'm ok. There is no need for that."

"Are u sure? U don't look well today. What happened?"

"Nothing, mom. It's just dehydration. I have already drunk a glass of water, so I will be fine." Gawin takes his mother's hand and smiles.

"Are u sure? I think u should take a rest from class today."

"No, mom, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

"No dear, what if u faint on the way. U can just borrow big J's notes later if u are afraid of missing the class."

"I'll be fine." Gawin gives an assuring smile, leaving his mom with no choice.

"Ok, then we will drop u."

"Breakfast is here." His father puts the pan in the middle and starts putting it on each plate. His mom takes out the milk from the fridge and takes it to the kitchen to warm up. They head out after having breakfast.

"Son, if u ever feel sick, call me." His father tells him rolling down the window as Gawin gets down the car.

"I will. Don't worry about me."

"We love u, son. Take care and don't forget to call us if anything happens."

"Love u too, guys."

He walks to his class. When he walks in, his eyes search for that one face automatically, but he doesn't find it. He walks to his seat and takes out his books, leaving Joss's books behind in his bag. He had borrowed a book from him before and forgot to return it.

Class starts, and he keeps on waiting for that one person. He constantly looks at the door, hoping for him to show up like he used to and looks at him with that wide smile. Classes came to an end, but there's no sign of him. He lost all his hope.

"What am I even hoping for?" Gawin looks down and thinks to himself.

He went back home, and finally, his body started to heat up, so he called his parents. His parents came back quickly and started taking care of him, both worried about their son.

Joss's PoV ( his house ) :

I open my eyes with great difficulty. My head is throbbing, and my whole body is aching. I lay flat on my bed and looked at my phone. No missed calls, no text, nothing from the one person whose name he would always see first thing in the morning. He keeps his phone down. The moment he regains his full consciousness, that face with teary eyes asking him  not to leave appears in front of him.

He closes his eyes, trying to unsee the face, but alas, it becomes clearer the moment he closes his eyes. He opens his eyes and springs up to sit. Maybe it will make the excruciating pain in his head unbearable and makes him forget about his face and the slicing pain his aching heart is going through to the point that he thinks that he'll get heart attack any moment.

But no amount of pain he inflicted upon himself was strong enough to make him forget about him. Well, how can he forget his world. He was the place he loved to reside during harsh winter, strong wind, heavy rain. Nothing could disturb his peace when his world was with him. Now that he's apart from him, everything makes him suffer with the memories so pure and valuable as the dew drop, making it even more painful.

He sits down on the floor and opens his phone's gallery. Those pictures and videos that he took to keep for memories later turn out to be the only memories he would ever have with him. With this thought, he starts tearing up again. His body has dried up with all the alcohol from yesterday, but the only thing hydrating his body is the warm tears flowing down his cheeks.

He wipes his face with his hand and looks at the picture he took with him at the beach. Both were smiling in the picture with the golden sunlight as their background, making his lips  form a faint smile. Even though it's a picture, he could hear the waves of the sea, the sound of his giggles  clearly as if he's at the beach with him. He closes his eyes once again, playing the video he made of him. In the video, Joss was making a joke while Gawin giggled like a child.

"U who makes me forget about my pain with ur smile, who shines bright like the sun itself, who is so kind enough to make a dull star like me shine with ur light. Just because u met someone like me, u are going through so much pain. I wish u had never met me. I took away ur light after making u burn out yourself for me, dragging u into this hell with me, into this loop of endless suffering. But still, how much I long for u. How much I long to touch u, hear ur laugh, see ur smile, listen to ur voice and feel ur warm....am I selfish if I still want u by my side even if I'm the one who push u away?"

The longing they have for each other, if we were to measure, then no one would be more or less than the other. It is a mutual feeling. The kind of feeling where no words would be right to explain it. Love, longing, regret, sadness, and whatnot, all at once. But only their hearts know the pain they are going through currently, the pain that makes them feel helpless, unneeded, unwanted when all they want and long for the most is each other. The words that aren't spoken out can only be known by the person himself, which turns out to be an unfortunate thing for them. Only if people could read others' minds, or at least they could read each other's mind, then maybe the situation might have been different. 

《See u on next chp》