Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Harry's POV

I drive quickly to Zayn's house and I soon pull up outside it. I am about to ring him to let him know I am here, but I see him running out of his house towards my car. He rushes to the car to try and avoid the rain, which is still pouring down heavily. The passenger door to my car opens and he quickly climbs into the seat beside me, shutting the door behind him. He is already wet from the rain, from just being out in it for a few seconds, that's how heavy it is coming down. I turn to give him my full attention.

"What's wrong?" I ask curiously.

I know that he wouldn't have called me, unless there was no other choice. We haven't spoken much in.....well I can't even tell you how long, it's been a long time since we had a proper conversation. We have literally hated even being in the same room as each other, it's been pretty awkward to say the least. I just can't understand why suddenly now he needs me, there has to be something wrong.

"I didn't know what to do" he starts explaining "I just knew if she was going to hurt anyone it would be you and I knew you would be the only one who could help her" he advises.

I know then without him even saying her name that this is all linked to Sienna, it couldn't be anyone else.

"What has she done?" I ask worriedly.

"She's stolen my car" he advises.

I stare at him waiting for him to keep going, but he doesn't. Has he seriously got my out of bed at this time because of his stupid car? Why didn't he just ring Liam? I don't understand why something like this would concern me or why it would mean she would hurt me.

"Is that it?" I ask slightly annoyed.

"She was drunk, she literally left my house whilst I was upstairs, my hammer is missing and now my car has gone. I just had a feeling she was going to come after you" he tells me.

I start to feel uneasy as the story unfolds, I can imagine her coming after me for revenge. What the hell has she done? Why can't she just be a decent human being for once in her life?

"You should have called Liam, why didn't you call him?" I ask.

I don't want to be involved in this, this should be Liam's problem now, not mine. She hasn't been my problem for a long time, but somehow everyone always drags me back into this.

"Do you really think Liam is the best person to ring in a situation like this?" he asks.

He has a good point, Liam has proved before that he isn't good in situations like this. I still think he should have been told before me though.

"You have a good point" I tell him "Why did you even bring her back to yours?" I ask.

I can't help asking him, even though I know we need to concentrate on finding her first.

"She didn't want to go home" he says nervously.

I glare at him reading his body language.

"You were going to fuck her weren't you?" I ask annoyed.

"No!" he snaps defensively, too defensively.

"Tell me the truth or else I'm not helping you" I practically blackmail him.

"I swear it wasn't like that! She felt too guilty on Liam after last time" he says, his face drops as he realised what he has just let slip.

I knew it, I fucking knew it!

"When?" I ask irritated.

I'm more bothered for Liam than me, she is doing the exact same things to him as she did with me. She slept with Zayn behind my back and she has done the same to him now.

"Not long ago" he answers embarrassed "Does it even matter?" he asks.

No, I suppose it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter to me anymore.

"How are we going to find her?" I ask, changing the subject.

I have so many more questions to ask him, but what's the point. It will only make me wonder if it was the same as when she slept with him behind my back.

"We need to search around for her, you'll have to drive" he says.

I nod knowing he is over the limit still. I set off hoping we find her, safe at least. We keep driving around, we have literally drove all over, but there isn't any sign of her. We go to all the obvious places that we would have expected her to go too if she was just using the car. There is no sign of the car at Niall's, Louis and Eleanor's, Liam's or Simon's. She isn't anywhere to be found and the more places we look for her, the more we realise that it isn't possible to find her with just two people. If we are going to find her we need to get more people involved and we both know we need to tell Liam now. He will go crazy and make things ten times worse, but we have run out of ideas. We have no option left other than to ring him.

"Should I call Liam?" Zayn asks as I pull up outside his house.

I nod and he pulls his phone out ready to call Liam.

Sienna's POV

It takes me a minute to realise where I am and what is going on. I slowly lift my head up from the steering wheel and I touch it, there is already a huge bump on it. My whole body aches in pain and every slight movement hurts. What the hell have I done? I look around me, I hear screams coming from another car. The car lays on it's roof, all smashed in and smoke bellows from it. The car I am in is all smashed, but it has managed to keep all four wheels on the ground. I look around and nobody has seen the carnage that I have caused, it will only be a matter of minutes before another car comes and sees what I have done. That's when it will happen, the police will be called and they will take one look at me before they lock me up. They will put me in prison and then throw away the key. I wouldn't be able to last a day in prison, I would rather die than spend my days like that. I do the only thing that makes sense, I drive away. I start Zayn's smashed up wrecked car up and I speed away from the scene of the crime. I drive dangerously away and as I look back in my mirror, I see headlights from another car coming in the distance. I know I am coward, a sick twisted person, but I can't face the repercussions of what I have done.I speed away further and further from the accident, the accident I caused. How the hell am I going to get away with this? The guilt, the pressure is all pressing down on my chest and I can hardly breathe. I cry out as I drive, this feels just like Daisy. The same intense feeling of guilt I had back then and I can't even see any slight good in this. The Daisy situation was different, I thought at the time I would be able to get Harry back, which was the silver lining. This time, this was just evil and I made it happen. Daisy decided to endanger her life by putting the needle in her arm, the poor girl back there was just driving innocently and I was the one who was reckless. This is why you should never drink and drive, it is one thing putting yourself in danger, but then you put an innocent person's life in danger. It is selfish and I didn't think of that, not when I was talking Zayn's keys. I am bad, I always have been. I just went too far this time.I keep driving, I don't know how long for, but I know I need to abandon this car. I need to get rid of it and try to hide that I was ever in it. I leave it at the side of the road, in a rough area and I walk over to the payphone nearby. I take my handbag with me, which contains my smashed up phone, the hammer and my shoes. I rummage in my bag and I manage to find a pound, I use it to call the only person who will come to my rescue. Liam. I call him and his phone rings a few times and then he answers.

"Hello" he answers sounding concerned, I can tell he is awake.

I bet he is waiting up for me to come home.

"Liam" I say, hardly recognising my own voice.

"Sienna is that you?" he asks sounding relieved.

"I need you Liam, please can you come and get me?" I ask desperately.

I know I have treated him like shit, I have been a bitch, but I know he will be here for me, like always. I need him to save me, I need to be saved.

"Where are you?" he asks.

He isn't angry, he isn't mad at how I have treated him and now he just wants to help me. I tell him where I am and I stay in the phone box to be safe, shivering and just wanting Liam to hold me.The time I wait feels like forever and I am happy, when I finally see Liam's familiar car slowly driving along the road. I literally throw the door to the phone box open and I rush to his car. I open the door and he looks grief stricken when he sees me. I climb inside, shutting the door behind me and I literally throw myself onto him. He doesn't care that I am dirty, he just holds me closely and he uses his spare hand to lock the doors from inside the car.

"What the hell has happened?" he asks, still holding me.

"I've done something stupid" I cry into him.

"What have you done?" he asks pulling out of my arms and staring into my eyes.

I start to sob, reality sinking in of what I have done.

"I took Zayn's car, I drove it when I was drunk" I tell him.

He looks concerned, taking in the lump on my head and realising what has happened.

"I took it and I crashed into someone, I crashed into them and I drove away. I drove off and didn't get them any help. Oh god they're going to take me to prison, please help me Liam" I beg him.

He stares at my worriedly.

"Was the other person hurt?" he asks, worry in his eyes.

I nod "The car was on fire" I whimper.

"Oh shit" he curses.

He moves completely away from my and he leans his head back on the car seat, thinking about it all. He knows that I am in deep shit, as do I.

"Did Zayn see you take his car?" he asks calmly.

I am surprised he is this calm, I suppose he has learnt to be calm since he got in a relationship with me. I shake my head

"No, he was upstairs and I snuck out" I tell him.

I don't want to tell him about everything I did tonight, I'm not telling him about Daisy and her grave.

"Ok where is the car now?" he asks.

I explain to him where I have left it around the side of the street. He gets out of the car and I quickly follow him. He grabs my hand and I feel sick as we walk around the corner, the car comes into view. I hold on to him desperately and I stare up at him, ready for him to solve this.

"We need to burn it" he says not looking at me.

I keep staring at him, listening intently to his plans and intentions. If that's what he thinks is right then I will go with it, I will do whatever he tells me to do.

"We'll torch the car and leave it" he says turning to face me "We'll say that I came to get you from Zayn's because you called me and we went straight back to mine. You can say that you might have left the door open slightly and we'll say you know nothing about the car" he says.

I nod even though his idea is insane, but I will take any help or advice I can get right now.

"We'll just go home and act oblivious to everything" he tells me.

I stand back as he lets go of my hand and he makes his way to the car. He pulls a lighter out of his pocket and he opens the door, simply setting fire to a mat inside and the seats. He rushes back to me and he grabs my hand, dragging me away from the burning car. The car roars with flames quickly, most likely because the petrol tank leaked when I crashed it. We rush back to his car and we quickly get inside. My head aches, the lump on it feels like it is getting bigger and then we quickly drive away. We drive away from the burning car, leaving the evidence behind us. I reach for his hand, but he moves it away from me and he holds it onto the steering wheel. He stares ahead and I am glad he has rescued me, but this is so much more than that. He isn't happy with me and I can't blame him. I don't say or do anything else, as everything slowly sinks in.

Zayn's POV

I press Liam's number and I put the phone on loud speaker, so Harry and I can both hear the call. I am thankful Harry is here, so he can intervene if Liam starts to lose control. We both know how bad he is in a panic situation. The phone rings a few times and eventually he answers.

"Hello" he says, sounding tired.

It sounds like I have just woken him and I feel bad for that, especially waking up to tell him what I am about to.

"Liam something has happened" I start to tell him.

I hate to think how he will react not only to this news, but also how he will react if something has happened Sienna. He will probably never forgive me. I feel sick at the thought of something serious happening to her.

"What is it?" he asks sounding concerned.

"Sienna" I start to tell him "She's gone, she got really drunk and she has gone" I tell him.

He is quiet for a moment and I look up at Harry, he looks as nervous as I do.

"What are you on about?" he asks, he suddenly doesn't sound concerned.

I look at Harry surprised and he pulls his face at me.

"She stole my car and she's drove off with it, drunk really drunk" I tell him.

He half laughs "She hasn't" he insists, but I have to cut him off.

I know he only ever wants to see the good in her, he needs to realise she isn't perfect. He needs to realise she isn't innocent.

"She has, she came back to mine and I went upstairs. I came back down and she had gone, along with my hammer and car" I say forcefully.

I look at Harry and I roll my eyes at him, he smirks because he knows what Liam is like too.

"Listen" he says still calm "She didn't, I came to yours a couple of hours ago and I picked her up. She called me, wanting me to get her, so I did. We are both in bed now, we have been since I picked her up. If your car isn't there, it's nothing to do with Sienna. It might have been stolen, you should report it to the police" he tells me.

I feel confused and Harry looks it too.

"Are you sure?" I ask, not feeling convinced.

Who else could have just taken my car in that short space of time?

"I am a hundred percent sure, unless I am mistaken and I picked up someone who looks like my girlfriend, but isn't" he states.

Shit! Who the fuck has taken my car? I have wasted all of this time thinking it was Sienna, when some little bastard has taken it and done God knows what with it.

"You better report it as stolen" he tells me.

"I will, sorry mate" I apologise, feeling bad for waking them up and blaming Sienna.

"It's ok don't worry" he says.

The call ends and I look at Harry, he still doesn't look convinced.

"If she is with him, then why didn't we hear her? Why didn't she try to defend herself?" he asks.

He has a good point and I can't help thinking there is more to this. I ring Liam back, if she is there then I want to speak to her. I want to know one hundred percent that she is with him.

"Hello" Liam answers, sounding more impatient this time.

"I want to speak to her" I say simply.

"She's asleep" he tells me.

Harry looks at me knowingly, I knew it, and I knew she wasn't with him.

"I don't care" I snap, losing my patience with them.

I'm not playing this game, no chance.

"Fine" he says calmly, as always.

I hear him say her name a few times and I hear him mention my name.

"Hello" Sienna says coming onto the phone.

She sounds like she has just woken up and Harry looks as surprised as me.

"Are you ok?" I ask.

"I was until you woke me up" she says in her usual tone of voice.

"Sorry I was just worried about you" I tell her.

"It's fine, I should have told you I was leaving" she admits.

She should have done, but I don't want to dwell on it too much after what has happened.

"Liam wants you" she says.

Harry still doesn't look convinced, but we have nothing else to go on now. I have to take her word for it and his.

"Zayn" Liam says when he is back on the phone "I was just thinking, it would better if you don't mention Sienna being at yours tonight" he says.

"What? Why?" I ask confused.

"It would be better if you said she went to yours and we left straight away, it just sounds weird that she was at yours drunk" he tells me.

I suppose he has a point, the media will most likely turn it into something indecent and I don't want that idea being put in Liam's head.

"The media will only make out she was up to no good with you and that won't help any of our reputations" he says.

I avoid Harry's judging stare because he knows the truth. I agree to not say anything and then I hang up the call. I still feel confused and I can tell Harry isn't sure what to think either.

"Well you better get your car reported" he says.

I nod making my next call, but I'm still not entirely convinced that Sienna is innocent in this.

Sienna's POV

Liam ends his call with Zayn and we sit in silence for a few minutes. I don't know what to say to him and I can tell he is upset. He doesn't like lying, he doesn't like the situation I have put him in and neither do I. I have practically made him an accomplish in this and if we get caught he could be in as much trouble as me. He set the car on fire, not me. Everything feels strained, we feel strained and I'm not sure where we can go from here. He isn't being loving and caring like he normally is and that worries me. I make the first move and I stand up, going into the bathroom. I need to wash today away the dirt and the badness. He hasn't even asked me why I am so dirty, but I know he will put the pieces together once we hear that Daisy's grave has been damaged. He will know then that it was me. He would only need to look in my handbag to find the evidence, the hammer. I undress leaving my clothes in a pile on the floor and I get into the shower. I turn it on and I just stand there, allowing the hot water to wash over me. The water washes away the mud and as I stand there, I am wrecked by guilt. The woman's screams still going through my head and it slowly makes me feel like I am going insane all over again.The bathroom door opens, Liam walks inside, putting the toilet lid down and sitting down on it. He sits there staring into space, this is something he seems to do a lot when I am in the shower. I don't mind it's his house he can go wherever he wants. I shampoo my hair roughly to get all of the dirt out of it and I try my best to act like he isn't sat there. I eventually look over at him and he has his forehead resting in his hands. He looks like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders and he has, all because of me. He would have a peaceful stress free life if it wasn't for me. I have dragged him in to this, I have made him make a full cover story for me, an entire plan and we have mesmerised it together word for word. I have made him conduct a series of lies to protect me. I don't know what I'd have done without him tonight.

"We need to talk" he says simply, not looking at me.

I stare at him "Ok" I say nervously.

I don't like it when we have to talk, it's always so serious. I know there will be a lot of home truths coming out and I don't know if I am ready for that. I suppose it's about time I was honest with him and he was honest with me. It is about time he told me how he real feels about everything. He never says anything horrible to me, he never criticises me and that's probably why I am like this now. I walk all over him because he has allowed me to do that. This relationship has always been about me, there hasn't been room for his issues or his feelings. It's about time I allowed this to be about him too and not just me.I eventually get out of the shower and once I am dry, I put on my reliable fleecy pyjamas. I leave my hair wet and I just roughly towel dry it. I look just how I feel, like shit. I take my time in the bedroom, wanting to put off my talk with Liam for as long as possible. I leave it for as long as I can and it gets to a point where I have to face him. I go into the living room and I find him sat on the edge of his sofa, crying. I stand watching him crying, soft, hurt, stressful tears and I feel so guilty. I can tell that he is on the brink of giving up, I have reduced him to this. I have taken everything he has had, until he was broken inside. I don't want to do this anymore, I don't want to keep hurting him or being horrible to him. I don't know how else to behave though because I can't control it. I can't control the emotion inside and that's why I flip out. I have spent my life destroying myself and everyone around me, but out of everyone he deserved it the least. He hasn't done anything to hurt me, he has only ever tried to love me and I did everything I could to make him stop. I can't even tell you why, I never know why I do these things, but I still do them. He has spent our whole relationship protecting me and all I have done is repaid that by treating him badly. I just wish I could love him back, I wish I could love him like he loves me. I know I need help, professional help and I can't keep getting that from him. He only ever manages to cover the problems, he never fixes them and he never will. I need to fix them myself because he isn't enough anymore.I take a seat beside him on the sofa and I do the only thing that makes sense. I wrap my arms around him, I hug him tightly and I start to cry too. He turns to me and he holds me back tightly. I can tell though, I can tell by his body language that he has given up too. I have gone too far this time and there isn't any going back for us. I love him, I love him like a best friend, but I'm not happy and neither is he. He made me happier then I was, he helped me to grow as a person and he helped me to show love easier. He made me realise that not everyone is going to reject you and that's why it was always easier with him, I knew no matter what I did he would still love me. He helped me to lose some of my self-loathing, but that wasn't enough. There will always be something corrupt inside me and that will never go away, not until I get serious help. I don't want to pretend anymore for my sake and his. I have tried from our very first kiss to ruin this, to prove that he doesn't love me and that's why we are here now. I need to be fair, I need to give him the chance to move on and be with someone who wants to give him every piece of her. He should be with someone who gives him as much back as he puts in. He needs to be with someone who is willing to love him back and who is willing to have a future with him too. That's isn't me, it never was me.

"I love you" he cries in my neck.

I feel my neck become wet from his tears. I don't say anything, I can't say anything.

"I have never loved anyone how I love you" he cries pulling out of our hug and he stares at me.

I stare back at him, holding eye contact and it's like I am staring at a different man. These aren't the eyes of the man I looked into after I left hospital. Those eyes where full of life, sparkle and happiness, now they are dull and withdrawn. I did this, I changed him and the only way he will go back is to be without me.

"All I ever wanted was for you to be happy" he tells me.

I did too. I know that's what he tried to do and he wanted to make me happy, I wish I could have been. I wish I could open up to him and say how I feel, but I can't be as honest as him. I think he has the right to get everything off his chest first.

"I just wanted you to be happy with me" he lays it out to me.

We both know where this is going and I know it is right, but it still doesn't make it any easier.

"I don't think you were ready to be in another relationship, I think we both jumped into this too quickly" he admits.

We did, we rushed into this because we were both hurting. We both needed someone to soak up our pain and I was selfish, I gave him all of my baggage. He had his own issues with Sophia and I made him carry my issues and his own, that's why this was never going to work. He had only just split up with Sophia and days later we were sharing our first kiss. The kiss I initiated because after the last time he tried to kiss me he was never going to try again. I was still coming to terms with what Mitch did to me, I was still trying to accept that I may never get to be a mother because of what he did. I needed support and Liam was the one who was always there. He had been so kind and supportive, I wouldn't have got through it all without him. I helped him too, I got him over Sophia and he put all of his love into me. He didn't really let go of Sophia, he just replaced her with me and deep down I was still holding out for Harry. I spent the first few months of our relationship waiting for Harry to realise he loved me and Liam knew that. He never said anything about it, he never got angry when I cried over another man. He was just there for me and I was lucky to have him. I was lucky to have someone as supportive and as kind as him. I didn't realise that at the time, I just used him. I took advantage of the nice, caring person he is and that's another reason why we are here now. I did eventually stop craving Harry, but the damage was done for Liam and me. He would never admit that though and neither would I.

"I don't want us to hate each other" he tells me.

My heart breaks as I hear him say those words. That's one thing that would never happen, I would never hate him, but I know if we stay together he will end up hating me.

"Please don't hate me" he cries.

I cry again too hearing him say that.

"I could never hate you" I say meaning it.

I couldn't, he helped me through so much and for that I can never thank him enough. How could I possibly hate the only person who has always stuck by me? How could I hate the person who pulled me out from the brinks of hell? I wouldn't have got through everything if it wasn't for him. He did everything he could to help me and he did, he did more than he will ever realise. He made sure I was getting better and I wouldn't have done if it wasn't for him. I didn't deserve his support, but I am thankful that he gave it to me.He holds my hand gently, I stare down at them and my hand looks so small in his. The sight makes me feel protected, he has always made me feel protected and I am scared of losing that.

"You are the most important person in the world to me" he says.

He is the most important person to me too and I need to learn how to show that.

"I know you don't want this, I know you haven't wanted it for a long time, but I tried to ignore it. I tried to make it work, I put everything I have into us and it still wasn't enough" he says emotionally "We both know this isn't how it is meant to be".

It isn't meant to be like this, love is meant to be equal and ours isn't. He put everything into us, that's something I can never accuse him of because he gave me everything. He couldn't have given me anymore.

"I don't know how else I can make you happy. Is there any other way I can make you happy?" he asks desperately.

I shake my head.

"You can't do anymore" I admit. What else could he have possibly done?

"When was the last time you were happy?" he asks.

I shrug because I can't remember, I honestly can't.

"Me neither" his admission hurts me.

It hurts knowing that he hasn't been happy for so long and he never said anything. He was never able to admit to me that he wasn't happy. He stayed with me perhaps out of pity, maybe out of guilt.

"I don't want to keep fighting you for, I can't keep fighting for you. I can't give you every part of me and keep being rejected. I know you don't love me like you should and I don't want to be selfish anymore. I don't want you to stay with me because it's easier. I want you to be with me because you love me" he lays it all out to me.

He has never been this open and that's all down to me, I never let him open up. I always shot him down when he tried to tell me how he felt.

"I know you still love him, I know you can't love me fully because you still love him" he whimpers.

He doesn't have to say his name, I know he is referring to Harry. I wish I didn't still care about him, but I do and I always will. Liam was always second best, everyone will always be second best.

"I don't want to stand in your way anymore" he advises

"I love you enough to want you to be happy even if it isn't with me".

I don't know what I ever did to deserve a boyfriend and a friend like him. I don't think anyone will ever understand me like him. I nod, I don't confirm that I still love Harry because I don't want to be cruel.

"I never set out to hurt you" I finally speak up.

I start to cry knowing I am losing my best friend and the one person who saw the positive in my faults. He cries too and he holds me again. I know the longer we stay together, the more likely he will end up resenting me and I don't want that to happen. I have already destructed what we have and if he knew the truth he would hate me. If I leave him now then I will never have to tell him the truth and he can still think I am good. He hasn't even allowed himself to see the bad in me, even after what I did tonight.

"You still have a chance to be happy" he whispers "You still have a chance to be with him" he tells me.

I can't even imagine how much it is paining him to say this to me. I wish I could say the same to him, I wish I could be as mature as him and want him to be happy with someone else. I don't though, I don't want him to meet someone else and leave me behind. I don't say anything and instead we just hold each other. I cry into him and he still comforts me, even though he is upset himself. We are splitting up, we are ending this mutually. I have never split up with someone on good terms before or so civilly. I have always been the one to end the relationship and I never cared about their feelings. I only ever cared about myself, but I am bothered about him. He has been good to me and even though I have hurt him if I could take it back I would. I will never hate him, we will never end up like Harry and I or him and Sophia. We don't want to fight, we still want to be there for each other and I know we will always be friends. We stay holding each other for a while and I know I should go soon. I don't know where I am going to go though. I eventually move out of his arms, but I still keep my hand in his.

"Please don't go yet, stay with me for a while" he says. I want to stay, I don't just want to go and walk away from this so quickly.

I want to spend one more night with him, one more night where we hold each other. He stands up and he pulls me up by my hand too. He gently pulls me towards his bedroom and we decide to retire for the night. It feels like the drama of Zayn's car and the crash were a lifetime ago. It feels like it never happened, as sick as that is and I just want to put all of my attention into him now. We walk into the bedroom, the bedroom we spent many nights in together. I sit down on the edge of the bed and he stands in front of me, staring intently down at me. He takes my hand and he pulls me up into him. He moves his mouth down to mine and he kisses me. He kisses me softly and he cups my face with his hands. I don't know whether it's because I know it is ending, it makes my urgency for him escalate. We have never had passion and we hardly ever made love. We were like two friends in a relationship and that's the only reason we stayed together as long as we did.

"I love you" he says against my lips.

I allow him to remove my fleecy pyjama top over my head, allowing my breasts to spill out. He cups them as he kisses me and I moan into his mouth. I want to remember this, I want to remember every single detail of this. I pull at his shirt and he allows me to pull it over his head. I run my hands down his chest and I memorise every part of him, every inch of his skin. He lays me down on the bed, kissing every inch of me. He kisses my neck and I close my eyes, enjoying his touch.He slowly pulls my fleecy pyjama pants off and he looks into my eyes, making sure what he is doing is ok. I lean forward and I pull at his pants, showing him I want it too. He removes his pants and then he lays on top of me. He slowly enters me and I enjoy the connection this brings to us. He slowly makes love to me gently without him being rough. It is soft and caring, it has more meaning than any sexual encounter I have had with anyone before. I cry gently, not in a bad way. I cry because it means something, this moment means so much to us both. He kisses me throughout and this is the closest I have ever felt with him. We keep going until our bodies are dripping with sweat and we are both close to our ends. I allow my orgasm to ripple through my body and I tense up as he releases himself inside me. He lays down on top of me and we just lay there, holding each other.We eventually lay in bed together, the sun is rising and morning is practically upon us. He wraps his arms around me and we lay in a spooning position. I lay in his arms and I cry I lay here sobbing realising I'm not going to have this anymore, I'm not going to have him anymore. I cry because I am a mess and because I am losing him. I doubt everything in this moment, I doubt whether this is what I want or not. I have no idea now what I am doing and I don't know if I am strong enough to deal with this. He tries his best to soothe me, but he is crying too. I have to leave him at some point today. I will go away for a while and I will find myself. I will get the help I have needed for so long. I will sort my life out and then I will come back. I may not come back to be with him, but I will come back into his life and be the friend that he needs. I have to be better, I have to get better. I have too, I haven't got any other choice. Liam eventually falls asleep and I lay here thinking about everything. I have a decision to make, a life changing decision. Do I do this journey alone or do I try to take Harry with me?