Chapter 2

Chapter 2Sienna's POVEverything is so quiet and peaceful, I enjoy these last few minutes of sanity. I feel Liam's hand on top of mine and I allow our hands to connect together. I turn to face him and I give him a small smile. I'm nervous and I have no idea why I am. I am grateful of this car journey even though it is short, it gives me some breathing space from this crazy night. I haven't been used to being in the limelight by choice this past year and it feels unnatural now. There is a big difference between being followed around by cameras and openly allowing yourself to have your picture taken. I try to appreciate this time because after tonight I won't need to do these events again. I will only ever attend something like this if I am supporting Liam, so then the attention won't be on me. We get closer to the after party and I can tell just by looking out of the window that this is going to be chaotic. It is going to be crazy tonight and I need to make sure I pace myself, because it will be a long night. If this had been a year or two ago I would easily have been the last one standing, but not now. I'm not a big drinker or big on the party scene anymore. I try to avoid situations like this, but this isn't just any party though. This is a big night for me and I want to enjoy it as much as I can. I'm just thankful that I have Liam by my side, he will watch over me, and make sure I don't get too drunk. Either that or I will spend the night keeping an eye on him. He isn't one to get drunk often, but when he does he gets near paralytic. I don't know how easy it will be for me to resist temptation though, especially if he doesn't keep a tight rein on me.We reach the venue and our car drives at a snail's pace as it reaches the entrance. I look out of the window and I see the lines of paparazzi waiting for anyone famous to arrive. The car comes to a standstill and the car door is opened for us at Liam's side. He gets out of the car and as soon as he does, camera flashes go off continuously. I shift myself up to the door and Liam reaches his hand out to me. I take his hand and he gently helps me out of the car to my feet. The cameras flash even more and they seem to be even brighter as we both stand emerged from the car. The media shout our names loudly, trying to get our attention. I reluctantly pose beside Liam as our picture is taken over and over again. We both smile and I give a small wave as we head towards the entrance. The media try to ask us questions and we ignore them, I'm not in the mood to talk.Liam wraps his arm around my shoulder and he pulls me into him as we head to the entrance. The lights from the cameras are so bright that I have to screw my eyes up to stop them from hurting. I cling to Liam to steady myself as I can't see where I am going and I am scared I will fall off my high heels. He holds me closely and he lifts his hand in front of my eyes, trying to shield them from the camera flashes. It is little things like this, little signs of love that makes me realise how lucky I am to have him. It makes me realise that this is how I should have been treated by past boyfriends. I was never treated how I should have been, until I found love with him.We keep walking up the long red carpet to the entrance. I cling to him with one arm and I use my other free hand to stop my breasts from spilling out of my low cut black dress. I felt much better after a shower and a change of clothing, after my performance. The wind blows making the split up my dress blow open and it shows off one of my tanned legs. The media and crowd cheer making my cheeks blush slightly and causing Liam to laugh at me. I like that about him, I like that he doesn't get angry easily or jealous. He is secure enough in our relationship to not let little things like that get to him. That is something I have never had with ex-boyfriends before, which isn't surprising considering my history with psychos. I know it is different with Liam, he knows I wouldn't jeopardise what we have for anything else. The media continue to call out to us and it's weird to think not long ago we were seen as a joke. The media made our relationship out to be something seeded and wrong, but the fans love us. The fans think we are a 'perfect' couple and the media soon joined them. They didn't have much of a choice in the end. I believe everyone can see how happy I am with Liam and how happy he makes me. This is the happiest anyone has seen me in years, if not ever. They all know this isn't anything like I had with Harry. This relationship can't be compared because this time it's for keeps. We aren't playing games anymore, this is real.We finally reach the entrance and we are finally out of the way of the cameras. We are quickly escorted inside by the mass of security guarding the entrance. We are both handed a flute of champagne as we prepare to start the celebrations. Liam drinks his champagne in one and I gently sip mine lightly, not wanting to get too drunk, too quickly. I smile at him and he grins at me, as we ensure we keep body contact. He knows this is a big night for me and he wants to make sure it goes as smoothly as possible. He wants to celebrate this night with me and I couldn't imagine sharing it with anybody better. We are led into the party and I look around at the venue. It is a nice place and it is already heaving with music executives and other celebrities. There is one huge room which is dimly lit, the walls are painted light blue and the lights are blue. The room has a cool vibe to it and there are silver decorations hanging from the ceiling. There are high tables and stools surrounding the bar. There is a bar in the middle of the room. I feel everyone's eyes are on me as we make our entrance and we are soon surrounded by people. Liam takes a step back and he allows me to start networking with the people who surround me. He doesn't even bother when I give him my handbag to hold. There isn't any obligations or animosity from him, he just wants to support me. I am led away from him and as I am, I get lost in the compliments and words of praise.I sip my flute of champagne and I walk around the party looking for Liam. I got bored of listening to the endless compliments, so I came to look for Liam. I finish my champagne and I am immediately handed another flute. I start to get frustrated as I look for Liam and I am relieved to eventually see him at the bar, drinking shots. I laugh to myself as I watch him holding my handbag under his arm as he drinks shot after shot, screwing up his face as he does. I walk behind him without him realising it, I grab his bum, and I can't help laughing lightly as I do. He looks horrified as he turns around and as soon as he sees me he starts laughing. "Come here" he laughs pulling me by my arm into him. He holds me close as he stares deeply into my eyes, he cups my face, and then he leans in gently kissing my lips. He kisses me like we are the only two people in the room and it makes me feel uneasy. I am trying my best to get use to the public displays of affection, I am getting better, but I don't know if I ever will be completely fine with it. It does make it a bit easier to deal with when you have been on the brink of death. It makes you realise life is too short to not say how you feel and to not love unconditionally. He stops kissing me and he keeps his lips pressed against mine.

"I love you" he says against my lips.

I smile against his lips and we slowly pull apart. I wish I could be as affectionate as him, maybe one day I will. I am about to tell him I love him too, but we are once again interrupted.

"Sienna darling" the editor of a popular celebrity gossip magazine says as she reaches me.

She places her hand on my arm and she turns me to face her. I still hold onto Liam's hand as Diane I think she is called air kisses my cheeks.

"You must speak to Christoph Gallander" she enthuses pulling me by my hand.

My other hand is pulled out of Liam's and I am quickly swept away in the midst of praise. I turn to Liam and he winks at me as he goes back to the bar. He never begrudges me my moments and he will always just step back when it happens. I am pulled over to Christoph, a well-known celebrity photographer. He has done many shoots with me over the years and they always turn out perfect. I reach him and he greets me with air kisses, I hate it when people do this. He immediately starts to try and charm me about doing a nude photo-shoot. I listen to him, nodding at all of the right moments and all I can think of is how quickly I can get back to Liam.I attempt to escape this boring conversation several times, but somehow they always seem to stop me and pull me back in. I act pleasant enough though and I nod when appropriate. I have become an expert at this sort of thing over the years. It's moments like this when I don't know why I didn't take up a career in acting. I am once again handed another flute of champagne and this time I take a big mouthful of the bubbly liquid. I am becoming tipsy and a few more of these, I will be drunk. I don't drink, I'm not supposed to drink, but if I want to I do. Liam wouldn't be happy if he knew how much I was drinking and if he did know I would be taken home by now. He makes sure I keep away from temptation, which can be boring. I don't mean boring, I mean safe, he makes things safe. It's all worked out how I wanted, I don't need to drink excessively anymore. I don't need to drink to fill the void, the only thing I need is Liam, and I don't need to doubt anything anymore.Every minute drags and soon I see Liam stop behind Christoph. I try to keep my attention on Christoph and listen to his story about a photo-shoot he did in the Amazon jungle, but it's hard. It isn't easy concentrating with Liam just a few feet away from me. I smirk at him and I mouth 'help me' to him, thankfully without anyone else noticing. He pulls childish faces at me and I have to bite down on my bottom lip to stop myself from laughing. He continues to tease me like this for a few more minutes, until I give him a stern look. All jokes aside I am getting bored now and I want to get away as soon as possible. He smirks as he walks up to me.

"Sorry to interrupt, Sienna is needed" he says politely.

I quickly excuse myself and Liam quickly pulls me away. We start to laugh as soon as we are a safe distance away from them. The best thing about what we have is we laugh a lot. He quickly pulls me into a quiet corner and he stands in front of me. He presses his crotch into me and then he tucks my hair behind my ear. I smile up at him and I have an overwhelming feeling of protection. I love that feeling he gives me, but there is one thing missing. There will always be one thing missing because this isn't something you can create. Either you have passion or you don't, we don't, and we never will.

Harry's POV

I walk down the carpet to the entrance of the after party and I feel anxious as I get closer to the door. The camera flashes go off and my name is called, but I don't give the media any attention. I make things as difficult for them as I can, I don't think I can be blamed for that after all the bullshit they wrote about me. They made me out to be an evil controlling drug pusher when Daisy died. I stopped trying to convince people otherwise, well I don't even talk about it anymore. I never want to talk about what happened that night ever again. I soon reach the door and we are led inside. I feel nervous about being here, I don't think I should even be here. This is her party, it's all for her, and I don't think she wants me even near her. Why would she want me attempting to celebrate her success with her? She hasn't wanted anything from me for a long time, I can't blame her for that.I take a flute of champagne as I walk inside the party. I instantly look around for her and I am a bit disappointed that she is nowhere to be seen. It's a good thing though, I don't think she would approve of me being here. The first person my eyes connect with are Zayn's. He looks at me with a look of disgust on his face and then he swiftly walks away. He walks into the crowd, so he is out of my view. I'm not even surprised by his behaviour, I don't expect anything else from him these days. I think it is fair to say that I and he will never be friends again. We have always had our issues and things have gone way beyond repair now. It isn't easy being in a band with someone who openly wishes you had died. I'm being completely serious, he tells me on a daily basis that he wishes I had died when Daisy did. We were ok at one time, we just got on with it, but I did something inexcusable according to him. Yes, you heard me right! The man who slept with my wife, thinks I am the one who is out of order. We tried to be civil, but it always ended up in a fight. It is easier for the pair of us to pretend now that the other doesn't exist. We're not even secretive about our hate for each other. Everyone knows it, everyone feels it, but they have no clue why we are like this.I keep looking around and then eventually my eyes rest on her, the most beautiful girl in the world. She will always be beautiful to me and deep down I know nobody will ever compare to her. The relationship we had will never compare to another. Even as we both move on with our lives, there will always be a connection between us and a spark that I will never have with someone else. Liam holds on to her tightly and she laughs at something he says. I hate him, I honestly hate him. I feel like he pretended to be my friend and all along he was plotting behind my back, so he could take advantage of Sienna when she was vulnerable. He swooped in when she needed someone and he took her away from me. Everyone knows that if it wasn't for him, we would be together now. She would have given me one more chance and that's all I would have needed. I could have made everything ok if I just had one more chance. I would be proving to her that she could be happy, that I could make her happy. It's too late now though, too much has happened between us. She doesn't love me anymore, not how she loves him. There will always be an element of love between us, just not the kind of love I need.I watch her as she throws her head back laughing, making her hair fall behind her shoulders. She pulls Liam towards the bar and I take this as my opportunity to be closer to her. I want to gage her thoughts and feelings on this, I want to know what she thinks. I walk to the bar and I stand just a few feet away from her, going unnoticed at first. She turns her head to the bartender, she turns to me, and then she looks away. I notice her quickly looking back at me again as she realises I am near. She takes in everything and that's when I turn to look at her. I can see a small element of hurt on her face even though she is trying to hide it. I swear if she was being honest she would cry right now, but she has always been good at hiding how she feels. This was always going to happen eventually, she has allowed it to happen for her. Why can't it happen for me too? Why can't I be happy with somebody else? I finally have and as I keep my arm hung loosely around Paige's shoulder, I can't help being secretly pleased. The wrong thing is though that I'm more bothered about what Sienna thinks, then I am about what Paige wants to drink.

Sienna's POV

My eyes connect with his dark green eyes, the eyes I have become to loathe. I take in his arm casually hung over the young blonde's shoulders and the slight smirk on his face. I know him, he is doing this on purpose to hurt me, and it is working. My heart sinks as I realise he is moving on, with someone else. I know I have no right to be hurt or to be angry, but I am. I don't want to still be bothered by what he does, I think I always will be though. I watch her say something to him and he answers her back, yet his eyes never leave mine. I feel like I could cry as it finally happens, Harry is finally moving on. Liam says something to me and I drag my eyes away from the painful scene to the side of me. I do everything I can to focus on Liam and to listen to what he is saying. He laughs as he finishes what he is saying and I have to force myself to laugh with him. I have no clue what I am laughing at and thankfully Liam doesn't pick up on it.I force myself to look back to where Harry was stood and he isn't there anymore. I feel on edge as I quickly look around for him. He isn't anywhere to be seen and it's like he wasn't there in the first place. If it wasn't for the sick feeling in my stomach and the lump in my throat, I would swear I had imagined seeing him here at all. It's harder to handle because it was unexpected, he hasn't been with anyone since.....Daisy. I don't want to think about her and I mentally shake her from my head. How can this all be happening on my big night? He wasn't meant to move on, he wasn't meant to be with anyone else except me. I know I am being selfish, it's just it all seems too soon for him to be moving on. I feel Liam's hand on my back as we are passed our drinks from the bartender. I feel completely deflated and Liam soon picks up on it.

"Are you ok?" he asks.

I look at him, as I stop looking around the party for Harry and his new girlfriend. The thought makes sick rise in my throat and I have to swallow it down again.

"I'm fine" I lie.

Liam doesn't look convinced, we have an honest relationship and I hate myself for lying to him. This is exactly why I avoid Harry, this is why I have nothing to do with him, because he makes me become a bad person. He makes me lie and I hate that, I hate this side of me. I have worked so hard to not be this person again, but all it takes is one moment involving him, and I am back to where I started. I wish I could talk to Liam about this, about Harry. He wouldn't understand what was going on. How can anyone understand the connection Harry and I will always have? Liam is the most understanding person I know and even he wouldn't understand this. He is a good man, but even he has his limitations. There aren't many things we can't talk about. We do avoid some subjects though and Harry is one of them. It makes Liam feel uncomfortable when I mention Harry, so it has been easier not to mention him. He doesn't tell me about Harry from dealings with him in the band and I don't bring up what happened in the past. That's normal though, I don't know any couple who openly talk about their ex partners. We also never talk about what happened between Zayn and me. I think that speaks for itself, it's embarrassing to even talk about. The media and public would revel in finding out I have slept with three members of one band. I don't want everyone talking about it or to give One Direction fans a further reason to dislike me. The last 'forbidden' subject is Sophia. Liam doesn't like talking about her and what happened between them. I am comfortable with that, I'd rather not know about the woman before me. We can literally talk about anything else, even embarrassing women issues. I feel guilty for even being bothered about what Harry does because Liam would be upset if he knew I was. I will always be bothered though, even when I live happily ever after with Liam. I will still be wondering who Harry is with and if he was happier with them than he was with me. I down my champagne in one and Liam follows suite. Tonight is going to be messy especially now. We order some more drinks and as we wait for them I hear a loud pitch scream behind me. I turn around startled and as I do Eleanor rushes towards me, the screaming was coming from her. Liam laughs as she reaches us and I inwardly roll my eyes at her dramatic behaviour. She throws her arms around me excitedly. She's drunk, I wish I was as drunk as her. I know Liam won't let me get this bad though, he will only let me get drunk to a certain extent. She lets go of me and she hugs Liam, spilling her drink on him. He doesn't mind though as he hugs her back. She looks beautiful tonight with her hair hanging in loose waves over her shoulders. She is wearing a simple navy blue loose fitted dress with no sleeves and a high neck. I wish I could look so elegant, so simply. She loosens her grip on Liam and she turns back to me. "You were amazing tonight" she slurs staggering slightly. I smile at her wondering why Louis would let her get this drunk so early into the night. Eleanor and I have created a good friendship over the last 12 months. She has been a good support and I have confided in her a lot. The only thing I can't confide in her about is Harry, I can't tell anyone about him. I have learnt to trust her and I have opened up to her, more than any friend in the past. She has proven to be a good friend and I have worked hard to be a good friend in return. She even distanced herself from Perrie, her once best friend to become good friends with me. It felt too good to be true at one time.

"Your speech was amazing, I got so emotional when you spoke about me" she says close to tears.

What is wrong with her tonight? She isn't usually this emotional, well not in public at least. Louis appears by her side and he rolls his eyes at me.

"Have you not embarrassed yourself enough for one night?" he asks her through gritted teeth.

He talks quietly, but I hear him, and it's strange to see him being so harsh with her. They have the kind of relationship that everyone would aspire to have. She looks at him hurt and she takes another large mouthful of her drink. They must have had an argument tonight, I don't get involved though, because it's none of my business. Louis' face changes as he steps to me and he kisses my cheek happily. We too have become good friends over the past 12 months. I have found his friendship the hardest to maintain at times, mainly because he knows the most about what happened between Harry and me. He is the only one who knows about that night Harry destroyed me. We don't talk about it, we never have, and we never will.Louis talks to Liam about football I think and I listen to Eleanor praise me about my performance. I want to ask her about her and Louis, but it feels weird talking about it with Louis so close by. Liam makes sure the entire time that his hand is resting on my lower back and it brings me a small element of comfort. I find myself only half listening to Eleanor, as I look around for Harry. He will be over any moment now and I'm not sure if I can handle it.

"Hello darling" a familiar Irish accent says close to my ear.

I jump slightly and as I turn around I see Niall stood behind me. I hug him immediately and I take in his familiar scent. He lifts me up off the floor slightly as he hugs me tightly. Niall puts me down and he winks at me, before he greets everyone else.

"Anybody want a drink?" he asks.

That's typical Niall, always being polite.

"Get me a whiskey" Louis says impolitely.

What's wrong with him tonight?

Niall nods and turns to the bar. We all stand talking, I feel a presence beside me and when I look to my side Harry is stood there. He stands smirking with his new girlfriend on his arm and I feel my heart sink once again. Liam notices him and his body language instantly changes. He wraps him arm around me protectively and he pulls me into him, almost as if he is telling Harry I am his. The action seems to go unnoticed by Harry, either that or he just doesn't care anymore.

"Guys this is my girlfriend Paige" he says introducing this young girl.

She smiles at everyone, but when her eyes meet mine I can see the hate for me in them as she narrows her eyes at me. I can tell she doesn't like me and I don't like her. She is irrelevant to me and all she needs to know was I was there first. I will always be the first who made him love and I am the one who made him who he is today. Right now that doesn't seem like a good thing though. Eleanor and Louis make an effort to talk to Paige, but Liam and I don't. There is still clear tension between Liam and Harry. That will never disappear now and Harry only has himself to blame for that. He isolated himself and treating everyone badly after that night. I can't even think about that night especially when I have had a drink. I can't think clearly when I have had a drink. The memories seep back in and they make me feel sick as darkness clouds my mind. I have to fight every second of every day to block out what happened. I have to fight to stop picturing her face, her lifeless face, but it isn't work now. It's too late, the image is imprinted in my head, and nothing will make it go away now. I feel light headed and sick. I watch Harry kiss his new girlfriend and it only makes things worse. I feel like he is dragging me back into that dark place I have been in so many times before. I can't handle this, I can't deal with this tonight. I excuse myself to Liam and as soon as I am out of his view I push past the crowd. I rush through the crowd desperate to get away and to be alone. I finally make it to the toilet with my champagne still in my hand. I push my way inside the brightly lit room and my hands shake as I barge into a cubicle. I look it behind me and I struggle to breathe as I fall down onto my knees. I put the toilet lid down and I rest my glass on top of it. I fumble in my handbag, as I search desperately for what I need. I get close to tears as I struggle to find what I need and the guilt slowly eats away at me.I finally find it, my small make up box and I open it trying to steady my hands. I grab several tablets and I place them into my hand, as I swallow them down with champagne. I instantly start to calm down. I know they don't make an immediate difference to me, but they make me feel calm. They make me feel better about everything. These tablets have helped me cope over the past 12 months, they have saved me along with Liam. I'm not doing anything wrong, these aren't bad for me, and they are prescribed by my doctor. They have helped me block out the pain and the memories. They have helped me sleep when I never thought I'd sleep through the night again. They numbed my body from the pain and that's why I will always take them. That's why I will always need them. They block out all the bad memories. They block out Daisy's face and they block out the worse pain of all, the pain of not having Harry by my side.