15

I would lie if I said I didn't spend all evening trying to get ready for tonight, making my biggest effort to leave my anxiety aside and adopt that new personality I've already seen on so many women that have come to the bar these weeks. But the pressure I'm putting on my own shoulders, before I even get to the pub where we were supposed to be meeting, is only causing my level of stress to rise.

I should also avoid drinking, or at least not drink too much. I've never gotten drunk, not even when my bosses decided to treat us to a good dinner once a year, so it's not the best idea to get drunk for the first time, messing it up big time, with people I'm trying to be friends with. Or at least grow closer to.

But all those concerns vanish away the second I see a twisted smile on Tammy's face. And the little I've gotten to know her, I know it means nothing good. So my worries change, to focus solely on her and what she could come up with.

Five minutes later, she shows up with a stray full of little glasses. I start counting those the second she leaves the metallic plate on the small rounded table. Eight shots. Eight shots and it's only four of us.

—Two each —she mentions, as if it were obvious—. There's nothing better to start the night than vodka shots.

—Yeah, that's why you always end up spending more time on the floor than standing up —Melanie jokes.

—That only happened once —Tammy rolls her eyes, bending over to take one of the shots—. C'mon. Cheers, bitches! For a good night ahead.

After we all make our tiny glasses tingle after we toast, Soo makes sure to remind us all she can't drink a lot nor will stay until the end of the night because she has to meet up with a client tomorrow morning. I'm almost going to say we could've left it for a different day, but I hold it in. Instead of trying to comfort her, I'll probably sound annoyed or rude, which isn't the case at all.

Sometimes there are some things to be left unsaid.

—My wrist is driving me crazy —Melanie complains, trying to move her hand in circles.

—Did you make a bad move during training? —I ask, trying to hide as much as possible how the liquid is burning my throat.

—Probably —she pouts—. It's been bothering me since I left the kickboxing session.

—That's why you barely moved your hand when you were driving me back home? —Tammy asks, both eyes wide open—. I have a good ointment for things like that. I'll give it to you next time you come home.

She doesn't miss the chance, and while her hand is still rising because of her gesture, she picks another shot and drinks it all at once. An exaggerated gasp leaves her mouth, and her green eyes look around, like encouraging the rest of us to do the same with the rest.

—Y/n, you should come and join us one day —Soo says out of nowhere—. I kinda think you'd like it.

—Kickboxing? —Soo nods— I'm not sure. Never been good at sports —I laugh—. But I could give it a try one day, why not?

—Yeah. That's my girl —Tammy points at me with a pleased smile.

The night goes on just like that. They talk between them, mostly, although they try to make me join the conversations, I rush to shift back to my little side -and for the most part I look like one of those npc's. It's not like I have much to share or to talk about. I don't add anything to the conversation. They're talking about crushes and past experiences anyway, so yeah... I can't add anything to the conversation.

I could say how I settled a strange deal with Soo's brother, because I'm unable to go further than three words with the opposite sex. But I'm sure no one at this table would like to know about that.

So while I'm sipping on my third Mojito, Tammy gets my attention and almost makes me choke on my drink when she asks:

—You're too quiet —she starts—. And we all know what they say about the quiet ones.

—I don't really have much to share —I shrug.

—Did something happen between you and Seokwoo? You didn't keep me updated on anything —Tammy accuses.

If she only knew...

—No —I shake my head, just daring to look at them for one quick second—. We only saw each other at Mel's party, so.

I didn't even hear of him after the birthday party, and it's not like I've thought about him a lot either. But now that she brings him up... I wish I could've had his number at least. Not like it would've changed a thing, but it would've been nice.

—Hopefully he comes to New York again —Tammy winks at me.

At first I cringe a little by her answer and the tone she uses, but I just giggle and take a big sip from my drink. If she only knew Seokwoo and what I did have been the least of my problems lately. And it's not like I'd be able to do anything either.

✸ ✸ ✸

Some dances and several drinks after, Soo heads out. But she makes sure all of us agree on meeting up soon again, when we all are free and neither of us have to leave earlier because of work. Soon she vanishes and Tammy takes the lead of the night.

Oh no. What a bad idea...

She also disappears in the crowd of people, collapsing against one another on the dance floor. And instead of worrying for her, Melanie and I just vibe to the music, dancing some verses, moving our arms in small waves trying to keep the rhythm of the song. She also keeps mentioning how glad she is Soo reserved this small place for us, instead of having to fight for a stool or a high table near the dance floor. And I agree on that. I haven't really frequented nightclubs -for obvious reasons-, but being pushed to the corner of the counter while I'm trying to get a drink, crashing into sweated bodies every single time I have to go to the bathroom because the dance floor is right in between... For those of us who are sober, being in a club is the most similar thing to a decathlon.

When I'm about to ask about that case she mentioned when we were on that trip, Tammy shows up out of nowhere with three guys. And by the way she's holding the arm of one of them, I know which one will be her night stand tonight. That, and the fact that she totally disappears with that same guy shortly after making sure we're trying to bond with his other two friends. "Trying to bond" as in Melanie and the boy with the nose pierced, if I'm not wrong his name is Evan, are almost canoodling while Drake looks at his drink uncomfortably.

He tries to start a conversation a few times, but I fuck it up every single time by replying with a short answer. So I try to switch it up, and be the one asking the questions. But I think that's even worse.

—Do you come here often?

—No —he simply answers—. What about you?

—No.

And a big gulp follows right after. The rum burns my throat while the bubbles of the coke tickle on it, and the taste of that mix in my mouth makes me unable to hide the disgusted face, for a quick second.

Melanie and Evan are long gone from having just a conversation, and she rushes to ask me if it's okay for her to leave. Considering she told me just half an hour ago how bad she wanted to have some fun, I'm in no place to chain her next to me. And it's obvious she's pleased by my answer when a huge bright smile forms on her face. Similar to the one Drake has right now, only that his lips are more curved on a smirk.

And another big gulp follows as soon as we're both alone. And it isn't the last one I have. The conversation turns into a monologue, as soon as he starts rambling about how he only came here for his friends and they ended up leaving him all by himself. He cries about how they could do this to him, and how it's always the same. Or, at least, that's what I guess while I'm focused on finishing my drink.

I could leave right now, run away like I always do, but for some reason I feel bad leaving him here by himself after his friends left with mine.

His rambling must've changed topic at some point, because while I try to reach Melanie's almost full glass, I hear him saying how he isn't the typical dude to find hook ups in clubs.

—Girls like your friends are never into boys like me.

He drops that "pick me boy" line that makes me instantly cringe. And trying to avoid rolling my eyes in front of him, I end up drinking the full drink in one take. Not only does he uses such a weird technique to get my attention, but also dismisses the fact that I'm the one who's here right now.

Isn't it amazing what alcohol does to the human body though? And I don't mean how relaxed and out of touch I suddenly feel, or how dizzy, but how it starts doing a reaction with the three Mojitos I drank before Tammy came with these three guys, and the pizza I had for dinner.

Just keep it in for a few more minutes.

But I know that will be impossible when I feel my stomach twist, and the liquid, that not long ago rolled down my throat, is going up again. It's not until he gets up totally disgusted that I'm aware of what's just happened.

I swipe the long sleeve of my dress over my mouth, cleaning it up before I try to stand up myself when I realize this is the best time to leave. I'm careless about it right now, it's as if I had just slipped my drink over someone's shoes. But I know I'll be regretting every single second of it as soon as I wake up tomorrow.

As soon as I head outside, and feel relieved from the cold hitting my skin, I grab my phone to call a cab. If I thought night would be so simple after what's just happened, I was totally wrong. Shortly after I say where I am, a voice interrupts me.

—Are you drunk?

—I don't know —I frown—. Am I?

—Fuck, y/n. Where are you?

—I've just told you —I drag my words more than I'd want to—. You... —I stop and try again— you... —I go quiet when I'm unable to think about the right word— Just hurry up.

—I'll pick you up, don't move from there.

And I hear nothing else from the other line, except a continuous ring that warns me the phone call has ended.

I lose every sense of timing, and how long I've been waiting next to the door. I was too distracted vibing with the loud sound coming from it, and dissecting the people that keep coming out or coming in. Too busy checking out how good a pink coloured hairstyle looked on one of the girls leaving to realize there was someone walking next to me.

—Let's go —he moves his head.

—What are you doing here? —I question, squinting my eyes at him.

—You called me.

—You work in the cab station now?

He just rolls his eyes and puts his arm around my waist to guide my steps, towards that familiar truck, while I'm trying my best to walk straight with my ankles feeling like jelly. Jungkook tries to be as careful and delicate with me as I allow him to, moving his arms and hands on me while placing me inside the car.

—Did they all leave? —he asks while he buckles up my seatbelt— How the fuck did they even think of leaving you all by yourself? —he asks annoyed after I just nodded.

—I told them.... —I lift my hand to speak— I told them it was okay... —I squint my eyes again— I'm not five. I'm fine.

—Yet you can't form a sentence.

Touché.

I rest my head against the car window, and it all goes black after that.