Chapter 4

“We are going out” Mandy announced. My eyes snapped open and I shot her a mad glare. It took Sofia a few seconds but then she gently slapped the back of Mandy’s head. “Are you mad?” I nodded eagerly. “Yeah, I just found I’m pregnant. Pregnant, for fuck’s sake! I mean, what the fuck is up with that?!”

I couldn’t keep it in now, I had a reason to freak out and I had to freak out because I couldn’t believe it. Because of the signs I had thought that on the way to the pharmacy and back and then during the wait for the girls I had calmed down and gotten used to the idea but now it had really sunk in. I was pregnant, there was a baby inside me.

Mandy had already told me that it wasn’t too bad that I had had a few cigarettes a bit of wine although of course, it would’ve been better if I hadn’t. So now that that scare was over, I could concentrate on the fact that there was a bloody human growing inside me. I hadn’t signed up for this and I didn’t know how to tell Pete. I mean, I obviously had to tell Pete but I didn’t know how and I could not imagine a possible scenario where I would stand in front of him and tell him. It was just out of the question.

“You two better help me figure out how I tell Pete.” Mandy’s eyes grew. “You’re going to get so much money.” I raise one eyebrow at her. “Really? That’s what you’re thinking about?” “That’s not what you’re thinking about?” she asked back. “I didn’t think you’d want to get back together with him. That’s not it, right?” I shook my head quickly. “No, of course not but I was hoping that my kid wouldn’t grow up without a father. I don’t want to take any more money from him, not more than I’d need for the kid of course.” “You know that he’ll want to take responsibility for the kid. He took you in for nothing when you were just friends so what do you think he’s going to do when he finds out he got you prgenant?” "Stop saying that word."

I sighed loudly. I didn’t think Pete wouldn’t take this seriously but I doubted that he’d want to support me. He’d probably want the kid himself after I had been such a bitch. Of course, he wasn’t without faults either, it was his fault too that we had broken up but then again, maybe he didn’t see that, maybe he was convinced that it had been all me and then I couldn’t expect any sense from him. I knew that I had to tell him so I wouldn’t have to think about it with such a struggle and I knew I had to do it quickly. If there would’ve at least been a doubt that he was the father, I could’ve had a reason to delay telling him but this way, there was really no doubt at all. And I knew that it was better than having some one night stand after a party with a lot of booze knock me up, I mean, Pete was a wonderful dad, I just wasn’t sure if he’d want to show that for my baby. How the hell had I ended up in this situation?

But I hadn’t seen Pete in so long, I felt like I didn’t even know him anymore. I felt like I had no accurate imagination of what he’d do in a certain situation and that’s why I needed to find out what he’d do in this one as soon as I could so those thoughts and doubts would not torture me any longer. I needed some security, I needed something to be certain of. I mean, I knew I was pregnant now but I needed to know if I was in this on my own. He already had a kid whose mother he wasn’t with anymore, it wasn’t a problem for him or maybe, he didn't want that a second time.

Of course, Mandy and Sofia were already planning to buy little clothes and what words they’d teach the baby first (which they for some reason had already decided would be a boy) but I was a mess.

After just hanging out on my couch for the whole day, with some delivery pizza and a few shitty reality shows in the background, Mandy actually decided she would make her plan reality. She had set her mind on going out, like the last time I had been through a break-up. Only this time, we were obviously not going to go to Pete’s club. She called a friend and got us on the list for another exclusive thing in town and she didn’t give a fuck about the fact that neither me or Sofia were in the mood to party.

And yet, only a few hours later, we found ourselves getting out of a cab downtown, all dressed up and ready to dance the night away. I knew I couldn’t drink but I also knew that I’d have to get used it. I had been debating if I should go and see Pete instead or not but there had literally been no way of getting away from Mandy’s claws. She had been outside the bathroom door during my shower and then she had already put on my clothes and was ready to do my make-up. She loved doing make-up and when there as an occasion, Sofia and I never denied her of doing it because she loved it so much.

Because I already felt like I was getting bigger, I was wearing a black dress that was lose from the waist down. My black ankle-high boots and my black leather jacket made the whole thing look like I hadn’t tried too much. Mandy on the other hand had just outdone herself, wearing a blue high-waisted skirt and a glittery blouse that was see-through so her pretty bra was visible but not too visible. Sofia was wearing shorts and a white top but her jacket was golden and so were her shoes.

Out of solidarity, Mandy decided not to drink either but Sofia was drunk after just a few minutes of dancing and drinking. I had to admit I was feeling good though, for a few seconds every now and then I could forget that I was struggling in basically every aspect of my life, except for my friendships of course because I mean, I knew that my two girls were the best. But the way the music started to control my heartbeat and made me lose myself in the rhythm without even trying that was nice and I had missed it, I hadn’t been out like this since I had been with Pete. After that, it had just not been what I was in the mood for so after she had practically forced us, I was still thankful to Mandy.

But only until I felt some stranger but his hands on my hips from behind. For a while, I was fine with it and let it happen but then he got too close and started several attempts of trying to touch me that I all declined by moving his hand away determinedly but still patiently. When he got more persistent, I moved off him but he pulled me back and I looked around for the girls. I wasn’t shy but I definitely wasn’t tall and I was unsure that I could take a guy who seemed a lot taller than me and also, a lot stronger. And when I managed to turn around, that assumption was only confirmed. A guy with broad shoulders and a head almost shaved completely, looking pretty tough, was standing in front of me, holding both my arms but before I could even scream, a guy next to us noticed that I was clearly not giving consent and pulled the guy off me, pushed him off the dancefloor, nodding into my direction to get away so I did as he said, squeezing his hand thankfully. I retreated to the bar where I found Sofia who looked at me with big eyes. “Are you alright?” she babbled. I nodded and ordered myself a coke. When I turned around I saw my blonde savior approaching me, hoping he hadn’t just helped me so he could hit on me himself.

He ordered himself a drink too, then looked at me. “Thanks again” I said politely and he smiled, holding out his hand. “Hi, I’m Will.” I shook his hand with a deep breath. I didn’t want to be rude but I also had other problems right now. I wasn’t looking for a one night stand and I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend and he clearly had one of those things in mind. “I’m Charlie” I said, then directed my focus on the people remaining on the dancefloor. “You looked pretty lost out there.” “Can you blame me?” I asked and ran my fingers through my hair. He smiled and shook his head. “I guess not. But your … make-up is a big smudged there” he said and I tried to reflect in my phone screen. Then I fixed my mascara and looked up at him again. “Thanks.” “No problem.” “Most guys don’t notice” I replied, remembering that me and the girls always joked that your mascara could be down on your cheeks and a man wouldn’t notice if you asked him if your make-up was alright.

He smiled again but that’s when I asked myself what I was doing here. I couldn’t forget I was pregnant, what was the point, even if it was only for a few seconds? This was nothing to forget, I had to face it and woman up. So I finished my coke and paid. “I’m sorry but I have to go” I said quickly, grabbed my bag and hurried out of the club. I was taken by surprise by the cold wind blowing through the dark streets but I managed to stop a taxi quickly enough for me to not change my mind while I was waiting.

I told the driver the address and was driven to the gate. I still had Pete’s key, hoping it’d work because otherwise, I knew I wasn’t determined enough to think of another possibility and had only very roughly decided what I’d do so I knew I would just leave and not act on my plan. But gladly, it worked and my heart jumped because I knew what was coming and I had no time to practice because this was the real deal.

The gate closed again behind me and I walked down the street to the mansion that had been my home for quite a while, my heels clicking on the asphalt. I rang the doorbell and fixed my dress before the door swung open and he stood in front of me and my heart skipped a beat. He pulled his shirt down that he had obviously just put on a second ago and ran his fingers through his bed hair. He had clearly already been in bed. Grey sweatpants were hanging from his hips losely and I could tell he wasn’t wearing any underwear. The sight of him made me question my age. Get your shit together, Charlie!, I told myself because how old was I, fifteen?!

His face made it seem like he was just as confused and just as caught off guard as me even though I had been the one with the plan coming here. I still hadn’t prepared. He pressed his lips together and took a deep breath, then his mouth opened and as if it was a late reaction, he gasped in surprise. “Charlie…”