deal

I'm tired.

I can't keep my eyes open.

I've been sitting here forever.

The door opens.

The room is too dark.

I don't know who it is.

My heart is beating fast.

Too fast.

My eyes won't work.

They keep getting blurry.

I hear a seat move from in front of me.

My breathing goes erratic.

Who just sat down?

"Hi Mark. How you feeling?"

Oh.

Doctor Im.

I thought it was the bastard.

"Hey Mark. Say something."

"I'm fine."

"Good."

"Are you seeing the images?"

"No."

"Good. The medicine is working." He took a breath. "See? We're helping you."

"No. Your not."

"Mark. We are trying to help you."

"If your trying to help," I had to pause.

What the hell did they give me?

I can't even say one damn sentence.

"If your trying to help me then let me see Jackson."

Silence.

"No."

I feel my face burning.

Anger rushing through my brain.

"Why can't I see Jackson?"

"Jackson doesn't even know you like him."

"He does! He knows by the way I look at him. He's ran his hands through my hair. Hell he even cares about me. He helped me in the gym. He even hugged me just to make me feel better!"

"The only one that actually happened was when he helped you in the gym."

"All of them are real!"

"Only one is real."

"All of them are real dammit!"

"No they aren't! They're delusions Mark!"

Delusions?

No there not.

They're real.

Aren't they?

Am I crazy?

"I'm schizophrenic."

"No your not. If you were schizophrenic then you wouldn't know if this is reality or one of your hallucinations."

"Then what the hell am I?"

"Your many things."

"What are these many things?"

"They make you special."

"Shut up. You're just sugar coating things."

"I am. It's best that I wait to tell you about your disorders. Your mind is unstable."

Unstable or stable, he should tell me what's wrong with me.

So I can see Jackson.

"Let me see him."

"Mark I c-"

"I want to see him!"

"Let me see him!"

I want to see him.

I want to hear his voice.

Jackson.

Jackson.

"Jackson."

I feel something warm run down the side of my cheek.

I touch my cheek.

It's tears.

My tears.

I'm crying.

"Why won't you let me see him? I just want to see him." I choke out.

Why am I crying?

I cry harder.

I hug my knees.

They feel like bones.

I've lost so much weight.

I'm pale too.

Jackson wouldn't like this.

He likes tan curvy girls.

I'm not tan nor curvy.

And I'm not a girl.

He wouldn't want me anyway.

I'm a guy.

I'm a faggot.

I should've listened to Yoongi.

I should've killed myself.

I'm on the floor now.

My body shakes with every sob.

"Lee! Get me some tissue. He's having an episode."

Tissues wipe away tears and snot.

Can they wipe away my existence?

"Ok Mark. You can see Jackson."

What?

Did I hear right?

"I can see him?"

"Yes."

"Right now?"

"No."

I pouted.

"Tommorrow."

I sprung up from the ground and hugged doctor Im. I don't completely trust him but I believe he'll live up to his words.

"Thank you!" My voice cracked.

I cried to much.

"But you have to do something."

What does he want?

"If Jackson asks you questions you have to answer them completely."

"Of course I will if it's Jackson."

"As I thought."

"Is that it?"

I hope it is.

"No."

I groaned.

"You have to wear constraints" I groaned even louder. "And you have to take your medicine. Willingly."

"Why?"

"You don't want to hurt Jackson right?"

"No."

I would never hurt him. I don't know why they keep saying I will.

"I'll do it."

"Good boy."

"I'm 17 not 2."

"Just take the praise."

I rolled my eyes.

I'm tired of people treating me like a baby.

"C'mon. Let's get you something to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"You haven't eaten in 4 days. Hungry or not you need food."

"I don't want food."

"I want Jackson."

"I'm hungry for Jackson."

"Your obsessed." He mumbled.

"I know I am."

He sighed and grabbed my arm.

"Hey! Let go!"

"Your eating and that's final."

"Get off me." I pull on his hand.

He pulls me harder.

"Quit it. Your going to eat. I don't care what you want and don't want."

I stop walking.

"I'm not moving."

Doctor Im drags me to the cafeteria were I eat disgusting shit.

I wonder what Jackson eats.

I'm going to see him tommorrow.

I'm happy.

Jackson.

Don't worry you guys it won't be like this the whole book.....maybe(:Thanks for reading.Baaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyiiiiiiiieeeeeee