Chapter 15 - Girls Night

"What are we doing here?" Yuki scanned the crowded club feeling lost and clueless as to why we came here.

I called her that night just as she was about to get ready for bed.

It was only 8pm but just like me, she had a tough day.

The last thing she wanted was to pick an outfit, do her make up and go out.

But I was persistent.

I don't want to spend Friday night overanalyzing what I did.

Was I being impulsive when I updated my resume and submitted it online?

Because after I did that, I felt remorse.

I tried not to make decisions especially big ones when I'm emotional.

But I had to make an exception after what happened.

Things were getting out of hand and I don't like not being in control of my life.

I begged Yuki to go out with me.

When she asked why, I told her she would find out if she agrees to come and meet me.

Now here we are making our way towards the boisterous Friday crowd.

The people were loud and the music was even louder.

Techno and electronic beats pounded its way inside my head, dismantling the perilous thoughts that stayed there since Sam confessed what she truly felt about me.

"Why are we here again?" Yuki asked as soon as we stood behind a girl with purple hair who was waiting to order drinks.

"I just want to have fun," I answered.

"Mon," She leaned close so I could hear, "you don't even like going to places like this."

She was right.

I don't like going to clubs because the last time we went, two guys came over to our booth and pestered us for a whole hour.

It took a while to get rid of them and the harrowing experience taught me not to go back.

But tonight was different.

I did my research.

Instead of going to a regular club, whatever that means, I searched for one that was exclusive to women only.

It took a little bit of time but I found one that was popular and discreet.

Now, here we are only three women away from ordering drinks.

"Wait a second," Yuki looked around us and then turned her attention back to me.

"What are we doing here again?" There was a teasing smile on her lips.

She finally noticed the demographics.

"Research," I answered.

"On what?"

"I will tell you after we have our first drink."

The line moved fast.

We took shots of tequila that shocked Yuki even more before I ordered two cocktails – a strawberry daiquiri for me and sex on the beach for her.

After getting our drinks, we stood on the side of the bar to look for a table.

She spotted one that was farthest from the dance floor and dragged me towards the spot.

"Now, tell me what's going on. It's a Friday night. Aren't you supposed to be at home with aunt and uncle?"

I sipped my drink and immediately liked the fruity taste of it.

"Don't worry. I called them and said I won't be visiting this weekend."

"But why?" You never miss a chance to go home." She drank from her glass.

"Like what I said, I just want to have some fun."Yuki shook her head.

"I don't believe you. When you want to have fun, you stay home and watch movies. I think you want to forget."

I took another sip and contemplated my answer.

We have known each other a long time.

Just like Nop, she knows if something was bothering me.

It was hard to keep secrets from them because they know me so well.

"I'm looking for a new job."

The song switched to a fast one and more women gathered at the dance floor.

I had to yell for Yuki to hear.

"What? Why? What's wrong with the job you have now?"

When I didn't answer, Yuki did the math.

"You're leaving because of Sam? What did she do now?"

I took out the phone from the pocket of my fitted jeans.

Clicking the email, I scrolled down until I got to the paragraph that blew everything up for me.

"What the hell? No wonder you wanted to drink tonight."

"Honestly, I just applied on a whim. I don't know what to do."

"But is leaving the best answer?"

"She did the same thing to me," I reminded her.

"Is this your revenge then?"

"It's not that. What she said was too much. I can't handle being in the same situation. Not after what happened all those years ago. You know how bad it was."

"I know," She nodded in understanding, " but why don't you just talk to her and tell her what you want? Be like adults."

"Everytime we do, we always argue."

"Just like old times," Yuki grinned.

"That's the problem. I don't want to think of the old times."

"Mon," She reached for my hand across the table.

"The old times weren't all that bad. You were happy too. The problem was, your mind is stuck on the terrible thing that happened between you and Sam not the before part."

"Can you blame me?"

"I can't and I won't. But let me ask you this? Are you still in love with her?"

"Of course not," I answered without a beat.

Yuki huffed, unconvinced.

"Why would you even asked me that?""Because if you have truly moved on from that painful past, then you wouldn't be so affected by her. Remember when I said that pain is better than indifference? I think you still have pain and you know that the flip side of that is love."

"Are you drunk already?" I looked at the glass that was still almost full.

"I'm being serious. Maybe you feel this way because you still haven't truly moved on. If you did, no matter how Sam try to pull you back, you won't give in."

I took the glass and drank while thinking of what she said.

Yuki wasn't drunk yet.

The things she said was unbelievably hard to hear but is that what it really was?

Am I still in love with Sam?

Honestly, I don't know how to answer this question.

It seemed outrageous to even go there.

But Yuki also made a good point about the moving on part.

I didn't go to therapy for what I went through.

Not only was it expensive but I also thought I could do it on my own.

Over time, I think I have succeeded in dealing with it.

The pain subsided and I could wake up without crying over the traumatic memory.

At that age, I didn't have the maturity to handle something as devastating as a first broken heart.

Sam was my first love.

She was unexpected, wonderful and did everything she could to make me happy.

But then there was one thing she couldn't do.

It ruined us and I was left alone.

When she returned, all my progress were put to the test.

I doubted if I ever recovered from that transformative experience.

"Mon, there's one other thing I want to ask you," Yuki looked serious.

"What is it?"

"When that thing happened, you never dated. Do you think it's also the reason why you never really moved on from Sam?"

"That experience was very traumatizing for me. I was scared to fall in love again."

"I get that but look at me and Tee. When we broke up after they graduated, I started seeing other people. I mean, she was my first love too but I didn't wallow in loneliness you know?"

"We have different ways of coping."

"I know that but what if you give yourself the chance to see other people? What if it helps?"

When I didn't say anything, Yuki turned around and watched the women dancing.

I followed her gaze and let myself get lost in the bright blinking silver lights and pounding beats.

The bodies undulating to the electronic music was a joy to watch.

I admired the abandon and recklessness of two women kissing in the middle of the dance floor.

There were so many people around them and yet they were lost in their own world and the passionate kiss they shared.

"Let's dance," Yuki grabbed my hand.

"What?" I pulled back in resistance.

"Come on," She pulled harder.

"Didn't you say you want to have fun?"

"You know I don't dance."

"Tonight you will. Let's go." She was already on her feet.

When I didn't budge from my seat, Yuki spoke.

"I didn't let you convince me to come all the way here and forget my plans to sleep early just for you to be miserable. Now get up. I like this song," She pulled my hand again and this time, I give in.

We squeezed ourselves among the swaying bodies.

The smile on Yuki's face as we dance to the electronic pop Swedish beat was enough to make me forget my worries if only for a while.

The blazing lights were now a swirl of fluorescent pink, green and yellow.

It was hard to be sorrowful when all around me the feverish energy was intoxicating.

I closed my eyes and moved my body to the beat.

Yuki really loved this song.

She'd turn up the volume when she played this on her phone.

I never really paid attention to the lyrics until now.

It hit me different when the singer got to the part about not being smart with love and how she let the bad ones in and let the good ones go.

Sam wasn't bad.

She just couldn't stand up for us.

Even if I agreed to what she wanted now, who's to say that she would be able to fight for us?

I'm sure her love for her grandmother hasn't changed.

I have no doubt that she would still do what the matriarch wanted.

Why else would she still be with Kirk if she really doesn't want to please her?

What if I agreed to what she wanted and I was left stranded again?

I understand that she loved her family more than anyone else.

I don't take that against her.

If the tables were turned, I wouldn't want anyone to dictate that I turn my back on my parents.

But the way she left me was the problem.

She could have let me down easy.

Instead she said we were breaking then turned and walk away.

I didn't even had the chance to ask why.

The stress of this back and forth with Sam was killing the mood I felt a few seconds ago.

Before I was suck once again into the vortex of misery, I opened my eyes.

That was when I realized that on the other side of the dance floor, someone was staring at me.

I squinted and when I saw who it was, Icouldn't hide my surprise.

Miss Nita flashed a fascinated smile and then raised her glass towards me.

"Who are you looking at?" Yuki stepped forward.

"My boss," I pointed and she turned her head to check.

Miss Nita was already walking towards us.

I saw the looks thrown at her by the other women on the dance floor.

She exuded confidence and power.

The magnetic energy was undeniable.

Miss Nita ignored them.

She only had eyes for me.

"Hi Mon," She smiled as soon as we were face-to-face.

I said hi back and introduced her to Yuki who after shaking Miss Nita's hand excused herself to get more drinks.

The music changed and it was a song I don't know but we were just standing there while all around us, people were still dancing.

"Dance with me," Miss Nita took my hand.

It felt weird at first.

She was my boss and I was thinking about the right thing to do in this situation.

My reflex was to pull my hand away.

I curled my fingers to resist but then changed my mind.

I let her lead me farther in.

She let go of my hand and when she started dancing, I did too.

Her eyes were fixed on mine and I suddenly felt shy.

I spent most of my time with her in a professional setting.

Not in a club where she looked more gorgeous in a sequined gold low cut top, tight jeans and of course, high heels.

Then her words about throwing my inhibitions out the window came back to me.

It was said in a different context and has a different meaning now.

But do I really want to turn this situation over and over in my head while Miss Nita was looking so relax and mighty fine?

I followed the advice and let the music take over.

The lyrics about making bad memories and having one more drink didn't matter.

I was having a great time with a person I didn't imagine to be dancing with.

Yuki didn't come back and I began to worry.

Did she get lost on her way to the bar?

Miss Nita asked if I was okay.

I told her about Yuki.

"Why don't we check?" She leaned close and I inhaled the warm floral fragrance of her perfume.

I stepped back but crash against another body.

The short haired woman frowned but then smiled when she look at my face.

Miss Nita's hand went up my back to pull me towards her.

The woman put her hand up.

I apologized as Miss Nita led me away from the dance floor.

We found Yuki at the bar.

She was talking to someone.

When we approached, the person turned around and I was surprised to see a familiar face.

It was Tee.

She opened her mouth to greet me but I subtly shook my head.

Tee looked at Miss Nita and immediately understood.

"Fancy seeing you here," Tee said to Miss Nita.

"I have fun once in a while," She smiled.

"Are you alone, Tee?"

"No," She stood straighter then pointed towards a narrow alley leading to the washroom.

"The rest of the gang are here too."

I turned and saw Sam, Jim and Kate coming towards us.

When Sam saw who was standing beside me, her jaw was set to tight I thought they would break from the strain.