Chapter 28

Lilly's POV

For a long time, I was really good at shutting off my conscious and not letting shit get to me the way it used to. But now that I was on this road of redemption, or whatever you wanna call, those old feelings of guilt and wanting to save everyone, were rearing their heads high.

I shouldn't want to help Denny after the way he's treated me the last two times we've been in each other's presence, but I can't pretend that I have treated him any better.

Everything he accused me of, is true. I did use Denny and the things we did together, as an escape from my shit life that was handed to me from others. And whether or not he went about it the right way, he was still there for me when no one else was. No matter how much I pushed him, he never stayed gone. What we had was toxic, and unhealthy.

But once upon a time we were really great friends, and the fact that his dad has been sick this whole time and I had no idea, makes me feel like complete shit. I can't stop myself from remembering all the things his dad used to do with us when we were younger, and I know Denny practically idolized him.

I should have known there was more going on with him for him to always be willing to drink and do drugs with me. I should have known that my old friend, would have never done or said the things he does now.

There were so many signs basically flashing with a neon sign in front of my face, and I was too worried about my own problems and issues, to pay attention to anyone else's.

I wasn't going to sleep right until I made this right, or that he at least was seeking help.

Lunch dragged by, and I basically listened to all the first day chatter going on around me. Sutter sat beside me and kept his hand on my leg the whole time, silently letting me know he was here whenever I was ready.

Unfortunately though, he wasn't going to be much help on this predicament of mine, because we both viewed it from very different perspectives. In his eyes, he left and Denny and I buried our issues in drugs, booze, and each other.

But my eyes?

I see two teens who were lost and hurt, and did what they thought was the only thing they could do to help them survive. And whether that was suppress everything with all the wrong things, it worked.

I never talked about it, or even thought about it, but at one point, I felt like the only way out of this mess, was to end my life.

There were so many nights when I drank myself into oblivion, and I would just think how much bette it would be if I wasn't here anymore, because no one would even notice or realize if one day I just stopped showing up.

Except for Denny.

And he might not have realized it fast, or in an appropriate amount of time, but he would be the first one to question where I went if I just stopped existing.

I look over to my left at Sutter's profile, and feel that same usual galloping of my heart take off. He's always been the one to understand me, and save me, even before he knew I needed to be saved. So I know how much it hurts to even imagine him with someone else, the way we used to be.

Hell, I can't even stand that he kissed some other girl, but much less made love to them. So I get why he has reservations when it comes to that, and I won't push him with it either. But Denny and I never made love, we screwed. Fucked. Whatever you want to call it.

     But it wasn't what Sutter and I had, nothing with anyone else ever would be.

     He catches me staring at him, and turns to face me with a small smile on his face. "Take a picture babe." He says and winks playfully.

      Why is he so hot without even trying? "Why should I take a picture when I can look at the real thing?"

     "Good point." He says, and then leans over and kisses me on the lips softly.

     "So you guys are definitely a thing again, huh?" Jesse asks, with a smirk on his face.

     "What would give you that impression?" I throw a piece of corn at him off of my tray.

     He catches it in his mouth like the ass he is. "I'm just saying, y'all definitely aren't waiting to showcase it to everyone."

     Sutter's eyebrows pull together. "Why would we hide anything?"

     Jesse shrugs his shoulders. "I'm not saying you should, I'm just surprised is all. You know the whole school is gonna be talking about this."

     "As if they already aren't." I mutter dryly, and scan the lunchroom. I notice numerous people looking our way, leaning over and talking to someone else. Every time I make eye contact with someone though, they instantly look around.

      Thankfully, the warning bell rings, telling us lunch is over and to get our asses to 3rd period, and letting me retreat from all the prying eyes.

     Sutter has to go the opposite direction as me when we walk out of the cafeteria, and he leans over to kiss me before walking with Jesse and Bobby again.

      Jo strides up beside, and I use this as my opportunity to question her. "So, how has your day been going?"

     She scoffs. "What you actually mean, is have those nasty bitches seen my sexy ass yet?"

      I laugh at her word choice, but nod because she's not wrong.

     "Hell yeah they saw me. Sadie came up and complimented me on my jeans and said she loved my hair this way." Jo makes her voice all nasally, mocking the way Sadie sounds and I laugh again.

      "Rub it in their faces, let them know you don't give two shits about them, and also that they'll never look a tenth as good as you do."

      I tried to not make it obvious, but I watched what Jo was eating at lunch, feeling worried when she only got a sandwich and a water in the food line. But then she got two cookies, and that helped mend some of my concerns.

"I'm not a pushover anymore, Lil. Something they'll learn if they try to test me again." She blows me a kiss, and then walks into what I assume is her next class.

I continue down the halls until I make it to the library, where study hall is being held this year. Walking through the doors and across the blue carpeted floors, I look around for an empty table, but my eyes snap back to a table that's being occupied by one single person.

Nadine.

She has her laptop out in front of her, and her dark hair is pulled up in a bun on top of her head. Nadine has always been gorgeous, but I haven't seen her in months now, and she looks better than usual.

It must be the fact that we're growing up, our features are maturing. But I think every time I see any of my friends, I always picture us as five year olds making mud pies together. I almost don't go over there, I almost turn around and walk out before she can see me, but I don't want another burden on my shoulders, and I don't want to lose anyone else. I've lost enough to last me a life time.

I take a deep breath, and prepare myself for however this may go. She doesnt notice me walking up to the table, but when I pull out a chair and sink down into it, she finally looks up.

Her eyes widen at first, and I can tell she catches her breath. Unsure of how to handle this, or even act around her anymore since its been so long, I just go with something simple and casual.

"Hey." Oh my god, I'm an idiot.

"Hi." She says softly, and I notice that her voice still sounds the same. Its been a long time since I've heard it. Her face also looks kind, which sets me a little more at ease.

She's not giving off "fuck you, bitch" vibes.

"How have you been?" I ask.

She nods her head slowly. "I've been okay, just got back into town a couple of days ago." She looks me over while she's talking. "How are you? You look good, almost like your old self again."

I give a soft laugh. "I'm getting there, slowly."

"I knew you would." She gives me a look that lets me know she's not mad at me for what happened, but I can tell there's some hurt there.

"I'm sorry." I tell her, and feel my throat clog up with emotion. My eyes start to fill with tears, and I have to look down, so she doesnt see them shining from tears.

"Took you long enough, Lil."

I look up and see that her eyes are shining too, I get up from my seat across from her, and wrap my arms around her, and we both start bawling in the middle of the library.

"I know, it took me so long, and I'm such an asshole. I should have never said those things to you, and I really appreciate everything you did for me, even when I didn't show it." I'm rambling, but she listens the whole time, never loosening her grip on me either.

"I knew you just needed to come around, and I knew me pushing you wasn't doing anything for you either. You were strong enough to pull yourself out of that place, and I just had to wait for you to do it. I hated not being there for you, but it was breaking my heart to see you like that." She pulls back and looks at me.

I use my sleeve to wipe across my face. "I know, it would kill me to see you that way too."

"But you did it, and all on your own, that says something about you."

I shake my head at her. "I wish, but I just really got back onto the right track. Sutter and his family have done a lot for me, not that you didn't. But you know what it was like for us." If there's anyone who understand the intensity of mine and Sutter's bond and love, it's Nadine.

"Sutter?" She asks, with confusion in her voice. "You're talking to him again?"

"You haven't heard?"

"Heard what?"

"He and his family moved back, about a month ago now." How does she not know this? The whole town and school haven't stopped talking about it yet.

"What?!" She yells, and scoots back in her seat. The librarian stands up from her desk and shoots us a glare before putting her finger to her lips. "Sorry." Nadine whispers and then looks at me. "When the hell did that happen? And you actually spoke to him? What did he say? How's Jo doing? Is she eating right again?"

I put my hands up and try to slow her down. "Slow down, one at a time. I told you, they moved back like a month ago. Sutter showed up one day with Jesse to the bar when I was working. Made a huge scene, Denny was there and everything."

"No!" She says, in her normal dramatic form. She pulls my arm up and makes me sit in the seat behind her. "Tell me everything, start from the beginning, and leave nothing out, bitch."

Oddly enough, her calling me bitch is what lets me know, she and I are going to be just fine.

*****

We take up the whole class period gossiping, and by the end of it, she's all caught up on my soap opera of a life, and told me that she and Ashley are no longer friends, all she ever wanted to do was be mean about other people, and that just wasn't a friendship she needed. I continued to apologize every time there was break in the conversation, and she told me each time that it was okay, she knew I just needed time.

We walk out of the library side by side, and not long after being swarmed by a mass of bodies in the hallway, I see a particular dark, curly haired, head bobbing towards us. When he sees me he smiles, and then he completely freezes when he sees the body standing next to me. He looks back at me, obviously wanting to know if everything is okay between she and I. I give him a small nod and smile.

Nadine is frozen too, staring at Sutter, but she snaps out of it fast. "Its customary as her best friend to cuss you out, but can I hug you first and then do that later?"

Sutter laughs, and opens his arms to her, and she flys forward, and he picks her up hugging her back. I know they missed each other too, just like I would miss Jesse or Bobby if anything happened to them.

I watch Jo turn around the corner down the hall a little ways, and notice she seems to be eyeing Jesse in a more than friendly way. They too walk over here to us, and after realizing the mood of the situation is apparently happy, they give Nadine hugs too, her and Jo jumping and squealing in each other's arm.

When Sutter walks over and kisses me on the lips in front of the whole school, I feel like I've been transported back to three years ago, when my life was perfect except for the issues at home.

Maybe this time around, it can be even better.

A/N   Sorry it took so long, I got caught up in a new book and stuff at my job, so this was really short but sweet! Some more heavy stuff will be coming VERY soon.

Thanks for you votes and comments!!

Bay(: