Chapter 6

"So, Eli wants another brother." I spoke, as Elliot climbed into bed next to me that night.

"Oh, does he?" He spoke, and I nodded.

"Yes. I told him he has three other brothers, but he said he only likes one of them." I stated, and Elliot chuckled, as he pulled me into his arms.

"Well, we can try." He smiled, before kissing my neck, and I pushed him away and looked at him.

"Elliot, do you really want to have a kid with me? I'll probably screw it up even both it's born." I stated, and he ran his hand through my hair as we looked at each other.

"You could never screw up our kid." He replied, and I shrugged.

"Let's discuss this more tomorrow. I have a meeting with the florist tomorrow." I stated, and he smiled and pulled me back into his arms and we laid together.

"Only five more months." He spoke.

"Yes, and we still have a ton to do." I replied, and he groaned and closed his eyes.

"Not now. It's too late." He replied, and I laughed.

"You were willing to discuss making a baby, but not talking about our wedding, thanks." I smiled before closing my own eyes and falling asleep.

+++

"I really like the pink roses." I said, as Casey and I sat together. She nodded and pointed at some white daisies.

"What about mixing them?" She questioned, and I smiled and nodded.

"We could. By the way, thanks for coming today. Elliot is less than interested with planning the wedding." I replied, and she nodded.

"Well, he also has work." She replied, and I swallowed hard. We continued looking through the arrangements, before she spoke again.

"Do you plan on going back to SVU?" She asked, and I bit my lip hard, drawing blood.

"Stupid slut! I knew you liked me!" Lewis laughed, as he removed himself from inside of me.

"It's just a chemical reaction." I breathed, feeling like I was really a slut.

"No, you have a thing for me, Olivia." He chuckled, before slapping me hard across my face.

"No! Lewis!" I screamed, as he walked back towards Amelia, but he turned on his heel and back over to me.

"Do you want some more, Liv?" He questioned.

"Liv?" Casey spoke, shaking my arm. I looked at her, my eyes full of tears.

"I. I need to go." I breathed, before getting up and leaving her inside.

I ran out of the building and stood at the side of the road, throwing up. 

"Oh, sweetie." Casey breathed, as she rubbed my back, and I stood up and wiped my mouth off with me sleeve.

"I'm sorry." I cried, and she looked at me with confusion.

"Why are you sorry? I told the florist that we would be back for another appointment." She stated, but I shook my head.

"I shouldn't have reacted like that." I breathed.

"You zoned out, that's all." She replied.

"I didn't scream or say anything?" I replied, and she shook her head.

"No, you didn't. Why?" She questioned.

"Flashback." I mumbled, and she looked at me with wide eyes.

"Of Lewis?" She questioned, and I nodded.

"I haven't had one since I was released." I mumbled, and she frowned.

"Let's go and find Elliot. Talk it through." She spoke, and I shook my head.

"N-no. I just want to go home."

"Alright, I'll drive."

+++

I didn't tell Elliot about the flashback. I just put it behind me, and continued to plan the wedding, but with less interest than before.

"Liv, can you help me with my homework?" Eli asked, and I looked up from my laptop and gave a small smile.

"Yeah. What subject?" I questioned.

"English. I need help with my vocab." He replied, and I nodded.

He handed me his list and I read through it before starting to test him. We finished as Elliot entered the house, a few boxes of pizzas in his hand.

"Hungry?" Elliot asked, and Eli jumped up and ran to the kitchen.

"I'll take that as a yes." Elliot chuckled. I stayed in the living room, and I tucked away my laptop, but didn't move from the couch.

"Do you want some dinner?" Elliot asked, and I shook my head.

"I'm fine. Not hungry." I replied, and he frowned.

"What's wrong?" He asked, and I looked to see if Eli was around, but he was still in the kitchen.

"I had a flashback, a month ago." I breathed, and he looked at me with confusion.

"Lewis?" He whispered, and I nodded.

"Yeah." I mumbled, and he looked at me with worried eyes.

"Do you want to go to Dr. Lindstrom?" Elliot asked, and I shook my head.

"He might want me to go back." I whimpered, and he shook his head.

"No. You aren't as bad as before." He replied, and I shrugged.

"I'm depressed again, El. I'm scared that I'm falling back down that hill again. It took so long to get to the top, to get back to a place where I felt safe again, and now I'm falling again." I cried, and Elliot wrapped his arms around me and held me close.

"You need to see Dr. Lindstrom. You need help before it gets too late." He replied, and I let out a small whimper.

"Okay." I chocked.

"Alright, I'll get you an appointment for tomorrow." He replied, before kissing my forehead.

+++

"What was it about?" Dr. Lindstrom asked.

"Lewis had just gotten down raping me. Then he was going over to Amelia, so I cried out, and he came back and did it again to me."

"Why did you cry out?" He questioned.

"I couldn't let him hurt Amelia. I may have been a victim right then, but I still had a duty to protect Amelia, even if that meant I had to be raped over  and over again." I breathed.

"You were just being yourself, Olivia." He stated, and I shrugged.

"I guess. I couldn't watch a 12 year old getting hurt like that. She was going to be hurting her whole life if I hadn't stopped him."

"But what about your hurting?" He asked.

"I have to carry that weight, because she didn't deserve to be forced into it." I replied.

"But you didn't either." He sighed, and I frowned.

"I'm in love, I'm happy. Elliot and I want to start a family, and we are getting married. Am I hurting? Yes. But I wasn't until Casey asked if I wanted to go back to work."

"Why do you think that triggered you?" He asked.

"Because I'm not ready? Because I can't work with those who have been raped and those who have been kidnapped, because I know what it feels like now." I breathed.

"Maybe you need to go back and face it head on." He breathed.

"And lose everything that I have right now? I don't think so." I mumbled.

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