Chapter 16

8 months from now

Savitar couldn't think straight, he had too many thoughts in his head and he couldn't pick them out. He needed Caitlin. He ran to the medical bay to find Caitlin and Iris laying side by side, pale and lifeless.

He gulped, hoping somehow, by some miracle, they'd wake up.

He shut his eyes and fell into a chair, "how could I have let this happen?"

***********

Earlier in the day, Caitlin was shouting at Savitar, "how could you even think of moving?"

Savitar sighed, "this is not you, it's the pregnancy hormones or whatever. Let's get you to Harry."

"What the hell? I'm pregnant, not some psychologically sick patient!"

The living room was now silent, Savitar didn't dare speak a word. He knew nothing was going to make this better.

Caitlin rubbed her stomach and looked at Savitar, "how long have you been thinking about it?"

Savitar, who was sitting on the couch, chin in hand, looked up, "about moving? I don't know, for a few months?"

She widened her eyes, "months?"

"Cait, I just-she's my daughter. You can't blame me for thinking of ways to protect her."

"She's our daughter. Don't you think I want to protect her too?"

"By keeping her in Central City? Where there're literal life or death situations every day?"

She rolled her eyes, "so what? It's not like there aren't any kids in Central City right now. Those parents could decide to leave, but they don't, 'cause they know they have people like you to protect them. Why can't Dawn think the same about her father?"

Savitar stood up, "Dawn?"

A small smile formed on Caitlin's lips, "yeah, I picked it out, do you like it?"

He walked up to her and cupped her cheeks, "I love it."

They looked at each other for seconds in worry and confusion.

"I don't want to fight with you," Caitlin whispered.

"Neither do I, Cait," he held her hand, "I don't believe in God, but meeting you ... it was like a second chance; for me to become better, to prove myself. You allowed me to judge and love myself in ways no one has ever done before."

"Savitar..."

"I know I don't say it out loud often and I guess it's because three words aren't enough to describe how I feel about you. I still remember when I saw you at that party Iris threw," he laughed, "it feels like it was years ago. I couldn't keep my eyes off of you that night. And when you talked to me, jeez, I wanted to hear you talk forever.

"That's when I knew I wanted you with me at all times, I wanna hold you and watch you laugh even years from now. When we're old and grey and we have grandkids. I just want to be able to live till then, you know. I want you and this thing that we have. Forever."

Caitlin had tears in her eyes, "Savitar ... I know you're scared. Having a child, I mean, I am too. I can't promise that we'll be together forever, our life, our jobs, it doesn't guarantee anything, but I know that if we're together, it doesn't matter if we're in Central City or a normal suburban neighbourhood, we'll work it out."

"Cait," Savitar tried to argue, but Caitlin stopped him by crashing her lips on his. Within seconds, she let go and he was out of breath, yearning for more.

"I'm going to go out for a walk, I'll be back by dinner."

"Cait-Caitlin, please."

She walked to the door, "I'll be safe, I promise."

He could've easily run to her and stopped her from leaving, he could've locked the door, he could've done anything, but instead, he stayed glued to his spot and watched leave him.

***********

Savitar walked over to Caitlin and ran a hand over her cold skin. He took out a box from his pocket and opened it to reveal a square-shaped gold engagement ring with small diamond stones. He slipped it on her hand, a tear falling on top of it.

Just then, he heard someone walk in and turned around to find Frost.

He cleared his throat, "she said her favourite colour was green since it reminded her of me."

Frost walked up to him and put a hand on his shoulder, "your child has the same green eyes," she whispered.

"I can't look at her Frost, looking at her is only going to remind me of Cait."

Frost looked at him, "we're outside if you, um, need us," she walked out.

Savitar sighed and sat next to the corpses when he noticed Caitlin's phone sticking out of her pocket.

He picked the phone up and unlocked it, only to find a video pop up. It was Iris and Caitlin laughing at their success. Savitar sighed and dropped the phone on the bed, he just couldn't handle it, so he ran out of the room discreetly.

Back in the lounge, Frost found Barry with his head down on the couch. She sat next to him and put a hand on his thigh.

Barry looked at her and tried to smile, "you'd think that after losing my mom, dad, and everyone else, losing Iris wouldn't have hurt as much..."

"You've known Iris practically your entire life, she didn't go down peacefully, it's okay to mourn."

"Exactly, Frost! She didn't go down peacefully, someone killed her."

"So, what? You think this is your fault?"

"When is it not?"

"Barry, you're a hero, this isn't your fault."

"Frost, you know more than anyone how much Iris and I were in trouble, I feel like she went out there because of me, you know? Trying to prove something..."

"With marriage comes a lot of complications, I'm sure it was nothing like that. You know Iris, once she has her mind set on something-"

"You can't stop her, I know."

"You've saved lives more times than I can count, hell, you saved mine too. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you."

Barry glanced up at Frost and her vulnerable state, "you've never told me that before."

Frost bit her lip and looked away, "yeah, well, it's true. I never really got to thank Caity for allowing me to live life and now ... I never will."

Before Barry could question her, Nora sped in, "guys, it's Savitar."

They ran to the particle accelerator where Savitar was running around.

"What's he doing?" Nora asked.

"He's trying to run back to the past," Barry let a breath out and started to chase him. Within seconds, he caught up to Savitar and pushed him down.

"What were you thinking?" Barry shouted at him.

Savitar pushed Barry back, "let me go."

Barry got up, "haven't you learned anything from me? We promised we wouldn't change the past or future!"

"I have to do this."

"And you don't care about the consequences? What if you going back results in someone else dying? You'd be fine 'cause it's not Caitlin? Huh?"

"Damn right!" Savitar shouted back, "I don't care what happens, I need her here." His eyes burned in anger yet his voice cracked.

"Savitar, we can't."

"But we can, Barry! We have these incredibly impossible powers, but what's the point of them if we can't even save the people we love?"

"This isn't about that. We can't mess with the timeline, you know that."

"But you did."

"And that's why I'm telling you! We have to grieve and we have to move on. That's life, and I know it's hard, but we're here for you."

"I'm sorry, Barry," Savitar punched him to the ground, "I can't go on without her."

Savitar started to run when Barry stopped him, "think of Dawn."

He looked back at the sound of his daughter's name.

"Going back, you have no idea what'll change," Barry slowly got back up, "Dawn could cease to exist. Is that what you want? You can try to have another child, but would it be like Dawn?"

Savitar opened his mouth to say something but then fell when a gush of wind pushed him down. Frost walked up to him and put the meta handcuffs on his wrists.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

The team had no real time to mourn, Caitlin and Iris died because of someone and they needed to find out who it was.

After Savitar cooled down, he walked into the correct to find everyone surrounding Caitlin's phone.

Nora, who was holding Dawn, walked up to Savitar, "I believe it's time you meet your daughter."

Savitar held the infant in his hands and she slowly opened her big green eyes, staring at her father. Savitar smiled, finding bits and pieces of Caitlin in this child.

"Guys," Harry turned the team's attention toward the small screen.

They watched as Iris held the phone toward herself and Caitlin.

"Good evening, Central City citizens, I'm Iris West-Allen and here with me is Dr. Caitlin Snow. As many have noticed, in the past few months, our city has been terrorized by a man who calls himself Hellfire. And though we don't know much about him, we do have information linked to him."

Caitlin then started to talk, "a mysterious man claiming to be Hellfire's brother has called us to this warehouse for details about this meta. And now -"

She stopped talking as she saw a shadow lurking. The camera shakily pointed toward the figure who came into light.

Caitlin gasped, "Ronnie?"

The camera then glitched and turned off.

"So, Hellfire did this?" Cisco whispered, not having said anything for the last hour or so.

"Who is that?" Harry asked, looking up at the screen that was paused at Ron's face.

"He looks exactly like Ronnie, Caitlin's ex-husband," Frost informed the team.

"But he's dead," Barry argued, uncomfortable.

"It doesn't matter," Savitar growled, "finding Hellfire will give us all the answers we need."

That night, Cisco, Frost, Savitar, Barry, and Nora stayed over at Cisco's house. The West-Allen apartment and Caitlin's house was no place to be when the owners weren't there.

Nora gently rocked Dawn and Savitar watched her.

"Thank you," he said softly.

Nora smiled, "I know how much you and Caitlin have been preparing for this baby and things don't always go as planned. A child, though, it's the best gift anyone could ask for," she looked past Savitar, lost in thought, but then smiled, "just know, you never have to do this alone. And even though it won't be like having Caitlin around, it's something."

Nora handed Dawn to Savitar and left the room. The baby looked curiously at Savitar.

"Hey, baby girl," he smiled, "I know I should've introduced myself earlier, but ... I'm you dad and I know I'm not the best person to be a dad, but I really hope I can take care of you. Your mom, she was the kindest, most beautiful woman alive. You would've loved her."

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Little bit of an insight to the future, obviously things have already changed, so that's a good sign, right?

QOTC: favourite snowbarry episode? My answer: other than the karaoke one, I'd have to say 'power outage' from season 1. The scene where they hid from the meta and held hands was so adorable but also went unnoticed by a lot.

Also I love how we got more snowbarry in Season 8, episode 1!!