Chapter 4

Every Friday and Saturday (when Bucky typically wasn't working, or at least, not as long as he usually does), Bucky would visit Sam. They had quickly became the closest of best friends, and would talk about everything together. Their lives. How Falcon was doing. Everything. There was nothing they didn't speak about with one another. Blood was thick, but their relationship was probably thicker.

This Friday was no different. Bucky knocked on the door to his house, smiling like the anxious, lovesick idiot he was. He was always nervous whenever he visited Sam. He was worried he would hurt him, or say something which would make him hate him, or anything along the lines. He had never put his trust in anyone like this, probably because he had an excessive fear of commitment to anything. Friendships. Relationships. Anything. Of course, he could still commit himself to things if he tried hard to overcome this fear, but.. with this friendship, he saw that he did not even have to try. It seemed to come naturally, as if it was some sort of natural reaction. Everything was different with this friendship, he had realised, and that didn't really alarm him. He embraced this change. It had probably been about 6 months after the incident that brought them together, and Falcon had fully healed.

Sam opened the door, hugging Bucky as usual as his way of greeting him, then led him into the living room, sitting himself down at the piano, and gently patting the other side of the stool he sat upon in order to ask Bucky to sit beside him, which he did. The closeness made his cheeks flush to a certain degree. "I was just wondering if you were able to give me your opinion on a song I composed? It's about an experience in my life." He gave a gentle nod, and closed his eyes as his friend played (he had noticed previously that Sam tended to get quite nervous if he was being watched while performing something on the piano, and so he would now always close his eyes so he felt more comfortable. This was something that did indeed work for Sam, and Bucky was glad by this).

Sam played the melody on the piano, humming along gently for the intro. It was a rather tranquil song, he observed, compared to most of the other songs he had composed, where they sounded rather intense. Once the intro was over, he sang in that mellow voice of his, melting Bucky deep within. He quickly observed something, though, which quickly turned the flame within him into ice.

These lyrics were romantic.

A declaration of love to somebody.

He probably loved someone else. Why would he love a man like him, anyways? He was shy, had social anxiety (which had caused issues a few times when they met each other in other places, such as the local shopping mall), and he was clingy. He could go on with words to describe him, but that was just a short list. If anything, he should hate him.

But he doesn't.

It hurt, though, knowing that Sam probably loved someone else, and that all of this time, Bucky had been persuing an unrequited relationship. He had been simply falling for a man, and letting himself drown for him, while the other floated, sadistically ignoring the vulnerable one.

How could he be so blind to the truth?

He never loved him.

He never will.

He finished performing the song after a few minutes. He opened his eyes, but glanced away from Sam, a waterfall threatening to flow from his eyes.

"B-Buck? Are you alr-"

"I don't need your pity, Sam."

"D-did I do something to upset you? Did.. I didn't trigger anything because of the song, did I? James, just, can we just talk about this, please? I never meant to cause any harm to y-"

"Don't even talk to me. Don't even try to follow me, either."

Bucky staggered towards the front door, unable to see much because of the tears clouding his vision.

"James, could we please just talk this out?!" Sam shouted after him, before declaring in a more relaxed voice, "I just want to fix this, okay? I don't want to have any sort of conflict."

But Bucky had left swiftly, and was already out of sight by the time Sam got up and headed to the door to follow him.

However, he knew of a few places he could've gone, and, even though Bucky told him not to come looking for him, he was going to do so anyway. Not out of pity. Not because he wanted to hurt him...

...but because he loved him.