The Other Dixon

I stayed on the roof for a long time after Daryl had left. It didn't seem like any of it had really happened - like it had just been a fantasy, but I knew it hadn't. I could still taste him, still feel where his hands were. I couldn't have conjured up an experience that intense, even in my wildest sexy dreams.

I couldn't stop thinking about how he'd grabbed my hair, drove our hips together, and looked me in the eye, craving reassurance that what he was doing was okay. I felt empty now he wasn't here anymore, our bodies pressed together.

Eventually, I did have to leave the roof. I didn't want to, but we'd lost three people today and gained a newborn baby. Rick was in the throws of grief, and Daryl was, well, wherever he'd ridden off to, trying to escape the reality of what had just happened between us.

I heard the shrieks of our youngest member before I'd even reached the cellblock. I entered to find her lying in Carl's arms, Maggie, Glenn, Beth, and Hershel sitting around the pair cooing.

"You okay?" Maggie asked as I entered. Glenn had obviously told her what he'd seen on the roof.

"Yup." I lied. "Peachy. Where's Rick?"

"Down in the tunnels." Hershel responded, a worried look on his face.

Oh holy God fuck.

In the shock of finding out we'd lost Carol and T-Dog, and then mine and Daryl's rendezvous, I'd completely forgotten to go back for Lori's body.

How could I be so stupid?

I was contemplating how much of a terrible person I was, when the baby let out a fresh batch of cries.

'She's so hungry.' Beth observed.

"Daryl won't be too long now." Hershel told his youngest daughter. "He won't let her down."

Daryl would be coming back.

According to Maggie, as Daryl came down from the roof after Glenn disturbed us, he'd walked in on them talking about needing formula for the baby, she'd die without it. The redneck had obviously seen an escape route upon hearing this and told them he was the one going to scavenge some, alone.

"Nope. No way. Not her. We ain't losing nobody else. I'm going on a run." He'd told them.

There was relief in knowing he'd be the one searching for it, I knew he wouldn't let the baby down, which also meant he had to come back to me.

I suddenly felt terrified of seeing him. He'd just made all of my dreams come true up on that roof, made me ache in ways I didn't even know where possible. I don't keep track of time well anymore, but I knew our first meeting in those woods must be around a year or so ago, judging by the seasons, and as much as I tried to fight it, I'd been infatuated with him ever since. I couldn't predict what would happen when he returned. I just knew I'd be devastated if he didn't kiss me again.

If I had my way, he swoop in with the formula, scoop me up in his arms and take me to the perch to ravage me fully. Or at the very least, we could continue our makeout session. Knowing Daryl though, and considering his reaction after Glenn so rudely interrupted our tryst, it certainly wouldn't be so straightforward. I know him now. He's the most complicated person I've ever met, and there's a lot I don't understand about him - but I do know him - and I'm certain that he's going to struggle with the change in our dynamic.

As much as my mind was consumed with the gorgeous southerner, I needed to go down to the tunnels and find Rick. I cursed myself again for forgetting to go back for Lori, subjecting her husband to finding her like that, but Daryl's kiss had blown my mind - obliterating any other thoughts I had and the task had simple been jolted out of my brain.

~

As I made it to the tunnels, I was shocked to see a barrage of dead walkers.

The rotting cretins had made it down here, after all.

Had they followed Carol and T-Dog in? This is the last place the pair were seen heading. The tunnels were a maze, and it's possible that Maggie, Carl and I had just been lucky, managing to avoid them without even trying, as we left the boiler room with the baby.

It didn't matter. The walkers weren't a threat anymore, seemingly slain by Rick, who I steeled myself to approach. I entered the boiler room cautiously, expecting to find him kneeling over his wife's body, but that isn't the scene I was met with.

Lori was nowhere to be seen, but there was a grotesquely gutted dead walker on the floor, it's stomach ripped open. Rick sat dazed not too far away from it, bloody knife in hand.

"Rick. I'm so sorry." I apologised. "I was meant to come down here and move her."

The cop didn't answer, he didn't even look like he could hear me. His eyes looked glazed over and he was shaking.

"Go." Was all he offered.

I didn't want to leave him, not in this state, but the guilt I felt was overwhelming. He'd just had to attempt to cut his wife's remains from a walker, and the fact that it was my fault weighed heavily on me.

Between the three deaths, Daryl and I's situation, and knowing Lori's body being gone was my fault - it was too much. I left Rick and made my way back to the group, stopping to cry my heart out alone in the tunnels on route.

I returned, red-eyed to the cellblock to see the most beautiful sight. There, Daryl stood, cradling the baby in his arms and feeding her a bottle of formula. My ovaries did a back flip - and I didn't even want kids. The sight of this beautiful, strong redneck cradling a newborn so delicately blew my mind. I couldn't tear my eyes away.

"She got a name yet?" he directed at Carl.

"Not yet. But I was thinking maybe Sophia. Then there's Carol, too. And... Andrea. Amy. Jacqui. Patricia. Or... Lori. I don't know." He replied.

"Yeah... You like that? Huh? Little ass-kicker." He cooed to the baby as she slurped down her formula. I'd never heard him speak so softly. He looked at her like she was the most precious thing in the world, which I guess right now she was.

The others had laughed at the name Daryl had assigned her.

"Right? That's a good name, right?" he commented, looking around the group. "Little ass-kicker. You like that, huh? You like that, sweetheart?"

There was something about the way he was holding the tiny bundle, the way he'd called her sweetheart, that made me melt inside. He hadn't noticed me come in, the stress of the day, and the beauty of the child in his arms overriding those usually elite hunter's senses.

When the others noticed my presence, it alerted Daryl to it, too. He turned around to follow the eyes of the group and looked startled to see me - I'd obviously caught him by surprise. He dropped his head back down to the baby as soon as our eyes caught, and I felt like I was the one who'd had my stomach ripped out.

He regrets our kiss.

As much as I wanted to stay with the group to support them after what had been the most horrific day, I simply couldn't. I didn't feel able to sit in that room and be ignored by the man who'd just given me the most passionate experience of my entire life. Not now that he didn't want anything to do with me.

I went to the perch. I deliberated what I should do. Should I stay in here? Should I go back to my cell? I couldn't find the best way to navigate the situation. I decided to stay. Deep down, I hoped Daryl would find me here when he came to bed, and we could talk things out, but he never did. When I woke in the morning, his bed hadn't been slept in.

~

Daryl wasn't there when I entered the main cellblock in search of breakfast. I wasn't the slightest bit hungry, but I had no idea what to do with myself otherwise. A group of us were going to make our way around the prison today, trying to identify how walkers had gotten into the tunnels. It didn't make sense for them to have followed Carol and T-Dog, so we needed to make sure there wasn't another breach. But we couldn't do that until we'd figured out who was going to be where. Our numbers had dwindled severely, and we still had to make sure we had somebody on watch, someone with the baby and another keeping an eye on Rick from a distance.

I made my way outside to see the three graves Glenn had dug for Lori, Carol and T-Dog. It was unlikely we'd find their bodies now, walkers would have devoured them, but I think Glenn had just needed something to do.

I saw a figure stood by one of the graves - Daryl. I watched as he bent down and placed a Cherokee Rose on what must have been Carol's metaphorical resting spot. I was still a distance away, but I'd recognise that flower anywhere.

Carol and Daryl had become closer after he worked so hard to try and find her missing daughter. They had a bond that was very different to mine and his - there was almost a mothering aspect to it - but they were friends. He'd lost her now, and I imagine in a way he feels like he's lost me too. Like our kiss shattered the dynamic of our friendship.

I wanted to go over, to comfort him, but it wasn't the time. He needed to pay his respects, and I cared about him too much to interrupt such a poignant moment with our shit.

I returned to the cellblock where I was surprised to see Rick. I was so relieved he'd left the tunnels and come back up here with the rest of us, but it didn't last.

"I just came to check on Carl." He'd uttered, before returning to his gloomy haven.

I dipped into one of the empty downstairs cells and laid down, knowing nobody would think to look for me there. My thoughts were consumed once more by the touch and taste of Daryl Dixon's mouth on mine, as I closed my eyes and allowed the blissful memory to overtake me.

Before long, I heard his and Carl's voices as they spoke somewhere outside of my cell. They conversed quietly, but I could hear their conversation.

"You know, my mom, She liked her wine. She liked to smoke in bed. Virginia Slims." I heard Daryl say gently. "I was playin' out with the kids in the neighborhood, I could do that with Merle gone. They had bikes, I didn't. We heard sirens gettin' louder. And they jumped on their bikes, ran after it, you know... hopin' to see somethin' worth seein'. I ran after 'em, but I couldn't keep up."

I'd never once heard Daryl open up about his childhood to anyone, or his family, other than Merle. There were profound emotional moments happening all over this place today. I listened intently as he continued.

"I ran around a corner 'n saw my friends lookin' at me. Hell, I saw everybody lookin' at me. Fire trucks everywhere. People from the neighborhood. It was my house they were there for. It was my mom in bed, burnt down to nothin'."

I felt like I'd been stabbed in the lungs. Poor Daryl.

My heart broke for him in that moment. I had no idea he'd lost his mum as a child. It hurt to hear of him chasing after the other kids on their bikes, too, knowing he didn't have one. I wanted so badly to wrap my arms around him and tell him I was sorry for what he'd been through so young.

"That was the hard part," I heard him speak again. "You know, she was just gone. Erased. Nothin' left of her. People said it was better that way. I dunno. Just made it seem like it wasn't real, you know?"

There was a moment of silence before Carl spoke.

"I shot my mom." he announced flatly. "She was out. Hadn't turned yet. I ended it. It was real... Sorry about your mom."

"I'm sorry about yours." Daryl replied.

I felt my eyes fill with tears. I knew there was still more to Daryl's past that I didn't know, but at least now I had an insight. His voice had been raw as he spoke, allowing a glimpse into the pain he held inside.

I heard him and Carl leave. I knew they were heading back down to the tunnels with Oscar to try and find the breach. I hadn't volunteered to go with like I usually would. Spending time with Daryl in such close proximity and not being able to touch him would be pure torture.

Instead, I ventured back out to find a very confused looking Glenn.

"What's wrong with your face, man?" I asked.

He held a small tub of the baby's formula in his hand - staring at it like it had just wronged him in some way.

"It's gone. All of it. How much do babies drink?"

"Don't ask me." I shrugged. I was clueless when it came to kids.

"We'll have to get more." Maggie chimed in. "Wanna get out of here for a bit?

"Hell yes." I replied, thrilled with the notion of escaping the prison briefly.

It wasn't the smartest idea. We were so low on numbers, but everything seemed to be ticking over, and I needed a couple of hours out. Of course, Maggie and Glenn went everywhere together, so I found myself third wheeling, jealous that they got to be together, when Daryl didn't seem to want anything to do with me.

The run was simple, we found an abandoned grocery store after around thirty minutes of driving, and we got lucky - finding two large tubs of formula that hadn't already been taken. It all seemed a little too easy, but it was nice not to have run into walkers or had to try loads of different stores for once.

That was until we ran into somebody else in the store's parking lot.

"Merle?" Glenn questioned, dumbfounded.

Merle? Daryl's brother? What?

In front of us stood a man with a very Terminator looking contraption in place of where his hand should be, scowling.

Yup. That's the Dixon Scowl, alright.

He looked filthy, cuts on his face, but he didn't look like a man who'd been surviving on his own somewhere. Merle must have had a community.

"Hey, back the hell up!" Maggie ordered as he approached, gun aimed.

"Okay, okay, honey." Merle soothed. "Hey, can you tell me, is my brother alive? Huh?"

"Yeah." Glenn told him plainly.

"Hey." Merle grinned, "You take me to 'im, and I'll call it even on everything that happened up there in Atlanta. No hard feelin's, huh?"

My head was spinning. I felt elated for Daryl. He was going to get his brother back. The problem was that Merle didn't seem like he was about to play nice.

"No." I told him firmly. "We'll go and get him, bring him here." He may be Daryl's brother, but we couldn't risk bringing him to the prison yet. Who knows who he could have aligned himself with. We had to protect our home.

"Well, well, Sugartits." He leered at me, looking me up and down. "And who the hell are you?"

"Someone who isn't going to let you make a fool of yourself, Robocop." I spat at him.

He stepped closer, and my instinct took over. He may be a Dixon, but he wasn't on our side - he was a threat. I hit him square in the jaw, my knuckles cracking against the bone. He lunged for me and swung in return, his own first catching the side of my face. I made another attempt at him but was halted by the metal of his robot arm crashing down on my head with immense force. I stumbled, feeling the blood gushing from my head as everything went black.

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