32. Dead End

Chapter 32 - Dead End

Freezing.

    I was absolutely freezing. The hairs on my arms stuck up with goose bumps covering my skin. Every breath that I exhaled out formed fog into the night sky.

      My legs had already carried me a mile up the road. My knuckles throbbed out of pain and my jaw was sore from the only punch Brenna was able to get at me with.

     I felt completely emotionless and drained, however, there were tears in my eyes, and some were even running down my cold rosy cheek.

      The night made it so difficult to see and all I wanted to be was in a nice warm bed. I had no money on me, nowhere to go, and my phone had no service.  

     The road I was on only seemed endless and quite daunting. I was holding onto myself for dear life and scared for what was in stored. 

     Having the snow being knee high was exhausting to trudge through, although, I could easily walk on the cleared road, but the sudden fear of a car running me over was gruesome. 

     My stomach began to rumble while my vision was a little hazy due to the alcohol in my system. 

     "This is all Brenna's fault," I muttered. Even though I unleashed my rage not only five minutes ago, I still had a rather large piece of me pissed off.

      How dare I be the villain out of all this? Who is the one to say I'm impulsive when it was Brenna who caused this dilemma. It's her to blame and I was the most innocent one out of this whole ordeal. 

      A shadow crept up in front of me while I walked. There was a bright moving light coming from the back of me, causing my breathing to quicken. It could easily be anyone and that struck my paranoid levels further.

      The engine's roars only grew louder with the closer it got to me. Irrupting, I stopped my legs from their actions but didn’t have the strength to see who and what type of car was driving down the road.

     Suddenly, everything took a standstill. The noise vanished. The beaming light disappeared.

      All was still. My breathing was at a temporary stop too.

         I could tell the car had stopped right behind me and it wasn’t before long that I could hear a car door clicking opening, following by clanking of footsteps on the wet pavement.

     I was mentally convincing myself that it had to be Alex while the footsteps gained louder with anticipation.

    “Angel,”

     It was him. Without a second thought, it was him, it was Alex. He, for a reason I wished I knew, came after me.

    “Just get in the car.”

     I reluctantly turned around, slowly and filled with anxiety. Gulping loudly, I faced him.

     He looked in distraught and it said all in his eyes of how much he was pleading for me to get in the car with him. His lips were trembling and his cheeks were rosy red, and his eyes were drooping with dread and sadness.

     “Look, Laila. I’m begging you, just please, for God’s sake, get in the car.” His voice cracked at the ending of the sentence. He reached his arm out, offering to hold my hand.

      If it wasn’t for the damn weather, I would have had refused the offer and be on my way but I couldn’t resist when I took notice of the immediate snow fall.

     We silently walked back to the car, awkwardly too.

    I hated sitting in his car, I hated looking at him, I hated myself, and I hated everything.

      Despite my hatred, somehow, I still loved Alex. Correction of previous sentence – Madly in love, I was still madly in love with Alexander Gaskarth despite my hatred. 

      The radio wasn’t even playing and all that was left was the numbing silence between Alex and me. We were both too stubborn to say something, lost in our thoughts we were.

      He had one hand on the steering wheel and the other one was prompt up on the car door, holding his head with a fist. He looked pissed and out of words to say.

     Although my eyes were glued to his shadowy silhouette, I greatly wished there was someone else driving other than him. Someone who was perhaps a stranger and had no idea how to drive a car, and they’d drive over the speed limit, passing all the red lights, and in a final moment, that stranger would crash the car, killing me by impact, that would be the dream, however, Alex was driving, not a stranger.

    As we passed a yellow street light that illuminated the car for a spilt second, it appeared that he was pursing his lips, which was a sign that he was about to say something.

     My legs were uncontrollably shaking with my unsteady hands on top of them, trying to stop the altogether shaking of my body. The pit in my stomach was slowly creeping up my throat while I waited impatiently for what may happen. 

     “I don’t fucking get it.” He said it so calmly and quietly, it scared me.

     “I just,” He paused and licked his lips, shaking his head indecisively. “I try so hard being the boyfriend you deserve because, dammit Laila, you don’t deserve me at all. But when this happens? I just feel completely left out in the dark.”

     I gulped loudly. Deep within me, I knew.

     I understood something he wouldn’t be able to comprehend even if he tried.

      I knew that he and I were back to square one. All trust that was gained had vanished. The bond was split into two and was nonexistent. The worst part is that the chances of that bond to be fixed were slim. Trust isn’t something to toss around like it’s nothing, because once it’s gone, it’s hard to get back.

        My mouth hadn’t opened since he temporarily stopped talking. With all trust gone, my ability to speak words disappeared, completely out the window.

      “For God’s sake, say something before I lose it.” He gritted his teeth and the tranquility in his voice that he once had was now gone. 

     Funny thing is, he had already lost me.

     With no other words in the atmosphere, he viciously slammed the steering wheel. The impact made me jump a little in my seat and caused my breathing to quicken. 

    His face was gushed with red and his knuckles were bleached to white. “So that‘s how it’s going to be? You’re going to shut me out just like that? When I’ve done nothing wrong? Alright.”

    His once tense shoulders finally loosened up and he sunk in his seat. I relentlessly rolled my eyes. I’m fully convinced that he knew what he did wrong.

     It was getting late and I had no idea where I was being taking to. It was all in Alex’s hands of where he was taking me.

    Somehow, the feeling of us actually ending hadn’t sunk in. I was too caught up with what I did and what my main purpose was. It was unquestionable that Alex was surely my everything and someone that I never wanted to think about living a day without.

     But the unquestionable was crumbling down when the scenery was becoming familiar. Alex wasn’t driving to his apartment complex. It was the same road of where my house happened to be on.

   It terrified me.

    How was I to explain to my father that I needed to come back? This was the last thing I wanted but I was at a dead end and hopelessly vulnerable. The bigger ‘what if’ was whether or not my father would take me back, although the constant messaging and voicemails gave me a small lit of hope.

     The car came to a halt, exactly right outside my house. Just looking at my childhood home made me terribly sad.

     “If you don’t want to talk to me, so be it. If you want to go be so damn impulsive, so be it. If you want to have this snakebite attitude, so be it. But don’t expect me to even try anymore.”

     I cringed at his hurtful words. Staring out of the window was the only thing I could do. It would break my heart to even look at him at this state.

      My trembling hands reached for the door, gradually opening it, almost like it was all in slow motion.

      Once I got out, that’s when it hit me. The minute he took off, his tires squealing from the friction, the engine roaring, and the wind blowing in my fast, it snapped my heart in half because he never watched to see if I got to the front door safely, or that I got into the house okay. It was a first that he did this, which meant one thing.

     He didn’t care anymore.

     My legs buckled and felt unpleasantly numb. Tears begun to build up in my wearily eyes, my head was spinning from the physical pain in my heart.

      I lost it when I fell into the winter snow, holding onto my body like it was the last thing I had of comfort. My aching body didn’t care about the freezing temperature that was engulfing me. Tears rolled down my rosy cheeks while the clothes on my back dampened.

     When I heard a sudden door opening and lights quickly illuminating the front yard, I hadn’t bothered to see who it was. The yelling of my name was enough to know it was my father and Derek.

    The loud sobs that were unstoppably coming out of my mouth took a halt when a woven blanket was wrapped around me. My body was easily picked up like a feather by my brother, who carried me inside.

      I felt so unbearably weak when he laid me down on the couch in the dark living room. Once a lamp was turned on, I glanced over a my dad who’s eyes had heavy bags under them. His wrinkles were denser and he looked awfully tired. Somehow, there was no guilt in me.

      “Can’t you see that ever since that boy has showed up in your life that there’s been nothing but trouble occurring?” He stared at me with disgust but I knew this all out of love.

Love.

    My heart clenched at the word.

     My father was indeed correct. There was never been a time in my life that I was constantly in trouble and torn apart from something. Every day there was always something wrong and out of order since Alex showed up in my life.

   This was it.

    My wakeup call felt like a semi-truck crashing into my heart and the worst part is that Alex wasn’t here to save me from the aching of it all.

   Our rollercoaster relationship was over and Jesus Christ it was his and I's fault.

   We were too caught up in love that we didn't have a chance to come up for air.

_____________________

a.n

As you guys know, I'll be editing out all of All time low out and etc. in the summer of 2015 and will be sending that off to publishing companies. Since obviously I can't use the name Alex Gaskarth, I've decided to use the name Jasper William. I just need a last name, comment some please! And keep it a British origin name too.

If I don't get picked up by a publishing house, I'll self publish on Amazon. If any of you guys decide to buy it, I promise it won't be like re-reading what you read here on Wattpad. I'll be adding 50+ pages once I'm done writing the wattpad version of The Remembering. *edit - it will be most definitely more than 50+ new pages, I'll be extreme editing and revising, removing and adding parts*

Sorry for the short chapter, spirit week had me busy for yearbook xx

Please vote and comment <3

-Kc Oct. 11, 2014