thirteen » lies

"Y/N!"

I smiled at Aden when he called me, and continued to walk up to the sidelines to watch the nightbloods train. I was actually here to speak to Lexa because lately she had been distancing herself from me, and I was beginning to miss her. Ever since that night with the thunderstorm, she had been busy all the time, and I knew to expect that because she was the Commander and all, but sometimes, I felt like she was purposely keeping herself busy to avoid me.

The sound of two wooden sticks banging together caught my attention, and I saw that Lexa had used her wooden baton to knock Aden's and shove him to the ground. Aden was completely taken by surprise, and raised his hands in defeat as he hit the ground.

"Do not get distracted," Lexa told him, her eyes dark with seriousness as they narrowed at the younger boy, "even in practice."

Aden nodded his head, and once Lexa removed her baton from his neck, he stood up and dusted himself off. As he got ready to fight again, I stepped forward, earning a glare off Lexa.

"Geez, someone's having a bad day," I mumbled to myself, before speaking louder this time. "Uh, Lexa, can I talk to you for a second?"

She used her baton to move me out the way (which I found extremely rude) and said, "I'm busy."

I cocked my head to the side as I watched her get into a fighting stance. "It'll only take two seconds, Lex. I just need to ask you something."

She clenched her jaw, not even sparing me a glance. "I'm busy, Y/N. Ask me later."

I didn't get chance to respond because soon enough, her and Aden were engaged in another fight, forcing me to step back and out of the way before I got hit. I sighed tiredly, deciding to try and find her later when she wasn't busy. I turned around and was about to walk away, but Titus happened to be standing there with a ghost of a smirk on his lips.

"She is finally focusing on her responsibilities," he stated, though his tone sounded a bit cocky.

I narrowed my eyes at him and pushed past. "Whatever," I mumbled, walking away from him, the nightbloods, and Lexa.

I couldn't exactly find Lexa for the rest of the morning, however, I finally managed to locate her at the stables at lunchtime, where she was tending to her horse, which I now knew was called Altair. I approached her slowly and carefully, afraid that if she noticed me from afar, she would manage to slip away.

"Lexa," I said, once I was stood behind her.

She turned around and a sigh escaped her lips, as if she already knew that it was me. This caused me to frown because that wasn't the reaction I was going for exactly.

"Yes, Y/N? How can I help you?" she asked, though I could tell that she would have rather gone back to combing her horse's fur.

My frown was still on my lips as I realised that I was a bother to her. "Well, I wanted to ask you if you were free tonight, but you seem like you'll be busy..."

She watched me as I spoke, and I don't know what it was, but her expression soon softened and her eyes weren't as hard as they as they once were.

"I'm free," she said with a nod, stepping forward and placing a hand on my forearm. "I am. I'm just– I'm sorry for being busy lately." I didn't know how to respond, so she peered up at me with her concerned emeralds, asking, "Are you okay, Y/N?"

I eyed her suspiciously, wondering what was up. She was so confusing, I swear. "Yes... I'm fine... but okay. I'll meet you in my room after dinner. I've got something to show you."

She nodded and stepped back again, removing her hand from my arm, making me instantly miss her contact. "Okay. I'll see you then."

And she did.

After dinner, she met in my room, but what I wanted to show her wasn't there. I ended up leading her to the highest floor of the tower, eventually stopping at where the elevator took us.

"Where are we going?" Lexa asked as she ran to catch up with my running self. "There's nothing up here, Y/N."

I ignored her comments and continued to loop my way around the hallways and through different doors. Eventually, I found myself standing in a room. But the room wasn't what I was after.

"Why are we here?" she asked once we had stopped by the doorway. "This is just for storage, Y/N."

I nodded, a trace of a smile on my lips. "Oh, I know."

I walked into the room and pushed past some old jars and bottles. I focused on reaching the centre of the room, where I looked up the to relatively low ceiling, and pulled down the string that pulled down a ladder with it. The ladder revealed an opening at the top, which I knew was an opening to the roof.

After much exploring of the tower, I had discovered this roof access and only spent minimal time up here, partially because it was too big and I was frightened to be alone. But ever since Lexa had practically shut me out, I decided that it would be best if I showed her this place.

"Come on," I said to her, already climbing the ladder until I reached the top. I stepped up onto the roof, and looked around, only to see the large circle that was the circumference of the whole tower. The cold breeze whipped me in the face, but it wasn't too strong that I couldn't handle it.

I turned around, only to see Lexa fumbling out of the opening. When she stood beside me, we both looked ahead at the magnificent view of Polis. It wasn't too late at night which was why it looked so busy and full of life, but when it got later, this would soon die down – I knew from experience.

"Why are we up here?" she asked curiously.

I walked forward and took a seat, about a metre away from the edge of the tower. Lexa joined me, taking a seat beside me, but unlike myself who was enjoying the view ahead, she was watching me with an intrigued gaze.

"We're up here because I wanted you to have a break from being Commander for the evening," I admitted, finally tearing my gaze from the beautiful view of Polis, and to an even better view which was Lexa. "I discovered this place when I first explored the tower, and I love coming here at night. Don't you?"

She pursed her lips and looked ahead, leaning back on her hands. "I don't usually come up here because I don't have the time. And when I am free, I reside in my room."

I nodded my head, expecting her to say something along the lines of her being busy. I sighed and raised an eyebrow her way. "Don't you miss having a normal life and not being Commander?" I asked, genuinely interested in what she may answer.

She shrugged, glancing my way. "I've known nothing other than this life. This is my 'normal'."

I chuckled as I said, "Well, let me tell you now, dude, your life isn't normal. This is normal. This is what normal feels like... relaxing, not having to worry about anything, being left alone with your thoughts. This is what normal is."

She focused her attention fully on me now. "And what makes you so sure that this is normal?"

I smiled with amusement, shrugging my shoulders. "Fair point. I guess everyone has different definitions of normal..." I paused for a moment, deciding whether I should say what I was going to.

"Back in my time, I used to sit on the roof of my house and listen to music to get my mind off the hard things. Whenever I felt like life in general was too much, I would sit out on the roof and just look up. Once I saw how big the sky was, it reminded me that there's a whole world out there, and my problems are only small compared to what's out there. I knew that whatever I was worried about, or stressed about, would disappear, and at the end of the day, I would be fine. That was normal for me."

She nodded her head slowly, her eyes staring intently at mine. "I guess I can try experiencing your version of normal for a bit then."

A small smile formed on my lips as I nodded my head. "I would like that."

I hadn't realised how close we had gotten as we spoke, because all I could see was the intricacy in her green-grey eyes, and the plumpness of her lips. Her eyes darted from my eyes to my lips, and mine did the same with hers, and that's when I felt the butterflies rising in my stomach. We were about to kiss again, weren't we?

But we didn't.

The sound of an explosion made us both pull away instantly, and our eyes were drawn to the yellow-orange flames that were rising by the second, adding colour to the perfectly clear night. The smoke was spiralling into the sky, and from where we were sat, it didn't look good.

"Oh my god," I said, standing up, as did Lexa, and that's when I heard from people at the bottom of the tower shouting a bunch of orders in Trigedasleng. Even at this height, their combined voices were loud enough for me to hear.

"I need to go help!" Lexa exclaimed, before running towards the ladder and sliding her way down.

I followed her every move until we reached the elevator, and that's when she noticed my presence, and immediately shook her head.

"No way," she said firmly. "You are not going out there."

As the doors opened up, we both rushed inside, and I said, "Lexa, I want to help."

The doors had already shut, which made her groan loudly because she knew that she couldn't make me stay back now. "Y/N, when we reach the bottom, you are not to step foot outside this tower. Got it?"

"Lexa, I–"

"Got it?"

I sighed, nodding my head. "Got it."

The journey to the bottom of the tower was spent with Lexa pacing around the elevator, and as many times as I tried to calm her down, she just wouldn't listen. Eventually, the doors opened, and she rushed out of the elevator, picking up a sword from the wall, before rushing outside, probably to the source of the explosion.

"You're not my mum, Lexa," I mumbled once she was gone, and did the opposite of what she made me tell her.

I rushed outside, too, only to see grounders rushing about in a panic, either to help stop the fire from spreading, or because they were terrified of it. It wasn't hard for me to locate the fire because it was letting off a lot of smoke, so I raced towards that, only to see a bunch of grounders using buckets of water to throw on top. It seemed to be working, and I noticed that it was someone's stall that was set on fire.

I spotted Lexa by Q and Gustus, and Anya and Indra were there, too, all of them discussing something with another gentleman who was just as big and buff as any other male grounder. I jogged towards them, and as soon as Lexa spotted me, she glared at me.

"Y/N, I told you to stay inside!" she practically yelled, so loud that I could hear her over all of the racket that was going on around us.

I opened my mouth to respond with some sarky comment, but before I could even get a word in, the man who they were talking to shoved me back harshly, making me land on my butt with a thud.

"You!"

Gustus and Q held him back as stood up, and I rubbed my sore butt, a frown on my face. Lexa looked at the man and raised her sword threateningly, though this didn't seem to faze him one bit.

"Do I know you?" I asked him, wondering what his problem was.

He glared at me, and growled, "You have some nerve showing your face here." His anger sent him trying to pounce at me again, and I flinched as he tried to come at me, but Q's and Gustus' hold was strong.

Lexa pointed her sword at the stranger and clenched her jaw. "If you make a move to hurt her again, I will take that as offence as you are hurting me, too. So, if I were you, I would think wisely."

The grounder eyed Lexa curiously, and when he saw Anya and Indra flanking her with threatening glares, he stopped trying to fight against Q and Gustus' grips.

"Now, explain yourself," Lexa ordered, lowering her sword and diverting her attention to him.

His eyes darted to mine, where he continued to watch me with an evil and cold stare. "She has been pulling pranks on everyone, Heda. And this one went too far."

Lexa's anger for him slowly disappeared as she heard him out, and both her and the others all turned to me. I raised my eyebrows with disbelief, realising that he was blaming me for this fiery mishap.

"Are you kidding me right now? I have no idea what he's talking about!" I tried to defend myself, causing him to growl lowly at my denial.

"You set a trap on my stall, making it set on fire, you liar!" he shouted, making Gustus punch him in the stomach to silence him.

I gasped with disbelief, and looked to Lexa, only caring if she believed me or not. "Lexa, I–"

"Go to the throne room," she said with a low voice, and I could tell that she was angry.

"Lexa–"

"Now!" she snapped, making me jump with fright.

I nodded my head shamefully, and as I turned around to leave, I saw the stall-owner smirk at me. I clenched my jaw when I tried to figure out why he was framing me, and began to head to the throne room. The last thing I needed was an angry Lexa on my case.

I ended up waiting in there by myself for the following ten minutes, pacing up and down and wondering why on earth I was getting blamed for something that wasn't my fault. Lexa soon entered, though, pulling me from my thoughts and stopping my pacing.

"Lexa–"

"Quiet," she ordered harshly, allowing the doors to shut behind her. I noticed that she was alone, and instead of sitting on her throne, she stopped in front of me, resting her hands behind her back. "What happened, Y/N? And don't lie to me."

I watched as she clenched her jaw slowly, and began to purse her lips, waiting for my response. I sighed, shaking my head. "Nothing happened. I didn't do anything, Lexa."

She tilted her head to the left slightly, studying me. I noticed the solemn look in her eyes, and the dignified expression she wore. A thin layer of sweat covered her tan skin – probably from the fire and its heat – and marks of black soot was caked onto her cheeks, also from the fire.

"What did that grounder mean by you pulling pranks?" she asked, her eyes never leaving mine, as if she were waiting for me to admit the truth, but she had to know that I already was.

I gave a small, sheepish smile as I admitted, "Deka and I may have been pulling some pranks here and there..."

She seemed surprised as she allowed her hands to rest by he waist. Her eyebrows raised slightly, easing her stern expression. "Deka?"

I bit my lower lip, realising that Deka could get in trouble if Lexa found out about the pranks, so I shook my head, saying, "No. Not Deka. I meant it was just me. I pulled pranks alone..." She seemed reluctant to believe me, so I added, "They were only small, harmless pranks, Lexa. Like tripping people up, and scaring them when they went to the toilet. Nothing serious like blowing up a stall!"

"You need to stop with the pranks," she stated immediately, unclenching her jaw. "Now."

I nodded my head, raising my hands with defeat. "Okay, but Lexa, you know this wasn't me. Firstly, I don't want to hurt anyone, you know that," I told her seriously, causing her to look down at the ground as she nodded her head slowly. "Secondly, I was with you this evening. I wouldn't have even had the chance to set this up."

I considered whether to tell her about my theory of the grounder setting me up, but decided against it. She was already riled up, and the last thing I needed was her getting offended for me accusing one of her people. Besides, how would I know that she would take my side over one of her own?

She nodded her head slowly, and began to pace up and down again, as if she were coming to realisation about something. "You were with me when all of this happened," she mumbled to herself.

I nodded, a smile forming on my lips as I realised that she was believing me. "Exactly. I–"

"We've been spending much time together," she said to herself, interrupting my sentence and stopping pacing. "Too much time."

I lost my smile when she said this. "Lexa, that isn't a bad thing–" I began to tell her, but she interrupted.

"Stop. Go back to your room, Y/N."

I frowned, stepping forward, hoping to reason with her, but she stepped back and shook her head, giving me a stern look, making me realise that she was serious about me leaving.

"Now, Y/N."

I watched her, not making a move to leave. I hoped that she would say sorry and tell me to stay, but she didn't. And as I turned around to leave, feeling her stare bore into my back, I no longer cared if she thought it was me who set fire to that grounder's stall. I only cared about what she was planning to do between the both of us.

//

I won't even start on my anger about Trump becoming president, but I will say that I'm sorry for everyone who may suffer. I wish I could do something.

Hopefully this update will make you feel a little better, I don't know. Just know that I'm here for you, loves ❤️