Struggling

It's been 3 days since you've returned from the mission and all you can see when you close your eyes is those kids, so safe to say a sleep schedule has been somewhat nonexistent recently. You're lying in your bed trying to mentally motivate yourself to get up and start the day when you hear a knock on your door.

"Come in it's open" you shout tiredly

Natasha arrives plopping herself down on the bed beside you and begins rubbing your arm

"How you doing little bird we haven't seen much of you these past few days," she says with a sideward smile

You start sobbing "I can't shake it Natasha they were kids and they seemed to be suffering the same fate bucky did" "how is that fair how is any of that ok" "Why couldn't we find them sooner? Why couldn't we help them? make their lives better, make it so they had a normal life" the tears rushing down your face

"Y/N sometimes we can't help people sometimes we can't fix these things sometimes the world sucks and people suffer all we can do is try not to be the bad guys and help who we can, fix what we can" "you can't dwell on this sweetie if you do it will slowly kill you and I for one am not gonna lose you without a fight" "so get up shower put on some clothes and live your life because you're lucky you still have one to live" she wraps her arms around you and heads out the door "I love you little bird" Natasha echoes as she departs.

---------

You've done what Natasha suggested you've climbed out of bed and tried to wash the hurt, the sadness and the frustration from your body it worked a little you are now feeling somewhat more refreshed you dry your hair before throwing it into a ponytail and putting on some sportswear

^Your outfit^

You put your sneakers on and head down to the kitchen to put some food in your growling stomach.

"It lives" Sam proclaims before getting elbowed in the ribs by Natasha

"Y/N it's great to see you" wanda states giving you a hug

"I would like to apologise, guys, I've been a real Debbie downer these past few days I'm sorry" "but I'm back now and I'm gonna try and be normal" you declare with a slight smile.

Everyone tells you not to worry about it that we all experience issues with missions everyone now and then and that they are all here for you no matter what the problem.

You head down to the gym to try and help rid yourself of some more frustration, you enter seeing bucky and Steve taking some hits on the punching bags you head to mats to do some stretches before putting your headphones in and running a few miles on the treadmill.

You've been running for 30 minutes your body is cloaked in sweat your legs are aching but you're not ready to stop yet you get off the treadmill and head to wrap your hands before heading to the punching bags where buck and Steve are still working, headphones still in your ears volume at max you don't hear the guys speaking to you.       You begin hitting the bag envisioning every hydra you guys saw on your last mission, every doctor who experimented on you, every agent who hurt you, your punches are getting harder and more aggressive you then feel arms wrap around you and pull you back from the bag.

"What the hell!" You yell turning to face the culprit it's Bucky you remove your headphones and continue to rant "why the fuck did you move me"

"Your hands Y/N they're bleeding" Steve speaks taking your hands in his then removing the wraps

"We weren't gonna let you hurt yourself Y/L/N" bucky remarks

"I'm fine I just got a little too into I'm ok no need to worry" you reply looking at your bloody knuckles "I'm fine" you take your hands from Steve's and march out the door heading in the direction of your room.

Once you enter you begin cleaning your bloodied hands, the door pushes open and Bucky appears.

"I'm fine I don't need you checking up on me I got a little bit too much in the zone it happens but I am fine" you begin talking before bucky has even properly entered your room.

"You are not fine your hurting both physically and mentally I understand that better than anyone, you saw little kids in cryogenic pods and they probably were just like me weapons being used for the benefit of others." " you probably saw yourself in them Y/L/N little kid who wasn't given a chance at a normal life and that kills you. But doll you need to let it go they are gone hydra made sure of that, But you aren't gone you are here," he holds your hands "with me and seeing you hurting is tearing me and everyone else apart we need you back we need funny beautiful pain in the ass Y/L/N back because without her we all feel a little empty"

A tear rolls down your cheek "I'm so tired bucky." "I just can't think straight" bucky wraps his arms around you

"You wanna take a nap?" He asks

"Yeah that sounds like a good idea," you say deflated

You climb into bed, Bucky tucks you in he goes to leave

"Bucky will you stay with me... please" you mumble

"Sure" he replies climbing into the bed beside you, you rest your head on his chest and wrap your arms around his waist, he presses a sweet kiss on the top of your head.

"Thank you buck" you whisper as you drift off to sleep.

-------BUCKYS POV

Y/N has been out cold for the past 45 minutes, I sneak myself out of her grasp slowing trying my best not to disturb her, I tiptoe over to her door opening and closing it gently.

"I don't even want to know" Steve remarks shaking his head disapprovingly when I bump into him whilst sneaking out

"It's nothing I just stayed with her whilst she fell asleep no big issue" I insist "anyway I have an idea that I think could cheer her up so I need everyone in the common room"

You notify Friday to alert everyone except Y/N and within 20 minutes everyone is present except Peter he has school and thor is on Asgard.

"So I have gathered you all around about Y/L/N" I begin "you are all aware she's not in a great place since our last mission but I have an idea that might just cheer her up a little"

"And what would this AMAZING idea be" Natasha retorts sarcastically

"A pyjama party" you proclaim

"So a slumber party? What are we 13-year-old girls" Tony expresses with a scoff

"I think I agree with Tony" Sam adds

"Oh no she will love that" wanda states with joy filling her voice "I will also really enjoy that, a fun childlike activity brilliant" she ends with a clap

"She mentioned a while back when Steve and I were reminiscing about building pillow forts and having sleepovers as kids that she never did any of that and it kind of made her a little sad talking about her missed youth" I explain

"That actually sounds great Barnes I agree with wanda she'll love it, so boys get over your issues it's happening understand" Natasha asserts "so what do you we need to do and when is it happening?"

"Tomorrow I was thinking you and wanda could take her to get new pyjamas, we need an amazing pillow Fort a list of movies she adores, snacks like popcorn candy chocolate and pizza of course. Sound good to everyone?" I ask

Everyone is on board and has their roles for tomorrow. I hope she loves it.