Chapter 48

“Conor, I can’t do this” I pull away from the kiss and walk back inside, leaving him stood on his own. I want nothing more than to continue that kiss but I can’t forgive him that easily. Not after what he’s done.

“There you are! Where have you been?” Leila slurs, bumping into me.

“Outside, I needed air” I nod and she just laughs.

“You coming for a dance?”

“Go on then” I roll my eyes and follow her to the dance floor. “Where’s El?” I ask her. I’m worried she’s lost or something. Leila points her finger to the corner of the club, so I look over to the direction she’s pointing at and see Eleanor full on kissing Alex. She’s pushed up against the wall and is furiously pulling at his hair. I can’t wait to bring this up when she’s sober. GO ON EL!

Leila and I dance for almost the rest of the night until we all gather up in the corner of the club on the sofa’s there. We’re all lost in our own conversations and I keep seeing Conor looking over at me but then quickly looking away. I try my hardest not to feel sorry for him after everything he’s done to me but it’s so hard.

When we finally leave the club, Olivia comes up with a great idea for us to walk home.

“No way, just get a taxi” I tell her.

“None of us have any money!” she laughs and I just moan.

“It’ll be fun I guess” Mike shrugs. “Like at Ben’s party” he starts laughing.

I eventually get convinced into taking the 10 minute walk home and I’m just thankful I live close-ish to the club. I’m also glad I decided to wear my converse. The rest of the girls are either on the boys backs or are walking barefooted, holding their heels in their hands.

The walk back was actually pretty funny although Ben was acting strange with me and I was trying my hardest to avoid Conor’s death glares.

Lois, Leila, Olivia and Charlotte get dropped off on the way past their houses and because mine is furthest away, the boys walk us to the house to make sure we’re safe. Ben and Mike went home on the way too so it’s just me, Conor, Jack, El and Alex.

Eleanor’s on Alex’s back flirting like crazy which keeps making me laugh.

“What you laughing at?” Jack nudges me. I point at Eleanor and Alex that are in a world of their own and he and Conor turn around to look at them. They start laughing.

“Did you see them kissing in the nightclub?” I gasp and Jack shakes his head. “They we’re proper going for it” I giggle.

“Oh God” Jack laughs.

“Eleanor. Come on, we’re here now” I stop outside my house.

She sighs, “Bye Alex”

He takes her off his back and gives her a hug. I give Jack a huge hug and then Alex, and Conor just looks at me awkwardly.

“See you” I nod at him and he just gives me a small smile. Everyone’s silent and is looking everywhere but me and Conor. Way to make it a little bit more awkward.

I start to walk towards the house with Eleanor and when we get inside, I see the boys walking away.

“Be quiet. If my Dad wakes up and sees us in this mess, we’re dead” I tell El and she just nods. Half way through tip toeing upstairs, we hear a creak coming from my parents room. “Shit” I mumble and run into my room, closing the door behind El. We change into our pyjamas and remove our make-up before going to bed.

The loud pan crashing in the kitchen wakes me up and I instantly feel a headache coming on. I’d rather be sick than have this headache.

I slowly get up from my bed and walk into the kitchen.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Mum asks.

“Yes” I moan and she just laughs.

“Your Dad’s just left” she nods towards the window and I see my Dad’s car reversing out of the drive. It must be early if my Dad’s just gone.

“What time is it?” I croak, looking through all the medicines in the cupboard.

“Just gone eight”

“In the morning!?” I gasp.

“No Lucy, at night” she says sarcastically and I just roll my eyes, taking the tablets in my hand and getting a glass to fill with ice cold water. “How was the party anyway?”

“Good” I shrug and she just nods.

“I’m surprised you remember any of it” she rolls her eyes. “You look a mess”

“Aw, thanks Mum”

“Are you staying up?”

“No way, I’m going straight to bed” I sigh and walk back upstairs with two cups of water in my hand and a box of... I don’t know but it’ll cure my headache. “El I got you tablets”

“Mmm” she moans. I put her glass of water on the nightstand at her side of the bed, and do the same with mine before putting two tablets next to her cup. She sits up slightly and takes the tablets with huge gulps of water.

She lies back down and as soon as her head hits the pillow, I instantly hear her heavy breathing again. I do the exact same.

The bright sun blazing through the blinds wakes me up and I squint my eyes to get my vision back. I check my phone to see the time is 2pm. I’m so thankful that the tablets worked.

I take a shower and do usual my morning routine, without putting on make-up and doing my hair. I just straighten it and put it in a messy pony tail. I change into some fresh pyjamas and sit back in bed, staying on my phone until Eleanor wakes up. My phone vibrates while I’m watching YouTube videos on my laptop, signalling I have a text.

From - Ben: can we meet? Need to talk

To - Ben: now!?

From - Ben: sometime today

To - Ben: six?

From - Ben: ok, meet me halfway

To - Ben: ok

I don’t know what could be so important that he needs to meet me today. I’m not making effort with my appearance though...

My phone starts to ring as soon as I start watching a new video. I sigh and check my phone to see that Jack’s calling. I quickly run out of my room and answer the phone outside my door.

“Hey” I exclaim.

“Hey! How you feeling?” he laughs.

“I woke up at eight with a massive headache but its gone now” I laugh. “You?”

“I’m alright actually”

“Alright for some” I sigh and he just laughs.

“You looked really good last night by the way”

“Aw thank you, so did you” I return the compliment.

He laughs, “You’re definitely coming to Portsmouth right?”

“Yep” I pop the ‘p’

“Good. Um, Conor’s coming” he mumbles.

I just sigh, “I guess I’ll have to put up with him then”

“I guess so” he laughs. “We’ll have a laugh, don’t worry about him”

“I’ll try” I laugh. “Are you two ok now?”

“We haven’t really brought it up, we’ve just started talking again”

“Oh good” I smile to myself. I hate it when those two argue.

“Well I’ll leave you alone now, call me if you need me”

“Will do, bye”

“Bye babes” he jokes and I laugh before ending the call. I walk back into the room and see Eleanor on her phone.

“You’re alive then” I tease.

“Only just. I’m starving though”

I sigh, “Come on then”

We made a full English breakfast for ourselves because we we’re both so hungry, then we go into the lounge and watch TV with my Mum while staying on the laptop.

“So what’s the news about Conor and Jack?” she asks.

“Me and Jack are good but I’m still not the same with Conor”

“He’ll come around, don’t worry” she smiles and I just nod. “Are you ok with the rest of your group?”

“I think so” I shrug, thinking about Ben.

-

“Lucy, we haven’t spoken about last night” El says as we walk up to my room.

“If you’re hinting about your thing with Alex, I saw everything” I laugh.

“Oh God” she sits on my bed and hides her face in her sweater.

“You were proper going for it” I tease and she just moans again.

“We’ve been texting” she blushes and picks her nails.

I gasp, “Serious!?”

“Yeah”

“So do you like him?”

“A little” she laughs.

“And he likes you?” I ask and she just shrugs. “He probably does”

“Whatever. What did you get up to last night then? I was only with you for about ten minutes” she laughs.

“I kissed Conor” I say casually, just to see her reaction.

“WHAT!?”

“Shut up! He started explaining himself and it just happened. But I pulled away and left him” I shrug. I don't feel guilty about kissing him because he still knows where he stands with him and it was a good kiss.

“Good, you can’t forgive him that easily”

“What if I want to though? I feel like I shouldn’t forgive him but I really want to. I love him El and I know how sorry he is about everything”

“Just give it a week” she says and I nod.

“Ben asked me to meet him at six. ‘We need to talk’” I say, using my fingers as speech marks.

“That doesn’t sound good” she mumbles. “Are you going?”

“Yeah” I shrug.

-

I finish getting ready to meet Ben. I put my hair in a more acceptable pony tail and change into jeans, a tank top and an oversized sweater. I decide against putting on make-up because it’s only Ben...

Eleanor and my Mum decide on watching a ‘quick film’ while I’m gone but I know I won’t be long so they would’ve barely watched any betime I get back.

I start to walk halfway to meet Ben and I start to see him walking towards me on a quiet, cobbled bridge. I walk over to him and smile.

“Hey”

“Hi” he simply says. “So let’s just get this over and done with. I’m not going to try with you Lucy, there’s no point”

“What are you talking about?” I frown.

“I saw you kissing Conor last night. I know you’ll never like me as much as you like Conor. You’re never going to get over him” he shrugs.

“Yes I will. I need to get over Conor”

“So you’re using me? You always come to me when you two have an argument and I fall for it every time. It’s ruining mine and Conor’s relationship” he sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. Conor’s face flashes onto his for a second but I shake it away.

“No, Ben. We can try. I’ll forget about Conor” I don’t know why I want to give Ben a chance so badly. I want Conor, not Ben.

“You’ll never forget about Conor. I know you’ll never feel the same way about me as you do with Conor, and you’re just holding me back from having a relationship of my own” he explains.

“So you having a friends with benefits thing with Leila doesn’t hold you back, but me not feeling the same way as you do about me does?” I ask, confusing myself.

“That’s different Lucy. I’m over that now”

“Right, let’s see how long that lasts” I say under my breath. “You know what, you’re right. Me and you will never work, I don’t even know what I was thinking”

“Why are you acting like this? I’m trying to be nice and you throw it in my face” he spits.

“Fuck you Ben” I walk away from him and make my way back home.

I’m sick of being pushed around or pushed away. Why does Ben think he can just decide when he wants me or not? I’m fucking sick of this and I blame everything on Conor. If he didn’t sleep with Claire or be a constant dick, me and Ben would be fine.

It wouldn’t surprise me if Conor made Ben say all this to me. He’s messed up.

I walk past Conor’s house to get to mine when I see him walking out of his house.

“Lucy?” Conor asks. I keep walking but my footsteps stop and I turn around to face him.

“It’s all your fucking fault!” I shout.

“What is? What are you talking about?” he walks closer to me.

“Ben”

“What the fuck has he done? I’ll beat the shit out of him” he clenches his fists making his knuckles go white.

“Nothing, just fuck off” I start to walk away but get distracted by Jack walking out of the house.

“What is all the noise about!?” he asks.

“You can fuck off too” I shout at him and walk back home. I instantly feel guilty about saying that to Jack and I also feel bad about blaming it on Conor. I’m sure Ben wouldn’t allow Conor making him say that to me.

I get home and slam the door behind me before running up to my room. I slam my head onto my pillow and breathe heavily into it. I’m expecting to cry sometime now but I’m so angry that I can’t even form tears. I’m more angry at myself than anything. Mad at myself for constantly blaming other people about my ‘misfortunate’s’.

I get distracted from my thoughts by someone walking into the room. I raise my head from my pillow and see Eleanor walking in.

“What happened?” she sighs.

“He saw me kissing Conor and said he doesn’t want to give us a try anymore” I moan.

“What are you on about?”

“I told Ben the other day that I want to give us a try but I guess I was just saying it to try and get over Conor. So he saw me kissing Conor last night and started saying that I’ll never like him as much as I like Conor. So I went mad at him and I walked back, past Conor’s house and Conor was there asking me what’s wrong, and I blamed it on him saying it’s all his fault. Then Jack came out and I told him to ‘fuck off’” I breathe.

“You dickhead” she says with no expression in her voice.

“I know” I moan and throw my head back onto the pillow.