Twenty-One

Missing something, Joker?A little girl perhaps?Don't you worry, clown.Every bit of her is intact for now. Listen to me and answer my riddles. Ignore them and she'll pay the price.Now go to a place that starts with P,Ends with E and has 1000 letters.

The note was found on the rug inside the foyer the next day at noon by Thomas—someone must have slid it under the door. He quickly ran to Joker's office to deliver it to him with a shaking hand.

"What the hell is this?" J asked, clearly still tired from their late night.

"A note. A threat, really. I think it's from Riddler," Tom replied as he handed over the paper. The statement set Joker's blood boiling, but not nearly as much as the words in the note.

"That fucker thinks he can fuck with me and get away with it? He has another thing coming!" J roared as he stood up. "We're going to find that little weasel and wring his neck until he tells me where he's taken Madeline!"

Just then, the phone rang.

"What?" Joker snapped as he picked it up.

"I take it you received my note," Edward smirked.

"I'll kill you, you bastard," Joker threatened.

"Then Madeline will have to die first, I'm afraid. I figured that you wouldn't be receptive to the letter without a little prodding," Eddy sighed. "You have two hours to reach us starting now. If you aren't here before that I'm killing the girl. Good luck."

And he hung up.

<><><><><><><><><><><>

"What did he say?" Asked Madeline as Riddler came back into the room she was in. "Is he coming?"

She sat down in a chair next to Riddler. She had no idea that the room she was in had been hastily constructed. It was not part of the original blueprint. Maddie had no clue that she was in such danger, that there was a trap waiting ten yards beneath her feet.

"Yes, he should be," Riddler smirked. "It may take him a while, though. This place is sort of in the middle of nowhere."

"Oh, okay. How long do you think it'll take?" Maddie wondered.

"Hopefully just short of two hours. Would you like to stimulate your brain some while we wait?" Eddy replied. Or rather, before you meet your end?

He also wanted to gloat to someone about something and, sadly, outwitting a four year old seemed sufficient at the time.

"What does stimulate mean?" She asked with a tilt of her head.

"In this case, to promote and kickstart brain activity," Edward defined. "And we can do this using a fun little riddle game of my own invention. I'll give you a riddle, and if you get it right, you get a point. But if you get it wrong... I get a point. Whoever has the most points when your clown gets here is the winner."

"What does the winner get?" Maddie questioned.

"Are you suggesting that we make a little wager?" Riddler inquired, more than a little surprised.

"What's the point of winning if there's no prize?" Madeline countered.

"Fair point. But there's no way you'll win. Are you still willing to risk it with such slim chances?" Edward scoffed.

"Don't be so sure. If you win, I'll admit that you're the smartest person in the entire universe. But if I win, I want you to admit that you still love my daddy even though you fought," she decided.

"What? No! Absolutely not! I never loved your father in the first place, and I certainly don't now! There is absolutely no way I'm telling that to the clown!" Eddy shouted.

"Fine," Maddie relented. "Instead you can apologize for the fight you had to him. Or, you can just tell me that you still love him. And don't try and lie and say you don't. All families love each other, even when they disagree. And besides, if you're so sure you'll win, what's the worry?"

She does have a fair argument. There's no way I could lose this anyway, so what do the terms matter?

"Alright. You have a bet. Let's get started."

<><><><><><><><><><><>

Thomas quickly figured out that the riddle was pointing to the post office and Joker mobilized all of his men to head down there. All in all it took about thirty minutes to get there, especially considering that Gotham Post was on the opposite side of town, which J was sure Edward had done on purpose.

Andy and Tommy both were worried out of their minds for the girl they considered to be their daughter. They still only had a vague idea of what had happened to drive Madeline off in the first place, and had no idea what Joker's initial reaction had been to finding her snooping. They really only knew that she'd seen Phil's dead body, and had probably seen J kill him. But other than that, they were in the dark. Their girl was gone, and if Riddler didn't have Madeline they'd be excited for her. But sadly in the current situation they'd have to help their boss reclaim her in order for her to have even a semblance of safety.

When they arrived Joker made no attempt to be subtle, instead busting through the doors and growling as he approached the front desk.

"Have there been any deliveries for Mr. J?" He demanded, a sinister smile on his face.

A shaken up clerk reached under the desk and quickly handed over a small package wrapped in brown paper.

"You know, it's a federal crime to mess with someone else's mail," J couldn't help but joke as he strolled back out the door with little damage done.

"Johnny, drive," he ordered as he climbed into the back of the van and shut the doors.

He quickly unwrapped the packaging, which he handed over to Andy for him to inspect. Then he opened the box, which contained only a bright red rose. The party was confused until Andy turned over the wrapping paper and shouted, having noticed writing on its underside. Written in looped cursive were the words:

What runs, but never walks, often murmurs, but never talks, has a bed but never sleeps, has a mouth but never eats?

"What the fuck?" Was all Joker could say.

"Wait, I think I've heard this riddle before," Andy said.

"Well what's the answer?" J demanded.

"Um," he stalled.

"Andrew! Madeline's life hangs in the balance! Surely the endangerment to her life is sufficient motivation such that I need not add my own!" Joker yelled, trying not to completely flip on his employees.

"A river!" Andy suddenly remembered.

"There's only one," Johnny murmured, driving that way.

"But it's huge. It could take us ages to find whatever his next clue is. Or what if this is the end of the line? There's tons of buildings along that river where he could be keeping her," Tommy pointed out.

"No. I know Eddy. No matter how low of an opinion he may have of our intellectual abilities, he wouldn't end it here. The magic number is usually three. And besides, there's still the rose. We need to look for somewhere along the river where there are roses. It should be obvious once you know what you're looking for, Frosty," Joker finally chimed in, lecturing as he instructed Johnny and the boys.

"Sure thing, boss. I'll head for the half that isn't in the nasty polluted section. There won't be any flowers there," Johnny stated as he started to drive that direction.

I swear, when I get my hands on that riddling fool, he is dead meat.

<><><><><><><><><><><>

"What has a face but doesn't talk, has hands but doesn't clap, and has no legs but can run?" Edward asked of his prisoner (though she was unaware of that fact).

"Um... let me think," Madeline pondered.

"Ten seconds," declared Riddler. "Ten, nine, eight, seven—"

"A clock," she answered confidently.

"What?!" He exclaimed.

"Is something wrong?" Asked Maddie.

"No, it's fine, it's just... you got it right," Eddy replied. "Never the matter. One point for you. Moving on. What gets wetter and wetter as it dries?"

"A towel," Madeline answered quickly.

Edward frowned deeply. This was going to be harder than he'd previously thought. I may have to break out the big guns.

"Another point for the munchkin. But the next won't be so easy," he threatened. "What gets larger the more you cut at it?"

"A hole," she smiled. Eddy held in a growl.

"When I am young I am tall. When I am old I am short. What am I?" He fired off as his temper began to rise.

Oh no. Uncle Eddy is getting angry. Maybe I should let him get a point.

"A giraffe," Madeline answered goofily.

"Wrong!" Edward exclaimed. "A point for me! The score is now three-to-one. What starts with T, ends with T, and has T(ea) in it?"

"A teapot!" Maddie yelled, forgetting herself.

Edward clicked his jaw as he considered his position. He would need a series of stumpers to take back the lead. He had some baking to do.

"I shall return shortly."

<><><><><><><><><><><>

"Boss, I think I found it," Johnny called from the driver's seat.

"What is it?" Joker asked almost immediately.

"I'm putting 'er in park, you'll wanna get out and see for yourself," Frost replied.

The van creaked to a stop, engine shuddering as Frosty turned it off and pulled the keys out of the ignition. Andy's muscles tensed as Joker stood and flung open the doors to the back of the van. Thomas grabbed his hand reassuringly, giving it a gentle squeeze as he tugged his significant other out after their boss.

The area was surprisingly pretty given that it was a part of Gotham. Through this tiny portion of the river, a field full of flowers lined either side of the banks. It became evident as they approached just what Johnny had seen to make them stop.

There was a giant question mark formed by red roses growing on the opposite bank.

"That'll be it, alright," Joker agreed. "Now how to get over there..."

Without another word, Andy began to strip down to his underwear.

"Hey, woah, hold up! Andrew! I did not ask for a private show!" J exclaimed, holding up his hands as he struggled to process what exactly his henchman was doing.

"He was a swimmer in high school," Thomas explained, a glint in his eye as he watched his boyfriend fearlessly dive into the rushing water.

"What stopped him from rivaling Phelps?" Johnny wondered, shocked as Andy's lithe form cut through the water like smoke.

"Let's just say there wasn't much encouragement from our peers," Tom grimaced, thinking back on foul childhood memories.

Soon enough Andy reached the other side of the river and pulled himself up onto the bank, water glistening as it flowed off of him in rivets. His white boxers were entirely soaked through. Tommy struggled (in vain) to keep his shit together.

"Watch that you don't get pricked, love," Tommy called out tauntingly.

"Quit making dick jokes," Joker grumbled, highly uncomfortable. He wasn't exactly a homophobe, it's just that knowing the nitty, gritty details grossed him out. He was fine with people being gay—he just didn't want them to tell him about it.

Andy flipped them all off without turning as he looked for the next clue amongst the roses.

"Aha!" He shouted finally, having found a note attached to the thorns on the rose that formed the dot of the question mark.

"What does it say?" Joker shouted across the flowing waters.

"My first starts all that begins. My second is twice in a chemical, but not once in a mixture. My last is the end of time and space. The place where you first got your start shall soon be the spot where she loses her heart," Andrew read aloud.

"That didn't make any sense," Tommy spoke first.

"No. Wait, I think I get it," Johnny cut in. "It's one of those letters riddles. The clues are each one of the letters. Read it again, Andy."

Andy read it back to them again and they slowly began to piece the letters together.

"What starts all that begins? The letter A," Tommy declared.

"The letter C is seen twice in chemicals but not at all in mixtures," Andy continued.

"And E ends both the words time and space," Johnny finished.

"Fuck!" Joke shouted. "I know where the bastard took her."

"Where?" Tommy asked.

"ACE Chemicals."