Four

Needless to say, the group made a mess. Madeline somehow managed to get spaghetti up her nose, and Thomas got sauce behind his ear. All but Andy were relatively unashamed of their actions. J and Tom looked like the cat that got the canary, and Mad and Frost both seemed to think nothing of the entire ordeal. With that said, it took a whole hell of a lot of wet paper towels to clean them and the kitchen of the spaghetti mess.

Andy cleaned himself off quickly and then pulled Madeline aside and cleaned her the best he could with a paper towel.

"You need a bath," he sighed.

"That reminds me," J drawled suddenly from where he was resting against the island, face clean.

Andy and Tom both turned to look at their boss, while Maddie happily ran off up the stairs. Johnny was already off doing something of importance to his boss, so the two men were left alone with the monster.

"What with the whole... situation we have here, I need someone to look after the girl that I can trust—or at least know that they won't screw up as bad as Phil. And seeing as who you two are, it only made sense for me to think of you," Joker explained, grinning lecherously. Meanwhile the goons gulped at the mention of Phil the pervert, who was chained up in the dungeon somewhere to be used in J's demented torture games.

"O-Of course, sir," Andy stuttered out.

"Just, uh, a few things. You gotta make sure that she stays alive and out of my way when I'm not training her. Other than that, I don't care. Ooh, except, if you want to have sex or something, at least make sure the kid's asleep first. If anyone wants to get shot I'll be in my office," he smiled, laughing hysterically as he left the two men gaping at what he just said.

"Did he just make us her nannies because we're gay?" Andrew asked incredulously.

"Certainly seems that way," Thomas replied breathily. "But hey, look on the bright side, now we definitely won't do anything illegal. We're just babysitters now."

Andy shot a pointed look at his boyfriend before shaking his head and going upstairs to find their charge so that they could give her a much needed bath.

"What?" Tom demanded as he ran upstairs after him.

"You're such a twit, you know that?" Andy asked as Tom caught up.

"But you love it," Tommy smirked.

"No, but I love you. Now this could get messier than what put us here in the first place. You round up Maddie, I'll get the bath ready," Andy ordered.

"Yes sir!" Thomas saluted, running off. He began a search for the pasta-covered girl and soon discovered that she was smarter than they'd previously thought. She had no intention of taking a bath anytime soon.

This was proven when Tommy casually entered her room. He was rapidly hit with the stuffed animals from her bed and a bucket of glitter was dumped on his head. Where did she even find all of this glitter? Curse you Frost for decking out her craft station!

Tommy quickly took cover behind the tea table from earlier, flipping it on its side to provide better cover from Madeline's assault.

"Maddie! Stop! Calm down it's just a bath!" Tom shouted over the thudding noises of stuffed animals and toys hitting the table.

"I don't want a bath! I don't wanna go to bed either!" Maddie shouted.

She started jumping on the bed rambunctiously, giggling loudly. Thomas could hear the straining springs from behind his shield. While she was occupied with jumping, he peeked over the edge of the table to get a good look at the situation. Madeline was distracted for the moment, so Tommy took his chance and leaped over the table and to her bed, sweeping her up and over his shoulder.

"No! No no no no no!" Maddie squealed, thrashing around on Tom's shoulder.

"Sorry sugar. You're covered in spaghetti sauce. It has to happen," Tommy apologized.

"No, Tommy no! Please don't make me!" The young girl pleaded.

"Sorry squirt. Andy said so, and he's the boss. Besides your daddy of course," Tommy sighed.

Madeline pouted the rest of the way to the upstairs bathroom, but didn't say another word. As Tom opened the bathroom door, he saw Andy filling up the tub with water and bubble bath. He dropped a couple of Maddie's water resistant toys in the water and felt the temperature, making sure that it wasn't too hot for the young girl.

Tom turned and closed and locked the door to make sure that Mad couldn't escape. He then gently set her down on the floor, grimacing at her sauce covered footsie pajamas, and the fact that there was even more sauce on his own white T-shirt.

Andy turned around when he heard the door shut, almost jumping when he saw his boyfriend's appearance. With glitter littering his lovely locks and the rest of him sprinkled with pasta sauce, he certainly was a sight. Andy had to stifle a giggle when Thomas gave him a warning look. Andy quickly sobered when he noticed Madeline's terrified expression and got down to business.

"Maddie, we need to take off the onesie so you can take a bath, okay?" Andy asked, approaching slowly so as not to alarm her.

This did not prove fruitful, however, because Madeline immediately flinched as the man came her way. Her response was understandable, all things considered, but still upsetting for the couple that was assigned to be her caretakers. She shook her head, rapidly backing away in quick little steps towards the door.

"Maddie, we know that that man yesterday did a very bad thing, but we would never do anything like that," Andy soothed her.

"Andy's right, sweetie. We don't like any girls like that, let alone a little girl as kind as you baby. We could never do anything like that to you," Tommy assured her.

Madeline was still wary, but decided to put her trust in them. They had been very nice to her so far, and let's be honest, she didn't have much choice. If they were going to do something bad, they would have done it by now. They wouldn't waste time trying to trick me. And besides, if they do do something, Daddy will save me. Wait, I just said doodoo.

Maddie began giggling to herself and nodded at the pair, smiling. Andy smiled back and approached her again. This time, she didn't flinch.

Andy helped her to unzip the onesie and climb out of it. She began blushing as Andy picked her up and gently set her down in the tub that was rapidly filling with bubbles and water. Madeline found her Scooby Doo figurine in the water and began happily splashing and playing.

"Mkay baby we're gonna need you to look up really quick so we can wash your hair," Tommy said.

Maddie obeyed, allowing Andy to place his hand on her forehead to stop water from getting in her eyes as he poured water on her head using a cup. He then grabbed the girl's shampoo Frost had picked up and squirted some in his hand. He then proceeded to lather Maddie's hair in shampoo and then carefully rinse it out. Meanwhile, Tommy wetted a wash rag and poured some body wash on it. He quickly rubbed Madeline down with the rag, cleaning off the excess spaghetti sauce with ease.

After Maddie was squeaky clean, the boys had her stand up so they could give her a final rinse. Then Tommy grabbed a fluffy towel and wrapped it around the girl, picking her up and out of the tub. Tommy carried her back into her bedroom while Andy picked out a pink nightgown and underwear for Maddie to wear. Tom set her down and Andy hurriedly pulled the underwear on her and slipped the nightgown on over her head. While Andy dressed Madeline, Tommy made quick work of throwing the onesie and towel in her laundry hamper.

"Alrighty princess. Let's get you put to bed. It's rather late for you to still be up," Thomas said, picking up the girl and gently laying her down in her bead, pulling the covers up to her chin.

"If you need anything in the middle of the night or tomorrow morning, come find us. We're in the room just after your daddy's. You know where that is, right?" Andy asked quietly.

"Yes," Maddie mumbled.

"Okay then. Goodnight baby. Sleep tight," Tommy cooed.

"Can't forget goodnight kisses," Andy tutted, kissing her forehead. Tommy followed, kissing the girl's temple before the couple left, leaving her alone in the dark.

<><><><><><><><><><><>

"Goddamnit all!" J yelled, shoving all of his papers onto the floor.

He pulled at his hair exasperatedly as he tried to fathom a better approach to his plan. Suddenly he picked up a book off of his desk and tossed it across the room. It made him feel better, so he picked up another, and another, and another until he ran out of books to throw. Just as he grabbed the old landline to rip it out of the goddamn wall, he stopped and took a good look at it, finally realizing a solution.

"Yes! I knew violence was the answer!" He shouted, setting down the phone and searching everywhere for his list of important contacts.

"Wait. Why the fuck am I doing this? I know the bastard's number," J growled, dropping the papers he'd picked up and going back to the landline. He preferred to use it over a cell in case he got tracked, especially considering who he was ringing. It would certainly raise some flags.

"R-I-D-D-L-E-R," he breathed, keying in the corresponding numbers. The phone rang a long moment before it was picked up.

"When you do not know what I am, I am something. When you do know what I am, I am nothing. What am I?" A voice drawled.

"Cut the shit, Eddy. We've got a deal to make," Joker growled into the phone.

"I don't make deals with ignoramuses. Tell me the answer and we're in business," Edward responded airily.

"Fine, you prick. It's a riddle," J smirked.

"What?" Ed spluttered. He'd thought that he would avoid the clown by stumping him. Now he was in deep shit.

"I said it's a riddle. Now we're in business, right?" J chuckled.

"You must have cheated!" Riddler accused.

"Never in my life, pal. Now man up and deal with me," Joker retorted.

"Fine. What do you want, clown?" Ed demanded.

"I have a bit of an... educational problem, you could say," J decided to say.

"Definitely," Edward muttered. "Why do you need my help?"

"I've acquired this asset, and I need her to receive some higher learning so that I can use her in the field," Joker informed him.

"Her?" Asked Eddy.

"Yes, her name is Madeline. She's in training to be of use to me," J replied.

"How old? Fifteen? Thirteen? Ten?" Riddler asked, getting more incredulous each time J didn't answer.

"Four," Joker smiled.

"Four? Are you kidding me? Of what use is she? What do I even stand to gain from this venture?" R demanded.

"No one would ever expect it from her, Eddy. Think what it would do to Batsy!" J cackled. "And if you do it, you can have my territory east of Cobble Road."

"Not a chance clown. I won't engage in something so pointless," Ed refused.

"I guess you're not good enough for the job. You couldn't handle it anyways. It would take a real genius to get her to listen and teach her properly," J sighed.

"Now hold on a minute, Joker. There is no other creature as intelligent as I am. I can handle any task," Riddler fumed.

"No, you've made it quite clear that you're not up to the task, Edward. I'll just have to call someone else. If there were only some way to use the old Batman. He's certainly proved himself to have a superior intellect," J responded, smirking as Ed fell right into his hands.

"Batman is not more intelligent than me! He is a filthy cheater and no other being in the universe is more suited to this task!" Riddler shouted.

"If you're sure that you can handle it. I'd hate for you to be out of your depth," Joker agreed.

"Of course I can handle it, clown. Give me the territory you mentioned and we have a deal," Edward assured him.

"Wonderful," J said. Just then, a knock came at his door. "Well I have to go Eddy, there's someone waiting for me. Be at the docks Monday morning and I'll send Frosty to pick you up."

With that, J hung up and called out, "Come in!"

Johnny popped his head in and smiled at his boss. "I got Tiffany here, boss. She's wandering upstairs," he informed.

"Thanks, Frosty," J smirked, clapping him on the back as he passed. Tiffany! That's what her name is!

Meanwhile, upstairs Maddie woke up in her bed, alone and thirsty. As Maddie hopped out of bed and approached the door, J climbed the stairs to find his woman.

Maddie opened the door into the hallway just as Joker reached Tiffany outside his door. She didn't want to bother him after his outburst earlier, so she planned to just bypass him on her way to Andy and Tommy's room. That is, until she heard the woman speak.

"Hey Daddy," she moaned. Maddie smiled happily.

"Daddy? Is she going to be my big sister?" Maddie asked excitedly.

Both adults turned to the girl, at a loss for words after her question.

"You have a kid. Ugh," Tiffany grumbled before running out. J growled angrily at her exit.

"What's the matter, Daddy?" Madeline asked.

"Nothing. Just go back to bed," he muttered. Fucking cock block.

"I was going to Andy and Tommy's room so they could get me some water. They told me if I needed anything that I shouldn't bother you and should ask them instead. And oh! I'm supposed to knock and wait for them to come to the door," she explained rapidly.

"Whatever, doll. I'm here now. Just come with me and I'll get it for you. Then straight back to bed. We've got a big day tomorrow," J sighed.

"Thanks Daddy!" Mad said happily. She followed him to the top of the stairs and stopped.

"Daddy," she mumbled. "Andy said that I need to hold someone's hand when I go down the stairs. It's dangerous and I could fall."

J sighed and reluctantly held out his hand for her to take. Maddie took it and the pair slowly climbed down the stairs. J got her a glass of water, all the while thinking, Phil is so fucking getting it when I'm done here.

Madeline drank her water and then J helped her back upstairs and to bed. As he pulled the cover over her, she asked, "Daddy? Could you kiss me goodnight?"

J looked at her incredulously. Why the fuck would she want a goodnight kiss or whatever the fuck it is from me?

Don't. You'll get attached. She will manipulate you and make you soft. You'll fail.

J knew that the voices were probably right for once and so shook his head at the girl, leaving her and turning off the lamp again as he left.