Chapter 40 - It's the right time

Chapter 40 - It's the right time

Jade pov

I toss and turn in bed thinking back to what happened only a few hours ago. It's still not clear to me exactly how things escalated so quickly, it wasn't my intention to invalidate Perrie and I tried to talk to her calmly and politely but evidently I said something that bothered her more than I expected.

I wish I could talk to her and make it right, but Perrie has never been so distant before, her icy eyes pierced my soul and for the first time she built a impenetrable wall around her heart.

What do I do?

I think about the purchase I made this morning and wonder if I have misunderstood the events of the last few months. There is no doubt in my heart and mind that Perrie is the one and only love of my life and the only person I want to share it with until my last breath.

But what if it wasn't like that for her?

What if I only saw what I wanted to see?

The tears get heavy in my eyes and insist on coming out for the umpteenth time, I don't even try to hold them back any longer, there is no point anyway. I just want her to tell me that everything is alright and that she is here. I just want to see her warm gaze again, which comforts me in dark moments.

My thoughts are interrupted by the faint creak of the door opening, I take deep breaths trying to calm myself and close my eyes, I have neither the courage nor the strength to argue with her again. Her perfume fills the four walls I am in and the need to feel her arms wrap around me is more and more insistent.

I feel the bed lower and I remain still, trying to breathe regularly to make her think I'm asleep.

"Jadey... are you asleep?" She asks in a soft voice. I want to answer her but I don't trust my voice and I don't know how to deal with her now.

"I guess so" she softly says into the silence, "I'm sorry, Jade. I shouldn't have spoken to you like that or shouted. I took it out on you but it was the wrong thing to do" she murmurs in a trembling voice.

"I know I misunderstood and you didn't mean that I'm crazy. You never said that or gave me proof that you thought that before. I think I reflected my doubts back to you, does that make sense?" She says ironically at the end.

"I... the truth is that I know this feeling. I had it the first time I saw Alex" she pauses and I stiffen at the mention of his name. I should tell her that I am awake and listening to her but my brain won't allow me to say a word.

"He was so nice the night I met him, yet there was this feeling inside me that something was wrong, but I put it in the back of my mind thinking it was just baseless paranoia. And then-" she sighs, "well, I should have trusted that feeling" her voice is a whisper and I hear her sob.

"W-when I was at the motel... the day before I went back to work" a broken sob interrupts her, I want to hug her but part of me also believes that she needs to get out what's oppressing her and I know that if I move she'll shut herself away.

"That day I had the same feeling... I... you know part of me knew I was pregnant but I kept denying it because it would be too hard to deal with... but that day when I saw him come in, there was nothing different and yet I knew something had changed... I had that feeling that told me something was about to happen" another sob escapes her, and then another and another, my body feels frozen and I don't know if I really want to listen to what she's going to say, "When he started hitting me I tried to protect myself, I tried to parry the blows but I... I was too weak. I couldn't protect my child. It was my fault that he died. I should have protected him and I didn't."

My tears flow freely from my eyes and I feel a weight crushing my heart. I cannot even imagine her pain. I cannot imagine her loss. But part of me feels the same pain knowing what we could have had if only things had been different.

"You know... he always told me I shouldn't cry but... I think he got off on seeing me in pain. When I didn't cry or scream, he would hit harder and break me. Each time he would break a piece of me. And he would laugh when I begged him to stop. I think he liked to see me suffer" her voice is hollow and cold. I think she is not talking to me now. I think she is lost again.

"I still have that feeling, Jade. I need you to trust me. I need to know that you are by my side and that you are safe. If only... if only I had told you the truth right away, all this wouldn't have happened and now I'm afraid that he might come back as he promised. I'm afraid he'll hurt you too. I can't let anything happen to you" her voice is weak and I feel my heart sink with every word. I understand now that no matter how much she heals, the fear that he will come back for her will never go away.

I didn't understand it before, when they finally sentenced Alex it was the closing of a circle for me. But there will never be an end for her.

This fear will always be part of her and I didn't understand it until now.

"I believe you" I murmur, drawing on every ounce of strength in me not to break.

I feel her stiffen and breathe deeply, the movements on the bed tell me she's getting up, I grab her wrist gently, "Don't go. I'm here for you. I'm sorry I didn't understand how you felt, and I'm sorry I invalidated your emotions. I'm here, love and I believe you" I beg her in a weak voice, I feel a boulder in the place of my heart that won't lift until she tells me she has forgiven me.

"Can I stay with you?" She asks in a whisper and my heart suddenly feels lighter. I nod not trusting my own voice.

She goes back to lie down next to me, but she puts her back to me, not allowing me to see her face.

"I don't want to ignore that feeling again" she murmurs and her voice is so weak I wonder if she actually said it.

"We won't do it. I trust you and I will make sure you are safe" I comfort her and hope she hears the honesty in my voice. She sighs and soft sobs make their way and fill the silence. I hold her with all of myself and curl up in the hollow between her neck and shoulder, absorbing all her scent and the warmth of her skin.

My hands tighten on her stomach to act as a shield and protect her from anyone who wants to hurt her and her hand reaches mine and squeezes them.

"We can still have everything we want, love" I tell her, drawing invisible circles on her belly, "We have time, we can choose" the emotion is like a storm in my voice. My tears fall and wet her neck, but she doesn't seem to care.

"Promise me you'll stay with me, Jade. Promise me you won't let me go" she tells me in a silent cry.

"Forever. I will always be here. Forever"

The fresh air leaves goosebumps on my skin and a feeling of warmth and peace radiates within me as I admire the view around me.

Greenery surrounds every corner and the flowering trees dance to the chirping of birds. A clear sky stretches for kilometers above me and serenity reigns supreme in my soul.

The swing I'm sitting on moves in rhythm with the cool breeze and cradles me like a baby is cradled by its mother.

Yesterday was May 16th

A year ago I found Perrie in that hotel room on the razor's edge between life and death. A year ago, I almost lost her.

Anniversaries will always be difficult, Cheryl explained, no matter if it's been a year or ten. So I decided it would be best for us to get away from London for a few days, I wanted Pez's mind to be away from this city.

Yesterday was not an easy day, her mood was under her feet. Mine too, honestly.

We held each other and comforted each other all day. We cried, we faced the pain, we accepted the suffering.

There was nothing either of us could have done to make things better, we just accepted that some days are bad and it's okay to grieve. This doesn't make us weak. It makes us human.

Today things are completely different. This morning Pez woke up early and she made pancakes, when I came down I found her with batter and flour all over her face.

I honestly don't know what she does when she cooks

It was hilarious, we danced together while she cooked and I cut the fruit, like the old days, I helped her tidy up without shying away from making fun of her and her laughter filled the little cottage in a melody that is like a drug for my ears.

In her eyes I saw the light and hope that have always characterized Pez.

If I have to be honest, the day I saw her again, a year ago, when just raising a hand in her direction or a soft touch sent her into panic, I would never have thought that she would be able to come back to me.

She has shown that she has a strength that I never imagined she could have.

I truly believed that she was irreparably broken, I believed that what Alex had done had completely destroyed her and that the real Perrie had died the day he took her away.

I was wrong

She tore up all the predictions and came back.

Of course, there will still be difficulties, sometimes, more and more rarely, her defense mechanisms return or some things trigger her, but I know she will recover completely. I know she won't give up.

"Get out of your head" she tells me, laughing as she smears chocolate on my face.

Wait, what?

"What the hell are you doing?" I ask her trying to hold back my laughter but failing miserably.

"I've been calling you for ten minutes but it seemed like you were having an internal monologue with yourself" she teases me.

I'm starting to suspect that she reads my mind. I smile hugely at her and she goes back to the living room watching Frozen. I follow her and stop to look at her as she watches the movie. Her eyes shine while her lips move in a soft imitation of the characters' voices. She knows every dialogue and every song by heart, but every time she looks at him she seems more surprised than the last.

She is lovely

I wonder if it's legal to be that cute. I don't think so

I remain observing her for the rest of the film, carefully catching every laugh, every expression and every smile.

I look at her body covered only in an extra large Olaf t-shirt and matching panties and socks. She is a child at heart. My baby.

But she's also fucking sexy

When we are almost at the end I get up with the excuse of going to the bathroom and instead I head to the room, I silently open my suitcase and take the little box that I have conveniently hidden.

It is time

I'll ask her as soon as the movie is over. I hide the little box behind my back but there is no danger of her seeing it because when I return to the living room she is so engrossed in the film that she barely notices my presence. I put the little box on the floor next to the sofa and go back to hug her, enjoying our closeness.

Perrie pov

Frozen has just finished and I am wrapped in the warm arms of Jade who never stops giving me peace and security.

God, I love her

I look at her and notice that she is already looking at me, I feel my cheeks turning a deep shade of red, she smiles at me and I notice that she still has some chocolate on her face where I had it before her smeared.

I get closer to her and start kissing every spot, taking the cream away. She looks at me surprised but I see her smile tug at her lips. I look at her face with perfect features and her caramel eyes in which I find only love and care.

Suddenly I feel a new desire reach me, I turn around completely and put my legs around her hips. I kiss her slowly savoring the sweet taste of her mouth, with her tongue I trace the line of her lips and she opens them, I slide in and explore every inch of her mouth.

Her tongue moves and it collides with mine, they come together and dance in sync in a sensual dance.

I feel a sensation I'd forgotten explode between my thighs and I move my hips to reach what I want.

TW SMUT

I feel Jade getting hard under me, she tries to hide it with her hands but I don't let her.

I want to feel it

I take her hands and bring them to my hips as I continue to grind on her so that my swollen clit hits her hard cock.

I know she could be much harder and I know she is fighting a war in her head to keep the control.

I pull away from her lips and start leaving wet kisses on her jaw and up to her neck, I linger on her pulse and bite it, making her moan. I proceed to lick the area and then suck and bite it again.

I feel her getting harder by the second and I keep moving on her to create friction on my core, a moan leaves my lips at the sensation and I want more. Her hands hold my hips and help me with the movements, creating the perfect rhythm. I pull away from her neck and lift my shirt over my arms letting it fall somewhere near the couch.

My breasts bounce and I see Jade's eyes widen at the sight, I take her hands and place them on me, she starts teasing my nipples with her fine fingers causing waves of pleasure and excitement throughout my body, moans and groans leave my lips and I feel Jade now completely hard as a rock.

I can't even imagine how much she is suffering now.

She leans in and starts kissing my neck but I push her away and grab the hem of her shirt, dragging it down her arms and away from her.

Now we're equal

She immediately comes back to me and her mouth reaches my nipple, she starts teasing it with her perfect tongue and biting it gently, causing shivers and goosebumps everywhere.

It's not enough

My hand goes down and reaches the elastic of her panties, I feel the length of her and the desire to touch it invades my mind, I caress it through the fabric and I hear Jade moan, her cock pulsates beyond the fabric and I know it's torture for her now.

I slowly slip my hand into her panties and touch it gently, I feel drops of precum wetting my fingers and I surround it with my hand making slow and firm movements.

I feel Jade stiffen and tremble, she pulls away and looks at me intently, "Can...can I continue?" I ask her now unsure thinking that she doesn't like it.

"Are you sure, Perrie? I don't want you to do something if you're not sure" she tells me between spasms. Her voice is shaking and I know she's doing everything she can to hold back.

"I want to touch you"

Her pupils dilate and her breathing quickens as her eyes turn three shades darker.

"Just do it. Please do it" she tells me almost begging.

My hand immediately returns to where it was before her, she lifts up slightly to allow me to lower her panties completely freeing her huge cock.

Holy shit

I forgot it was that big. Probably the biggest I've seen.

I stroke her faster and Jade moans mercilessly, "Oh! Fuck! Fuck!" she curses and I feel my arousal flooding my panties.

I need more

I take the hand that she had left on my hip and accompany her to the entrance of my panties, she looks at me to ask for permission and I bring her finger into contact with my clitoris.

At the first touch another moan escapes me and Jade starts rubbing my wet center.

She feels so good

We continue to touch each other staring at our gazes and enjoying every moment, my lips return to hers and her moans die muffled in our mouths, "Fuck!" I hear it but I don't know who said it.

"Jade! More!" I beg on her lips, I feel her hesitate but then her finger slides along my slit and slowly slides into me.

I wince at my old defense mechanisms choosing the worst time to return. Jade immediately pulls away and breaks the kiss, her eyes full of panic, but I take her hand and bring it back to where it was, "More" I whisper. She looks at me uncertainly, "Touch me" my voice is low and hoarse and I see her swallow before nodding.

I feel her finger slide along my wetness again and as she looks at me intently she enters me.

I close my eyes and arch my back as I moan and let the pleasure fill my body.

I move my hips, leaning on her shoulder with one hand while I continue to touch her with the other.

"More!" I scream between moans. She slides in another finger and waves of pleasure pierce my body, I move around her fingers as she curls them inside me touching my spot.

"Fuck! Fuck! Jade!"

I ride her fingers and hear the sound of our wet thighs touching, I squeeze her cock and hear her gasp as more moans pour out of her.

Fuck!

I'm so close

I feel my walls tighten around her fingers as Jade continues to fuck me perfectly, I look at her and see her eyes full of lust as she looks at me intensely. This is almost enough to send me over the edge, but when I see her close her eyes and let out another moan I know it's done for me.

"Fuck! JADE! I'm about- I'm about to c-" I scream as I feel wave after wave of pleasure reach through me and tear through my body. I tense and tremble as the climax overtakes me.

"Fuck! Baby! You are beautiful" Jade's voice trembles, she slows down but she keeps her fingers inside me allowing me to ride out the orgasm. I look at her and see her staring at me with nothing but adoration.

"Fuck! I'm so close, love!" Jade screams hoarsely and I feel new wetness pooling on my slit.

"Come, baby" I order her, she looks at me with wide eyes and I feel her cock throb in my hands, "Come" I tell her again. She stiffens and then starts shaking releasing her cum onto my hands and her stomach.

I watch her all the time and there is nothing more exciting than seeing her close her eyes and breathe deeply with her lips parted.

End SMUT

When she opens her eyes again I can't help but capture her lips with mine. I don't realize the tears streaming down my face from release and happiness.

Jade asks me if I'm okay and I tell her I've never been better, because it's the truth.

"I'm so fucking in love with you, Jade" I tell her with emotion in my voice.

She looks at me and I see her eyes become just as bright, "I love you so fucking much, baby" she tells me in a voice that's just a breath away from breaking.

We lie on the couch trying to regulate our breathing when Jade grabs a blanket and covers us, we hold each other for what feels like hours until sleep takes over.

For the first time, no nightmares bother me.

Jade pov

"Please, Jadey! Answer later!" she tells me in a childish voice and stomping her feet on the ground. A loud laugh comes out of my body at the scene and shortly after followed by Perrie's.

Our laughter fills the cottage in a sweet melody and my heart feels at peace.

I'm about to do it

It's the right time

The phone rings again and I look at Perrie for her approval, "Okay, pick up. Then turn it off because I want my girl all to myself!" she orders me and I comply with a smile.

I walk towards the kitchen and take my phone out of my bag, I see 6 missed calls Jesy and Leigh-Anne and I smile already knowing what they want to know.

The phone rings in my hand again and I unlock it accepting the call, "So?" I hear the curious and anxious voices of my friends.

"I'm going to do it. I'm ready" I state with conviction despite the growing panic.

"It'll be okay" Leigh whispers, "You're the strongest people I know" she says with emotion in her voice and I hear Jesy sniffle at her.

"Okay, before I start crying, I'll go" I whisper before thanking them and assuring that I will give them news soon.

"Everything okay?" Pez asks as I walk back into the living room, I nod, "Who was them?"

"Just Jesy, she wanted to know how many days we will stay here" I lie to her as I sit on the sofa next to her and welcome her in a strong hug.

"Are you sure you're okay, Jade? Your heart beats like a storm.... "she whispers looking intently into my eyes.

I take her hand and squeeze it tightly, while I already feel tears forming in my eyes, I see her worried look and I spread a sincere smile while a nervous laugh leaves my mouth.

"You are the love of my life" I state without leaving room for objections, "I would never forgive myself if I let you go again. Every day you make me smile, you make me happy, you bring out the best part of me. I risked losing you and I understood that there is no life for me if you are not there, if you are not by my side every day. You have overcome so much and are the strongest and bravest person I know. And I want to get through every little thing together, I want to spend every day with you, building our future, building our happiness together" I pause as I swallow the lump in my throat and wipe the tears from Pez's face.

"I love you more than words can say. I want to spend my life with you. I want to call you my wife. I want to have children with you if that's what you want too. I want you to be my home, my future and my world" I smile as I let each word sink in.

"Perrie Louise Edwards, would you do me the honor of being my wife?" I whisper, taking out the little box and opening it in front of her.

I see Pez bring her hands to her mouth as new tears leave her eyes and flow down her beautiful face.

She looks at me intensely and a huge smile appears on her face, she brings her trembling hand closer to the little box and continues looking at me.

"Yes. You are my life, you are my future, you are my world, Jade. Yes Yes Yes" 

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The end ❤️Thank you so so so much for reading this story!

I can't believe we are here, a big thanks to everyone that followed, read, liked and commented on this. 

This was the first fanfiction, actually the first story, I wrote. It was really hard cause, as some of you may think, it's really personal, it's been actually therapeutic to write this, and honestly when I started I didn't even think I'd post it, but all your love has been wonderful and it really helped when it was getting harder to write.

This story probably will have a sequel but since I'm struggling to write it I wanted to give you an end, in case I can't finish the other one.

So thank you so so so much for being with me

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Thank you for reading and take care 🌈🍪

- C