Chapter 35 - No one will believe this

Chapter 35 - No one will believe this

TW - mention of abuses

Jade pov

"So, would you like to tell me what happened last night?" I ask her as I put the pancakes on her plate and approach her.

She looks at me shyly and I can see shame and sadness, I reach out and take her hand, she tries to push it away but I hold her steady, "Pez, we've been here before. You can tell me anything. I won't judge you or get angry. I just want to understand" I say looking into her eyes.

"I felt ashamed..." she sighs, "You know, a-about the video. Jesy, Leigh and all the people in that courtroom saw them. I was afraid of what you would think of me if you saw them... or what Jes and Lee-Lee think.... I'm just putting the pieces back together and I can't let it all be destroyed again" her voice is calm but I can hear a slight tremor, I know it's hard for her to admit.

"Love, I won't watch those videos. But I promise that even if I saw them I wouldn't judge you any differently. Perrie, look at me baby" I say lifting her face, " It wasn't your fault. You didn't deserve it. You didn't ask for it. I will never think you wanted it. I swear to you, love"

"The things that happened, Jade... I don't know if I can ever forget them. I don't know if I can ever forgive myself for what I did" she whispers.

"You have nothing to forgive yourself for. You did what you did to survive. You adapted and followed their orders because it was what you had to do to survive. But that doesn't mean it was your fault"

"What am I supposed to do, Jade? How do I forget and move on?" tears flow slowly from her intense blue eyes. She looks broken, much more than before, as if perhaps now, for the first time, she is aware of what really happened. As if she has now really realised it.

"I... I don't know, love. I don't know if you can forget. But I do know that you are strong enough to move on. And I will be with you every step of the way" I squeeze her hand to comfort her but also to comfort myself.

"It really happened, didn't it? It's like until now it felt like only a nightmare, but it really happened, didn't it?"

"I'm so sorry, my love" I nod through my tears.

Jesy pov

It's 8:30, it's going to start soon, I know I shouldn't be here but I needed to hear what they would say about her.

"I knew I'd find you here" someone whispers just behind me, I turn to find my afro haired friend.

"What are you doing here, Leigh?" I ask her.

"Probably what you're doing" she tells me with a sad smile.

"How do you think that will go?"

"I have no idea, do you really think anyone would believe that these people are innocent?" she asks me.

The truth is, I don't think anyone could believe it, but until this trial is over with Alex and his friends in jail, the anxiety won't leave me.

"Today will be tough" Leigh declares and I nod.

Today he and his friends will speak. What will they say? How will they justify themselves?

Speaking of the devil, we see Alex and the others enter the courtroom, the smile on his face even more irritating than yesterday. I can't wait for them to convict him just to see that smile disappear from his shit face.

Shortly after we stand up for the judge to arrive, the lawyers make short speeches and then the judge invites the son of a bitch to the stand.

"Good morning Mr Oxlade, let's begin" orders the judge.

Perrie pov

Admitting my feelings to Jade is harder than I thought.

I'm afraid she will judge me even though rationally I know she won't and she has proven it to me, the problem is how I judge myself and unconsciously reflect my thoughts back into her.

If I feel guilty, I will think she blames me.

If I feel angry with myself, I will think she is angry with me.

If I feel like a dirty whore, I will think that she does too.

I can't forgive myself for giving in, I can't forgive myself for accepting their games even if it was out of fear, I can't forgive myself for loving Alex at one point.

How can I live with myself?

I should have fought more, I should have told them "no" again and again, I should have tried to run away again, but I gave in and accepted that they did what they wanted. Jade repeats that I did it to survive, but no matter the reason, I just did it.

They told me to say I liked it and I did it.

They told me to shut up and I did.

They told me to spread my legs. And I did it.

There was no rebellion.

How can I accept that it wasn't my fault?

Maybe if I had fought harder things would have been different

"Get out of your mind" Jade's voice is warm and brings me back to reality, "I'm here, talk to me".

"I don't know what to say, I have so many thoughts it's hard to put them in order" I admit wearily.

"OK, so tell me the first one that comes to mind" she smiles at me.

"I shouldn't have given up. If I hadn't given up-"

"They would have killed you" her gaze is glassy and my heart stops.

"I-I'm sorry I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry" Jade speaks frantically.

"Do you really believe that?" I ask squeezing her hand.

"Perrie I" Jade drops new tears, "Remember every detail of that day. When I found you in that room... your lips were blue, blood surrounded you. I thought I would lose you, I thought I was too late. I thought I had lost you-" Jade breaks down in tears and I rush to hug and hold her. "I can't lose you. If something had happened to you I- I don't know what would become of my life"

"Shh, shh, it's okay. I'm here, you didn't lose me. I'm here, baby" I whisper to her as I hold her trembling body.

Jesy pov

"So, what you're saying, Mr Oxlade, is that Miss Edwards was consensual?" Perrie's lawyer asks for the third time.

"As I said, Perrie and I had an open relationship, I liked to watch while she had sex with other people. All were consensual. It was just an erotic bdsm game" Alex repeats with a grin as he looks at us.

"And you claim that being beaten to the point of internal bleeding was also part of a sex game?" Keating taunts him.

"Perrie liked a bit of physical pain but none of us ever beat her to the point of injury or fracture. Perrie was very careless, some days she would slip in the shower and others down the stairs"

Oh, please, no one will believe this

"And if so, how do you justify the video in which Ms Edwards repeatedly begged you to stop but you forced yourself on her?"

How do you respond to that, asshole?

"That was just a sexual fantasy by Perrie, in which she asked me to role-play and simulate rape. Of course it was all consensual"

God, help me, because I'm about to slit his throat

"If so, can you tell us how your DNA ended up in Miss Edwards' vagina the night she was raped and then nearly killed?"

"Perrie and I had intercourse that night, later we had a fight, Perrie said she wanted someone else and broke up with me. I left and never saw her again, but she was fine. I didn't know about her assault until I was wrongfully arrested"

Bullshit

"I would like to submit to the jury the CCTV footage from the hotel where Mr Oxlade and Mr Edwards were lodging" Alex's lawyer interjects.

The video starts and I really want to see what he comes up with next.

"As you can see, Mr Oxlade re-enters the suite at 8:30 pm, at 3:45 am we see him leave with his bags, we know that at 4:38 am Mr Oxlade checked into another hotel facility. Moving on quickly we see that at 5:30 am a hooded person managed to force the lock on the suite door and enter, leaving half an hour later. Then, no one entered the room again until 7:22 a.m. when Miss Thirlwall, Miss Nelson and Miss Pinnock went to get Miss Edwards"

How the fuck is that possible? We saw him come out of that room at 7:15am

"What I am proving, is that Miss Nelson's testimony that Mr Oxlade left the room between 7 and 7:15 turns out to be false, in that the last person to leave that room was an unknown person at 6. This leads us to question whether Miss Nelson and her friends also lied about something else" Alex's lawyer concludes.

"If that's true, then you're saying that the statement Ms. Edwards made with Agent Jareau is also false, right?" Keating asks.

"I'm saying that if Miss Edwards was telling the truth she would come here and say it, maybe she's not here because she knows she won't be able to lie in front of all these people?" Stewart replies.

Fuck!

Jade pov

I'm cooking dinner, Jesy and Leigh are coming over to update us on the trial, I knew they were going even though Keating had advised them to stay at home. Today was Alex's turn and I guess the urge to see him break down was enough to move them despite the inauspicious night we had.

The doorbell rings and I open the door.

Fuck

"What the fuck happened?" I ask with concern, looking at the expression on their faces.

They look at each other and say nothing, I'm starting to get worried.

"What happened?" I ask again, my voice trembling.

"I think they're going to call Perrie to testify in court"

What?

"That son of a bitch and his friends were convincing. They said it was all part of a sex game, that the rape video was just role-playing between Alex and Perrie and... I don't know, Jade, they had footage from the hotel cameras and you can see Alex leaving late at night and never coming in or out again"

"No way, we saw him leave at 7:15. We were right there for fuck's sake!"

"Well, I don't know how but they managed to prove that a hooded man entered Perrie's room after Alex had left and half an hour later he came out. And then nothing more until we arrived" Jesy tells me angrily.

"Okay, they probably hacked the cameras or edited the video" I say frantically.

"Yes, but now they are questioning my testimony and of course Pez's. Alex's lawyer provoked by saying that if Perrie was sincere she would show up in court to speak"

Fuck!

Fuck!

Fuck!

"No, she can't go there. She can't see him again. She's barely putting the pieces together. This will upset her" I shout in a whisper.

"I know" Leigh tells me sympathetically, "Where is she now?"

"Shower" I say without emotion.

"Normal shower or I-feel-dirty-shower?" Jesy speaks softly.

"I-feel-dirty-shower"

Dinner is ready, I'm about to go and call her when I see her arrive in the Olaf pyjamas I gave her.

God, she's so small and cute I feel like crying

When she sees Leigh and Jes she looks intimidated but they go to hug her and she reciprocates.

"Whatever you think" Jes says, "It wasn't your fault. Those videos were disgusting but we would never be disgusted by you, Perrie, if anything they increased resentment towards Alex" I see Pez's tears as she hugs Jesy tightly.

"We know you didn't want that, and those videos were confirmation of that. Even if what you said was one thing, just looking into your eyes was enough to see the truth" Leigh comforts her by kissing her temple and stroking her back.

Perrie relaxes a little, sighing and wiping away her tears, "Okay, thanks girls. Come on let's have dinner now" she smiles.

We sit at the table and eat silently, the three of us lost in our own thoughts, Perrie looking at us with confusion.

"That went badly, didn't it?" she asks.

No one answers, my eyes already glazed over.

"They want me to go there" she states simply, sighing and rubbing her temples. "Sorry, I'm not hungry anymore" she says without emotion pushing her plate away. She gets up and leaves for the room.

"Perrie! Wait!" I shout running after her.

I arrive in front of the bedroom door but to my surprise it's closed.

Shit!

What the fuck is she doing in there?

"Perrie, please let me in!" I yell.

I hear no response and the panic increases. All my paranoia returns to haunt my brain, I remember Dr Blossom's words. Perrie had never tried to hurt herself but today she admitted that it's as if she only now realises what has happened to her.

What if she tried to hurt herself now?

"Perrie, please! Let me in!" I scream again this time crying.

God, please tell me she's not hurting herself.

"Okay, you don't have to let me in, but promise me you won't get hurt, please"

Perrie pov

Fuck!

What am I supposed to do now?

How can they convince the jury that they're innocent?

How am I supposed to go in there and tell them everything again?

How can I look him in the face and remember again?

"Perrie, please let me in!" Jade cries.

How do I tell the whole truth in front of Jade?

There are still things she doesn't know, that I didn't tell Agent Jareau that day. I don't want Jade to know them.

"Perrie, please! Let me in!" she screams again and I can hear her crying.

"Okay, you don't have to let me in, but promise me you won't get hurt, please" her voice is broken.

What?

No!

Oh God, poor baby

I open the door and she catapults herself inside, "Are you okay?" she asks checking my arms.

Was she really afraid I'd hurt myself?

"I didn't hurt myself" I say in a flat voice.

She looks into my eyes and I see fear and sadness.

"Please don't make me worry like this anymore" she whispers to me.

I nod but say nothing.

I sit on the bed and let the tears flow, she sits beside me and hugs me, "I can't do this, Jade. I can't go there" I cry.

"It's okay, it's okay baby" she repeats softly over and over again.

"If I don't go he'll just be fine, won't he?"

Jade doesn't answer, I know what that means.

If I don't go Alex and everyone else will be found innocent.

They can come after me and finish the job or do to someone else what they did to me.

I guess I have no choice, again

I hear footsteps and see Jesy and Leigh just outside the room watching us.

I beckon them to come closer and they do, pulling me into a group hug.

"We'll be with you no matter what you decide to do" Jade whispers in my ear.

"You're not alone" 

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A/N - Hope you enjoyed the chapter and see you at the next update! ❤️ Feedbacks are always appreciated so, if you want, comment and share!

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Thank you for reading and take care 🌈🍪

- C