Chapter 8 - One Year Later

Chapter 8 - One Year Later

A/N this chapter is so sick that I don't even know what to say about it. 

Read at your own risk but if you don't feel comfortable just skip the whole chapter and go to the end as I will give you a summary.

A lot of TWs - Graphic description of rape, physical, psychological and sexual abuse, domestic violence.

Perrie pov

It's been a year since I left Little Mix.

Alex and I are fine, he loves me very much and is helping me to improve.

Alex now plays for Liverpool and since my career is no longer in London – not having a career at all – we decided to move together to Liverpool.

I closed contact with all the friends I had in London and South Shields because Alex became jealous and explained me that to make him happy I would have to do my part too, so I did.

I also closed contact with my family, after the end of my relationship with Jade they were disappointed, and when I told them that I had left Little Mix they said that I had changed and they would not chase me anymore.

I admit that sometimes I feel a bit alone here. I have no friends except for Alex's, I go out little so as not to make him angry. I don't go grocery shopping or shopping because we have someone doing it for us and Alex told me that I was gaining weight and he didn't like the way I dressed so he preferred to take care of it.

Sometimes I still write songs but he doesn't know, I can't play or sing because one day we had a fight and he broke my guitar, he also said that my voice irritates him and that he doesn't understand how I could be a singer.

He's right

At home I get bored but I do everything possible to make him happy, I keep it tidy, I cook, do laundry and take care of the plants. I read a lot even if always the same ten books because Alex does not allow me to buy new ones. I watch TV but he has thrown away all my Disney collection and I have to adapt to what broadcasts normal channels.

But now I'm happy, Alex loves me, Alex loves me.

Alex loves me

And I love him

"Come here, sweetie" I hear him calling me from the living room, I turn the oven down to minimum power and I walk through the corridor, I have another dizziness and I stop for a moment.

"Perrie, where the fuck are you? I told you to come here."

I close my eyes, take a deep breath but forget the pain in my ribs and gasp. I get strong and arrive in the living room. He's watching a soccer game of I don't know which team and is finishing the fifth can of beer in 3 hours. It's not that Alex drinks a lot, only when he's nervous, usually because of me, but I'm trying to improve.

"Come here, sweetie" he says when he notices me and points to his knees.

I know what he wants so I kneel between his legs and unfasten his pants. He fucks my mouth quickly and deeply and comes into my throat.

"Good girl, now bring me another beer"

I get up and hear him spanking my ass but I try not to wince, I go to the kitchen and get another beer, bring it to him and sit on the couch next to him.

"I don't remember giving you permission"

Immediately I realize my mistake and I get up.

"Ex- excuse me" I stammer, I feel a lump in my throat and tears form in my eyes but I hold them back knowing that Alex hates when I cry.

He gets up and puts his hand on my throat, I feel him tightening as I struggle to breathe. He continues to squeeze and then pushes me, I fall to the ground, a few centimetres from the edge of the table. He grabs my hair and holds me still.

"Alex, I'm sorry, plea-" I don't have time to finish the sentence as I feel the first slap. Yes, the first one because I know more will come.

He hits me again.

And again

I'm on the ground with tears in my eyes when I feel him kick me in the ribs. The same damn point that already hurt me.

He hits me a couple more times and then stops.

"Go get ready, we have guests tonight" he says as he goes out and goes to the room.

I stay a few minutes on the floor trying to find my breath, I wipe my tears and try to compose myself. Then I think about what he said. We have guests tonight.

Guests

Tears flow again when I understand what it means. But Alex loves me, he does it for me, to make me better. Alex loves me.

Alex loves me

And I love him

I get up and go to the bathroom, open the shower water and wait for it to warm up properly, undress and do what I shouldn't do. I look myself in the mirror. I see new and old bruises all over my body, the spot on my ribs is more and more purple, I touch it and immediately regret it when I feel a pang of pain. I look better and I see well the protrusion of the bones, I smile thinking that Alex will be happy to see that I have lost weight again. Maybe if I'm thinner, he'll love me more. I can endure dizziness and fainting. If Alex is happy, so am I.

I enter the shower and wash quickly, go out, dry my body and hair, do a simple bun and make up trying to hide the bruises on my face.

I go to the walk-in closet and choose a red dress just above the knee. Alex gave me this, so I'm sure he'll like it. He comes in and tells me to wear black heels, so I do.

He looks at me and approaches, I automatically step back until I find the wall and regret it when I see his gaze. He steps forward and raises his hand, I prepare myself for the slap that will come but strangely it doesn't arrive. He gives me a gentle caress and kisses me at the corner of my mouth. He comes out of the walk-in closet and I remain groggy but happy to have satisfied him.

I go to the kitchen and take out the lasagna from the oven which are warm but not hot, I bring the food to the dining room and I see Alex already seated, he doesn't want me to eat at the table with him when we are home, so I sit on the floor and we start eating.

While eating lasagna I can't help but think of Jade and a small smile forms on my lips, I remember when we spent Saturday afternoons cooking together and then our moms or Jesy and Leigh came to dinner with us. I remember how we would put ABBA and sing while she made pasta and I would make lasagna, then bake them in the oven and dance until they were ready.

I realize what I'm doing and I get stuck.

Jade.

Jade

I try not to think about Jade, Alex explained to me that Jade didn't love me, she just teased me and made me believe she did.

Alex is right

Jade never loved me

Alex loves me

And I love him

But sometimes I think of Jade and smile.

Sometimes I miss Jade.

Jade

Stop fucking thinking about her!

"Perrie, what are you smiling about?"

"Oh, I just thought lasagna is good, I was good, wasn't I?"

"Yes, sweetie, that's why you'll get a surprise tonight"

I smile thinking about what Alex could give me, maybe a new dress, or a new book. Or maybe he'll let me get ice cream the next time we go out for dinner. Oh my God, I can't wait, I don't know how many weeks I haven't eaten ice cream. I love ice cream.

We finish dinner, I take the dishes to the kitchen and start washing them when I hear the bell.

Guests

I had forgotten about the guests.

I take a deep breath and go to open the door, there are six of them. I see them look up and down at me and I stiffen, Alex comes and hugs my waist as they enter. We head into the living room and Alex tells me to sit on the couch next to him.

They turn on the TV and start watching the game.

"Alex, we're thirsty, why don't you tell your slut to get us a drink?" One of them speaks as the others laugh and I hold back the tears.

"Did you hear, Perrie? Go get us some beers"

I get up and run to the kitchen, lean against the counter and take a deep breath trying not to think about what will happen next. I grab the beers and go back to the living room, but in the hallway I am pushed against the wall by one of the guests.

"Hey, sweetie" his face just a few inches from mine.

"Why don't we have some fun, huh?" he starts groping and rubbing on me, his lips on my neck, I feel him brush against my ear.

"Oh, the things I'm going to do to you, sweetie" he lifts my dress and I feel his erection in his pants.

"Please, no" tears form in my eyes and I hear him laugh. The beer still in my hands.

"Please, let me go" He pulls down my panties and starts touching me.

"Close that fucking mouth" he slaps me.

"Please, stop!" I feel him enter me with his fingers and cry louder.

"Perrie, Mark, where are you?" I hear Alex's voice calling me and this guy who I think is Mark stops and lets me go.

"Let's continue later, sweetie"

We go back to the living room and I try not to show that I was crying, Alex looks at me suspiciously and looks at Mark who continues to smile.

I put the beers on the table and sit down next to Alex again.

Alex puts his hand on my thigh and starts stroking me. Immediately I gasp and stiffen but I hope he hasn't noticed.

"So why did it take you so long?" Alex looks between me and Mark.

Before I can answer, Mark does it, "I saw Perrie in the hallway and I couldn't help but have some fun" he says as he looks at me.

I swallow as I feel Alex's hand clutch over my thigh.

Another guy turns off the TV and now we are in the middle of an awkward silence. I feel my heartbeat quicken and a lump in my throat.

Alex slams his hand on the table and I jump on the couch in fright.

"What the fuck, Mark, do you think you can touch my slut like that? You know how it works"

I see Mark pull out his wallet and pull out the money, shortly after everyone else do the same, they look at me and put the money on the table.

"Come on sweetie, you know what to do" Alex looks at me and smiles.

TW - Rape

"Alex, please, not again, please"

Alex pulls my hair and makes me kneel on the floor, I look up and see Mark and two others standing in front of me, the others are still sitting. I see them unbuttoning their pants and pulling out their cocks, Mark comes up and strokes my cheek, I look at Alex who is looking at me while laughing.

"Please" I beg him to stop them as tears flow down my face.

Mark turns my face and I find myself in front of his cock, I cry more because I know they will not stop, I know that Alex will not stop them, he hasn't stopped them before and he will not do it today.

"Open your mouth"

I stand firm.

"Open your fucking mouth and suck my dick!" he yells and slaps me so hard that I find my face on the floor.

He grabs my hair and puts me on my knees again, plugs my nose until I can no longer breathe so I open my lips and immediately feel it slip into my mouth.

He puts both hands on my head and starts fucking my face, I feel him hit my throat and I try not to throw up.

Soon after, everyone else joins in and do the same.

After a while Mark pulls me up and holds me still while the others help him undress me. He throws me on the couch and I try to scream but instantly one of them closes my mouth.

Mark penetrates me with all his strength and a strangled scream comes out of my mouth, I cry more and more as he fucks me harder.

"Yes, sweetie, you're so tight"

He turns me around and keep fucking me, with one hand he holds my hands behind my back and with the other he closes my mouth, I feel him slowing down and I know he is about to cum.

"Outside" I hear Alex, his voice is calm and disinterested.

Mark gets out and cum all over my back, he lets me go and I almost collapses on the couch but another one takes me and fucks me like he did just before, in rotation everyone else do that too.

I stand motionless on the couch crying and shaking as I see them getting dressed and joking with Alex, who walks them to the door.

"You have a beautiful slut, Alex, let's do it again" I hear one of them.

"Whenever you want, you know the price" Alex laughs.

I hear the door closing and Alex coming back to the living room, "Let's go" he pulls me up by the arm and drags me into the room.

I know what he will do now, he does it every time his guests come.

He ties my hands behind my back and makes me kneel. I close my eyes and wait, I hear him as he takes off his belt.

Slam

I want to scream but I know that if I do it will be many more.

Slam

Slam

Slam

I can barely hold myself up, I want to lie on the floor and faint but I know I have to resist.

Slam

Slam

Six, four to come.

Slam

Three more.

Slam

Slam

Just one and then he will stop.

Slam.

The worst, the pain is excruciating and I think my back is bleeding. I cry but I try not to make noise. It's been like this for a year and I know what to do or not if I don't want to piss him off more. Alex pulls me up and lays me on the bed on my stomach, my hands are still tied behind my back and I feel myself going in and out of unconsciousness.

"You are mine, Perrie, I decide who you fuck with, I decide what you eat, I decide who you talk to, how you dress, what you read, what you do. I decide, Perrie. You are mine. I own you"

Tears run down my cheeks and I feel it enter me, it hurts, it always hurts, but I don't have the strength to scream.

I'm so afraid

I don't realize my thoughts until I feel myself missing Jade's sweet hands, her lips on mine, her skin, her warmth and her beauty. I miss her sweet speeches and her bright smile.

Stop Perrie

You can't think of her

Not now

I can't think of Jade. Not while Alex does this to me.

But Alex loves me, Alex does it for me.

Alex loves me

And I love him

Although sometimes I miss Jade.

Although sometimes I love Jade.

Although sometimes I want Jade back.

Alex loves me

Alex cum inside me, as always, I wonder how it is possible that I'm not yet become pregnant. Oh yes, I eat so little that I haven't menstruated in a while.

He unties my hands and goes to the bathroom to get ready for bedtime. I stay here, trying to regain my strength, I would like to get up, go take a shower because I feel dirty, but everything hurts and I feel too weak. Alex comes to bed and turns his back on me.

"Oh, sweetie, I forgot your surprise"

At this point I don't give a shit about surprise, but I issue a mmm to let him know I'm listening.

"Tomorrow we go to London"

What? 

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A/N - Summary

A year has passed since Perrie left the band and now she lives in Liverpool with Alex. She has cut off contact with all her friends and family and is now completely under the domination of Alex who abuses her every day physically, mentally and sexually.

Perrie has convinced herself that Alex loves her and that everything he does to her is right. She has no social life, no friends or anyone to turn to for help, the only people she sees are Alex's friends who pay him to abuse her. Perrie has convinced herself that love is violence and has no hope of going back. 

At the end of the chapter Alex tells Perrie that tomorrow they will go to London together.

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A/N - I am very sorry that this chapter was so heavy and dark, but this was to show how Perrie has changed over the last year and the damage Alex has done to her.

Things are about to change.

What do you think will happen now that Perrie and Alex are going to London?

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Thank you for reading and take care 🌈🍪

- C