Chapter 25: Nightmares

After I've stormed off to my room Spencer quickly follows and knocks. He says from the other side of the door "baby, can we please talk about this? If you're still mad at me after we talk I promise I'll go. Please unlock the door and talk to me." Against my better judgment I decide to let him talk. I get up from where I had been sitting on the bed with Ryder and go open the door. He's standing on the other side with a frantic expression. He doesn't say anything at first. I'm still livid with him "you wanted to talk, Spencer, so talk before I change my mind." He nods quickly "okay, I'm sorry I put you on the spot out there. I got carried away, I shouldn't have done that." I nod before saying "you just had to go look like a big shot player in front of all your buddies. You didn't think about how that might have been uncomfortable for me. I know you guys have been close for a long time but I'm still trying to win their approval." Spencer shakes his head "I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I was thinking selfishly about how they would finally quit treating me like a child." I nod "Spencer, they joke about your age but they know you're not a child. You hope they're going to treat you like the man, but they're going to look at me like I'm a slut or something now." Spencer shakes his head "no baby, they know that you waited until our relationship. You told them that tonight. They're not going to think you're a slut. They're just going to think that I know what I'm doing." I walk back into the bedroom and sit on the bed, Spencer follows with tentative footsteps, but doesn't sit with me. I just look down and say "Spencer, I was raised in the height of purity culture in the south. In a place where girls get looked down on for sleeping with guys, or even just one guy, and guys get praised by their friends and even older men for having a high body count. I mean I'm very open about most things, but I didn't think they would ask me such direct questions about our sex life. Whether or not we have sex and like how many times a week maybe I expected but not how many orgasms I have in a day. I just felt exposed and alone because you cared more about looking like a sex God in front of everybody than making me feel safe." Spencer nods and sits next to me on the bed, he pulls me in an embrace and I stiffen slightly at the physical contact. He notices but he doesn't want to make matters worse. I pull back and look at Spencer "I'm not so upset that I want to break up, nothing like that. I still want you to move in with me here. I just need some space tonight, okay? You hurt me and upset me and I just want to be alone. Give me some space tonight and we can talk more about it in the morning." He looks defeated but nods in agreement "okay, I understand. I'll sleep in the guest room tonight." He stands from his seat on the bed and goes to gather everything he needs for his night routine to take it to the guest bath. As he's about to leave the room I stop him and kiss him on the cheek "I still love you, Spence, just give me some space to work through these feelings and we can talk in the morning. I'll leave the door unlocked, just honor my wishes tonight, okay?" He nods "I love you, too, Annie. I understand. You know where I'll be if you need me." I nod my head. "Night, Spence," and shut the door behind him. Ryder sits on the bed with his head to the side, as if asking why I kicked his dad out. I feel like I'm being irrational, but I can't control how I feel. It wasn't cool of Spencer to put me on the spot like that in front of his friends. It also wasn't cool of them to ask me that either, but him egging them on like he did is what bothered me the most. I felt like I couldn't use a skip even though I wanted to use one. In a way I feel somewhat violated, but I know that none of them are going to think less of me for having sex with my boyfriend. They see much worse things and deal with worse people every day. I keep arguing with myself in my head over whether or not I'm over reacting over the whole thing. I tell myself that my feelings are valid and to just sleep tonight and worry about it in the morning.

•••••

I'm running through the maze house again, looking for somebody, I still don't know who. I'm frantically looking in every room and continually find that it's empty. I get towards the end of one of the halls before I hear somebody call out my name from the opposite direction. At first I'm hopeful it's the person I'm looking for. As soon as I hear the voice, chills of fear run down my spine. This isn't who I'm looking for, it's who I'm running from. I quickly run in to the nearest room and look for a hiding spot to avoid being found. I can either choose under the bed or in the closet. I choose the closet and try my best to sit in the corner and camouflage with the clothes and shoes in here. I sit very still with a hand over my mouth trying to control the volume of my breathing. Trying not to get caught before I can get out. I hear footsteps and I hear the man call out my name again "Anneliese? Are you in here?" I stay quiet and hold my breath. I hear him looking through the room before I hear the footsteps coming towards the closet. The door swings open and he aggressively looks through the closet. He pulls back the clothes that were hiding me from view and smiles evilly before grabbing me and throwing me over his shoulder forcefully. I scream "No! Let me go! Put me down!" over and over again and he just laughs as he carries me over to the bed. He throws me on the bed and quickly climbs on top of me, pinning me down. I'm crying and begging him to let me go. "Please I won't say anything, just let me go." He chuckles "you expect me to believe that? You expect me to believe your FBI agent boyfriend won't hunt me down after he sees your mangled body when I'm through with you? I'm going to enjoy my time with you before I have to be on the run." I'm sobbing and screaming and thrashing. I can't get away. He shushes me "it'll be just like old times, lise, just sit back and enjoy yourself." I shake my head and scream "no, please don't. Please don't touch me." He laughs and I mentally call out for Spencer. He starts to mock me "Spencer, Spencer, save me!" What I thought was in my head I was screaming out loud. I continue to scream "Spencer! Spencer, help me!" I'm sobbing and the man still has me pinned down as he rips my clothes off of my body one by one and I'm screaming out "please stop, please don't hurt me. Spencer, help me!" He starts to shake me and screams "Annie! Annie!"

"Annie!"

"Annie, wake up, it's just a dream!" Before I can recognize that it's Spencer and not the man from my dream I knee him in the groin and scramble away and get off the bed. I look for something I can use to defend myself with before I fully come to and realize I just hurt my boyfriend and not the man from my dream. Spencer is groaning on the bed, holding his crotch, and I panic "oh my god , Spencer, I'm so sorry." He nods "mm hmm it's okay." I panic and start to ramble "it was just a really bad nightmare. I don't know what happened. I'm so sorry." He nods "I gathered that." I leave the room and quickly grab an ice pack from the freezer and come back. I give him the ice pack and he holds it to his crotch, still in pain. I sit down on the bed, facing him, "I'm so sorry, Spencer, I was still dreaming I think." He breathes in and breathes out slowly before he says "it's okay. I know you sleep walk and sleep talk." I look at him in shock "I sleep walk?!" He nods "it can be really creepy, too. Like you're a ghost or in a trance. You've never hurt me before when you sleep walk, though. I just have to guide you back to bed usually." I shake my head "Spencer, I'm so sorry, I really am." He shakes his head "no, it's okay. I came running because you were screaming and crying and calling out my name. I thought somebody had broken in. I even grabbed my gun." I look at the nightstand and see his revolver sitting there, I take a deep breath and tell him "it was just a dream. It was the guy that assaulted me when I was in high school. He had me pinned down on a bed and said he was going to hurt me and leave me there for you to find." Spencer carefully lays down on his back, still holding the ice pack to his crotch. He looks at me "I'm sorry that happened. I wish I could console you more, but I'm in a lot of pain right now." I shake my head "no, Spencer you're fine. I'm so sorry." He chuckles "you'll be even more sorry if I can't get you pregnant in a few years. Damn where did you learn how to kick like that?" I stutter a bit "Um I...I think that was just instinct. Maybe from having older brothers?" He chuckles and lets out a shaky breath "I think I would rather have gotten shot again." I start cackling at his words. "Spencer I'm sorry, I was in survival mode. This is why I don't keep a gun in the house, because I'd get scared awake and shoot somebody." Spencer nods "you did do some hefty damage tonight without one." I chuckle "Aw, Dr. Reid, you think you'll be able to walk tomorrow?" and give him a fake pouty face. He shoots a glare at me "this isn't funny. Also you know what calling me Dr. Reid does to me and now is definitely not the time for that." I chuckle "I'm sorry. Now you know how it feels, though, when I can't walk after sex. You feel pretty helpless right now don't you?" He looks down and nods. I say "okay I think you can be forgiven for what happened earlier tonight. This is a much worse punishment than the silent treatment or making you sleep alone. This was definitely not the plan and I'm sorry." He nods "I'm glad we can put that argument behind us after you assaulted me." I scoff "Spencer I thought you were somebody who was going to assault me, it was self defense." He nods. I look at him "you can sleep with me the rest of the night, want to watch something together while you wait for the pain to go away? You can be the little spoon." He nods and rolls over as I put on a comedian I had shown him before that he liked. I'm hoping laughing will help distract him from the pain. After about 30 minutes he says "okay I'm starting to feel better." I nod "do you want me to get you a fresh ice pack?" He nods and I go to do that for him. I get him a fresh ice pack and take the old one back to the kitchen. I say "I'm sorry for hurting you, Spence." He smiles and rolls over to face me, he lightly caresses my cheek with his thumb "I know, baby, I'm not mad at you. I understand. I'm honestly glad to know you can defend yourself." I chuckle and look down. Spencer gently lifts my chin, "we should probably talk more about your dream. I know you don't want to and you've been in therapy for what happened, but I think it would be beneficial for me to know more about what happened. I love you and nothing can change that. You're not damaged, your value didn't and will not change because of what happened, okay?" My lip quivers as I nod and think of how to respond. I nod again and say with a slight tremble in my voice "what do you want to know, Spence?" He calmly says "tell me what happens in this recurring nightmare of yours. I know you sometimes have this nightmare if you talk about what happened, if you think about it, or if you're having a bad mental health day." I furrow my brow "how do you know when I've been thinking about it?" Spencer hums "sometimes I'm not sure if it's a bad mental health day or if you've been thinking about it. There are days when you've been having a good mental health day, but you have a moment where you're spaced out and I think it's because you fell down a mental rabbit hole thinking about it. It's okay, that's normal. Who knows what goes on when I'm not here with you. I want to help when I am here. Do you think about it sometimes and not talk about it?" I nod solemnly. "I just don't like talking about it, Spence, I just want to wipe it from my memory all together." Spencer hums and nods "I know. I wish I could do that for you baby. The best I can do is be here for you and work through it with you." I nod as I sniffle, trying hard not to cry. He caresses my cheek "now, how about we start by talking about your dream? What happened?" I take a deep breath "uh..um I-It always starts with me looking for somebody in this big house. It's old. It's empty. But it doesn't look like it's been empty long. The furniture isn't antique looking, it's new and expensive, but there's nobody there. I'm looking for somebody. I'm frantic and panicked. I don't know who I'm looking for, I'm trying to find somebody and get out. I don't realize I'm also running from somebody until I hear his voice. It sends a chill down my spine and I'm terrified." Spencer nods "do you recognize the house?" I nod and say "it looks like a house people would go party in. It is my friend's house, but I can't find her." Spencer nods and rubs my arm, consoling me, "is she who you are looking for?" I nod "I think so. I can't find her. I don't see any signs of her. I think it was a party but something bad happened. Everybody left like the cops came or something, but I couldn't find my friend who lived there." Spencer nods "why didn't you leave with everybody else? Typically everybody is on their own when the cops show up at a party like that." I nod "I don't know why I didn't leave, too. I think I thought she was hurt or passed out somewhere." Spencer cocks his head to the side "why did you think that?" I think for a second "I think somebody called the cops because she was hurt." Spencer asks "who hurt her?" I think for a second "I think it's the man I'm running from." Spencer nods "the college guy who assaulted you? Is it his sister that you're looking for? Megan?" I nod my head with tears brimming my eyes "I think so. When I hear his voice I run into the room I'm closest to and look for the best possible hiding spot. I figured under the bed was obvious, but so was the closet. At least with the closet I could cover myself and possibly camouflage." Spencer nods before I say "he calls my name and calls out to me. He tries to goad me into revealing myself. I'm covering my mouth and holding my breath, shaking in fear that he will find me. He comes to the closet and aggressively looks through the closet before finding me." Tears are flowing freely down my face and I'm sitting up, hugging my knees to my chest, my back against the headboard. Spencer tried to console me, but I flinch because of the nature of the story. He talks to me softly, trying to make me feel as safe as possible physically when I feel my most unsafe mentally. I continue "he gives me a sadistic smile and violently pulls me from the closet. He throws me over his shoulder and carries me to the bed where he pins me down. The whole time I'm begging and pleading him to let me go. I tell him I won't tell anyone. I beg him not to hurt me. He tells me he knows you'll come after him when he finds me so he's going to have his fun before he's on the run. I beg and cry out for you. He doesn't stop what he's doing. He mocks me. He rips off my clothes piece by piece and then he shakes me and I wake up to you shaking me instead." Spencer nods "and the way it transitioned so smoothly and quickly made you think you were still in the dream. I'm so sorry, baby." He pulls me in for an embrace. I'm shaking as I cry. I say "he called me 'Lise' in the dream. That's what he called me when he would touch me. That's why I didn't like nicknames until you called me Annie. I love it so much more because I don't even have to hear that part in my name anymore." Spencer nods as he holds me tight and consoles me. Spencer asks "is this dream a memory or is this something your mind created." I say "bits and pieces are from my memory, but it's like somebody rearranged a puzzle to make it look just slightly different." Spencer nods "Annie, where is this guy now?" I shake my head "I don't know. I left for school and never looked back. I go home to visit some, but I thankfully never see him or his family. Maybe I'm not home long enough or something." Spencer nods "Annie, what's his name? I need to know." My lip quivers as I say "Harrison James, his sister is Megan James. I haven't said his name in years." I break down again and sob violently into Spencer's chest. Spencer holds me and makes quiet shushing sounds as I let out all the emotions I've bottled up. All the fear, anger, hurt, resentment, sadness, every emotion I've felt about what happened to me is released through my sobs. Spencer tries to console me as he holds me but I can't hear him through my subconscious screaming at me. Eventually I cry so much and wear myself out. I fall asleep in Spencer's arms, on his chest, the only place I feel completely safe and protected.

•••••

I wake up in the morning, passed out on Spencer's sleeping body. My head is pounding, probably from all the crying last night. I groan as my eyes flutter open, Spencer begins to stir beneath me, he groans and stretches slightly. "Hey, baby, good morning. Do you feel better?" I groan and shake my head "I have a pounding headache." Spencer hums as he gently moves me off of him "I'll go get some ibuprofen and something for you to eat and drink, I'll be right back." I nod and thank him. I doze off slightly after bundling up in the covers. I wake up when I hear Spencer put down a bowl of cereal, a glass of water, and the bottle of ibuprofen. I go to sit up against the headboard and Spencer sits on the edge of the bed, facing me. I take the cereal and eat some of it. Spencer opens the ibuprofen and hands me two pills and the glass of water "take these, finish your cereal, and rest up. Hopefully the headache will go away." I nod as I eat a bite of cereal before taking the pills. He says "good girl," and kisses me on the forehead before saying "I'm going to take Ryder for a walk, you can call me if you need anything, try to go back to sleep, hmm?" I thank him again and nod before continuing to eat my cereal. Spencer gets Ryder excited for the walk before going to the kitchen to leash him up and leave. I finish my cereal and roll over again to try to get some more restful sleep and get rid of this awful headache.

•••••

I wake up and rub my eyes, my headache almost completely gone. I roll over and look at the alarm clock and realize it's almost 2 in the afternoon. I slept another 6 hours after waking up this morning. I get up and go to the bathroom and brush my teeth before putting on a sweatshirt and my glasses and going out to find Spencer. Spencer was in the living room sitting at his desk. We had recently moved his desk from his apartment here in the corner of the living room so he could easily do stuff for work without having to do it at the kitchen island. Ryder is in his bed next to the desk with Spencer. It's such a cute sight to see Ryder so attached to Spencer, it really affirms to me that Spencer is a good guy. I walk almost halfway across the living room towards him before Spencer looks up and notices my presence. His eyes light up when he sees me "hey, Annie, how are you feeling? Is the headache gone?" I nod as I climb into his lap "I think so. I feel a lot better after sleeping more." Spencer hums "you must have really needed it after last night. You worked so hard planning the party, then we had that fight, and then you had that awful nightmare." I nod and huff out a laugh before saying "how are you feeling, Spence?" He chuckles "I'm fine, worse has happened when taking down unsubs." I chuckle at the statement and nuzzle into his chest. Spencer says "hey, why don't we go out tonight? We can get dressed up and go to a fancy dinner. I can really apologize for last night." I think for a second before saying "Spence I would love that, but I have kind of been thinking maybe I overreacted last night." Spencer shakes his head "no, you were uncomfortable and I made it worse instead of helping because I wanted to look good in front of my friends. That's not okay." I think for a second "Spencer, after I kicked you in the balls last night, I should be taking you out to dinner to apologize." He chuckles "why don't we just call it an apology dinner and we both apologize to each other tonight and call it even, hmm?" I nod "that sounds good." He hums "good," and kisses me on the temple. "Now, Annie, I need to get some work done before our date tonight. Can you just give me a few hours to get this done and then we can go to dinner?" I pout at him "I didn't know you were going to ignore me all day." Spencer gives me a stern look "quit pouting. I need to get some stuff done and then I can give you all of my undivided attention." I am still pouting, just a bit less, and kiss his neck while saying "or...we could go to the bedroom and I could give you my undivided attention?" Spencer groans "Stop. Now. Or we won't do anything tonight." I pout and groan as I move to get off of him. He smacks my ass once and says "you earned yourself two strikes with the pouting and the attitude. You don't want more." I quit pouting and nod "yes, sir," as I go to the kitchen to fix myself something to eat. Spencer tells me from his desk without looking up "there's soup for you in the microwave, you should just be able to reheat it in there." I smile just a bit and feel butterflies in my stomach that he made me two meals today and is taking me out for the third even though I kicked him in the balls last night. I need to hold on tight to him honestly. I decide to give him the space he asked for and take the reheated soup to my bedroom to eat and watch Good Girls since he won't be here to critique it. I happily eat my soup and watch my show while he does his boring work in the living room. After 2 episodes I decide to just watch Tik tok for a while before getting ready to go out to dinner. At 4:30 I walk out to the living room and look to see Spencer still hard at work. "Hey, Spence?" He hums in response, not looking up. I ask "what time do you want me to be ready to go to dinner?" He hums "is 6 too soon? It's a Sunday so I doubt we will need reservations but I'll go ahead and make some just in case. Where do you want to go?" I laugh "Spencer, I'm fine with wherever as long as it's with you." He finally looks up at that and smiles as he blushes. He nods and says "okay I'll call in reservations and surprise you. Wear a nice dress tonight okay?" I feel myself getting excited for whatever he's planning. I nod "yes, sir. I'll start getting ready." He hums a response as I happily walk back to my room. I take a shower, sure to shave and exfoliate everything while I'm in there. After getting out I moisturize with lotion and put on my robe to get ready at the vanity. My hair is up in a towel as I go to pick out a dress to wear tonight so I can decide on what makeup look I'm going for. I choose a short red open back dress with off the shoulder sleeves. It has a plunging neckline that shows a tasteful amount of cleavage. I choose nude colored strappy heels to wear with it. My most recent manicure and pedicure are white so the colors match nicely together. After I've picked the outfit I sit down to do my makeup. I choose a neutral color smoky eye with red lipstick. I take my time to ensure the look is what I want. I glue on false lashes and paint on winged eyeliner even. I curl my hair and pull half of it back out of my face. I opt for gold jewelry, some earrings, one necklace, a few bracelets on one hand, and some rings. I put on the shoes and then put on the dress. I opt to not wear a bra and also choose to not wear underwear, a little risky but it will be fun to surprise Spencer with later. Spencer comes in the bedroom from the bathroom right after I've finished getting dressed and looks dumbfounded at my appearance. I giggle and do a quick spin "what do you think, Spence? You like it?" He's speechless for a moment before stuttering "uh...uh I th-think you look absolutely amazing. You always look beautiful...but...wow." I giggle "you look pretty wow yourself, Dr. Reid." He blushes as he thanks me for the compliment. He's wearing a deep red button up shirt under a black suit jacket with a black tie, black pants, and black shoes. We somewhat match just a little with his pop of red. He's putting on the Rolex I got him for his birthday and clears his throat "you ready to go?" I nod as I take his arm. We crate Ryder and head towards the door. Spencer has to double back for his keys which means I get to watch him walk away. I gasp in shock "Spencer Walter Reid! Since when do you have red bottoms?!" He looks surprised at my shock and then laughs when he realizes what I'm talking about. He shakes his head "Rossi got them for me for Christmas last year because he thought I needed nicer shoes than converse." After I pick my jaw up off the floor I ask him "So if I wear converse everywhere from now on do you think he will buy me red bottoms for Christmas, too?" Spencer shakes his head and chuckles "maybe I will buy them for you for Christmas if you're a good girl," and winks at me. I smile giddily and follow him out of the apartment to the parking lot. Spencer opens my car door for me, ever the gentleman, before getting in the drivers seat and driving us to the mystery restaurant. Spencer places a hand on my knee as he drives. He slowly drags his hand up my leg as the drive continues and we engage in conversation. After a while Spencer says "take off your panties." I look at him shocked. "I-I can't, Spencer." He turns to me, obviously upset at my refusal, "Annie, yes you can, take them off and give them to me now, or you will be punished when we get home." I stutter for a second "I-I can't because...I d-didn't wear any." I look down at my lap as I say the last part, unsure of if he will be upset or happy at my confession. Spencer drags his hand the rest of the way up my leg and under my dress, lightly touching my core as I gasp. He immediately pulls his hand back and I realize he only touched me to ensure I was telling the truth. He looks at me and says "I can't decide if I should be angry with you or proud." I look at him before looking down again and say "I did it for you, Spence, please don't be mad at me." He chuckles and takes my hand "I won't be mad. Just be careful because if you aren't on your best behavior tonight this could worsen the punishment....but....it could also enhance your reward if you behave. Understand?" I bite my lip and nod. We arrive at the restaurant and Spencer guides me inside with a hand on the small of my back. We get to the host of the restaurant and Spencer says "we have a reservation under Reid." The nicely dressed man nods "yes, of course, Dr. Reid, right this way." We follow the man and he leads us to a table in the corner. It's a small corner booth that allows us to sit close together inconspicuously. I bite my lip as I think of why Spencer might have requested this table. We sit at the table and look at the menu. I tell Spencer shortly after looking that I'll have the smoked salmon and a glass of Chardonnay and a side salad. He nods as he decides on his order. The waiter arrives and Spencer orders for the both of us. As our drinks arrive I notice a couple enter the room. The woman is beautiful and in a nice black dress while the man is dressed in a nice suit. Spencer follows my gaze as my jaw drops on the floor at the sight. I look at Spencer before looking back at the pair multiple times. I turn and ask him "is that Hotch?" Spencer nods as he turns to me "with Killian?"