-13-

Face yourself

As a bastard defiled by the serpent of sin, I have only ever known misery.

Misery, my unintentional companion.

Manifesting in the rawest form of pain, its fissured grasp slowly skeletons even the simplest of lives within its frigid blackness.

Because it's easy.

It's easiest to hate—to feel pain.

Love is a sweet treat everyone furtively yearns for, yet we always end up embracing the open arms of misery instead.

But I've come to realize I no longer wish to succumb to what's easy.

For my happiness, I will fight.

I deserve it.

Irene taught me that.

Irene—my guiding light through the misty darkness.

Having bloomed in the sparse garden of my life, she is the reason I've found the courage to confront my nest of trauma. Our relationship may have stemmed from obsessions and wicked desires, but now with bitterness and hatred no longer obstructing my view, I can see her so clearly.

Irene Bae.

The heinous overcoat of shame I cloaked myself in for so long was stripped away by her nurturing heart. The lonely, misguided, and fragile little girl I've shielded from the world, as well as myself, withered beneath the surface.

... Right.

It wasn't just Kyungri I'd forgotten.

She also left my consciousness.

The four-year-old Seulgi, whose first taste of rejection was that of a father whose absence charred a part of her she will never permit herself to acknowledge again.

Six-year-old Seulgi, bitterly tasting the shame of a mother she once could not bear the sight of.

Eight-year-old Seulgi—slammed with pity from a brother she wished would no longer pretend her entire existence hadn't burdened him so.

Fourteen-year-old Seulgi, damaged by a woman whose own selfish desires negated the possibility of ever experiencing true love.

Love.

I've forgotten...what it meant to love her—me.

I wonder... if I ever have?

Wandering aimlessly through this cruel world without a sense of purpose even at such an early age crushed me like a thousand bricks.

I couldn't have possibly loved myself...

How could I?

I've never felt love before.

The vacant shell I became was susceptible to the captivating influence of a beautiful stranger who swept in and dishonestly lured me with a false sense of security.

That void in my soul was filled by Kyungri's lustful web of lies.

Park Kyungri.

A false dream I thought I knew.

Sinful in appearance, deceptively charming—there was no one quite like her.

At the time, my self-worth was at its lowest, and she preyed on me because of it.

She leashed me down a dark path, providing a stark taste of the love and comfort I desperately sought. For nearly two years, I suffered from her crippling effects, and I was unable to regain the time I lost.

I believed I'd never be able to feel natural emotions again.

Anger.

Hatred.

I let it inflate me, define me.

But none of that truly shaped me as a person.

Kyungri's loose ways only influenced my behavior.

Accepting what she did—emotionally bleeding out as the result of her manipulation—patched the hole she punctured.

I willingly allowed myself to become entangled in her mazes of obsession and wickedness, outlined by her dark intentions.

Irene purged that darkness.

Although she would humbly deny the credit, I knew my sense of self-worth was birthed through her.

She may not be what I deserve, but she is the shining light I'll always wish to have.

I know I need this light.

Pinpointing the problem brought about a surge of relief.

When I faced my mother that night, witnessing her vulnerably admit her regret and shame for failing to protect me, I realized I wasn't the bastard I convinced myself I was.

My mother put me first.

At that moment, I never felt more united with her.

Finally, I can breathe again.

And damn did it feel refreshing to resurface for air.

For the first time in a very long time, I was actually excited about going to school.

No matter how cheesy it may have been, I wanted to share all of this newfound clarity with Irene.

She freed me.

Free.

There was still a lot to figure out.

The damage Kyungri caused may not be fully repaired for many years to come, but Irene gave me the courage to take the first step.

We've become very... important to each other, that much is true.

Fuck.

I might even...

Even...

"Hey..."

I peered up from my locker to find a bright-eyed Wendy hovering beside me, donning an awkward smile that didn't quite suit her otherwise lively personality.

Jesus.

How fucking bizarre was this?

I've never been the most congenial of people, but lately, Wendy and I had fallen into these strange small talk routines neither of us knew how to steer in the right direction.

It was easy as pie to dismiss her as a mindless groupie during our first encounter.

However, given the mandatory horrors she faced daily in her private life, I've come to sympathize with her in ways I didn't think I was capable of.

With my brand-new mindset, the detestation I held for people melted and was replaced with understanding.

It was overwhelming as fuck.

"Hey," I calmly returned her greeting, exchanging books between my book bag and my locker. "What's up?"

"Not much," she replied, her aquamarine eyes anxiously scanning the row of lockers diagonally arranged behind me.

"...How are you feeling?" I asked gingerly, my eyes falling on the fading wound on her forehead that was now appropriately concealed with clean bandages.

"M-Much better," Wendy chuckled nervously, feathering her fingers tentatively along the dressings.

An agonizingly awkward silence settled over us as we stood motionless. The cautious glint in her eyes indicated she wasn't here for a casual "between classes" conversation.

"Everything okay?" I questioned after closing my locker once my textbook swap was completed.

She avoided my gaze whilst shifting her weight with her feet, hands fiddling with the hem of her navy blazer.

"... Have you spoken to Irene today?"

"No, not yet," I murmured.

And it frustrated me.

Earlier in the morning, I sent her a text asking if we could hang out after school.

But she never replied.

Which was odd...

I knew eventually she would.

Yet, the way Wendy looked at me now with eyes swelling in concern had me feeling... uneasy.

She lowered her gaze to the floor, her dress shoes scratching a senseless pattern against the polished tile.

"Oh, so you haven't heard then..."

"... Heard what?"

A weighted sigh left Wendy's lips.

"Irene and Seungyoon broke up."

My body went numb.

"... What?"

What?

"She broke it off with him this morning... " Wendy fixed her gaze on me attentively. "I thought she might have told you herself..."

I shook my head in disbelief.

"I had no idea..."

It's happened.

It finally happened...

They broke up.

It's over.

This is what I wanted...

She did this because she wanted to...

... Right?

But it didn't feel right at all.

This was not the triumph I had expected.

This came out of nowhere.

If she intended to break up with him for good, she surely would have told me first—wouldn't she?

Seungyoon meant the world to her.

She loves him.

And he loves her.

He was somehow involved in everything Irene and I did together.

For her to suddenly end their relationship at the drop of a dime was alarming to me. Just the other day, they had a date planned, and she reprimanded herself for canceling.

Did they fight over it?

Or was it really the obvious?

... Was it because of me?

Ultimately, it didn't matter.

Though I didn't know the specific details, I just wanted to be there for her.

As she was for me.

Not to rub salt in the wound nor to ridicule her.

Only to let her know I care.

I need her to know that.

"I have to go," I attempted to maneuver myself around Wendy, but she prevented it by gently tugging at my uniform sleeve.

"You aren't going to go see her, are you?" She asked in a soft, controlled tone.

A tempting lie scorched my tongue but I swallowed it back.

"I have to..."

Her face fell.

"Maybe you should just... cool it for a while."

"What do you mean?" I probed, unable to fully mask my irritation.

I knew what she was implying, but wondered why she would think that I of all people would agree.

Although I was mentally much healthier now, my longing to be with Irene will never change.

"She did this out of nowhere... I was with her last night and even then she was acting strangely..." Wendy somberly explained. "This morning after she broke up with him... she sounded really off. I know my best friend, she needs time."

My mouth opened to speak but I couldn't seem to find the words.

Wendy picked up on my hesitation and continued.

"I know about you two, you know..." She confessed in a hush. "I figured it out a while ago and Irene admitted to it."

"I know," I said simply.

I was there...

"Then you should also know the breakup clearly had something to do with you," Wendy leaned herself lightly against a nearby locker, serious eyes boring straight into mine. "She's been with Seungyoon for a long time...it's probably tearing her apart right now..."

"Don't you think I fucking know that?" I snapped.

There was a lapse in her expression.

"Look, I know your intentions may be good but—"

"Wendy," I stepped in closer to her, gently taking her hand in mine to properly convey my sincerity. "Irene is my friend and I really care about her. If she's in pain, I want to be there for her."

Wendy blinked rapidly in surprise by our sudden skin-to-skin contact. She then lightly squeezed our palms together and smiled.

"I guess you two really did catch feelings."

I fought hard to keep the blush from staining my cheeks and refocused.

"She's here today, right? You saw her?"

After nodding her response, I attempted to leave, but she stopped me again.

"Be careful, okay?" Her gaze flickered in confliction. "Irene can be really...intense when she's upset..."

This wasn't something she needed to disclose.

I knew this firsthand.

"She'll talk to me," I said confidently.

Wendy maintained her faint smile and released our joined hands.

"I hope she does."

With that said, I spun around on the heel of my foot in hot pursuit to find Irene.

She'll talk to me.

I know she will.

She has to...

I heard about Seungyoon.

-Seulgi

You know you can talk to me, right?

-Seulgi

Irene, please answer...

-Seulgi

A reply never came.

My hope of getting any type of response slowly faded as the day progressed, but I remained optimistic.

Meeting her face-to-face was the next best option.

If she refused to answer my messages, she couldn't possibly ignore me in person.

Could she?

... Would she?

In the recess between classes, I attempted to search for her in the halls, but she was nowhere to be found.

The only time I was guaranteed to see her was during spare period.

Throughout the course of my scheduled classes, I concentrated solely on Irene and the turmoil she must be undergoing.

It made her physically sick even to think that Seungyoon might find out about us.

When she thought she'd lose him, it killed her.

How could she make a decision like this so abruptly?

Was it really all my fault?

Did she blame me for finally severing the last thread of her relationship?

Deep down, I knew I had.

It was all the more reason for me to go to her.

Please let me, Irene.

My head spun like a top toy as I raced to spare period in great haste.

When she finally flickered into view, I froze.

Irene stood posture perfect outside the classroom with her usual group of friends encircled around her. They each offered copious amounts of comfort and genuine words of support.

But Irene appeared unaffected.

In fact, she was smiling.

Brightly.

I knew this smile all too well.

This Irene was fraudulent.

She pasted on the same phony mask she formerly stuck to herself—the one I stripped her of.

That mask served as a protective wall from her parents as well as a symbol of strength for her best friend.

Before, this would have amused me.

Now, I felt downright devastated.

I didn't want that Irene to hide anymore.

I need to see all of her.

She's in pain...

Keeping my eyes fixed on her, I took a step back and pulled out my cell phone to send a quick text.

Can we talk?

-Seulgi

She didn't glance at her phone once.

She's pushing you away.

I winced.

You knew she would.

A painful lump formed in my throat.

She wouldn't...

She wouldn't leave me.

Not like Kyungri did.

"Don't be silly, Seulgi."

Those words were bleeding sharp.

"I could never leave him for you...you're just a child."

They stung.

"You knew what this was from the start."

Was it too good to be true?

Could I have fooled myself into thinking Irene would become available to me in such an intimate way...?

Was it all a lie?

"We will get through this together."

No.

Irene isn't Kyungri—she cares about me.

She refused to give up on me.

Because she cares.

She dragged me singlehandedly out of that dark ugly hole of misery.

Irene's hurting.

And just as I needed her, she needs me now.

I can't let her go.

I won't.

You'll hear me.

Prior to the bell ringing, Irene and her friends began filing into the classroom.

I took that moment to make my presence known.

"Irene," I said, placing my hand firmly on her shoulder.

She flinched.

"Oh, hey," She greeted me oddly cheerful, a fake smile spread on her rosy lips. "Did you need something?"

"I just..." I began to whisper timidly, keeping a watchful eye on her posse. "Can we talk...?"

Her bogus sneer of a smile widened in an alarmingly eerie fashion, showcasing her pearly white teeth.

"Sorry, I'm a little busy right now. Maybe later?" She replied with a shrill laugh then entered the classroom, her confused bunch of friends following suit.

My heart sank.

This person looked like Irene.

Smelled like her.

Spoke like her.

Dressed like her.

But her eyes were hollow and dark.

This couldn't be her.

This wasn't Irene.

My Irene—the one who prepared my favorite breakfast and tended to my fever. The one who assured my mother I was safe and skipped class just to make sure of it. The Irene who held my hair back when I fell ill with thoughts of the past and held me when I was scared. The one who encouraged me to open up and break down those repressive walls I cocooned myself in.

She made it to me.

This wasn't that Irene.

This was the Irene she gave everyone else.

I no longer accept this version of her.

You'll hear me...

I quietly slipped inside the classroom and took my usual seat in the far back. Since she was fortressed around her friends, I couldn't talk to her by chance, and I didn't feel bold enough to approach her for the second time in front of them all. I faintly overheard more of their apologies and empathic support to her, but she waved them off gracefully, displaying that forged smile they probably mistook as authentic.

At the end of the period, I tucked into a corner of the hallway and watched her walk to her locker, her circle of friends dispersing shortly thereafter. When she was about to leave, I strode right up to her and blocked her path.

"I need to talk to you."

My sudden appearance stunned her, emerald eyes widening in a slight panic. Her face soured after a few seconds.

"I don't feel like it right now," She said in a dismissive breath then tried to step around me, but I prevented it.

"I know you ended it with him."

"And?" She retorted aloofly.

"And I want to talk about it."

A glare of icy intensity engulfed her eyes.

"Why in the world would I ever want to talk about it with you? You're the last person I would ever consider talking to."

"Irene—" I began to console her, but she cut me off.

"As if you even care," She laughed bitterly, her glossy lips curling into a nasty grimace. "You never liked him. Why does it matter to you that we broke up?"

My resolve remained strong.

"Because I know how much you love him...."

Her expression distorted slightly upon hearing my truthful words but she maintained her frosty composure.

"Okay, let's talk."

I could have flown in delight.

Thank God.

In a state of relief and elation, I reached for her hand, but she jerked away, that ugly crooked smile reforming.

"Let's go to that classroom."

I stared at her, puzzled.

"Classroom?"

"You know," She chuckled through a crass breath, intense green eyes never breaking contact with mine. "The one from before."

Right.

I almost forgot.

That classroom.

The beginning of it all.

Where I pinned her.

Why in the hell did she want to go there?

Despite my confusion, she had agreed to speak with me, and I didn't want to push my luck.

"I guess we can..." I mumbled and pulled my bookbag off my shoulder to check if or not I still even had the key. During my rummaging, I came across the joint I had from Jaebum that I stupidly stashed in my bag beforehand and forgot to toss.

Good thing they didn't regularly check for drugs or else I'd be in knee-deep shit.

After scraping and digging for a few moments, I felt the cool metal lightly graze my fingers.

Gotcha.

Irene's eyes glowed strangely when I produced the key in front of her.

"Lead the way."

Our plan was to enter the forbidden corridor once the halls had calmed a bit.

The sight of her was unbearable.

Between us was an atmosphere of tension coated so thick that I nearly choked.

My anxiety spiked higher when we reached the classroom.

I could hear Irene's faint breathing as she loomed mutely behind me. Her breath hitched when I turned the knob and gained full access to the room.

It was a cluttered, unfinished mess—just as we left it.

My nostrils filled with the familiar plaster scent, transporting me back to the days when I was delighted to have these secluded moments alone with Irene.

Where I gave her false power, yet I was holding all the cards.

Now I felt like prey.

Closing the door, I turned to face her, only to discover her just a few centimeters away from me. I barely batted an eyelash before I was roughly shoved against the door.

It happened so quickly.

Irene feverishly groped and caressed my body in a state of desperation, her lips sloppily tracing an erotic pathway from my jawline to my lips where we united in an aggressive twizzle.

The heat was alive and present.

Thriving.

But the kiss itself was so entirely...

... Empty.

It was when her hands traveled up my thigh in a frenzied trail between my legs that I finally pushed her away.

"W-What are you doing?" I gasped.

"Come on, let's have some fun..." Her voice was cuttingly seductive as her fingers latched onto the front of my blazer in an attempt to pull me back in for another lifeless kiss.

But I resisted.

"Irene, stop..." I pried both her hands from my blazer and forced them to her sides.

Somehow, she was stronger.

"Why...?" She slurred while easily breaking out of my hold, her teeth hotly searing along the tender skin of my neck. "You want this..."

My eyes clamped shut upon feeling her hand wantonly stroking my sensitive womanhood through my clothing.

A part of me wanted to drown in her lustful touches and meaningless kisses.

I wanted so badly to give in to the tempting pull of nothingness.

But the brutal feeling of hell expanding in my throat stopped me.

"No," I protested through an involuntary moan, finding the right amount of strength to thwart her off. "I don't want this..."

"You're such a fucking liar..."

The vulgarity of her behavior shocked me still.

Her remarks continued.

"This is what you always wanted from me, right?" She whispered menacingly to me in my ear as I struggled against her. "You wanted me to control you like a whore so that's exactly what I'm doing."

She spoke these words with dripping disgust, highlighting her deep revulsion of these acts.

This wasn't about pleasure.

No.

Pain hoarded her rationality.

It broke my heart.

"I don't want any of this from you..." I meekly croaked out.

"Fuck that," She scoffed, powering on in her manic actions despite my reluctance. "I'm only a tool to you anyway...so just use me..."

No, Irene, you're wrong...

"That's not true..."

She instantly jerked away from me.

"It is fucking true," She snarled, the rage in her voice amplifying her tone. "I fucking blew my life up for you. I turned away from my boyfriend for you. I fucking gave my virginity to you, and for what?!"

The pause she gave made me wonder if she actually wanted an answer. My lack of response seemed to infuriate her further.

"I thought about it all night...I was trying to be strong for you, I wanted to hold it in but I fucking can't. I can't go on knowing that I was just a stand-in," She pressed me hard against the door by my shoulders, a bitter laugh rolling off her tongue. "Green eyes? Give me a fucking break," She leaned in closer to me, face darkening with a twisted expression I never wish to ever witness corrupt her beauty again. "And Seungyoon? How can I be with him when I was able to fuck you so carelessly? You got me hooked on you. You ruined my fucking life...and even then I started to... I started to fall for..." She hesitated as if what she wanted to confess physically hurt her to say aloud. "But I thought about it...really thought about it and.... this whole fucking time, you really wanted someone else..."

Her next words frightened me.

"I-I'm just that bitch's replacement..."

"I—" I tried to speak but she silenced me by slamming her hand above my head.

"Aren't I?!"

My shameful gaze automatically lowered to the ground.

But she was relentless.

"No, you look at me," She forcibly grabbed my chin. "This whole thing—all of this—it's because that woman still has you wrapped around her finger..."

Hot tears began to blur my vision.

"You're still in love with her..."

I didn't want to admit it.

I wanted to ignore it.

But the dreadful truth hung mockingly in my heart like a noose.

I hate Kyungri.

God, I fucking hate that woman with a burning passion...

So...

So why...

Despite all the pain and sorrow she brought upon me...why did a part of me still long for her?

Of course...

How foolish of me to think I only had to forgive her...?

I hadn't even fallen out of love with her yet.

My way of coping with the loss of her, the heartbreak, the trauma—

—I thought I erased her.

But she was never truly gone.

She greedily seeded herself into my life again somehow—even with her obliterated from my mind, she was still there.

She's always there.

"You'd do anything for me, wouldn't you?"

Haunting me.

Because of her, I became a monster.

And as a result, I ended up creating one of my own.

Irene never asked for any of this.

Now she looked to me for answers.

Through her blinding fury, she wanted desperately for me to tell her she was wrong. Although she knew the truth, she still hoped for a different answer.

And I hated myself for having to disappoint her once again.

"Y-You're right... I-I still love her..."

Her grip on my chin softened, unrestrained tears of her own now streaming down her inflamed cheeks.

"I never meant to use you, Irene...I'm so sorry..." I sobbed, my chest weighted in grief.

Heartbreak painted her face as she slowly moved backward away from me, jade eyes glassy with tears.

"I didn't even know what the fuck was wrong with me and I never would have without you," I hiccupped, stepping closer to her shrinking form. "...I thought I was an unfeeling monster and I would have gone on thinking that if it hadn't been for you, Irene. I only remembered because of you. You're not a replacement...you're nothing like her. You had so many chances to throw me away but you never did...you stayed...even now..."

I grabbed her limp hand and placed it plush to my wet cheek.

"I may still love her but my heart isn't hers anymore..."

Hope flooded me when I saw her hardening pain begin to dissolve from her eyes, softening back into that familiar comfort I know I cannot live without.

"We both know who my heart really belongs to...."

Irene immediately threw herself into my embrace, and I welcomed her with open arms.

"I-I'm sorry, Seulgi...I'm such a selfish bitch..." She wept against my neck, holding me tighter and tighter the more she spoke. "I-I didn't mean to lash out at you...I was just so angry..."

"It's okay," I assured her, gently stroking back her long chocolate locks. "You needed to let that out..."

Having been supportive of me for so long, it was only fair for her to be able to sort out the grievances that sprouted from this whole mess.

I was just glad to be able to break her fall.

It felt nice to be the one to comfort her for a change.

"I couldn't lie to him anymore...." She whimpered softly in my ear. "I... I had to end it...he's so perfect and loving and I've been lying to him for months...now my one good thing hates me..."

"I'm sure he doesn't hate you," I objected.

"When I saw him today, he couldn't even look at me, Seulgi," She pulled back from me, grief-stricken. "I didn't tell him about you specifically but he knows I've been unfaithful...what kind of shitty person cheats on someone they claim to love...?"

"Hey," I cradled her face delicately in my hands, my thumbs instinctively wiping away any stray tears. "You've been listening to me, right? Have you not heard how much you've given back to me?"

She blushed profusely and I smiled.

"If he's the guy you claim he is, in time, it'll be okay."

A look of interest crossed her face.

"...How did you find out anyway?"

"Wendy," I said.

She raised an eyebrow.

"Wendy approached you?"

I nodded.

"She asked me to give you space but..."

"But you're a stubborn jackass," she finished through a cute giggle, her right index finger playfully tapping the tip of my nose.

"Something like that, yeah," I laughed then nuzzled myself back against her.

After taking refuge on the floor nearest the window ledge, we clung to each other in tranquil silence for some time.

God, it felt good.

Everything is good with her...

"So...have you remembered some more things? About the past?" She suddenly asked me while mindlessly twirling her fingers in my hair.

"Just bits and pieces," I sighed, fiddling with a loose string on her blazer sleeve.

"Tell me."

Taking a deep breath, I exhaled.

She listened intently as I recounted what I experienced with Kyungri and my mother. She held me close when I began to shake, continuing to soothingly rake through my hair which put me at ease.

I felt safe.

Kyungri represented my past, but Irene represented my future.

"...How did it end?" Irene whispered.

In preparation for the answer, I braced myself.

"She told me she was pregnant..."

I remembered how betrayed I felt...

"I'm going to have a baby!"

I wasn't aware she was still sleeping with her husband.

That was my naivety.

"You should be happy for me, I've always wanted a child."

It was all a sick fantasy to her but I fell in love.

Growing up feeling so unloved—unwanted...

Kyungri was my outlet.

"I was so stupid..." I grunted in shame.

"You were fourteen, Seulgi...you can't keep blaming yourself for falling for her lies..." Irene told me in a loving hush. "That woman preyed on you like scum."

I shrugged listlessly.

A brief pause followed.

"...Do you remember what happened with her?"

"My mother told me she wanted to press charges but Kyungri's husband comes from a very powerful family...she figured if she tried to go up against them it would be very bad for her financially..." It took me a while to digest what my mother explained to me the other night. "We wouldn't have been able to afford the legal fees and even though I'm a minor, it'd still be my word against hers..."

"That's so fucked up..." I could hear the scowl in her voice. "What about the stuff with your brother...do you remember any of that?"

I shifted uncomfortably in her arms.

Jaebum...

"I only remember smaller things..."

"Don't stress yourself..." My green-eyed lover appeased me, pressing a loving kiss on my forehead. "In time you'll remember everything."

"I don't know how things are supposed to be now..." I asked in a slur, my relaxed state in her arms rendering me in a slumber-like trance. "Or what we even are to each other...."

She remained silent for a long period of time before speaking.

"I have really intense feelings for you...that much I know."

"I feel the same," I replied with a warm smile while adjusting my position so that our foreheads touched.

Our lips magnetized together.

The kiss was pure and beautiful in contrast to the previous kisses which were rough and callous.

Her arms wrapped securely around my neck as our union deepened.

Her softness...

Soft, innocent pecks soon evolved into heated drawls. A euphoric moan emanated from her throat, causing my body to become feverish.

But it didn't last long.

"Wait..." The beauty reluctantly withdrew from the kiss, her frantic panting synchronizing with mine. "As good as it feels to kiss you...I don't think we should," Her forehead took rest comfortably back against mine. "There is still so much to figure out....we shouldn't let ourselves get carried away..."

"You're right," I agreed promptly. "We don't need to rush anything."

"Being friends is always a good start," she playfully added while teasingly nudging my side with her elbow.

Taking advantage of the opportunity, I stole a kiss from her and smiled.

"Friends work for me."

An addictive giggle escaped her lips.

"Friends don't do that."

"You didn't say we had to be normal friends," I laughed then leaned back into her warm hold.

Our day was spent relaxing together, just the two of us, skipping class again, which we laughed about.

We stayed in that manner until it was time to leave.

The school day was already over once we exited the building, only small groups of lingering students wandering about the school grounds.

"Text me later," Irene kissed my cheek sweetly then left me.

I blushed at her sudden public display of affection.

"I will."

Crazy how the world works sometimes.

Several months ago, the dynamic between us was drastically different.

Lustful, manipulative...

But now we couldn't have been more opposite.

I love it.

I felt giddy with happiness as I practically skipped home without a care in the world. However, the moment I pulled off the blinders, I began to notice something strange. I walked down my usual street to my apartment, passing by a few other people who were going about their daily activities. Yet the same brooding figure that had lagged behind me for a few blocks remained in my wake.

Step for step.

My suspicions were confirmed after I quickly turned a corner down an alley and heard heavy footsteps behind me.

I was being followed.

A feeling of fright overtook me.

My first reaction was to turn around, ready to confront my random stalker, but I was taken by a sudden shock when I saw them clearly.

"Seungyoon?" I gasped at the boy standing tall before me.

He was dressed in his school uniform attire however his tie was loosened from around his neck and his hair was slightly disheveled, expression unreadable.

His overall presence unnerved me.

"What do you want...?" I asked as he stood there staring at me.

"It was you wasn't it?"

Tension gripped me.

"It was you, right?" He repeated hoarsely, his nostrils flaring slightly. "She cheated on me with you, right?"

At that point, he began to move toward me, but I stepped back as he did.

"...What are you talking about?" I blurted out stupidly without much thought.

He laughed darkly in response.

"No, no...you don't get to do that..." He stepped forward to me again, his fists clenched. "I always had a feeling she was cheating on me... and strangely enough, that feeling started when you came into the picture...but I didn't want to believe it. I thought I may have just been paranoid... boy do I feel stupid."

My heart began to race as he stepped forward again.

Although I should have run away immediately, my uncertainty about his intentions, coupled with the shock of everything, prevented me from doing so.

"Here I was telling you to stay away from her but that's not what she wanted at all," His voice cracked. "She lied right to my face and made me think she hated you."

"Seungyoon...I..." I tried to speak but the words died in the wind.

"You what? You're sorry? Do you really think that's enough, Seulgi?" He grunted angrily.

Stepping back, I realized that I was pressed against a brick wall.

Fear gripped me, as I did not know how things would unfold.

"I should make you pay."

Whatever it was, I was ready.

My problems had to be faced despite my fear.

It was perfectly reasonable for Seungyoon to be angry.

Irene broke up with him because of me.

He lost the girl he loved so deeply to me.

It was for that reason alone that I was prepared to face the consequences.

The dark-haired jock glared me down unforgivingly, raising his hand ready to strike.

Taking a deep breath, I braced myself for the impact.

But it never came.

I opened my eyes to find him with his hand extended before me, reminiscent of the first time we met when I declined his handshake. With red, puffy eyes, he stared at me with an expression of woe.

"Promise me you'll take care of her...okay?" Seungyoon pleaded through a pained sob. "I just want her to be happy...if that's with you then just promise me you'll take care of her..."

Observing his hand, he lowered his body in a bow in an attempt to conceal his face further.

"Please accept it...I already feel so fucking stupid..." His chuckle was accompanied by a sniff.

So I complied and shook his hand firmly.

I took his girlfriend away from him.

Yet here he was, offering me a handshake and words of luck.

Seungyoon the noble, the gallant—something I mocked him for before.

It never was an act.

In the same way that I misjudged Wendy and even Irene, Seungyoon also broke free of my judgmental binds.

When we finished our shake, he stepped back and nodded towards me, seemingly dejected.

Guilt stirred within me as he turned to leave.

I never liked Seungyoon—hell, I still don't.

Nevertheless, I stole away the love of his life, I deprived him of something precious.

I had been victimized by Kyungri in the same way.

I hated that a part of me was still with her.

I wasn't heartless, I wasn't unfeeling.

That's not me.

The idea of causing damage to someone and then leaving them broken and helpless is not something I would ever consider doing.

I'm not her.

That darkness she gave me, I didn't want it anymore, I don't need it.

I'll never be her.

"Seungyoon," I said suddenly, surprising him as well as myself, but once I began to utter the words, I could not stop myself.

A devious smirk played across my lips as I tightened the straps of my backpack.

"Want to go get high?"