9: Make Me Live

Chaeyoung

There was a forecast that it might rain this morning so I took my umbrella with me before leaving my house. I walked towards the bus stop and waited for the bus number heading to the hospital where Mina and Jeongyeon works.

I'm going there not to see my girlfriend this time but to see Jeongyeon unnie as my doctor. I decided to have a check up yesterday because of my continous headaches and vomiting this past few days. I took some tests and Jeongyeon unnie called me earlier and said that the results are out and I should head there immediately.

As soon as I got on the bus, the rain started to pour. By the looks of it, it's not likely to stop soon. I watched the foggy window of the bus that's preventing me to see the slightest sight of the view outside.

I suddenly wanted to watch a movie with my Minari in the house while drinking some hot choco. But we can't do that now, she's currently on Japan for her brother's wedding. I was actually invited but I've got too much work to do so I decided not to go. It's just one week but I miss her already.

I got off the bus and opened my umbrella. I ran inside the hospital eventhough I had an umbrella because I couldn't take the cold outside. I was walking towards the Neurologist department where Jeongyeon unnie's office is located.

I knocked and when I heard her said to come in, I came in immediately and sat in front of her desk. Jeong unnie smiled at me as she opened her laptop.

"How are you Chaeng? Still having headaches?" She asked with her eyes still fixated on her laptop, finding something using her bluetooth mouse.

"Yes, unnie. It's becoming more often these days. Aren't you gonna prescribe me some medicine?" I asked as I dramatically held onto my head.

"I will, Chaeng. But I will explain to you the results first. Here is your ct scan results." She said as she turned her laptop around and showed the ct scan result to me which I don't understand.

"What does it say unnie?" I asked and she let out a sigh. And because of that my heart started beating so loud now. Now, I'm scared to hear what she's about to say.

"Chaeng, you see this portion around here?" She said pointing at the white portions in the middle of my brain in the ct scan, I just nodded at her. "This is a tumor, Chaeng. The headaches and vomiting are not simply because of tiredness and stress, it's because of this." She said pointing at the ct scan again. I just looked at her staring at her blankly, not knowing how to react, couldn't even let out a single word, I don't know what to say. I felt like my heart fell five feet on the ground.

"It's a stage 3 brain tumor and it's cancerous because it's malignant. It's spreading all over your brain and it can spread all over your spine and your body. We have to remove it as soon as possible Chaeng." She further explained to me and eventhough she just said it to me, I felt like losing everything already.

"Am I going to die unnie?" I asked, coming from the first thing that popped up in my head.

"No Chaeng, you won't die. I'll make sure you won't die, you just have to cooperate with me. I'll do my best just to save you." She said and held my hand that is on her desk.

"What do I have to do unnie? What can I do to live?" I said eagerly, I wanted to live so bad. I wanted to, for the people around me.

"You have to undergo surgery and chemotherapy." She answered and I looked at her full of hope and trust in her. "But you should quit your job Chaeng." She said that made me think twice.

"W-what?" I asked her surprised. Being a Prosecutor means a lot to me. I've suffered too much just to get to where I am right now and just because of this shitty cancer I have to give it up.

"I know that being a prosecutor had been your dream ever since you're a kid, and I don't want you to give it up, but you can always go back when you're completely healed." She said trying to make good out of this situation that I'm in.

"What will happen to me if I wouldn't undergo surgery and chemo?" I asked completely out of my mind. I wanted to live but, losing everything I've worked hard for is a different scenario.

"If you wouldn't..." she paused and sighed. "I don't even know if you would last more than three months." She said, now I can't make a decision. This is fucking messed up.

"Do I have a high chance of surviving? What are the success rate unnie?" I asked. If I can survive surely then I'll give up everything for the meantime just to live.

"88% Chaeng."

"That's high right, unnie?" I said anticipating a good answer from her.

"Yes Chaeyoung that's high. But let me tell you something, and I am not trying to scare you, okay? I just wanted to tell you all the possibilities." I nodded at her and continued to listen on what she's about to say. "After the surgery, you might lose some of your memories and you might experience some changes in your body since it was your brain we're going to operate on. And chaeng, the cancer might come back even after the surgery because it's malignant." Jeongyeon unnie said, probably feeling bad for relying me this news right now. I wanted to say to her that it's okay, but for my situation right now, I can't. Nothing is okay right now, nothing.

"I understand unnie. I will cooperate so please do everything you can to treat me." I said to her putting all of my hope in her.

"I will, Chaeng. You have to trust me." She said as she she held my hand even tighter.

"Thankyou unnie." I said and stood up to hug her.

"No problem, Chaeng. But uhmm, how about Mina? Should I tell her?" She asked me as she let go of the hug.

"No unnie! I can tell her myself. I'll tell her right away when she came back from Japan 3 days from now." I said to her. If someone has to tell Mina about this, it has to be me.

"It's up to you Chaeyoung. Take care of yourself, please." She said and patted my shoulder.

"You can count on me with that unnie. I should go then, I should take care of things regarding my work." I said and gave her a sad smile.

"Okay, Chaeng. I'll call you when I get things ready for your hospitalization." She said and smiled at me once again.

"Thankyou again, unnie." I said before walking out of her office. I walked out of the hospital occupied with thoughts, horrible thoughts. I can't believe I developed such disease. How the hell can I have cancer? The world is really unfair. I can't fucking believe that I can possibly die anytime soon.

***

3 days later

I was at the airport waiting for my girlfriend's arrival. Her plane landed five minutes ago so she's probably just waiting for her luggages now.

My heart is thumping so loud right now that I don't know if I'm excited to see her or I am nervous of what I'm about to tell her. Jeongyeon unnie called me yesterday saying that she talked to some oncologists and that she got everything ready for me to get hospitalized, bed, room and equipments. But I told her that I should wait for Mina to arrive before getting hospitalized. So I decided to go tonight after telling my Mina about everything.

After a few minutes, I saw my penguin's beautiful figure came out of the airport pushing her luggage trolley.

"Minari!" I called out for her, and when she saw me, she ran towards me completely abandoning all of her luggages. I also ran towards her and hugged her tightly, much more tight than how I usually hug her.

"I missed you so much, my chaengie." She said as she tightly hugged me back. We hugged as if we really missed each other so much.

"I missed you too, Minari. But don't you think we should take care of your luggages for now?" I laughed and she looked behind her and gave me a cute pout. I really don't want to let go, but tears are on verge of coming out of my eyes, so I just used her luggages as an excuse.

I took in charge of pushing the luggage trolley for her while she held onto my arms. For a few minutes I forgot all of my problems because I saw her once again. I wish times like this will never end. My will to live is getting more stronger, knowing that I have this precious angel with me.

I packed all her bags in my compartment and drive to our apartment. Since we both are living alone, we decided to live together in one apartment that's near our workplace. So basically, we're living together.

She slept on the way home so the drive was unusually quiet. When we arrived I didn't woke her up yet and just stared at her beautiful face. I couldn't belive that I'm dating this beautiful woman beside me. Back in college I was really unapproachable, I was a cold law student who argues with everyone who questions everything I did. So, I never actually like talking to people because I know, I'll ended up arguing with them. But then, a senior who's a beautiful med student approached me and asked me on a date on the first day we met. But I stood her up that night that's why she came at my dorm and confronted me, she was really determined so I ended up going on a date with her the next day. I didn't know, but after a few dates, my cold heart softened for her, we dated since college and now we're still happily living together.

For those years that we were together, she taught me how to have a proper conversation with people and try to stand down in an argument sometimes. I learned from her that admitting you're wrong is not that bad. Eversince I met her I became more socialized with people, I gain friends thanks to her.

When I finally decided to woke her up I placed a kiss on her lips and her eyes opened immediately.

"We're here babe." I said giving her sweet smile.

"You could've just shaken me if you wanted to wake up, you know?" She sarcastically said to me, but I just chuckled.

"Is that so? But I can't miss the chance of stealing a kiss from you when you're sound asleep Dr. Myoui." I said as I stepped out of the car grinning at myself, she probably looked like a tomato by now. I took out all of her luggages and pull them out of the car.

I heard her closed the car door and her footsteps towards me.

"That's illegal Ms. Prosecutor." She said to me pouting, so I approached her and stole a kiss from her once again.

"Let's go now Minari." I chuckled and walked pass her carrying her luggage. She soon then followed me and cling onto my arms with a controversial look on her face. I really wish that happy days like this will never end, how I wish it will never end.

As soon as we stepped inside the apartment, my hands started to tremble. I'm too nervous to even utter a single word, I think I'll just stutter.

She was removing her coat when I stepped closer and closer to her and gave her a hug behind.

"What is this sudden sweetness Son Chaeyoung? Aren't you eating too much sugar?" She giggled and turned around to face me. But I pulled her in the sofa to sit.

"I got something to tell you Minari." I said as I held onto her hand. She looked at me waiting for what I'm about to say. "We've been together for 8 years and you know that you're the most important person to me, right?" I said and she just nodded at me smiling. "I love you so much Mina and I don't think I could ever let you go." I said and then I took a small box out of my coat's pocket. I opened it and showed her the ring I bought the day I was diagnosed with cancer. She put her other hand on her mouth in shock and started crying. "I know I don't have much to offer, but I can love you for as long as I can hold on. So, marry me, Myoui Mina." I said as tears began to fell off my eyes too. I waited for her answer nervously, but she just cupped my cheeks and kissed me. When she let go, she gave me an answer.

"Of course Son Chaeyoung. I will gladly marry you." She said and then jumped to hug me. I just hugged her back tightly, I felt like I wouldn't want to let go. I'm so happy that she wanted to marry me, but what I'm about to say next is what makes me more nervous.

I let go of the hug and put the ring on her hand. I wiped my tears and sighed, getting ready to tell her about my situation.

"But Mina..." I paused and she hummed as an answer. "I think we couldn't marry right away." I said and her brows furrowed.

"Why Chaeyoung?" She asked as he held both of my hands.

"We've got to wait until I got b-better." I said under my sobs.

"What do you mean until you got better? Are you sick?" She said as she put her hands on my forehead, checking my temperature.

"Y-yes Mina I'm sick. I'm so sick." I said and cried much more, I don't know how she would take this matter. She might even take back her answer to my proposal.

"What is it? Let me check up on you babe." She said as she pulled me to stand up, but pulled her to sit back down too.

"Jeongyeon unnie already checked up on me Mina." I said avoiding her eyes.

"What did she say?" She asked as she held my hand tighter.

"I-it's cancer." I said and her eyes widened. "She said it's a malignant brain tumor, stage 3. You know what that means, right babe?" I said and she cupped my cheeks to make me look at her. Her eyes are now continuously producing tears.

"C-chaeng." She just said and hugged me, she is crying much more than me now.

"It's okay Minari. Jeongyeon unnie said a surgery and chemotherapy might work. So don't worry babe, I'll make sure to be fine. I've got a wedding to attend to. So I'll live baby, I'll live for you." I said as I hugged her, assuring her that it will be alright.

"You have to keep that promise, okay? You still have to marry me." She said as she held onto my coat getting it crumpled. Holding onto me as tight as she can.

"I promise." I said assuring her one last time.