I Love You I Do

Seungmin's diagnoses puts a lot into perspective for him.

Nurse Nina's words weren't said merely as a distraction to get him not to break down about his case in the doctors office, or to get his mind off of what he was losing.

They were so much more than that.

If that wasn't it, you may ask, then why? Why take the time to tell 1 out of probably hundreds of patients that he should take his survival as a lesson? Why put in the extra effort? Why try so hard?

Well, it's quite simple really, if you think about it.

'It' as in the way she worded what she said to Seungmin, and how she has grown to be more than his doctor over the past couple of weeks.

It's a reminder.

Felix had been.. Incorrect in his delivery of what he thought about Seungmin. But what wasn't incorrect was his take from Seungmin and the way he was going about life. His opinion on what the omega had been doing wrong and the way he'd been going about building his future.

Seungmin was like any other human. He'd forgotten and neglected the meaning of his own words, gone so far to prove a point that goes against what he was taught. And what he'd taught other people.

He was human before he was an omega.

He had interests, hopes, dreams, likes, hobbies. As good as it felt to prove everyone who said omega's don't belong in law wrong, that wasn't where his heart longed to be. It wasn't what his hands itched to do, it wasn't what occupied his mind and took up space in his conscious throughout his day.

No matter how many pieces of clothing he makes, or gowns he designs, or sketches he draws in his quickly filling pad pages, there is no true satisfaction in passion. He won't be able to get rid of the need to create, or his love for designing. Much like he won't be able to get rid of his love for Felix.

He's tried, truly. Time and time again. And he thinks even if Felix was wrong for how he went about his affection for Seungmin –making them both suffer for no reason– there's a reason he hasn't been able to get over him for nearly 2 years.

Wrong in so many ways but right in even more, Lee Yongbok had been. Seungmin loved to design. That was where his heart was. And he was too blind sided by going against what everybody else expected, to let himself have it. Like he said.

This theory can be applied to both situations, but Seungmin is beginning to think that when there's a love there for it, if you want it badly enough, the only option is to go get it. And he was gonna do just that. He was gonna go get it. Go get him.

Seungmin had already missed the preliminaries and qualification rounds of the 'So You Think You Can Cheer' competition, much to his own dismay. Especially after all his extra practice.

His bed rest and coma made it so he wasn't able to learn the routine in time, nor make it to the preliminaries. So the team has had to work around his sickness and function without the participation of who was supposed to be their lead flyer.

With that being said, there's only one event left in the competition as well as the school year. Around this time in college life, things get serious. Second year is coming to an end, and they're about to be juniors. Seungmin has had a lot of time to think about everything that has happened over the course of the past few months.

This includes Felix's words as well as Nurse Nina's, the relationships he has with his friends alongside the stability of his school life and how much he actually cares about the subject he's making his life about. Something has to change. Actually, a couple of things have to change.

Not just with Seungmin. With Felix, and whatever is happening between them, because if the past 2 years has proven anything it's that he and Felix are.. Something. They have potential as a couple, and problems as individuals, but it doesn't mean they can't work. That's the most annoying part about relationships; the pain.

You have to work for perfection, for the law breaking strength to bounce back and become one. To be strong alone, and be more than that together. And even after his horrible display of imperfection, Seungmin finds he still loves Felix. And he still wants him to himself. Whether their problem was rooted in either of their lack of understanding or absence of communication, it all means little when Seungmin's heart, as well as his omega, sing Felix's name in a sorrowful harmony of want. Now that he knows there's potential there, and that Felix feels the same way, he was gonna do something about it. Fuck the complications.

It's a funny thing, love. What do you know that can make you stutter, laugh, cry, and bring you up just to drop you back down like a mallet raised to the sky? A powerful feelings of yearning and need, something so confusing and fucked up you almost never wanna be associated with it. But so beautiful and otherworldly that you can barely live without it.

Now here, after Seungmin's adopted the feeling as well as all the defaults that come with it, was it worth it? Was it enough? Was it too little? He was sure as hell gonna find out.

He had a plan, and a place to put it into action, and a heat to prepare for a week from now. Seungmin was tired of being afraid, he was tired of losing over and over again. But like Felix had said, that part was his fault. So if he wanted to fix it, he had to make something shake. He had to let himself be vulnerable, had to let himself have something, true enough. That doesn't mean the alpha was off the hook, it just means the both of them had something to work for and work on. And if Felix was willing, Seungmin was too. He just had to show him, they had to start somewhere.

-'✮'-

Seungmin knocks a couple times on his and Hyunjin's shared dorm door. There's no muffled chatter nor music playing from inside the closed space, so he doubts there's anyone in there. But he can't be sure just yet, not with his keys lost in Minho and Changbin's apartment, and no glimpse past the door with it being locked and shut.

The omega waits for a few seconds, for anything. The sounds of footsteps, a phone notification, the sound of the shower in their bathroom running, maybe a call of  'one second!' but nothing comes. With a subtle sniff to the line where the frame meets the door, Seungmin comes to the conclusion that nobody is inside. It smells like no trace of coconut or cherries has been there for hours, so he quickly decides to go to the next best place.

Outside of Felix and Jisung's dorm after a short elevator ride, Seungmin repeats the process he'd done at his own dorm. He knocks and waits for signs of life or movement, nothing. Unfortunate.

Neither of them are at their dorm. Where else would they be? Seungmin stops as he starts to weigh the probability of them being in certain places, suddenly remembering he has both Hyunjin and Jisung's location and phone numbers. With fast navigation to his find my app, he ignores Felix's location at the gymnasium, and Minho's which is at the same location as Changbins, both presumably grocery shopping, and finds his bestfriends.

"Of course." Seungmin says to himself. Hyunjin and Jisung's locations load in at the same space, contact photos right on top of one another when the name of the space their in loads up to display the school's musical arts building, more specifically, the schools studio that Jisung uses to make music. Either Hyunjin is on a different floor in a dance studio, or he's in the production one with Jisung. That, or vice versa.

With his new found information, Seungmin starts on a walk to the building, his headphones over his head and prepared conversation looping in his mind. He doesn't know exactly what he's going to say, but he has an idea. As well as a short list of things he wants to make sure he confronts before he moves forward, other fields of topic are in line to be discussed as well.

On his way to the studio, Seungmin slows in his steady strut when his heart begins to race, the room around him suddenly tilting and fear creeping into the depths of his chest as his vision goes out. After finding out that his symptoms were no longer symptoms and instead a chronic illness disorder, Seungmin had come up with a way to calmy asses each of his syncopes for future attacks. Even for times when he seizes or just becomes a bit faint.

The first thing he was supposed to do was lay down.  but being in the middle of a hallway in a building filled to the brim with egotistical alphas is not a particularly safe place. Possibly unconscious for a prolonged period of time at that. Seungmin isn't sure if he will pass out just yet, but being unable to see or process is in itself enough vulnerability for someone to take advantage.

The next thing on his list is supposed to be to leave a note for anybody who finds him if and when he falls unconscious. But he can't see, so how is he supposed to write without his sight? For fucks sakes.

It's so hot, and his whole body feels like he's being pricked by needles throughout. He's uncomfortable, he's scared, he's near blind and he's no doubt giving off distressed omega pheromones, telling everyone around him he's vulnerable and without protection. Getting off his suppressants to not worsen his POTS seemed very pointless right about now.

"Hell." he whispers to himself as he nearly falls against the building's wall. He can't bring himself to get down with how scared he is to be so at risk, unaware of who will find him or what they will do to him. Jisung's studio is just a few doors down, but it's well over 40 feet away with how large the building is. With his vision gone and step unsteady there's no way he could make it there before his body gives out.

Seungmin's steadiness falters quickly and without mercy, the strength bleeding from his body with no plan to return anytime soon, and his heart drops into his stomach when he hears a door open in the distance, barely audible beneath the sound of ringing in his ears. He trembles only for a second when a voice is heard coming into the hall.

"I swear I smelled cinnamon." Seungmin thinks it says, and his panic lessons significantly when he recognizes the deep register of the person speaking. The man basically lived in his dorm, of course he can make it out through his tinnitus.

'Jisung.'

Seungmin ignores the oncoming headache he has when he hollers one of his bestfriends name with as much energy as he can muster. "Jisungie.." he tries. It's not very loud with the lack of breath the omega has at the moment, but it seems to do the job. Before Seungmin can drop from his kneeling position and hit the floor, a strong body fits in front of him, catching Seungmin just as he loses consciousness and his syncope has fully eclipsed him.

When he comes to, he's laying in the tiny school studio couch with his head on someone's lap. Seungmin can tell even with his throbbing headache that it's Hyunjin based on the cherries coming from it. In the scent, Seungmin can make out anxiety. Poor Hyunnie. They must have been so worried.

They found him half conscious before he could explain his situation to them. Seungmin would feel bad about that, if it wasn't for him passing out against his own will.

"Simmie?" Come Jisung's voice. It's higher than usual, he's nervous. Seungmin blinks his eyes open, trying to rid his vision of the black and white spots stopping him from clearly seeing the beta's face, at which he knows is in front of him. Jisung's hand on his forehead gently pushes his hair back out of his eyes, tenderly, sweetly.

"Simmie! Are you okay? I know nurse Nina said your after coma symptoms would include fainting and fatigue, but you were unconscious for like... 10 minutes." Jisung expresses.

"And you're pale. Not to mention you smelled really scared in the hall. What's going on?" Hyunjin adds as Seungmin sits up from his lap a few minutes later, head a little clearer though throbbing in pain all the more.

Jisung hands the youngest his water bottle, which Seungmin slurps down like a lifeline as the 2 glance at him with genuine concern painting their features. It's hard to watch, Seungmin wishes they'd relax, but that doesn't seem like an option until he gives them what he came to deliver.

A few minutes pass before Seungmin can successfully think, talk and see. But with the patience of his two friends, and the devouring of Hyunjins salty ranch veggie sticks, he sighs before he allows himself to reward his friends with explanation.

"Okay. Where to begin.." Seungmin hums, inhaling and exhaling, dusting powder off his fingers.

"From the beginning I guess. A few weeks ago. Me and Lix had a fight outside the hyungs apartment.."

"Yeah, we heard." Hyunjin confirms. Seungmin nods in understanding, he'd thought they might have been eavesdropping in the doorway. But now isn't the time for irritation or embarrassment, he's got bigger issues.

"Yes. Well after it happened I was in a really.. Confusing headspace. Staying with Minho and Changbin hyung helped me clear it out, and gave me time to think. But even then, i was still kind of pent up. Which is why I blew up on you that day in the dorm." Seungmin glances up at Jisung from his spot on the couch when he says the last part, who is wearing a look of mixed guilt and hurt.

"I didn't mean to storm out on you. Either of you." Seungmin glances back and forth from Hyunjin and Jisung, both betas simply letting him talk with contemplating yet tender expressions. "And you both.. mean a lot to me." The omega has to force that part out, so used to his default love language being teasing, bluntness in all of his words except the affectionate ones. The pair audibly laughs at his struggle.

"And even though I still feel like you should have told me about Felix's affection, I forgive you for not doing so. You were respecting both of our privacy, and I think that's admirable, even if it was stupid and inconvenient." Seungmin can't help the last part, though judging by Jisungs gummy smile and soft, fond eyes, he doesn't mind.

"And we're sorry for eavesdropping. We were just worried. And a bit nosey as well but who isn't? Ya know?" Hyunjin cuts into Seungmins rant, leaning over and wrapping his long limbs around Seungmins thin body, scenting him happily while Seungmin roles his eyes, not moving to return the embrace but scenting the beta back with his momentarily weak pheromones despite his feigned irritation.

"It's cool. I'm glad you guys know, so I don't have to go through the trouble of explaining what happened between us. I have to talk to Chan and Felix hyung after this. But for now..I have something to tell you guys about my last hospital visit, and my coma."

The air in the room gets tense at that, both the scent of cherries and coconut alike become sour at the mention of his week-long resting period and Seungmin can already tell this isn't going to be fun. Nor will it be easy, especially not after the smiles on both the betas faces drop in response to his words. Damned protective instincts. Seungmin decides there and then it's best to just rip the bandaid off and kill the drama. He has things to do, and he doesn't want to drag the complication of straightening out his friend group to drag on longer than needed.

"The other day, when I went in for a check up, the doctors gave me some– kind of fucked up news." Seungmin blurts the rest of it out quickly, unwilling to dwell or sugarcoat. "What we thought were just really bad post coma symptoms is actually a chronic illness I got from the head trauma. It's called POTS, I won't tell you what it stands for cause god knows you two would shut down trying to process such large words, get someone else to do it.. but in short, the fall damaged my brains nervous system, now my heart struggles to regulate blood flow. Which causes constant low functioning in my body. Because of that, my heart is overworking to maintain flow."

Hyunjin and Jisung only look to have not understood the omega's words for a few short seconds, Seungmin gives them a moment to process, looking back and forth between the 2 from his position crisscrossed on the couch. When the explanation loads in their tiny brains, the follow up is mild horror, and Seungmin simply waits it out before the two break into their usual loud and chaotic race of speech.

"What?? Is it fatal??"

"Is it permanent??"

"That's so dangerous!"

"So your medicine was useless??"

"You're too young to die!"

"Too young and too pretty!"

Both the boys are practically whining now, suddenly all up in Seungmins space. They tug on his hands, tears welling in their eyes as they dramatically whine at the omegas feet. Seungmin likes the attention of course, but their act of blowing the whole thing out of proportion when Seungmin hadn't even grazed death as a possibility is annoying.

"For fucks sakes, get up!" Seungmin snatches his arms away from them, but the 2 stay in their positions on their knees on the floor, lips quivering as they imagine every horrible scenario possible. "Don't fucking cry– stop it! You two are so dramatic. I'm not going to die. I'll be fine. I just have to be careful. And everyone who I'm with on a regular basis has to know how to handle my syncopes when they happen. Especially because.."

Seungmin hates to admit how much his subgender defines his life, but he's trying to learn the power that having a choice holds. As well as the difference between autonomy and value. He's getting there, but after trying to defy his omegan chromosomes for so long it's hard to accept that being an omega is a form of identification, and not a definition.

"Especially because I'm an omega." he admits. With such dislike for how he's treated because of his subgender, being realistic about the difference in genetic makeup and physical capability is made a bit complicated. But Seungmin is strong and intelligent. If he can learn to differentiate between can't and doesn't want to when the conversation is subgender, all will be well. Then again, if the world around him could, they wouldn't be in his situation right now.

"Heats are gonna be a bitch. And I'll be vulnerable when my pheromones are all over the place while I'm unconscious. But I can get through it. Especially if my lovely pack will help me out." Hyunjin and Jisung's eyes light up at that, and despite his earlier commands, telling the two not to cry, his own voice begins to wobble, and his vision becomes very blurry. Not because of his pots this time.

"I'm learning a lot lately. I'm learning that I'm more than my subgender, even if everyone else doesn't think so. I'm learning to be honest with myself. I'm learning life is really vulnerable. And I'm learning that.. That you guys mean a lot to me. All of you do. I'm also learning it's okay to be vulnerable. Even if it's scary. Because I know you guys have got me."

By time tears spill over from Seungmins eyes, Jisung and Hyunjin are full on sobbing, clinging to his legs like baby animals. They mewl loudly, Seungmin letting out a wet laugh as he pats both of them on their heads, heart swelling with genuine love for the two of them as they scent and soak Seungmin in their pheromones. It seems he's a lot more emotional since his accident these days, but being delicate is okay, and so is he.

-'✮'-

On the desk where Felix sits, Seungmin drops his pom poms and uniform with a soft  thump. The alpha looks at the material, then to Seungmin with a piercing gaze, expression even. He's silent and stone faced at the action, Seungmin gulping at how intense the mans glare is, desperately attempting to not get turned on by it.

"I'm turning in my things. I quit the team." He states simply, sticking to his first topic of approach.

Felix is silent for a few moments, he looks to be holding back building irritation, jaw tight and eyes low before he finally speaks.

"Really? You're just going to walk away?" the omega can tell Felix is already heated by his start, but Seungmin didn't come here to argue.

"It's not like that, Lix. It's not about you and it's not about us. Although I'm sure you know I've been out of practice too long to be useful at finals." he replies calmly.

"Then what the hell is it about Seungmin?? Cause it feels like you're running."

The omega takes a deep breath, it's only been a few days since he was diagnosed, but he's already endangered himself with overworking once, he thinks it's about time he pace himself and do a few things that make him happy. He knows Felix will be excited to hear it, if only he'd listen. Seungmin supposes in order to make him do that, he'll have to be honest.

"Just.. calm down. It's as simple as this, Lix." The omega huffs in exasperation. Either his syncope took a lot out of him, or his body is having its usual reaction to Felix, nerves followed by waves of panic.

"I've been diagnosed with POT's, it's an autonomic dysfunction disorder. You were right, Lix. What you said and what I'm going through with this has changed my perspective on things. After my coma, I realized life is really fragile. And I can't spend it doing something that doesn't make me happy. I can't spend it.. Without people who make it worth living for."

Felix's eyes soften significantly, it's easy on the eyes though it seems almost as if he's allowing himself to break after wallowing in their argument for weeks on end. Seungmin can see his heartache right under the color of those gorgeous brown eyes. But that just won't do. That's not why Seungmin came here today. He supposes he should get to the point to avoid unnecessary pain, but his introduction was definitely as important as what followed.

"With that being said..." he punctuates. And without another thought, he leans forward and grabs the alphas face, pulling him in and pressing their lips together in a deep kiss. Seungmin makes the most of it, kissing the alpha like he's waited a lifetime for this. It certainly feels like he had. Seungmin's heart soars when Felix returns it with just as much depth, licking into the omegas mouth with an urgency that almost feels like desperation. Hell. If he gets to kiss Felix like this again he'll happily wait another 2 years.

Seungmin has to will himself for a full 20 seconds to pull away from Felix's soft and eager lips. It's like removing a bullet with your bare fingers. Seungmin has never found a task so painful and complicated in his life.

Now for the main event, Seungmins face is burning up when he somehow manages to force his next words out, still panting and breathless from their life changing locking of the lips.

"Bokkie." He huffs. " I'm sorry about everything that happened between us before, but.." the omega hesitates, always does when it comes to Lee Yongbok. But he pushes forward, he has to.

"Felix. I love you. And I want us to start over. I want us to start over because I want us to work, and you mean the world as well as so much more to me.. Will you.." Seungmin finds himself stuttering, the look of hunger in Felix's sparkling yet dark eyes rattling the omega's nerves like maracas.

"Will you spend my heat with me?" Suengmin forces out, much quieter and shyer than he meant to declare it, his courage failing him. This time, to Seungmins devine surprise, it's Felix who turns red. Usually his Yongbok is so cocky and flirtatious, Seungmin thinks this side of him is absolutely adorable.

"Wha.." Felix''s croaking voice struggles, he tries one more time. "Say.. say that again?"

Seungmin feels so much shame, so much fear. Some might say he's being impulsive, or stupid. But clearly, it takes a little bit of both to really live, doesn't it?

"Spend my heat with me." he repeats.

Felix shakes his head, correcting him. "The.. the other part." He insists. He's making this whole thing very hard on Seungmin.

"Iloveyou." he blurts.

A lot and nothing happens at the same time, Seungmin can see waves of emotion and thought passing and swirling in the alpha's eyes, like fog and vapor, or ocean and sea salt.

Before Seungmin can attempt to read Felix's expression – or rather succeed at it– he watches as Felix's shocked and thoughtful complexion breaks. Suddenly, the blond is crying, balling even. His eyes are shining with tears, lashes soaked as he begins to sob in Seungmin's hold, much like Jisung and Hyunjin had. The omega panics, heart rapidly speeding up in his chest though his only physical show of reaction are his wide eyes.

"Hello?? What happened?? Why are you crying??- Lix–" Seungmin tries, but it's no use. Felix is simply balling his eyes out, seemingly out of nowhere, and the omega doesn't know what the fuck to do about it. He feels helpless for a few long moments, before Felix grounds himself enough to speak again.

"I'm.. I've wanted you to say that to me for the past 2 years. I'm sorry." the blonde sobs, tears running with every hiccup that ruptures his body. Seungmin can't help the way his own eyes begin to burn, waterworks materializing into matter, though much less dramatic than Felix's are. Seungmin has cried more today than he has in years, and to his divine surprise, it feels really good.

"I'm sorry! About everything, with Chan, and with how you felt all this time. Even though I felt the same way. And I wanted you so bad. I was never interested in anybody else, until Jisung let it slip that.." Felix chokes on another sob. "..that you spent your heats with him and Hyunjin and Minho. I thought you were fighting your affection for me. It hurt so bad to know they were in a spot that should have been mines from the start. And that you never made a move on me even though I was the one you wanted from the beginning. But what you said the other day made me realize that I was just as bad as you were, if not worse. Ignoring my affection and not acting on it despite how strong it was. And giving myself to others even though I only wanted you."

Seungmin is a wreck now, almost as bad as Felix. They probably look so stupid, intertwined and weeping like somebody's died. But it doesn't matter. Seungmin's heart is overflowing with a feeling he thought he'd never willfully experience, beating at such a high speed it makes him feel like the world around him doesn't matter, and that the only relevant factor is the blonde wailing in front of him.

"I'm sorry Seungminnie. You mean so much to me, I didn't mean to ruin your welcome home, but I felt so lonely after watching you and the others interact in the hospital. I just wanted to matter to someone. I never meant to hurt you! Andandand–" Seungmin catches the alphas lips in another kiss to shut him up, much shorter than the first but extended by the many times they lean in after pulling away to peck each other affectionately, over and over again.

"Waitwaitwait, I really mean it Mimi. I'm sorry. You were supposed to be my Seungminnie, and you could have been if I hadn't been such a prick. You mean so much to me. I'm sorry. And about Chan, it just felt like I didn't matter, and he's such a great guy it felt good to be seen and appreciated by him– I–"

"Lix, stop it. I get it. I've met Chan. He's a great guy, and he means a lot to the both of us. To all of us. Just like you do. You've never been irrelevant. Especially not to me. Even though I wasn't there before, I'll be there moving forward, because you mean a lot to me too, and I want you to know how much from here on out. I'll be there to watch you at the finals. I'm gonna be cheering you on, and even if I can't perform with you. I'll be there. And so will our pack."

Felix blinks in surprise at that, curious and shiny eyes questioning. Seungmin gives him a dandy and hopeful little smile before elaborating. "You, me, Hyunjin, Jisung, Minho, Changbin and even Chan. We have.. a connection. Even if it isn't romantic, it's important. I've been afraid to ask for this for the past 2 years, since we all became inseparable. But someone told me I was loved, and that I should start letting myself have things."

Felix's eyebrows are pressed into affectionate creases, like he's about to burst into tears again at any moment. Seungmin drops his hold from the blonde's face, connecting their hands before he continues. "I want you to be in our pack, and I want you to spend my heat with me, as well as any other heat I have in the future, because it's you. And even if it did take me a while to admit it, it's been you from the start."

Felix's shoulders have been shaking with silent sobs for the past few minutes as he listens to what Seungmin has to say, nodding along to his words. The blonde walks around the desk, pulling Seungmin in by his middle, kissing him again with the gentle caress of his cheek before fitting his face into the omegas shoulder, nodding aggressively with his arms locked around the nonexistent waist of the designers frame.

"I'll spend your heats with you, as many as you'll let me. And I want nothing more than to be in a pack with you guys. Where I can care for all of you with mutual affection and understanding, Seungminnie. You guys mean so much to me, you mean so much to me. And I don't think I could have gone another year acting like that wasn't the truth. And I'm sorry about being so insensitive about what it's like to be an omega. I never meant to downplay your experiences. I just wanted to help you understand that you're more than that omega."

Seungmin returns the embrace, letting the alpha hold him. It took 2 years of pining, stuttering and fumbling over his words for them to make it here. Which means that's how much lost time they've gotta make up for. Though before they can ravage each other in an attempt to see who can get in whose mouth first, there is yet another sensitive topic for them to cover.

"Lixie. Listen. I know spending my heat with me sounds satisfying, but it's not gonna be as easy as normal one." Seungmin expresses when he leans away from the alpha's lips to look him in the eye, showcasing his seriousness. "My pots will mix with my heat, and it's potentially dangerous for the toll it's gonna take on my body. You'll have to go to the hospital with me to be briefed on the procedures and scenarios for it. If it's to much, I get it, I can have someone else–"

Seungmin's words are interrupted by an aggressive growl emanating from Felix's chest at the suggestion. The omega blinks at him, shocked. He had never heard such a sound from the other. Felix seems just as surprised as he is, immediately becoming sheepish at his own display of possessiveness. "Fuck, sorry. I– sorry.." He stammers, Seungmin has to stop himself from presenting at the mixture of hot and lame laid out in front of him.

"Seungminnie." Felix starts when the embarrassment wears off, the omegas stomach swoops at seriousness in the blonde's deep and earth shattering voice. "I would burn myself alive before I ever allowed you to experience something like that on your own. No matter how many lessons I have to learn, or hours I have to suffer in order to figure out how to care for you properly. I will be the alpha you deserve, and I mean that shit with every fiber of my being."