Echoes Of Silence

Simaya:

"I can't wait to be an aunty!"

"Amina..."

I was laying on the exam table waiting for the ultrasound technician to come still in shock. I didn't really soak in what the doctor told me, I was pregnant and I didn't know what I was going to do.

"Ms. Arias? Hi my name is Josh and I'll be conducting your exam. So let's get started and see how far along your baby is"

Just the sound of him saying baby sent goosebumps down my spine.

He had me lift my top and placed a paper towel below where my jeans closed.

"This is going to be a little cold, but it helps us to see your baby"

He squeezed a bottle with clear gel on my stomach and started swerving around my stomach.

"Here's your placenta, and here's your little bean. See that thumping? That's the heartbeat, let me turn the volume up so you can hear it"

I heard noises like as if I was underwater with a thumping of my baby's heartbeat.

Tears started to fall.

"Is everything looking okay?"

"Perfectly fine, I would say you're about twelve to thirteen weeks pregnant. I'm going to print these for your keeping"

"Thank you"

I could hear Amina squeal in her seat as the technician left.

"Wasn't it beautiful Amina?"

"I'm so excited for you My, I'm glad I'm here to experience this with you"

She came and hugged me while I cleaned my stomach.

"I really need to think of what I'm going to do now"

"Don't worry about that right now My, concentrate on getting better and once you're better you can figure everything out"

"Thanks for being here with me Amina, I appreciate everything"

~~~~

I had to stay the night at the hospital because of my dehydration, since I couldn't sleep much I thought about if I should tell Abel. He was living his life, busy doing shows, making music and I didn't want to distract him from that. I was going to keep this to myself for now.

~3 Months later~

Abel:

It's been about 6 months since I've seen or talked to Simaya and there's not a day I don't think of her. She even blocked me from Instagram and Twitter so I guessed she really wanted me out of her life. I know that I fucked up by treating her like the other girls I was with but I admit I can't be with just one girl. It was for the best that she kept away from me. But I wanted to see her and make sure she was doing okay.

I was back in Toronto doing some shows and thought I would stop by at the club to see her. I came alone to this familiar place to see it was still the same.

"Why hello Mr. Tesfaye, it's been so long. How are you tonight?"

"I'm good thanks Adam, I just came to see Maya"

"Oh, well she doesn't work here anymore"

"What?"

"Sorry, but she stopped working here months ago"

"Thanks"

Was she really trying to escape me? I had to see her.

It was 2am and I was so high off Percocets I didn't give a fuck if she thought I was crazy for showing up at her door.

I got off the elevator on her floor and walked up to her door and rang the doorbell. I heard the door knob rattling as if she was half asleep opening the door.

"Abel?"

"Maya.....?"

"What are you doing here?"

Her natural fresh face was the same, her beauty glowed even after just waking up. I looked down to see she had belly. My heart was pounding at the thought she moved on.

"Can I come in? Please Maya"

"Yeah, come in"

I walked in and sat on her sofa where we more than one occasion fucked on. The memories started to flood my brain. I liked this girl, she was my match and I never gave her a chance. And now she's having another man's baby. While she closed the door I took in her new body, she looked beautiful pregnant.

"I see you been busy"

I pointed at her stomach.

"Oh,  yeah"

She sat across from me.

"You don't have to sit so far away"

"Why are you here Abel?"

"What are you having?"

I could see her eyes start to water.

"Abel..."

"Tell me Simaya..."

She kept quiet.

"TELL ME!"

"A GIRL! I'm having a girl..."

We sat there quietly for a couple of seconds.

"Congratulations, I'm happy for you"

She put her head down not wanting to face me.

"Thank you"

"How far along are you?"

"Abel just tell me why are you here?"

"I missed you"

"I'm about seven months"

"So you were fucking other niggas while fucking me right?"

"You would think that, you were here with me almost every night so how was that even possible?"

"I hope you're not trying to say that's my baby cuz I used protection every time we fucked Maya. You ain't pinning this on me, cuz I got more money than any nigga you fuck with"

"Fuck you Abel! You know what get out! I never asked you for anything! And you're coming at me like that? And yes we did use protection MOST, not all of the time, but maybe if you weren't high most of the time you would know that"

She tried pulling me up by my arm to get me to leave when I pulled her in on my lap and held her to calm her down.

"Maya, calm down you're pregnant!"

"Abel just let me go... Please"

"Just stop. Talk to me, I'm assuming shit because your just sitting there quiet"

"What do you want me to tell you Abel? Because you're going to think what you want"

"Tell me, Is that my baby?"

"Yes"

I took a deep breathe and sighed. I wasn't ready for a baby, I was touring and my album just dropped. All this shit was too much for me.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me sooner? I'm not ready for a baby and you knew that!"

She got up from my lap as I started grasping my head. She kept this shit to herself not caring what I wanted.

"I'm not asking for anything Abel, and I didn't tell you shit because I didn't want anything distracting you from your life and your music!"

"But you didn't give a fuck if I wanted it"

"It's a HER not an 'it'. And why are you so mad? Because if I would of told you sooner you would of persuaded me to abort it right? Just get the fuck out I'm done talking to you! Especially when your high as fuck! So let yourself out because I'm going to bed!"

She went upstairs and slammed her bedroom door.

Simaya:

I was so angry, how could I even love someone like him? He was so fucking selfish. I know that I was wrong for not telling him bout the baby but I didn't want him to be distracted from his life. But I get told that I'm a gold digger. I sat on my bed and let the tears run down my face. While trying to calm down I saw Abel open the door.

"Why are you still here?"

"Maya, I'm sorry."

"Abel you're high and won't remember any of this. I was with you almost every day for two months and not one day were you sober enough to remember shit we did or so you said"

"I remembered every night we were together Maya, I just told you didn't because I didn't want you getting attached to me, when I was the one leading you on and thinking I could treat you however I wanted"

This is when the tears really came down, he purposely made me feel unloved so he wouldn't feel the love I was giving him.

"You taught me how to feel again, and you made me feel so wrong for it Abel"

"I'm sorry baby, I know I fucked you up but I've been so immune to love I didn't want to hurt you but I did anyway"

He sat next to me bent down with his face in his hands. I knew what we had happened so quick but it didn't change the way I felt. I could still love him but I couldn't be with him, we were toxic for each other.

"Is that her?"

He looked over to the ultrasound pictures I had framed next to my bed.

"Yeah that's her"

"Can I see?"

I handed him the framed pictures and some 4D pictures I had in my drawer. He sat there looking at them silently.

"Is that her..."

"Vagina? Yeah"

I slightly laughed at how clueless he was looking at these pictures. He stared at the last 4D picture of her face.

"This is crazy Maya, I never thought I would be looking at stuff like this"

"I know what you mean, I still don't believe it until she kicks me, like she just did right now"

I smiled at the fluttering kicks my stomach felt.

"Do you want to feel her?"

"Nah, I should go so you can get your rest"

"Alright, I'll walk you out then"

We walked downstairs to my front door. I wanted him to stay but I couldn't ask him to do that anymore.

"Can I at least have your new number so I can check up on you"

"Of course, give me your phone"

I started to put my number in his phone when I saw he had text notifications from different girls names, nothing will ever change. I handed it back to him when he reached for a hug. I hugged him tight, I missed him & his scent.

"I missed you baby, I know I fucked up your life Maya but I promise I'll make it better"

"I love you Abel, and you didn't mess up my life"

"I miss you asking me to stay"

"Because you never stay with me"

"Why don't you ask me again?"

"Stay with me..."

Abel kissed my forehead and closed the door. We walked upstairs back to my bedroom. We were in bed and he hugged me close until I fell asleep.