Chapter 5: The Date (What Could Possibly Go Wrong?)

23:01, 12 February 2023

Mario: *sigh* Kill me, now...

Boopkins: Hey, Mario! What's up?

Mario: I'm surprised you haven't burnt the house down, yet...

Boopkins: We're trying not to...

Mario: What's on TV?

Bob: *vapes* Shrek is going through a divorce...

TV: You are watching... Shrek 5: Marriage Goes Far Far Away.

Shrek: She took the kids, Donkey...

*SNIFF*

Shrek: *sobbing* FIONA TOOK THE MOTHER-FREAKING KIDS!!! 😭😭😭

The new Shrek film is looking good, not gonna lie.

Mario: Hey, everyone...

Meggy: You alright, honey?

Mario: *sigh* I think I need a lie down for at least a year...

SMG4: What's happening?

Mario: I just found my Dad is a virgin...

SMG4: Eh?

Mario: Luigi turned up from locking up his Flower shop and now he's the one that is joining me of helping Dad's date going smoothly.

Tari: At least, you're not alone and you've got assistance.

Mario: *sigh* I need a glass of water...

Mario left the bedroom.

Meggy: This is ridiculous... I can't imagine another date like that...

Back at the Castle...

Luigi: Here you are, you two. These are your starters for tonight.

Pio: Thank you, very much!

Old Toadette: Ooo, this looks interesting.

Pio: I know.

Old Toadette: What is it?

Pio: It's called; Soup!

Old Toadette: Soup?

Pio: S O U P.

Pio took a sip.

Pio: Whoa! Hold up!!!

Luigi: What?

Pio: It's cold!!!

Pio went over to Old Toadette's dish and took a sip.

Pio: Jesus!!! Yours is bloody cold!!!

Luigi: Was that really necessary?

Pio: It's cold, Paprika!!!

Luigi: It's Gazpacho... it's supposed to be cold!

Pio: Don't be ridiculous! Cold Tomato Soup?!

Luigi: Well---

Pio: Heat this soup up, and try again!!!

Luigi: *sigh*

Luigi took the Gazpacho and left.

Pio: I'm so sorry...

Old Toadette: Um... okay

Pio: I think my butler is off his rockers...

Old Toadette: What's for Main Course?

Pio: I don't even bloody know... I'm not a Chef...

Old Toadette: Right...

...

Pio: So... your old husband passed away, a couple of years ago...

Old Toadette: He did.

Pio: Hmm... how bloody awful...

Old Toadette: Yeah...

Pio: Did he leave anything in his will?

Old Toadette: Just an Arm-chair.

Pio: Christ! Is that all?!

Old Toadette: Huh?

Pio: Oh! I mean... er... that's nice.

Old Toadette: He was a good man.

Pio: You know... as a 72-year-old rich man... I can confirm that an Arm-chair is the best furniture out of all of them.

Old Toadette: Mine is a Sofa.

Pio: Sorry... I mean, a sofa! Thanks for correcting me.

Old Toadette: ...

Pio: More Wine?

Old Toadette: Yes, please.

Later...

Mario: How's everything?

Pio: Mario! More wine, please!

Mario: I'm NOT your slave! Luigi is!

Old Toadette: Who's Luigi?

Mario: Um...

Pio: That's his imaginary friend.

Mario: Eh?

Pio: Mario, get in the kitchen!

Mario: Yes, sir...

10 MINUTES LATER...

Mario: OK, Ma'am... here's your Main Course. It's top of the range, as well.

Pio: Why is there only ONE plate of Spaghetti?

Mario: Oh! There was TWO when I came out of kitchen...

Pio: *sigh*

Old Toadette: There's a bite taken out of one of those Meatballs...

Mario: Hmm?

Old Toadette: Also... I'm not very keen as mustard on Spaghetti, and I don't eat Meat...

...

Mario: What?!

Old Toadette: I'm a vegetarian.

Pio: Aww... for god's sake, Mario!!!

Mario: Wait here!!! And, I'm taking this plate with me.

Mario took the Spaghetti and left.

He then came back.

Mario: Eat!!!

Old Toadette: What's that?

Mario: It's Green Eggs and Ham!!!

Old Toadette: I said; I don't eat Meat!!!

Mario: Well... the Ham is Green, because... it's... Vegan?

Pio: Mario!!!

Old Toadette: I'm not eating that!

Mario: How do you know that you don't like Green Eggs and Ham?! You might like it!

Pio: Mario!!! A word in private!!!

Mario: Wait here!

Mario and Pio went in the kitchen.

Pio: I'm gonna lose my temper now!!!

Mario: I'm about to lose my temper, even more!!!

Pio: What are you playing at?!

Mario: Sorry for being stressed out... it's just that this woman is a vegetarian, and you're just lying to her about this is your place, which is ridiculous!!! And, my friends are stuck in my house!!!

Pio: Mario... you're starting to upset my new bird, by giving her food from a Dr. Seuss book!!!

Mario: She could've just be nice to me and said something like... 'I do not like them, Sam-I-am... I do not like Green Eggs and Ham!'

Luigi: Guys! Calm down!!! Who wants Dessert?

Pio: *sigh* Don't screw up this date!!!

Pio left.

Mario: What's for Dessert?

Luigi: Mario... why are you being so stressed?

Mario: Because, I wanna make it in time for when the Blimp comes!!!

Luigi: A Blimp?

Mario: It's a Valentine's gift for Meggy.

Luigi: SMG4 did the same for Tari, you know.

Mario: Has he?

Luigi: I think it's gonna say something like... 'Tari, you are my Queen! Happy Valentine's Day! From SMG4'

Mario: Fair enough...

Luigi: Come on, let's make Dessert!

Mario: Do I look like Sam-I-am?

Luigi: ...

Outside...

Toadsworth: What the...

Peach: WHO DID THIS?!?!?!

Toad: Wasn't me!!!

Peach: GRRR!!! I bet Mario has something to do with this!!!

Back inside...

Old Toadette: Now, this is what I call Dessert!

Luigi: Enjoy your Dessert!

Pio: Well... I suppose I was wrong about you, Mario. Maybe, you're not screwing this night up... after all.

Mario: I feel like I'm getting there.

Luigi: Would anyone like some more Wine?

Pio: Please!

Mario: Ah... what could possibly go wrong?

Suddenly...

Peach: WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?!?!

Mario: Aw, shit...

Toad: Wait... M- MUM?!?!?!

Old Toadette: T- TOAD?!?!?!

Mario: Toad, that's your Mum?!

Old Toadette: What's going on here?!

Peach: What are you doing in my Castle?!

Old Toadette: Your Castle?!

Peach: And, why is Luigi in that ridiculous outfit?!

Luigi: I was working in a Flower shop, Peach!!!

...

Mario: Um... he legally changed his name to Paprika and he's from Mexico...

Old Toadette: What's going on, Pio?

Pio: Um...

Toad: Never mind that!!! Why are you here, Mum?!

Old Toadette: Hang on, Toad! I'm talking to this old man, over here.

Pio: I... can't explain???

Old Toadette: You said that you were rich and you lived here!

Toadsworth: *wheezes* WHAT?!?!?! 😂

Peach: This is my Castle!!! And... he's not rich, at all!!!

Old Toadette: You... lied to me, Pio?!

...

Pio: YES, OKAY?!?!?! I LIED!!! THIS ISN'T MY CASTLE!!!

Mario: Whoop-de-doo... what a surprise...

Pio: *sigh* I'm so sorry, Old Toadette... I know that you like rich, old guys... but, I just thought... if we got to know each other better first, we would eventually become more attractive... I really care about you, and I really want this to work... Can you ever forgive me? And, do you think you'll still be with me?

Old Toadette: *sigh* You know what, Pio? I could've got over the fact that you're weren't rich and lived here, the whole time... because I really do care about you... And, I felt like we've had a connection... But, I can't get over the fact that you've lied to me!

Pio: I see...

Old Toadette: You've screwed up, Pio! And now, you're gonna have to watch me walk out of those front doors!

Toad: Where are you going, Mum?!

Old Toadette: I'm going home, Toad.

Toad: I can't believe you, you were gonna hook-up with Mario's Dad!!!

...

Old Toadette: Goodbye, Pio...

Old Toadette left the Castle.

Luigi: Well... you knew that was coming, didn't you...

Mario: BTW, Toad... sorry about your father's death...

Toad: YOU WHAT?!?!?! MY DAD'S DEAD?!?!?!

Mario: A few years, now...